the batboys live here

jay | I write for the batboys and bruce sometimes hehe | send me asks lol

[ladtheove]

Nightwing rescuing Jason (Robin) from the Joker. Fast doodle.

[collectivefandomstuff]

[Family Meeting]

Bruce: I'd like to adress the sudden rise in animosity the villains have shown towards Robin.

Jason, just back from a mission: [leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed] more than usual you mean?

Tim: A lot more.

Dick: Dami has recently decided to forget what the villains are called.

Jason: I- wait what?

Damian: [imperiously] I simply decided that memorising the names of criminals was an ineffective use of my cognitive faculties. Better I recall their behavioural patterns.

Jason: What exactly did you do?

-

Riddler: [appears dramatically in a puff of smoke] Well well, if it isn't the little bird?

Robin: [coldly] Question man.

Riddler:

Riddler: It's "the Riddler"

Robin: Who cares?

Riddler: [sputtering]

-

Robin: [drops down from the ceiling to interrupt a meeting between Penguin and his people]

Penguin: Great. It's the boy annoyance.

Robin: [cordially] Birdman.

Penguin: I beg your pardon?!

Robin: [without inflection] My apologies. I have come to arrest you, Mister Mumble.

Penguin: Out of all the movies you could have insulted me with-

-

Poison Ivy: Oh my, looks like a little birdie has come for a visit.

Harley Quinn: [grinning] Nice of you to drop in tweety

Robin: [nods to Ivy] Daisy. [to Harley] Miss Mime

Ivy: what

Harley: [cracks her knuckles]

-

Robin: [throws a batarang at clayface]

Clayface: great. a mosquito.

Robin: ...[with distaste] There is no need for insults, Mudpie.

Clayface: ...

-

Robin: [calling in an arrest] Yes, I have apprehended Toto.

Scarecrow: [tied up nearby] Hey!

-

Joker: [Sees Robin swinging down in the middle of a hostage situation] Oh look! it's the cavalary...'s pet.

Robin: [cordially] Mr Quinzel.

Joker:

Joker: Wh-

Robin: You are Harley's husband correct?

Joker: [furious] no!

Robin: My apologies then. I shall endeavor to use your proper name... ... [frowning] Mrs? You are wearing make-up. Is that it? Mrs Quinzel? I did not mean to assume.

Joker: [frothing at the mouth]

-

[back at the meeting]

Tim: to be fair he only does it when they misname HIM.

Damian: I have a name. It is rude not to use it.

Bruce: Damian. There has been seven attempts on your life this week alone. Stop.

Damian: no

Bruce: [grinds his teeth]

Dick: Actually, what ARE Joker's preferred pronouns? Has anyone asked?

Jason: [munching down a power bar] It's Fuckface McKidkiller

[jasonsthunderthighs]

[Jason in the background] Dude.

Batman/Superman Futures End #1 (2014)

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Batfam as John Mulaney quotes:

Alfred: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.

Dick: Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around.

Stephanie: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Cause it sounds like he sucks, and I will totally kill that guy for you.

Luke: My vibe is like, ‘Hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologise to you.’

Bruce: Now I get to say, ‘my wife’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It's fun to say ‘my wife’. I'm looking forward to saying it a lot. ‘Get away from my wife!’, ‘No one talk to my wife!’, ‘I didn't kill my wife!’.

Jason: It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

Damian: My mommy! So shut the fuck up!

Kate: We've been pretty hot and heavy lately. I think it's time we bring in two older Jewish people into the mix.

Tim: I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I'm not Asian-American.

Terry: 13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don't like about you. They don't even have to look at you for long. They'll just be like ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha! Hey, look at the high waisted man! He got feminine hips!’ And I'm like, ‘No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about!!’.

Cassandra: I'll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day, I'll die.

Barbara: Being president looks like the worst job in the world.

Harper: I will pepper the fact that I am gay.

Duke: Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need to go to sleep?

[incorrectbatfam]

what are some embarrassing moments jason had?

Tried to shoot a bottle from three feet away and missed

Harper convinced him that “snake crocodiles” were a thing living in Gotham Harbor

He spilled mustard on his only clean uniform and had to go an entire patrol with a yellow streak down his chest

Damian caught Jason swaddling Alfred the cat in a blanket and calling him a “cutie patootie pie”

Jason played both Romeo and Juliet in a one-man production

Recently, Jason gained a new scar just below his right eye. When asked about it, he’ll say that it was from taking on Black Mask’s cronies. In reality, it was from messing with Roy’s bow

Tim has photographic evidence of Jason stuffing his face with chocolate cake in the middle of the night

It’s an open secret that Jason still uses Wonder Woman band-aids

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: Why are you two always out during rainstorms?

Dick: It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of fresh rainfall.

Jason: Roy bet me twelve dollars I couldn’t get struck by lightning and he’s WRONG.

[infinityuserboxes]

[simonghostrileys]

Incredibly fucking slow at it 🤧

[slagginbitch]

i fixed it

[robin-the-robo]

[comicweek]

Morning Jason

Nick Robles

[kindaangelic]

Jason Todd Headcanon

I just have to get it out there.

I think that Dick is Jason's favourite brother.

Don't eat me just yet, listen first.

So Jason kind of grew up with Dick, right, except they weren't so close. Dick was hurt about the circumstances of Jason coming into his life, but they eventually made up.

Dick grieved his brother, killed for him, and then vowed to be the brother to Tim that he was never to Jason. He is the Good Big Brother to Tim.

