The Angry Vegetarian

Nothing more and nothing less than one angry vegetarian's rambles. Find here survival tips for eating out and drinking out in today's meat obsessed America, along with the occasional recipe. Welcome to the Angry Vegetarian.Instagram: @the.angry.veg 

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Why so angry, vegetarian?

Picture this: you’re out with friends at a popular, hip restaurant in downtown Denver. 

It’s been an hour or so of laughing and drinking.

Suddenly it hits you – you’re starving... and almost drunk... but it’s okay, it’s safe, it’s chill - you’re at a popular, hip restaurant in downtown Denver.

After glancing at the menu you see several salads… great, right? No!

All of these tossed greens come with meat. A ‘healthy’ turkey salad, a Greek with prosciutto, the boys Cobb and Caesar – you desperately try to find a house salad, a garden salad, but to no avail! You cannot escape the meats. 

Looking at the burger section, you hope to find a veggie patty of some kind. But disappointment is served up again. Along side all the gourmet grass-fed flesh is a sad, frozen Boca burger for $15.99. With good reason, you just cannot pull the trigger.

So you ask the server for the Greek salad, hold the pig, chicken, cow, whatever. They tell you that it will still be $13.99. At this point, the drinks are speaking for you now and you go for it – what the heck throw in a side of fries for an extra $5.99 too.

What you and the drinks don’t realize is that - my friend, you have just lost. Happy Hour is over and not only have you paid overtime, you’re still hungry!

This may sound dramatic, but it is seriously all too common of an occurrence. An occurrence that occurs so often, too often, that I am inspired to help myself and ya’ll out by searching the greater Denver area for what I call, “accidental vegetarian” spots. 

As much as we love the vegan/vegetarian restaurants, and trust me I do (shoutout Watercourse, shoutout The Corner Beet, shoutout Vital Root, etc. etc.), it’s good to have those cheap, carnivore friendly go to spots for you and those sinning friends of yours.

Read on and subscribe as menu reviews, recipe tips and more are to come.

Welcome to the Angry Vegetarian.

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Pink Sauce: sinful, sticky love.

No one wants to admit that they like mayonnaise.

It’s made of pure fat and face it: it looks weird, it smells weird. All in all, it’s very unappetizing. Unfortunately that spanky sauce is the base of many many many delicious blankets of flavor that coat your favorite base vegetables, spuds and patties that would otherwise remain tasteless.

For those of us who grew up in the midwest, slurping Signature Sauces and Ranch dressing, the craving for sweet, tangy, complicated goodness can sometimes be too great to sweep the mayonnaise-loving shame under the rug.

Before you click away in judgmental disgust, rest assured that this insight into flavorful pleasure is 100% vegan and can be used in a variety of ways.

Ranch: this recipe is lit, make it.

Buffalo sauce: over light heat, combine 2 sticks of soft vegan butter and 2 cups Frank’s Redhot. Whisk together, vigorously. Add some apple cider vinegar, like a tsp, and a tbsp of vegetarian Worcestershire sauce. Let that shaz cool.

Pink sauce: at room temp, mix these two concoctions together as desired for a mouthwatering midwestern experience.

In this tantalizing pic, I’ve seared a nice cauliflower steak in the Buffalo sauce, and served with another heaping tbsp or two of pink sauce.

Veggie dippers are yum in this sauce, as well. Simply dip celery, carrots, fries and the like for your pleasure.

Enjoy!

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Full Recipe

Power-slaw is a simple combination of vegetables, seeds and/or grains that will not wilt or get yucky, but actually strengthen in flavor and remain exceptionally crunchy as deep into the week as Thursday.

It’s more than a recipe; it’s a ritual.

No, JK – but that is def how the advertisement would run.

So anyway, Power-slaw is simply a symbol of healthy living - a vegan tool, like Miley Cyrus, that can nourish you all week long until it feels annoying and overplayed.

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Avoid Denver’s Pizza Paradox

Google “Denver Pizza” and over 160 results will pull up - and that doesn’t even include the restaurants with pizza on their menu, that is just a list of pure pizza joints. Considering the one or two page results of literally any other genre of food in Denver - that, my friends, is just too much pizza for one small city. 

And the gross part is, is that new pizza shops are continuing to pop up all over the city like an infectious rash. See a new restaurant in LoDo “coming soon”? It’s pizza - BET.

So what can you do when you need hot, cheesy relief but the insane variety is making you lose your mind? Please read on for the Five Pies You’ve Got to Try.

