If Life Was a Highway, I Was Drunk at the Wheel

Jason Ruston Seventh Year Ravenclaw Chaser "I'd rather forget and not slow down, than gather regret for the things I can't change now."

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Oh, come on. Is this really necessary?

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

For all the life tips you apparently have, it’s a wonder how you’re failing so miserably in it. 

That’s funny considering your head’s in Uranus. 

Why do you have to bring my alcohol into this? This is why nobody or their cookie-baking grandmums like you. Ah, yes, of course. Haven’t heard it yet, actually, so congratulations. You’re officially still the biggest headache here. Step back if you want to keep your hero hair. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

He says as he leans on the bars of his makeshift jail cell. 

And yet you still manage to make it ache from lightyears away. Amazing how irritation goes to infinity and beyond.

Because I don't like anybody or their cookie-baking grandmums. They always end up stale anyways. Please, I'm planning on taking that title to the grave. Just saying. Even you're slightly less useless alive. And this war might end a whole lot quicker if you're in some lab willingly trying to blow up your brain cells to develop a super pepper-up potion or whatever, instead of having those same cells blown up for you. 

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Oh, come on. Is this really necessary?

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Okay, well, that was just a dirty trick. Rule of Bro: never joke about sex or food. Honestly, it’s embarrassing how much of a virgin martian you are. 

Good. Sturdy wands almost always backfire, the stubborn jerks. Give it here. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Life Tip number two: don't be bros with assholes. So, yeah, that doesn't really count. 

And screw you, I'm from Jupiter. 

Break it and you'll never see your stash of firewhiskey again. You know, this would be the perfect segue for a 'you're wasting your potential, because you're even worse at using your brawn than your brain' lecture. Kind of owe you one too, so. 

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Oh, come on. Is this really necessary?

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Dude, right? Bet she’s uber flexible, too. It’s the curls. Girls with curly hair are insane. 

Hmph. Bottle of bourbon. I’m only, like, 102% heartless. Better— they’re charmed. How sturdy’s your wand? 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Salazar's sake, you're really bad at this. Bet she's got uber hearing, too. Life tip number one: when caged by a woman that can easily decapitate you with her pinky, never stop sucking up.

Not at all-- it's swishy. 

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Oh, come on. Is this really necessary?

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Dude, gross. Even I’m not that kinky. 

What the hell are you doing here? If you’re my one phone call, then I demand a refund— if I’m rotting in here, then I’ll need to see someone with less of an ugly mug and shorter skirt. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Oh, how we all missed your wit. I've got a feeling Commander Dhami is though.

What, haven't you heard? When you're an inconsiderate prick that deems a bottle of Jack more valuable than most peoples lives, I am your only phone call. Ever. Now get up. Are these bars steel or titanium? 

[adrianvanbeautiful-blog]

Oh, come on. Is this really necessary?

This is so not what I had in mind when I told Commander Dhami to restrain me. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Not what I had in mind either. Call me optimistic, but I was hoping for more chains and an electric chair. 

[ybrenhines]

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Life's a Piece of Cake || Tucker and Jason

[lion-hart-tucker-blog]

Tucker saw more than heard the unimpressive belly flop off the hospital bed. There were always a million and one things happening in the medic ward, even on a fairly quiet day like today. Tucker had been up for 14 hours straight so far, and he still had at least another four hours to go before he could crawl into bed and pretend to die. Apparently pushing such heavy shifts on them was all part of training and preparing them for future long nights on the battlefield or something. Tucker thought it was just going to ensure they were all exhausted by the time the stupid war actually started.

He waited half a second to see if the patient was able to get up on his own, and then started quickly moving towards the bed. When he got close enough to recognize the unkempt hair and vicious glare, Tucker had to draw upon every last ounce of his training to manage even minimal professionalism.

"I don’t think you can sue us for deciding to introduce yourself to the floor," Tucker said calmly, moving around Jason to crouch behind his prostrate body. "Now, can you shift onto your good side for me? Just roll to your right, and then we’ll get you up and into a sitting position."

