Anonymous Venter

It hurts, doesn't it? We're all strangers here, but lay your baggage down and we won't judge. Mod List

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Can we really submit vents? Any rules?

Me when I only *just* get the notifs for submitted vents

But yeah, submit any vents. No rules, other than don't be overly graphic.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Hey everyone, this blog has been up for a while so I'd like to answer a few things that have come up while running this blog! Read more below if you are new here or have a question. ([20/1] We have a rule now! READ IT!!)

Positive asks are totally welcome! A few people have come in with positive updates or to just celebrate things that happened, and though originally unplanned for, it's very nice to see something positive in my inbox. It's a great reminder for all of us about the good things in life. Special thanks to everyone who has sent an ask checking in on me.

Don't worry about your ask being annoying or stupid. We all get worried over silly things sometimes, and other times we need someone to remind us our problems are important. You are free to complain about anything here, even something as simple as stubbing your toe. Due to my own health and personal life I'm not likely to respond in a timely manner, but all your asks are important to me. I will respond to every single one.

Trigger Warnings. I will probably forget to add a trigger warning unless you add it to your asks. I'm trying to get better at that, so don't be afraid to remind me. Best to proceed with utmost caution, considering this is a vent blog.

Asks about recent suicidal/self harm events. For my own mental health, I don't like seeing these asks. I'm not going to ban them outright, because I don't want to. So if you're going to send one of these asks, you have to promise to seek out help from a professional/loved one! If the ask is about a loved one, you have to promise to help them do the same. Say in your ask what you're going to do, and have a plan! Otherwise I can't accept these asks any longer. This rule might change in the future and I may outright ban it, but for now this is the policy.

Sign offs! List of claimed sign offs below are:

- 🌌

- 🩵

- 💙

- 🩷

- 🤍

- 🌨

- Rotted

- 🚪

- 💫

- anon 💬

- 🐸

- 🔪

- 😎

- 🦊🐦‍⬛

- 🐍

- ⭐️

- 🖤

- Lily

- 🪱

- ghost

- (𓆝)

- Midnight

- 🏵️

- 💿

- jo

Feel free to tack on any sign off not listed onto the end of your ask!

- 🫀

-allthings

Finally, there is probably something I forgot, but I'll edit this reblog and add it in when I remember. Remember to eat and drink water, and to take care of yourself in general. Have a happy valentines day, and good luck in all your everyday ventures! <3

(Edit: I use any and all pronouns. My gender is whatever the bit calls for.)

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Accepting we're a system has been great for me, I look up and we're not so lonely in here anymore

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

i applied to a fanbook project and if i get in, it'll be my first time ever participating in any online project. i really hope i make the cut, i would love to contribute and work together with so many awesome artists and writers!!

but i'm nervous, because they're probably looking for really professional art, and the guest artists they're featuring are on a WHOLE other level. i have a decent amount of confidence in my art, but objectively, my technical skills are very lacking. i feel like a kid in a spinny hat holding a lollipop 😭😭

Woo!! I hope you make it!

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

MY BESTIE GOT A NEW CRUSH AND THIS GUY IS WAY BETTER

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

rare occurrence where i find an anon vent blog holy moly anyway . intrusive thoughts SUCK dude like yeahhh i miss my partner but also i should block him. i should block him on everything and make him miss me as much as i miss him. i shouldn't talkt to him for multiple days just to see what they'll do. but noooo thats BAD because it won't make the situation any better and they'll be sad but ohhhh my god. Oh My God yeah i understand why they're called intrusive thoughts 💔 get OUT of my head that is a MEAN thing to do

Intrusive thoughts are horrible to deal with. The best advice I can offer is communication. I really firmly believe that communicating things like this to the people you care about can really improve your relationship. They'll be able to understand and help you even if that just ends up being semi regular reminders that you're not alone in your feelings.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

I will be forward and loud with my emotions instead of quietly bottling everything up 🙂‍↕️

[torstherapy]

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Me & my skinny eating disorder vs. a fat person jealous of said eating disorder who would win?