Marquis Pizza in LoDo

Nestled on the brink between Lodo and Rino, Marquis Pizza serves up a classic New York style slice in a stylish satanic box that will make your inner punk say “blitzkrieg bop”. Conveniently open until 3 AM half of the week, this Denver staple comes in clutch during the wee hours of the morning when a perfect slice is what you seek. They also deliver - sweet.

Vero Italian in Denver Central Market

Brought to you by Andrea Frizzi, owner of Denver’s newest posh restaurant, Il Posto, Vero Italian specializes in authentic Italian pizza. Each pizza is absolutely exceptional and unique. The menu offers rich ingredients that give each recipe an elevated sense of decadence. Fancy shit right here.

Hops & Pie on Tennyson St

In addition to serving up daily deals on local brews, you can find a diverse variety of pizza pies and toppings at Hops & Pie - house hickory smoked tofu, broccoli and mashed potatoes are all on the menu. Especially filling, these unique pies promise to hit the spot.

Cart Driver in RiNo

Urban meets rustic at this Southern Italian restaurant that serves wood-fired pizzas with a one-of-a-kind crust. Chewy but never soggy, these personal pizzas are all topped with ingredients that are satisfyingly simple. This Angry Vegetarian’s favorite? The accidental vegan marinara, topped with the freshest garlic #keepawaythosevamps

Famous Original J’s Pizza in Five Points

This stylish, humble hole in the wall has quickly proven to be the best New York style slice in Denver. Founded by the same visionary who provides the authentic New York flavor that is Rosenberg's Bagels & Delicatessen, this pizza is made with the same thoughtfulness and care. Famous Original J’s Pizza serves up quality slices; the crust holds up and has a divine crunch, the sauce is beyond rich. (and they offer a heavenly VEGAN CHEESE PIZZA - rejoice)

[the-angry-vegetarian]

My friend, Trashy Patty

Fun, flexible and easy - Trashy Patty is a slut who’s down for anything.

A versatile addition to your recipe repertoire, the following will make roughly a dozen to two dozen patties. Now I realize that that is not a specific quantity, but truth be told, it really depends on how thick or thin you pat your patties and (due to reasons that are totally under my control - really I can quit whenever I want) my memory is a bit foggy. 

You’ll need to pick up the following for Trashy Patty: vegetable broth, two cans of Rosarita Vegetarian Refried Beans, a bag of frozen tots, one egg, tortilla chips and for flavor - get yourself a small shallot and some garlic (as always, make whatever adjustments needed to vegafy).

Bake half a bag of frozen tots in the oven, follow directions on the bag.

Chop up then sauté the shallot and garlic in olive oil until tender. Wait a mo. Then add like 1/3 of a cup or so of some vegetable broth. Wait a mo. Then add the two cans of beans (after draining as much canned bean juice as possible down the drain). I recommend adding a bit more vegetable broth and then stir. Let that mixture stew on low heat, covered if possible. Add some salt and spices n shit if you want to class up your patties - not recommended.

Take those tots out of the oven when they’re done, turn off the beans and let it all cool off. Wait a mo. Then put everything in the refrigerator, covered. 

In like thirty minutes or until cold, mush it all together and add about a cup or two of crushed tortilla chips. I suggest you add in an egg at this point. If you don’t play that game, much respect. Do a substitute or skip it - but be weary, your patties may crumble or dry out (so adjust your baking time). 

Ball up each patty like you’re making cookies, flatten out slightly on a sheet. Bake at 350 and watch them. In my experience, they take a little longer than you think - just under 40 minutes, flipping after about 15 minutes. 

Serving suggestions: let cool and sauté the patties in some oil for a second to crisp up. Bun her up and grill in the George Foreman, panini style. Let the patties cool again to serve cold, or before grilling outside (on foil). 

Try Trashy Patty: hot on bread, with mustard, shredded carrots and Power Slaw. Cold on a pita, with hummus, sliced cucumber, cabbage, carrots, oil and vinegar. Grilled on bread with cheese and ketchup.

It’s Trashy Patty, she’s easy!

Enjoy <3 The Angry Veg

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Power-slaw: a weekend ritual

Power-slaw is a simple combination of vegetables, seeds and/or grains that will not wilt or get yucky, but actually strengthen in flavor and remain exceptionally crunchy as deep into the week as Thursday.

It’s more than a recipe; it’s a ritual.

No, JK – but that is def how the advertisement would run.

So anyway, Power-slaw is simply a symbol of healthy living - a vegan tool, like Miley Cyrus, that can nourish you all week long until it feels annoying and overplayed.