This was going to be fine. Tucker would be a professional and Jason would keep his rude mouth shut and the whole thing would be done and over in a minute. Tucker wouldn’t really care, normally, but James had asked him to try and be nicer and not give up on people, and it was sort of impossible to deny those puppy eyes anything, not even when the sight of Ruston’s hair made Tucker want to lash out into a gay rights tirade. Yeah, everything was definitely going to be fine. Probably.

[thatrustyhasbeen]

It was funny how comforting the cool tiles against his face actually was, considering the fact that those said tiles had sent a burning sting across it not two seconds ago as well. Careful not to move himself too much, Jason shifted so he could see who the medic was. Really, his eyes only managed to scale up as far as the other's knees, before his voice gave it away. He didn't bother holding back an aggravated sigh. 

Grumbling a "I can if it's your mean floor" in response, his gaze grew wary as Tucker came into view. If he thought about it, he could've seen that the other boy was probably just as bad a shape as he was. Dark circles that he knew were identical to his own hung below guarded eyes, and it didn't even look like the Gryffindor had combed his hair. This place must be a hellhouse, concluded the part of his brain only useful for stupid comments. 

Despite casting one more reproachful glance, Jason gritted his teeth and attempted to do as instructed. It took a few couple tries, most of which accompanied with random curses to the Founders that didn't make much of sense anyways, but he eventually managed to flail onto his side. By the time that happened though, exhaustion had fizzled out into mild frustration, and he fixated on Tucker with an expression that can only be accurately described as 'grouchy'. 

"I'm actually just fine right here," he declared, ignoring a smear of blood on the floor (he couldn't tell if it was fake or real) just to the left of him, "And I don't need to see any Healer. I don't want to see any Healer. I just want to go to dinner. So if you could be so kind..." 

[legendary-lysander]

Huh?

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Don’t worry, you’re basically trying to carry out a normal conversation in a communal shower— any attempts at being ‘cool’ are kind of botched either way. If I’m being honest though, you kind of stole my idea. I don’t know, maybe the walls here are soundproof or something. It’s the only place I can actually hear my thoughts now, no matter how sparing they may or may not be.

Sure thing, cap. Better dry up quick though, dinner’s just about ready. Also, I don’t think I can hold in a ‘wet dog’ remark for much longer.

[legendary-lysander]

Well, I guess that makes a grand total of one person who’s interested in hearing your thoughts. 

Dinner? Who’s got the time for that? I’ll just take some pepper-up potion later, that should be fine. And you can stop calling me captain, since I’m not anymore. It’s too bad we never got to the cup, huh? 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Please, even I don't like them that much. Hell of a lot less headache-inducing than other peoples' though.

Those uninterested in having 'served in war but died because he was being stupid' as part of their legacy. Forget the brain, it's your stomach that you need to take care of the most. Distracted me from a whole lot of classes, I'm telling you. Yeah, well, 'Sander' doesn't make me feel military man macho and 'Lysander' is too long. ... Hm. I guess. Whatever, we can always fashion a replica out of all the dragon hide we'll demolish.

[legendary-lysander]

Huh?

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Long enough that people think you’ve drowned. See, this is why I always make it a point to sing. Anyways, please don’t tell me you’re not being stupid and ‘trying to wash away the troubles of your life’.

[legendary-lysander]

No, no, I’m trying to wash that man right out of my hair. 

Wow that was a lame joke. I dunno, I just came here after training and just…stayed. It’s warm and comfortable and quiet, for once. No General Steelsong yelling at me, no potions boiling over, no deadlines, just me and the water. 

Umm, speaking of which, can you hand me a towel? I’m feeling like there’s a little too much “me” on display. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Don't worry, you're basically trying to carry out a normal conversation in a communal shower-- any attempts at being 'cool' are kind of botched either way. If I'm being honest though, you kind of stole my idea. I don't know, maybe the walls here are soundproof or something. It's the only place I can actually hear my thoughts now, no matter how sparing they may or may not be.

