Some thoughts on storytelling.
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Xuebing Du

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Product Placement
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@thatsnarkycat
Some thoughts on storytelling.
Pansexuality is when you're attracted to multiple genders and feel the label "pan" best describes your experience
Bisexuality is when you're attracted to multiple genders and feel the label "bi" best describes your experience
No sexuality is inherently more progressive and bi vs pan infighting only serves to distract from the real enemy: multi level marketing schemes
an explanation is not owed
i want to show this to everyone i know
This is soooo important
i’m losing my fucking mind
What people think this means “I’ll use this as an excuse to do whatever I want all day instead of committing to other things that need to be done”
What it actually means “I’ll be obsessively checking the clock all day because I’m constantly worried I’ll be late if I don’t. I also worry that if I commit to doing anything else important that day it’ll distract me from the time and I’ll miss the appointment. This will be a day filled with anxiety and in no way relaxing until the appointment is over with"
Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.
But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.
You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.
You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.
You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.
You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.
And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.
(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)
Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.
If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.
This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.
I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?
So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.
No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.
employer: so what would you say is your biggest weakness?
me: probably just like who I am as a person
One of the worst feelings is when you feel a hyperfixiation slipping.. Like no.. Youre so sexy pls keep giving me happy chemical
Girl help I'm losing my fixation
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my fixation
Grabbed this from a cross stitch group I am in on FB. This applies to so many things not just cross stitch. Gate keepers on any art be it needle or fiber arts are terrible. Don’t let the nasty words of other turn you away from a craft you love. Support and encourage each other, no matter the time of the season. We all had to start somewhere!
One of my favorite things in my crochet group is when someone posts a photo of their tiny child with their first-ever wonky, crooked, poorly-tensioned chain hanging off their very first hook, and the whole group goes IT LOOKS SO GOOD TELL THEM TO KEEP GOING.
Like, is it objectively garbage? Of course. A five-year-old trying to perform a very fine motor skill for the very first time is not going to do it well. But is it GREAT to see them try, and then to see the follow-up post a few weeks later of their very first row of wonky, uneven, somewhat-better-tensioned single crochet? Oh, man, you bet it is. And if they stick with the project eventually you see a photo where one end looks all wobbly and the other looks GREAT and then you see all the “great job! On to double-crochet stitches! You can only get better from here!” comments.
Like absolutely nobody benefits from being an asshole to beginners. Nobody.
It’s the same in places like resin and polymer clay communities. People develop these amazing skills and create amazing objects and then get very territorial about sharing even the most basic, helpful tips to people who want to have a go themselves. Where would they have been without the YouTube videos and blog posts that got them started? Not everyone can afford to spend hundreds on messing things up, and resin in particular can get really expensive.
You don’t have to give away your trade secrets for everything unique that you make, obviously, but for the love of whatever your craft is, help someone out a bit if they get stuck or are curious!
I’m by no means an expert on it but if anyone ever wants to ask me about my experience with polymer clay (super sculpey and some fimo) or resin (Glass Cast) or other metalwork stuff, then please feel free.
Good morning from the creative director of Del Rey! We have our first canonical asexual character in Star Wars!!!
Between this and Sola Nabarrie being canonically aromatic in Queen's Shadow (confirmed by EK Johnston), it's been a damn good year for aspec representation in Star Wars books.
[ID: A total of eight tweets from Taliesin Jaffe @.executivegoth which together read: “2020 is almost over and I feel I have something to get off my chest: I didn't get better. I didn't get healthier in mind or body. I didn't create, I didn't grow, and I didn't accomplish. It's fair to say I'm less together than I was this time last year by almost every metric. But I DID survive. and you know what? I'm happy to come to terms with that. Survival is absolutely enough. I'm learning to be more than good with that and I feel like you should be too. Seriously, well fucking done. I've many friends who've made huge strides. Solitude has given them time to accomplish goals of self improvement, creative output, or career advancement. Sometimes all three. THANK THE GODS. We're going to be relying on healthy people in the months ahead. Some friends have dealt with so much. Loss of health, loss of family. Some have slipped back into bad habits, or lost employment. And these experiences just WRECK you. I worry for friends in film, games, STEM, public service. Hell, friends who lost jobs at Disneyland. it's awful. Almost universally, these amazing people beat themselves up for lamenting their own pain when so many others are doing so much worse. It so hard for us to remember that neither success nor failure are a contest. Most people can't even agree on how to measure these concepts. As for next year; I've always hated the metaphor of the light at the end of the tunnel. Most change I've experienced in my life didn't happen in a day, and when it did it was usually less life altering then the change that took months. The road ahead is long. We're gonna need marathon runners, not sprinters. Accept help when offered. Offer help when (and only when) you have the bandwidth. We need you healthy. I've seen in my own life how much greater a force for good I can be when I have my shit kinda together. The real change I've observed in my life is less like a tunnel and more like a car heater. You turn it on and wait patiently to slowly feel your fingers. With that said, Happy New Year everyone, just two more months of winter. Let's get this '88 Corolla engine of a year idling.” /end ID]
John Mulaney + Quarantine