Bear with me - there is a point.

Chop all of the following up in bites as large or as small as you want them: half a bag of kale, half a bag of spinach, half a bag of cabbage, half a bag of shredded carrots, a red pepper, half a head of broccoli, half a shallot and three cloves of garlic. Add pumpkin seeds and a bag of nuked frozen quinoa (at room temp, DUH). Drench the mixture with a vinaigrette dressing and there you have it.

Simple, effective and freakishly adaptable – I promise this Power-slaw will be the staple in your packed lunch this week.

I encourage you to not only eat this slaw on its own but to also top your falafel balls, veggie burgers and sandwiches with it - or even serve it on the side of potatoes, soup or some tofu thing.

(It goes without being said that you can chop up whatever you’d like in your slaw - make it your own! Go nuts for nuts, add a can of drained black beans, get spicy with a radish or use less garlic if you hate flavor. But heed my warning, if your aim is to make this slaw last, avoid mushy veggies like tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms and the like.)

Thank you as always for reading,

Love - The Angry Veg

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Leftovers: They Belong in the Gut not the Gutter

Putting hokey sentiments aside, let us all slam together into harsh reality - wasting food is a nasty privilege for those of us who are lucky enough to have never gone hungry. My friends, let’s bring an end to this needlessness and embrace the unknown. Experiment with your leftovers, cook ‘em up, serve them cold, bake them, fry them, nuke them - what I’m trying to say is, you’ve got options.

While I remain optimistic, I won’t deny it - a wilted salad from Panera Bread is not going to be the best contender for your leftover scenario - let’s add your ‘Famous Guacamole’, that no one seemed to eat, to the list of bad leftover foods too. If you want your use-and-reuse fantasies to come true, you best plan on finishing those perishables, buddy. 

Ideal leftover candidates are transformable ingredients that absorb flavor and don’t get too slimy or floppy or just plain icky. The obvious choices are carbohydrate, bean or cheese based entrees - your potatoes, noodles, burritos, rice, enchiladas, wraps, etc.

But you already know that. 

If you want to see the other side of leftover potentials, please read on for a puny little list of what some would think of as surprising leftover combinations and dishes.

Spinach. If you see a spinach salad on the menu, go for it - but only if it’s an oil-based dressing (... which, clearly, goes without being said, am I right? Am I right? #MayoTheCumOfCondiments). If you see a large pile of oil smothered greens in your doggy bag, go for it - you are about to have an awesome leftover experience. Spinach is an ideal candidate for eating cold (accompanied with some chilled noodles and other chopped veggies) or hot (add garlic) and then tossed into carbs.

Eggs. Making for surprisingly eggcellent leftovers, eggs can add an extra bite of protein to almost any dish. Although fried eggs aren’t 100% unsalvageable, I recommend using scrambled eggs or an omelet for the following suggestions. 

Consider adding leftover eggs to a fried rice dish. Simply sprinkle in leftover eggs, and soy sauce, into the pan after you’ve cooked your rice and veggies to the desired tenderness for a solid experience that’s super duper authentic... 

Create a unique breakfast by adding those leftover scrambles on top of a pizza - definitely pepper on extra cheese or veggies, if possible, as most scientists agree that the added moisture can revive the fluff in them ovums. 

Vegetables. Slimy and mushy, left over cooked vegetables are a child’s worst nightmare. But you can turn this nightmare into a lovely salted dream with some flavor, heat and fat. Oh yeah baby.

Take whatever you got - I don’t care if it’s carrots, broccoli, eggplant or the previously mentioned spinach, and sauté it. Add those revamped vegetables to some cheese and make yourself a got-damn quesa-dilla. Or heck, slap those veggies on some bread and add sliced cheese and make a grilled cheese sandwich. Or heck, a burrito! Or rice, or quinoa or noodles or ... you feel me.

(You also feel me on how this wasn’t at all redundant if you reflect on, or if you read, the little blurb on spinach.)

Tortillas. Have you ever gone to a Mexican restaurant and ordered the anything-whatever that comes with tortillas on the side? Next time, try taking what is left of those tortillas home and whip up a sensual dessert. 

Slather some melted butter on to the tortillas and add whatever you want (obvious choices would be sugar, cinnamon or coarse sea salt). Slice the tortillas like a pizza, you know small wedges, and bake in the oven at about 350 degrees on a baking sheet for a few minutes - untl slightly crispy. If you feel wild and out, sprinkle on slivers of chocolate, slice up some bananas or serve with a side of berries and whip, or chocolate sauce, or caramel dressing or peanut butter! Sugar and fat - you can’t go wrong.

