The love we once shared was perfectly imperfect, but I did not feel the hope that we could persevere.
I chose to end this and yet I feel anguish in your absence. I do love you and I do miss you, and even the worst of our problems almost feel repairable when thought of from afar.
I now crave your touch, your smell, your voice and your pain, despite knowing fully how damaging our union was on my mental state.
But... I remember what we had was not providing true happiness to me even though you felt it for yourself.
You feel I was your perfect match and were willing to do anything for me. I valued your love more than you realize, but it was not delivered with care.
You believe that I am your person, but that cannot be true when I do not believe you are mine. I may be mistaken but as things are right now, I do not have that clarity in my vision. Time and time again my mind circled back to ending things, there is no fighting it.
The words are not enough to cradle me with hope and comfort. The actions are far louder. Too many chances has damaged my hope and belief in us.
You spewed crude comments, irritable reactions, and questionably dark perspectives about others and my own intentions. You pleaded for reconsile and for me to absolve my perceptions that this would not work. I was told to believe these numerous conflicts were not usual and we're rare.
I did not see it that way. I saw bigger challenges in the future that would create worse arguments and greater irritability given the right setting and atmosphere.
We must heal and repair ourselves now to become better lovers for ourselves and our future interests.
I hope that one day you will thank me for my benevolence in pushing you to heal and allow you to find the happiness you deserve. 4 months instead of 4 years feels much lighter in comparison.
I wish we could work on our problems together but the best growth comes from true sacrifice and discomfort. We would never truly grow when in the comfort of the other's tolerance.
I am suffering like you right now, but I feel strongly that this is what we truly needed. we should not be crutches towards each other so often. We should be a complement in each others lives.
I'm not expecting perfect, but I believe we are capable and should expect a better harmony. That may be together later or apart with someone new.
We are sad now, but everyday should get a little bit easier with the right healing process.
I wish you the best my love.