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

i cant tell how many of my issues are real or just "its summer and I'm stuck inside a house with nothing to do but be online"

(like literally, there is no walking anywhere for me here and I don't really have anybody to talk to)

I would say 'stuck inside with nothing to do but be online' *IS* a real problem.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

The day after I thought about killing myself, the world kept spinning

My mom still woke up at 7am to make her coffee before work

My dad still checked his tool box to make sure he had everything for his job that morning

My grandma still laid in her grave, silent as ever

I still managed to get up and brush my teeth so I could go to school

The day after I thought about killing myself, I laughed and laughed and laughed at something funny my friends said

I made plans for the following Friday to go out to eat to celebrate the upcoming break

I realized that I had things to live for

The day after I tried to kill myself, I still cried myself to sleep because I felt subhuman

I felt like I didn't deserve anything I had

I felt

I continued to feel

I felt because I was alive

The day after I thought about killing myself, I tried to kill myself

The day after I tried to kill myself, I was still alive

A week a month a year 10 years 20 after I tried to kill myself

I was happy I was still alive

This is a great reminder that things can get better! Continue to live, find something to look forward to, live another day <3

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

When you ended us, it was the first time in my life that I crossed the street and truly wished that a car would hit me.

(That was brief, for a few days. But god, I miss my brother. Fuck, I miss you. And I’m crying quietly to myself because what if you never see me get married? I can’t believe I was screwing everything up and you didn’t tell me until it was too late. I’m so mad at you, but I miss you, everything in my fucking room reminds me of you and I can’t handle it. I tell my boyfriend “me and [g] used to watch this”, “me and [g] talked about this”, “I got this from [g], this is his shirt” and maybe I’ll laugh but either way there’s this very brief moment of silence where I can tell he wants to say sorry and I want to cry, because he knows. That my heart breaks a little when I mention you. He knows everything.

I want to graduate high school with you, I want us to be at each others college graduation, i want you to know when I get engaged, i want you to see me walk down the isle, I *need* you to. I might never get high or drunk in my life because you said you’d be so pissed if the first time was with someone else. I really know I’d probably never break that promise because I’ll be hoping that one day you’ll come back to me and tell me that you’re married or engaged or maybe that you’re finally a teacher. And by then you’ve probably quit drugs and alcohol like you said you wanted to, so that you can finally devote yourself to God and all that, but maybe you’d still sit with me during my first drink. Laugh with me. Anything.

I know our friendship was only four years, but I really, really want to see my little brother grow up into the person he’s told me so much about. Please come back one day. I’ll never stop crying about you.)

Losing someone your close to isn't easy. Missing someone isn't something that will go away, but it will get easier to handle. I really hope things have gotten better

[kayla-denker]

Hey, you, cis girl that's very (correctly) vocal about women being allowed to talk about their periods, do you include trans women in that?

I ask because every single time I've tried to talk about it to anyone that isn't a trans woman they get fucking angry. Which has caused me to have to just suffer in silence every single month. So I really relate to cis women when they talk about literally the exact same thing; being shamed by everyone around them their whole lives for talking about their periods, so they just suffer in silence every month as it negatively impacts their work and social lives. But I don't even feel like I can voice that I am literally dealing with the same exact thing because most of y'all react like you want to throw me in front of a bus for saying it, even those of you who act like your such big great transfem allies.

[kayla-denker]

I guess I'll take this opportunity to talk about trans women periods. The first thing any tme person thinks when they hear this is always "how can trans women have periods? They don't have uteruses!"

The answer is: the uterus isn't what causes your period, it is effected by your period. What causes your period and what causes trans women's periods is the same thing: the endocrine system.

HRT changes the sex of your endocrine system. Feminizing HRT makes it a female endocrine system, giving us a 28-day hormone cycle just like cis women. At the end of that cycle, the hypothalamus floods the body with prostaglandins. Those are what cause all but one of the period symptoms, because they make muscles inflame and contract. They are what make the uterus shed its lining, they are what cause intestinal cramps, they are what cause body aches, they are what cause headaches and migraines. The only period symptom not causes by the release of prostaglandins throughout the body is depression, and that is caused by your endocrine system simply not processing as much estrogen and from simply feeling like shit.

So, the only symptoms trans women don't get every 28 days is menstrual cramps, because yes we do not menstruate since we don't have uteruses. But migraines, depression, body aches, intestinal cramps, and the infamous "period shits" don't exactly add up to us having any better of a time. Except we have to pretend that we're fine and nothing is different because no one believes that we get periods, not even cis women.

"But you can't call it a period then because that refers to MENSTRUATION!" is another one I hear all the time. This is incorrect. You use the word "period" instead of just "menstruation" because it doesn't just refer to menstruation. It refers to a period at the end of the hormone cycle where we experience a host of symptoms. And not all cis women experience all of the symptoms that encompass the period. Not all cis women get migraines, or body aches, or have severe depression. If a cis woman gets a hysterectomy she doesn't menstruate either! In that instance she experiences an identical period to what trans women experience. Yet, I doubt you'd insist that cis women who've had hysterectomies don't have periods.