Sauces and Broths. Ever order takeout food, like Thai or Chinese, and sometimes you’re so savagely hungry that you eat all the noodles, tofu or veggies, leaving behind a puddle of sinfully salty soup behind - or is that just me?

Instead of tossing out this flavorful sauce, save it in the refrigerator for up to a couple of days. The next time you sauté or steam up veggies and/or rice, toss this sauce on and take a nostalgic trip back to Southeast Asia. 

There you have it - thanks for reading, I hope these little thoughts of mine inspired you.

Love, one Angry Veg.

[the-angry-vegetarian]

A Lazy Denver Afternoon

There’s dry heat and there’s humid heat. Everyone has an opinion, it seems, on which is worse. I don’t really care, heat is heat, baby. And in The Mile High City, heat is here and it is up close and personal.

It’s summer in Denver. 

The streets smell like hot piss and average highs are in the mid to upper 90s. The Sun is eerily close to our little cement plot, generating a savage radiated heat, that cooks us all in microwaves. You wouldn’t know your own mother if she was standing in front of you, the merciless shine of the Sun beats down with such relentless, surreal and blinding light.

So what can you do?

Be anywhere but outside, duh. One of my go-to, loitering friendly, safe havens for veggin’ out is Denver staple, City O’ City. And when done right, you can save a lot of dough by catching their ridiculous Happy Hour, daily, from 2-6pm. 

There are a lot of juicy delights on this menu. Whether you want to keep it classic with sautéed kale and fries, or up the caloric intake with their vegan poutine - there’s plenty of mix and match selections for you and your homies. 

My favorite?

Tacos, hoes! I love the refreshing, pickled-spice of their over all delish chorizo seasoned cauliflower tacos. Available at a very respectable price - just $2 per taco - this is a street-food staple experience that we vegans and veggies never get a lick of. #acryforhelp

Thank you City O’ City for serving up that mouthwatering consistency.

Love,

Ya favorite Angry Veg

[the-angry-vegetarian]

Accidental Vegetarian Restaurants in Denver

My fellow vegetarians, vegans, pescatarians, pollotarians, flexitarians, gluten free picky eaters and hipster sell out fad poseurs - fam, let’s be real, eating out when you have a peculiar and particular diet sucks. It is way too easy to come off like a rude and spoiled squab, a douche, with ‘special dietary needs’ that can seem very unnecessary and finicky in the wrong environment. Let me put it this way, you wouldn’t go to a fish taco truck and order a number five, ask where the fish came from, hold the fish, replace the fish with coleslaw and mention how ‘it wouldn’t hurt if you charged me less because frankly, I’m paying for bread and cabbage…..’ 

So where does this leave you?

You’re either stuck with a niche, culture-vulture establishment that serves overpriced food (a parasite, if you will, feeding off the vegan market looking to make money with only investors and half assed tofu-centric menu items at the core of its business, ubiquitous vegan establishments who will remain nameless) – or sad side items consisting of starches and ‘seasonal vegetables’, which are more often than not three sprigs of $6 asparagus cooked in bacon fat, or a minimal house salad where you will probably have to ask that the kitchen ‘hold the ham’, or the worst - nothing at all other than chips and a Cliff bar from 711.

Before you give up on going out, there is hope. 

My favorite places are what I call accidental vegetarian spots. Places, who, through their genuine effort and passion to provide flavorful, delicious food, have come up with menu items which are not only vegetarian friendly, but are actually made with quality ingredients and care… like someone actually took the time to think about what the fuck food they were preparing for you to eat. Unlike the trash veggie burger at Park and Company – if you’ve ever had that rice, corn slop – you feel me.

If you find yourself in Denver, out with friends, looking for something that will satisfy everyone - even those nasty carnivores you hang out with - see below for a short list of note worthy destinations.

My Brother’s Bar - getting lit as never been so charming

Established in 1873 and located just north of down town Denver, My Brother’s Bar is a delightful, fried food haven. All self respecting beer drinking Americans are encouraged to check this place out. In addition to the many brews and liquors available at this full service bar, the menu also features a variety of classics, including burgers, jalapeno poppers, hot dogs, sandwiches, salads and an incredible veggie burger – The Boulder Burger. When this morsel arrives to the table, professionally wrapped in fast food fashion, accompanied by what Yelp reviewers call ‘an interesting condiment box’ filled with pickles, onions, peppers and relish – it is an exciting experience like no other. On top of all that, this patty (made in-house) is as tasty and satisfying as that double cheese I know ya’ll miss from that golden arched McMonster. Whether you dine inside or out on the private patio, My Brother’s Bar is sure to hit the spot.

