Last Christmas

@theartofmadeline

shark vs the universe

PR's Tumblrdome
Sade Olutola

Origami Around
Noah Kahan
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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
cherry valley forever
Cosmic Funnies

gracie abrams

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tannertan36

bliss lane
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taylor price
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Game Changer & Make Some Noise

blake kathryn
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@the-bagel-lady
Last Christmas
if you're having a bad day
just remember that I, a registered nurse with a bachelors degree, accidentally glued a patient’s foreskin shut over his penis and had to call a urology doctor to come help me get it to retract
I had to send a page that said “I glued the patient’s penis shut. send help.”
The urology resident said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like this. Let me go ask someone else.”
It’s been like 5 days since this happened and I’m just sitting at the nurses station with some coworkers and the urology resident walks by and says “hey! Glue any penises shut lately??” And keeps on walking
THEN ALL MY COWORKERS WERE LIKE WHAT JUST HAPPENED
and so yeah, that freaking doctor exposed me and went on his way
Considering that Hogwarts doesn’t teach English, maths, or science it’s no wonder that they still use owls to communicate.
nO StOP IT
i aM DEAD
FUCK OFF OK
@mynameiseyyyyyy
hognoses are fucking ridiculous
ok. i had to look this up, because this seems just too ridiculous. and wiki does not disappoint: “… the hognose snake will often roll onto its back and play dead with its mouth open and tongue lolling, going as far as to emit a foul musk from the cloaca. Emission of cloacal musk is considerably less likely than in many other species. If the snake is rolled upright while in this state, it will often roll over again as if to insist that it is really dead.”
I want to point out this particular one is a baby. It’s still learning how LONG to play dead, that’s why it keeps waking up to check if it worked. It’s doing it’s best ok?
truth coming out of her well to shame mankind (tumblr safe version)
This is it… this is the height of what memes and memetic culture can do and the purpose they can serve, and why it’s so important to have this freedom of expression and exchange. Protest, reference, the instant connection of ideas, heavy weighted messages conveyed by the simplest of means. This image speaks volumes about the state of internet politics right now, and it does so by omitting the most important and recognizable part of itself.
Also, look at the quality here and the effort the artist put into making Truth’s erasure so disturbingly seamless.
Seriously this is impressive.
Congratulations! As of today, you have survived 100% of your worst days.
let autistic people infodump about their special interests without laughing at them or telling them they’re annoying. that kinda shit is what wrecks someone’s self-esteem and makes it even harder for them to form relationships bc everyone has told them they’re annoying and that their interests are stupid. don’t do it
forgot to add: this goes for ppl w adhd / add that have hyperfixations as well
as an autistic person w add i approve this message but i’d also like to add that this doesn’t mean you can never ask someone who is infodumping on you to slow down or if you could talk about something else or that you don’t have the time to talk right now or whatever, just don’t be an asshole about it.
great addition!!!!!!!!! very good addition that i honestly shoulda put in the original post, thank you for stating it!
The fact that Kevin McCallister was able to use tools, chemicals and set up boobytraps without using the internet is impressive.
You’re finally an adult when you have a net loss from the holidays instead of a net gain
me, with literally no concept of time: this should only take about ten minutes
thing: takes longer than ten minutes
me: i guess i should just die then huh
Several people have likely almost had a revolutionary idea, but lost their train of thought.
yesterday I had two old ladies get upset that coffee isn’t 10 cents anymore.
like right now I’m trying to remember if I have ever bought anything for 10 cents or even seen anything that was only worth 10 cents. What century did they crawl out of
LMAO
People blocking my path bc they are slow-moving, e.g. elderly people and others with mobility issues: Take your time, no problem, please do not apologize, I am in no rush 👍🏻❤️
People blocking my path because they are not paying one bit of attention: I feel murder in my heart. I feel seething, bone-crushing rage. You had to stand and stop in a fucking doorway? What are you doing on your phone? Are you tapping your last will and te
@staff Not exactly the “welcome back to the app store” you were expecting huh
oh my god.
let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon.
picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then.
every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising.
i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog.
i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then.
i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning.
i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes.
or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window.
ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas.
remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam?
i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water.
and now look at it.
i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know?
if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were.
i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late.
I enforce federal worker health and safety and pollution regulations.
When I was learning my trade, when my classmates and I were having a chuckle over the “well duh” level of specificity written into the Code of Federal Regulations (try “no hazardous material shall be stored in crew berthing” on for size), I will never forget the silence that followed when our instructor spoke these words:
“Your regulations are written in blood.”
These regulations were not written on a whim. They were written because someone thought they could cut costs by storing however many more pounds of a radioactive, toxic, carcinogenic, or whatever else material in the same rooms where the human beings they paid to transport those materials slept, and then did that, because no one was telling them not to.
They were written because people died. Horrifically. Because unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.
Can I say it again, for those not paying attention?
Unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.
Please note the recalls etc. we’re already seeing with the current US government going after those regulations, and please see Doug Ford up here trying to weaken our water safety regulations again - the last time that happened, under another Conservative government, Walkerton happened and people died. Some died quickly, some lived for years with debilitating illnesses and then died.
Found this on facebook but reposting to SAVE A LIFE.
Or at least some of y’all’s GPAs.
You’re welcome.
Holy shit? thanks op!