Trying my best, somehow still failing.

Just a silly skyrim rp blog. Take nothing seriously.

[the-blooded-guardsman]

[You see a guard wearing beaten chainmail armor, torn leather greaves, worn leather boots, leather bracers, and the tattered remnants of what was likely once a Whiterun guard cloak. Unlike the other guards, he is wearing no helmet. He is deathly pale, with sharp features and slightly pointed ears. His hair is a light brown, and a shaggy mess. He greets you with a smile.]

"Hello! Are you looking for someone or something?"

(ooc: i decided to finally make a blog for this dummy (/aff). so, yeah, this is the vampire guard anon that was interracting with @stendarr-the-steadfast, @benevolence-of-mara, @avatar-of-akatosh, and @ark-ay, among others i think but those are the ones i remember. now you can fuck around with him, too!)

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"It's quiet again. I don't like that."

"The fact that you mentioned how it's too quiet means we're about to get more weird shit. Well done, truly."

"I'm bored."

"So you're trying to draw disturbing shit toward us?

"... yeah."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Flaming tomatoes begin falling from the sky.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"..."

"Pelin, don't."

"Told you."

[Alata punches Pelin in the arm.]

"I said don't."

"Too bad."

"... I'd say you've been spending too much time around Sheogorath, but as far as I know, you haven't paid him a visit since you made that deal with him."

"Yeah, I haven't. Maybe I should pay him a visit sometime. Although if the flaming tomatoes are of any sign, he's already listening and is going to take that as an invitation."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Pelin may hear a laugh. Or maybe it was a hallucination. Who knows?]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

[Pelin sighs.]

"Yeah, he's paying attention, at least a little."

"Fun. Well, the next few hours are going to be interesting, at least. Until he gets bored."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[The flaming tomatoes are steadily growing in size as they fall.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"That's probably not a good sign."

"Eh, it'll be fine. Anyone with a grain of intelligence will go inside anyway."

"... then why are we still out here?"

"You said you were bored, didn't you?"

"Fair."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[The flaming tomatoes sprout butterfly wings and begin flying instead of falling.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"Oh, that's actually kind of cool."

"Yeah. Weird, but cool."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"It's quiet again. I don't like that."

"The fact that you mentioned how it's too quiet means we're about to get more weird shit. Well done, truly."

"I'm bored."

"So you're trying to draw disturbing shit toward us?

"... yeah."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Flaming tomatoes begin falling from the sky.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"..."

"Pelin, don't."

"Told you."

[Alata punches Pelin in the arm.]

"I said don't."

"Too bad."

"... I'd say you've been spending too much time around Sheogorath, but as far as I know, you haven't paid him a visit since you made that deal with him."

"Yeah, I haven't. Maybe I should pay him a visit sometime. Although if the flaming tomatoes are of any sign, he's already listening and is going to take that as an invitation."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Pelin may hear a laugh. Or maybe it was a hallucination. Who knows?]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

[Pelin sighs.]

"Yeah, he's paying attention, at least a little."

"Fun. Well, the next few hours are going to be interesting, at least. Until he gets bored."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[The flaming tomatoes are steadily growing in size as they fall.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"That's probably not a good sign."

"Eh, it'll be fine. Anyone with a grain of intelligence will go inside anyway."

"... then why are we still out here?"

"You said you were bored, didn't you?"

"Fair."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"It's quiet again. I don't like that."

"The fact that you mentioned how it's too quiet means we're about to get more weird shit. Well done, truly."

"I'm bored."

"So you're trying to draw disturbing shit toward us?

"... yeah."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Flaming tomatoes begin falling from the sky.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"..."

"Pelin, don't."

"Told you."

[Alata punches Pelin in the arm.]

"I said don't."

"Too bad."

"... I'd say you've been spending too much time around Sheogorath, but as far as I know, you haven't paid him a visit since you made that deal with him."

"Yeah, I haven't. Maybe I should pay him a visit sometime. Although if the flaming tomatoes are of any sign, he's already listening and is going to take that as an invitation."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Pelin may hear a laugh. Or maybe it was a hallucination. Who knows?]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

[Pelin sighs.]

"Yeah, he's paying attention, at least a little."

"Fun. Well, the next few hours are going to be interesting, at least. Until he gets bored."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"It's quiet again. I don't like that."

"The fact that you mentioned how it's too quiet means we're about to get more weird shit. Well done, truly."

"I'm bored."

"So you're trying to draw disturbing shit toward us?

"... yeah."

[princeofmadnessandotherthings]

[Flaming tomatoes begin falling from the sky.]

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"..."

"Pelin, don't."

"Told you."

[Alata punches Pelin in the arm.]

"I said don't."

"Too bad."

"... I'd say you've been spending too much time around Sheogorath, but as far as I know, you haven't paid him a visit since you made that deal with him."

"Yeah, I haven't. Maybe I should pay him a visit sometime. Although if the flaming tomatoes are of any sign, he's already listening and is going to take that as an invitation."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"It's quiet again. I don't like that."

"The fact that you mentioned how it's too quiet means we're about to get more weird shit. Well done, truly."

"I'm bored."

"So you're trying to draw disturbing shit toward us?

"... yeah."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

UWHAAHHR!

[A cliff racer flies away from Rorikstead, with a goat in its maw. It wasn't Gleda, it seems.]

( @cliff-racer-flock )

"... Aren't those things supposed to be extinct?"

"Dunno. Think I can jump high enough to bite it?"

"Probably not. Let's not find out."

"Buzzkill."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

"... something just happened."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🦋

"Finally, something relatively normal."

"I'm gonna eat it."

"Maybe don't?"

"Why?"

"I just think it would be a bad idea."

"Bad vibes?"

"Bad vibes."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🦵🏻

"At this point, any report I make won't be believed. What the fuck is happening?"

"Have you considered it's something to do with your deal with the mad god?"

"Said the Hircine worshipper?"

"... fair enough."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🦷

"No thank you."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🤚🏻

"Okay. Could be worse."

"Could also be better, though."

"True."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🩸🩸🩸🩸

"... well. Okay then."

"You're not gonna take a drink?"

"ALATA!"

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🦶🏼

"... at least it's not another organ?"

"For someone with a name that literally means 'knight' you are impressively squeamish."

"Oh, fuck you."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐

"Oh. Okay. That's not so bad."

"Maybe they ran out of body parts."

"Possibly. I certainly hope so."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

👂🏼

"I'd say it's getting less disturbing now, but that's just going to make it get worse again."

"Yeah... and it's still really disturbing anyway."

"Yep."

[the-blooded-guardsman]

👁️

"Somehow I'm not sure if this is better or worse than the others."

"I can't tell if these things are all from the same person or not and I am concerned. What the actual fuck."