By the time Damian comes by, Dick has transcended brotherhood and has embraced motherhood.

So when Jason comes back, he's an adult. And so is Dick.

They can reconnect in a different way now, as adults. They've both worked through their emotions (Dick cried, Jason shot a bunch of people), and can accept each other through their flaws.

Dick and Jason can train with each other, no holds barred, in a way they won't against Tim (delicate flower who lusts for Kon) or Damian (ultimate babey).

Dick calls Jason to talk about his relationship troubles, Jason calls Dick to kill the spider in his room.

(Dick captures it in a jar and gives it to Damian).

They can go to each other with their nightmares, because they can't share that burden with their kid siblings. (Cass' response to emotional pain it's to hug the sibling in question and hum the Jigglypuff tune).

Dick and Jason can rely on each other, and they respect each other. They were always meant to be brothers, but adulthood lends time, experience, and perspective - and this allows Dick and Jason to fall into an easy camaraderie.

Now, feel free to yell at me. I have no regrets.

[collectivefandomstuff]

[at the watchtower]

Superman: [just arrived to an emergency meeting] what’s going on?

Green Lantern: We don’t know. There’s been a series of sudden attacks all over the world [points at a map].

Flash: [points at an uninhibited piece of land in the Middle East] there was also a more destructive attack on a couple of buildings here. It looks like some sort of base, we suspect military, that was completely blown up and then flooded somehow. The real worry is the tech used in the attacks, though. It’s way beyond anything that’s on the market.

Superman: [peering at the map] oh that’s just Bruce

The League:

Green Arrow: wait, the Bat is doing this?

Superman: [nods] I assume those are League of Shadows’ bases. Kon said the bats were on a rampage because Ra’s said something distressing to Tim.

Flash: ...and the explosion?

Superman: probably Tim, Jason, and Damian.

Green Arrow: why does Damian care if Tim is distressed?

Oracle: [through the speakers] they just like starting shit

-Meanwhile-

Spoiler: [arriving at the smoking ruins of Ra’s home base] I cannot believe you guys decided to start without me

Nightwing: [trying to pull a rabid Robin away from a league member] It was less of a decision and more of a race

Spoiler: [arms crossed] you lot never invite me on family outings

Nightwing: [flabbergasted] what family outings?

Spoiler: like the time you went on vacation to the Grand Canyon

Nightwing: you mean when Batman was moping about being a bad father and dragged us along on the hike from hell? Hood almost killed all of us for real that time

Steph: well-

[there’s an explosion nearby, followed closely by the sound of gunshots and Red Hood cackling maniacally]

Steph: [pauses to look around] where’s Red Robin?

Nightwing:

Red Hood: [from the other side of a hill] Yes!! Now try the flamethrower!

Nightwing: shit

[the-batboys-live-here]

so I think I'm gonna have the "batbois and rainy days" hcs done this week??? idk and then fs I'll have the angsty jay fic ready for his bday woo 🥳 and I have an idea for another one but idk if I ~vibe~ with it yknow?

[dickiesgrayson]

it's not gotham vs metropolis it's bruce wayne vs everyone who's ever cared about him

join the batfam server

requested by @greythewanderer (i know it's not exactly what you requested but in my defense i will take every opportunity to roast bruce)

[dickiesgrayson]

@TheGothamTimes 1m

JUST IN: Is Jason Todd dead AGAIN? A tweet from brother sparks controversy and confusion.

(this whole family is just one pr crisis after another)

[the-batboys-live-here]

god I will sing yagami yato's name to the top of my lungs forever

[doc-anders]

“Was that not clear?”

[collectivefandomstuff]

Vigilante Meeting

Batman: -so, I've decided to change the existing patrol routes and initiate a rotation [points to a display] you can see them here. Any objections?

Everyone:

Everyone: [glances at Red Hood, who isn't listening]

Nightwing: [elbows him]

Red Hood: [startles] wha? huh? oh, um... [looks around at the others who are all staring at him]

Red Hood: ah, yes.

Red Hood: [slams his fist on the table] THIS IS BULLSHIT!!

Batman: [annoyed] you don't even know what we're talking about

Red Hood: [stands up so abruptly his chair goes flying and points at Batman] FUCK YOU AND THE COW YOU RODE IN ON

Batman: Hood-

Red Hood: THIS IS ABUSE OF AUTHORITY

Red Hood: [gesticulating angrily] THE AU-DA-CITY!

Robin: [suddenly] Wait, did you RIDE BATCOW?

Batman: wha- no!

Robin: SHE IS NOT A HORSE HOW DARE YOU!

Red Hood: YOU HYPOCRITICAL, NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE

Batman: [to Damian] I didn't-

Red Hood: UNSCRUPULOUS!

Robin: I CANNOT BELIEVE-

Nightwing: [to Red Robin, quietly] that was close

Red Robin: [relieved] yeah, no way was I gonna change my route

Blackbat: [nods in agreement]

Batman: That is ENOUGH!

Red Hood: [kicks the fallen chair] YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

Robin: [screeching] ANIMAL ABUSE

[collectivefandomstuff]

Jason: Since the it's coming up I would like to clarify what I want for my birthday.

Jason: [pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket] last year, Damian gave me this and it's all I will accept from now on

Jason: [places the piece of paper on the table that reads: "coupon. Cash to not be bothered by giver for one month OR use to make giver distract father and/or Grayson ONCE"]

Dick: ...

Duke: ...

Tim: ...

Barbara: Wait, is THIS how you got out of blowing up that hangar??