Torta Grill - quick, hot and satisfying (oooo baby)

Tucked away between N Williams St and N High St on Colfax is an affordable and deliciously unique compact take-out café – Denver’s Torta Grill. Vegetarians rejoice! Torta Grill has several tasty veggie options, including this cactus filled delight – The Enrique. Stuffed full between two delicate, fluffy slices of bolillo bread is cactus, egg, panela cheese, red peppers and other grilled veggies. Warm, gooey and grilled, this traditional sandwich boasts an awesome flavor. Cactus is not easy to find in Denver, and the chefs at Torta Grill are experts. Try this with their signature “Red” or “Natural” juice and you my friend are set up for a satisfying experience.

The Universal - brunch that will satisfy everyone (including ur sinning friends)

This traditional breakfast is perfect for vegetarians looking to soak up last night’s mistakes. The potatoes are crispy and salty, the toast is perfect for scooping up those escaped egg innards and The Universal’s vegetarian sausage patties are to die for. Friends, resist the urge to ask your server if a mistake was made with the order. Yes, they taste just like breakfast sausage, they look just like breakfast sausage but believe it or not, these little sausage patties are one hundred percent vegetarian. We swear! The next time a serious breakfast is in order, The Universal has you covered.

Whether you’re a vegan or carnivore, flexitarian or someone who just loves to flex on others with shitty labels that really don’t mean anything - srsly, google it - I love you and hope you enjoy these establishments as much as I do! 

Thanks for reading,

The Angry Vegetarian 

[the-angry-vegetarian]

My Heart, A Cold Veggie Sandwich.

Suggestions for simple veggie sammies to bring to work (and why you should never buy another cold sandwich in Denver again).

I admit that I’m a simple, human pos who doesn’t know everything that there is to know... but it’s my humble opinion that there really is never a situation where a vegetarian sandwich and a meat sandwich priced at the same amount is justifiable. I mean - why would a sammy that consists of mostly lettuce, sprouts, cheese, maybe avocado and some other pizza toppings cost the same as a salami-pepperoni-meatball-Frankenstein paired also with vegetables, pizza toppings and cheese – I’ll just say: it don’t make no sense!

Here are some simple suggestions to spice up your lunch and to save you some dough. Just a hint so that you can save yourself the time and energy it might take to read ‘em all - each of these suggestions involve vegetables, carbs, (maybe) cheese and a sauce or shmear. I ain’t no Chef Emeril, you can definitely figure it out yourself, mix and match - empower yourself, son!

First: I is Hung Over, Need Spicy Salty: Take whatever carbs are laying around (tortillas, pita, bagel, whatever) and slap on a healthy amount of Dijon mustard, several slices of cheese, a couple pickles and potato chips. Without fear, smoosh that down flat. Enjoy a similar vibe to a ham and cheese as this sammy cleans up your booze soaked tummy. (That’s that healthy lifestyle shit vegetarians are always going on about, right there…)

Second: Anything Crunchy and Herbs: Start with flavorful bread like sourdough or rye. Grab some fresh herbs of your choice and toss it in a bowl with crunchy romaine lettuce. Dress the greens in red wine vinegar, mustard and olive oil and lay ‘em on the bread. Add fresh mozzarella (or cottage cheese if you ain’t afraid of the mess) and a fancy, peppered heirloom tomato or yellow pepper or cucumber or anything.... crunchy.

Third: Creamy and Crunchy: In THIS order, shmear whipped cream cheese on a toasted slice of carb, sprinkle an unholy amount of shredded carrots right on top of that cheese, a thick layer of spinach on top of them carrots, pickles or banana peppers on top of them spinaches and sliced green bell pepper on top of them pickles or banana peppers. Smoosh it down and wrap it up for later.

Forth: Health Nut: Start with any kind of whole grain carb and load it up with lots of chopped kale, romaine lettuce and/or spinach, sliced apple, radishes, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, shredded carrots, avocado and bell pepper. Smear hummus on that bad boy, if you’re into that kind of thing. 

Fifth: Vegetables and Cheese: Any kind of vegetables, fruit, oils, shmears and cheese between bread. 

You did it - feel good my friend, you have just won!