sam evans. @thatsamuelevans-a - Tumblr Blog

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: 🤮 you do realize that statements like that are the real reason why you’re tragically single.

Kitty: you are trying to cheat me out of a few years. It obviously is important to me.

Kitty: as if you aren’t the one getting her interested in mythological creatures.

Sam: I can totally get a girlfriend if i want but like most people think i already have one.

Sam: Fine so you want me to be old and grey?

Sam: I never said I wasn't and you know that unicorns are real.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: that might be the sappiest thing you have ever said.

Kitty: but I’ll take it.

Kitty: so at 35 you want to marry me? You do realize that I’ll still be 33 about to be 34 so do I just get cut short of my time limit?

Kitty: Brittany is Brittany and the only reason I am willing to accept that statement is because Stacey said it. If you had been the one to come up with it I wouldn’t even go with it.

Sam: You know you love it.

Sam: Fine when you're 35 then if it's so important to you.

Sam: of course it's stace she knows all that stuff.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: I think at that point you’d call yourself a realist and not a hopeless romantic. You’re giving yourself a time frame.

Kitty: Are you really comparing yourself to something that Brittany probably says are unicorn droppings or something just as crazy?

Sam: maybe I'm a realist or whatever when i'm 35 but i still believe i can find the love of my life since I already met my soulmate.

Sam: Hey! Brittany's cool and everyone knows that glitter isn't unicorn poop, glitter is like fairy dust. I got that from an 7 year old source and we both know that Stace's always right.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: Aren’t you supposed to be the helpless romantic here saying that you’ll wait for the love of your life forever?

Kitty: I love you too and you and me in a relationship would never work but I guess if I have to be stuck with someone for the rest of my life it might as well be you.

Sam: I can still be a hopeless romantic but i'm pretty sure that if i haven't met the love of my life at 35 then i'm not gonna. and i'm not going to be forever alone.

Sam: I know :) and you're always gonna be stuck with me, i'm like glitter sticking everywhere and you can't get rid of me.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: You expect me, with my hot bod to be single in 20 years?

Kitty: You can just admit that you have a crush on me and just thought about wanting to spend the rest of your life with me.

Sam: I guess not... but it's like a just in case 'cos i don't like wanna be like 50 when i get married

Sam: you know i love you but i don't have a crush on you so no worries about that. But you're like my soulmate.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

TEXT @ ALL CONTACTS

Brittany: Totally.

Brittany: Will you help me organize the kitten shower?

Sam: I can totally help with that. I've never done a kitten shower.

Sam: But I don't think I can help you take care of the kittens.

#texts #text: brittany #all: brittany

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: Okay us getting married is not awesome. You do realize that we’re not together. We aren’t going to get married.

Kitty: why are you even thinking about us getting married? We’re still in high school and we’re not ome appalachian couple that has to get married for the sake of appearances for their unborn child concieved out of wedlock.

Sam: But it is. And we totally can in like 20 years.

Sam: I guess I missed the like most obvious part where we get married when we're like 35 if we're both single.

Sam: see awesome idea

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

TEXT @ ALL CONTACTS

Sam: Oh, kittens. They're super cute. And if he is, maybe you need to rename him.

Brittany: Why? He identifies as male.

Sam: i didn't know that so he'll always be Lord Tubbington.

#texts #text: brittany #all: brittany

TEXT @ ALL CONTACTS

Brittany: I think Lord Tubbington is pregnant.

Sam: Oh, kittens. They're super cute. And if he is, maybe you need to rename him.

#texts #text: brittany #all: brittany

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: Your grandparents aren’t desperate or idiots so I think they’re safe. There is nothing added to it. No.

Sam: I know they're awesome and they said hello. Fine. I'll tell you and you're gonna think it's awesome. We should get married.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: You do realize that old people are the main victims in all this. A can with air in it is still just a can. You want to tell me you just want to see if you can make me beg and that’s not going to work so just say what you wanted to say.

Sam: Maybe i need to make sure that my grandparents don't by any. True but some water is like better than others if they got like stuff added to it. you're no fun. but i guess i can tell you. just say please

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Kitty: the whole point of the post is that the miracle spring water wasn’t awesome. But what’s this idea?

Sam: but it's an awesome idea just think about it. they're just selling like tap water for like a lot of money. it's like selling air in a bottle and call it something cool. Now i don't know if i wanna tell you.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

Texting ⇆ Sitty

Sam: so I got like a super awesome idea that I know that you're gonna love because you love me. But not as awesome as the all curing water.

#texts #text: kitty #all: kitty

cheeriokittykat‌:

I just witnessed the horrible and sacreligious infomercial that old biddies living off of cat food actually call in for. If this scam actually thinks that their miracle water can take advantage of my Jesus and his miracle healing powers just so that some daddy warbucks wanna be can fatten his pockets they must not know the power of the Christian church. Besides, who actually thinks that drinking water actually can cure all of your financial and health problems. Everyone knows the only way to get anything handled is by praying really hard about things.

But you know that water is supposed to be good for you? But I promise not to buy that ‘cos I’m pretty sure you gotta pay like a billion dollars or something like that. I know that water can’t get you money... or maybe it can if you’re like Jesus and turns it into wine.