Sure thing, cap. Better dry up quick though, dinner's just about ready. Also, I don't think I can hold in a 'wet dog' remark for much longer.

[legendary-lysander]

Huh?

How long have I been in the shower? 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Long enough that people think you've drowned. See, this is why I always make it a point to sing. Anyways, please don't tell me you're not being stupid and 'trying to wash away the troubles of your life'.

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Life's a Piece of Cake || Tucker and Jason

"Excuse me? Excuse me, miss? Hey! My stomach's broken!"

So much for 'keeping a patient alive for more than five minutes'. At this rate, he would've settled for something sugar-free, for Godric's sake. Jason watched as a flurry of medics rushed past him with a pout-- a disapproving scowl, he'll later insist-- while his stomach rumbled on. All he wanted was cheesecake. Was that so much to ask? He didn't even care if the weathered blisters that scraped along his palms were treated, or if his slightly misplaced shoulder was ignored.

All. He. Wanted. Was. A. Cake. 

Yet another wave of scrubs shuffled past his bed then, and this time he worked to get their attention. "Hey," he hissed, shifting so he could wave, "Hey! Cake? You guys understand that we still need to eat, right? ... Do you even still eat? Do you all still spea--?!"

Jason was just at the edge of his bed. Actually, more importantly, he was at the edge of his patience, and that seemed to be the weight that toppled him in the end. With a yelp, he slipped off and collided against ground. A sharp pain jounced straight to his dislocated shoulder, twisting it farther, and he couldn't sworn he saw his life flash before his eyes. Sadly enough, that life held no cheesecake either. 

Sealing his lips into a firm, thin line, he willed himself not to cry out. Honestly, that took most of his strength right there, but he still managed to summon a glare when the sound of footsteps approached. Jason tightened his jaw. 

"... I'm suing." 

[bellaxx0]

[thatrustyhasbeen]

This whole war thing isn't all that bad.

[justalbus-blog]

Yeah sure, here. 

What? I mean, I know that the relationship between James and I are rocky, but that doesn’t mean anything when we get out on a broom. As soon as we are in the sky, everyone is suddenly someone that I am responsible for, so you don’t have to worry about that. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Thanks. 

Hm. Alright. That's all I really needed to know-- I'm kind of too young to die because of a stupid mistake. And hungry. 

But just by the way, you're probably the fastest kid I've ever seen on a broom. We need guys like you covering our backs, so. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

This whole war thing isn't all that bad.

[lisa-bristol]

Well this is news to me. You’re way too passionate about meat pies.

[thatrustyhasbeen]

Well someone has to balance out with the current apathy about those said meat pies, right? 

Besides, isn't it, like, a rule of war or whatever to always keep a hold of the things you care and are passionate about? 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

This whole war thing isn't all that bad.

[justalbus-blog]

Er… I’m sorry you completely lost me there… 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

See? This is exactly why I don't get it when people call me oblivious.

Uh... Yeah, no. I'm going to leave this for a more qualified person, like Molly, or-- Yeah, Molly. Anyways, General Songjerk keeps telling us to treat each flier like he's a brother. Can't really help but hope that your definition of 'brother' is different than his, is all.  

But whatever. Your life, your potential death. Mind passing that bottle of chocolate syrup, by the way? 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

This whole war thing isn't all that bad.

[lisa-bristol]

Oh that sounds wonderful.

That’s a thing?

[thatrustyhasbeen]

... How do you even call yourself a functioning human being? Of course it's a thing! It's a little meat pie slice of heaven!

[thatrustyhasbeen]

This whole war thing isn't all that bad.

[justalbus-blog]

I’m not actually sure. I haven’t had too cook anything yet. But manly screams aside, I’ll still be saving your arse.  

Well they are always here, so just a trip to the kitchens and you are good for an interview. 

[thatrustyhasbeen]

My arse is just fine on its own, thank you very much. If anything, keep an eye out on your brother. My skull's a lot thicker than whatever blood both of you may share-- might as well be the smart one here and do something about it while you still can.