[kayla-denker]

Oh, another thing that I personally discovered after bottom surgery: vaginal odor changes for trans women during our periods too. I was not expecting that because I always thought it was just from menstruation. But nope, the ph levels of a trans woman's vagina are the same of as a cis woman's vagina, and it changes during our periods just the same.

[hylianengineer]

I don't mean to distract from the very important message of this post, but I'm worried trans women may not know this because even a lot of cis women don't: if your period comes with severe depression, that's not normal or healthy, that's a medical issue. A little bit of depression and mood swings are normal, but if it's severe or debilitating? That's probably Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. It sucks but it's treatable.

I thought it was normal for years to feel that way, and I don't want anybody else to suffer like I did. Trans women are likely even more vulnerable to having untreated PMDD due to a combination of difficulty accessing healthcare and the fact that cis women are refusing to share the period wisdom. (I'm not a cis woman btw, just an enby with a uterus and estrogen-dominant endocrine system.) (I'm also making the assumption that trans and cis women have equal probabilities of getting PMDD, but who knows really? I doubt anyone's ever studied it.)

I just want you to know this in case it helps anybody. Your period isn't supposed to make you feel like you're gonna die every month, and if it does, there are ways to mitigate that.

[kayla-denker]

I always welcome people talking about this. When I made this post I was one of those women who thought the severe depression every month was normal. Another person using this post to talk about PMDD a few days later is how I learned about it and that I probably have it. Now I've seen my doctor about it and we're working on figuring out a treatment that works for me.

[the-ace-lesbians]

Did not doubt the existence of a hormonal cycle / period in transgender women, as I've seen many talk about it, but still wanted to look more into it.

While there's not much on it - something that will hopefully change! - there has been one study done that found that there is a hormonal cycle that trans women on HRT can (specifying can because tons of periods are wonky per person, who knows what folks will go through) go through that causes many symptoms "associated with the luteal phase in cisgender women".

The luteal phase is "the second half of the menstrual cycle". For people who go through menstruation, that's the part where you're sore and hungry all the time and generally annoyed (PMS symptoms).

Currently it's mostly left to anecdotal evidence - which does nothing to invalidate the experiences, everything was purely anecdotal once! - but there's likely still plenty of research being done on the topic. Hopefully we'll have some more news as time goes on!

Definitely interesting!

Links: The study mentioned A non-medical article discussing the topic An article from medicalnewstoday talking about it

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Sometimes healing is driving home from the gym one day and realizing "huh, I no longer cry myself to sleep and I'm able to sit through a full sermon at church without asking God why he made me such a terrible person"

Crazy

Hell yeah.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

I'm slowly but surely reducing my ai addiction, but what makes me so sad is that I can barely write anymore. I love writing, yet I used c.ai and chatgpt to make stories for me and basically destroyed my writing ability in only about a year. I can't even write more than 2 or 3 paragraphs at a time (and they suck), but when I was like 15 I used to write 2-3k words in one sitting, or at least a few days (and this writing quality was really good). I miss writing so much, idk how this level of deterioration is possible.

Luckily it's been easier to avoid ai since chatgpt has gotten so bad (and I refuse to pay any money toward ai), but I wish my writing could go back to the way it was. I've been chipping away, but it feels like it'll take twice as long to get back to normal than it took to get this bad.

It's great you're able to reduce your ai addiction, I remember when I went through one it was bad enough that I wasn't getting any sleep.

Ai can be pretty bad for writers, since overreliance on it targets the same skills writing is dependent on. Recovering your ability to write will be kind of like physical therapy. You'll need to relearn the skill through repeated exercise, taking care not to overextend yourself too soon. Don't push your brain too hard and burn yourself out, okay? And don't despair if you can't help but feel like the damage is permanent. Your hard work and practice won't go to waste.

Trying some small writing challenges, like 500 or 100 word drabbles, might be a good idea.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

i couldn't do anything i planned to do over my 1 week break bc i had to back up my old ass sd card, which occupied my laptop and took FOREVER, salvage the files, AND do hw 🫩

😔 Bringing this back in spirit of my bestie who is in a similar situation but with his car

[disableddyke]

people with adhd, psychosis, brain fog, schizophrenia or anything that affects memory, recall and perception of reality are so at risk of gaslighting. even when you’re pretty sure you did/didn’t do a thing, if someone suggests that it didn’t actually happen that way or you’re skewing the facts or you’re just misremembering of whatever, you start to question yourself and your own memories and that is very easy to take advantage of. and it’s so incredibly difficult to get anyone to believe you or take you seriously because not even you are 100% sure you’re recalling things correctly. it sucks so bad not being able to rely on your own memory and to have to worry about people using it against you (because they can and will)

[scramratz]

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon