Lord send me a mechanic if i’m not beyond repair

it/he/she/they, no one can stop me from shitposting here on tumblr.com

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

doomscrolling tiktok together and I turn to you and ask, "why doesn't your algorithm recommend any videos with Black people?"

[the-great-lizard-wizard]

it brings joy to my poor hater heart that the Magic the Gathering and Garfield (the cat) crossover Secret Lair has not sold out. i’m sad all the others did (that Aura Shards is probably my favorite art that’s come out in a while), but hopefully this shows to Wizards that folks are tired of the IP crossovers.

[the-great-lizard-wizard]

i’m used to coming back from New Hampshire to colder weather by like, 15 degrees. it’s 10 degrees hotter here at home than in the northeast. what the fuck.

[spiny-ant]

We really need to acknowledge the problem of bug centered blogs being regular victims of harassment. Can you imagine running a blog about horses and having to get comments and messages every day about how much their hatred and needless killing of horses is justified and that you're a psychotic vegan that hates people with phobias and wants humanity to die of disease. Every single day. We should not have to fucking put up with this, fix your hearts genuinely

[bugbraiin]

One thing im uncomfortably woke about is bugs. And im actively trying to get more uncomfortably woke. By this i mean i DO believe the normalised fear of bugs stems from both government and business propaganda. The start of household pesticide sales coinciding with the boom in insect related horror movies. The promotion of anti intellectualism and anti enviromentalism. If you're scared of bugs, you wont care about saving them. If you dont care about saving them, you wont care about saving our home, since without bugs it cannot be saved. If you dont care about saving our home, the rich can do whatever they want with the chunks of it they continue to destroy.

I WILL calmly and kindly try to help anyone who is afraid of bugs. I will show them my finds, i will explain their importance, i will tell them just how sweet and gentle and friendly they are. And I WILL shoot down any immature loser who believes senseless killing is the only possible response to not liking something.

Get woke. Love bugs.

EDIT: this breached containment. My usual like count is like 5 😭 i want to clarify i mean people who conflate fear with hate are the ones who wont care about saving our planet, like people who threaten to kill peoples pet bugs or actively kill bugs outside for no apparent reason. Not people who run away from a bee.

[prokopetz]

I guess the reason all that Backrooms stuff has never really fazed me is because I worked in on-site networking support for a while, and literally every city's downtown district is just Like That once you get off the beaten path. Not just the really big cities, either; the one I'm currently living in has a population of less than 250 000 – metro area included – and a downtown area about six blocks across, and the service corridors still manage to do some House of Leaves shit. At one point I was trying to map the route of a misbehaving network cable, started out in a shopping mall parking garage, and ended up surfacing in the basement of the casino across the street. Totally unsecured – apparently neither the mall's administration nor the casino's managers knew that particular service corridor existed.

[prokopetz]

Like, I once bumped into a fully stocked and operational Coke machine in an unlit maintenance corridor twenty feet below ground level. Its display lighting was the only illumination for a hundred yards in either direction. I don't even know what it was plugged into.

[prokopetz]

Somewhere below this city there's a room the size of a high school gymnasium filled floor to ceiling with rotting mattresses. I've seen it with my own eyes – and, more importantly, smelled it with my own nose. I can't recommend the experience.

[prokopetz]

(That last one isn't even mysterious. The room in question is within easy walking distance of the basement of a major hotel, if you know where you're going; I imagine the hotel started stashing their old mattresses there at some point rather than pay to have them hauled away, and over the ensuing decades the situation got out of hand.)

[prokopetz]

In response to a couple of recurring questions in the notes:

I don't have any experience with the weirder corners of university campuses – my work in that particular job just never happened to take me there. I did, however, once have to do a cable trace in the basement of a former Christian elementary school. It had haphazardly been subdivided into numerous tiny rooms, some as little as ten feet across, with no central hallways or apparent floor plan. Every single room was, for reasons that were and remain unclear to me, full of broken kitchen appliances. One room in particular contained an enormous industrial freezer unit that was larger in its smallest dimension than any of the doors leading to it. Was it delivered in pieces and assembled on site? Did they build the room around it? That one still bothers me a little bit.

No, I did not drink the Morlock Tunnel Coke. What are you, nuts?

[the-great-lizard-wizard]

flight attendant: we’re short on overhead bin space so we’re looking for people to check their larger carryons and duffel bags for free!

me, rolling up to the counter with the smallest suitcase the attendant has ever seen: hai :3. i’m doing my part :3

[prokopetz]

For clarity, when I said "don't push yourself", I didn't mean "don't ever test your physical and emotional limits"; I just meant maybe the Costco parking lot is not the place to conduct that particular experiment.

[prokopetz]

You think I'm just memeing here, but the Costco parking lot is in fact the perfect place to meet people who feel strongly that the only way to prove their manhood is to attempt to do The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift moves with a shopping cart containing two hundred kilos of Diet Coke.

[prokopetz]

#I know it's costco home of the bulk purchase #but that's A LOT of coke (via @kholden83)

Two hundred kilos of Diet Coke in standard 12oz cans works out to roughly sixteen bulk 32-packs, which you can totally fit on one of those flatbed utility carts without overstacking. I know this on account of having nearly been run over by one in a Costco parking lot by some dude who inadequately estimated the stopping distance of a quarter-ton on wheels on multiple separate occasions.

[hockeydiva]

my collection

[drarry]

Imagine being the gays at a pride event in 2004 living their lives when someone grabs the microphone and announces to the room that Ronald Reagan was pronounced dead. Can you even imagine the hype, the celebration, the pure elation

[drarry]

This is the Pride Month that It will happen. I feel it in my gay bones

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[orpheuslament]

terrifying when you watch a movie or a show or whatever & youre like that was fun but it felt a little redundant they didnt need to hammer the point home that much & then you go online & theres thousands of people going that was so weird i did not get it what did that mean google.com ending explained please?

[m0thmancore]

it’s genuinely fucking absurd that cis people have any goddamn say at all on trans healthcare

[m0thmancore]

“oh yeah i mean im not diabetic but i dont really know how insulin works and i think its kinda freaky that you gotta poke your finger all the time so im gonna go ahead and say insulin is illegal”

thats how it sounds.

[drtanner]

I'm angry today and you're all going to hear about it.

It will never not be absolutely fucking sickening to me that the cost of implementing the measures necessary to prevent climate change from killing us all in 50 years, the financial cost of saving the lives of everyone and everything on Earth, is always, always part of the discussion. What cost!! What fucking cost could there be that is too high for preventing the world from burning?? Are you fucking insane?? What's wrong with you?? "Oh we can't do that, it's too expensive :((((" More expensive than every living thing on the planet suffering and dying??

Regardless, it's hardly as if the money isn't there, we know who has it.

Any one of these ghoulish cunts could solve all of our problems in a heartbeat and instantly become the most beloved person in history, but every single one of them wakes up every day and decides not to, and apparently we're supposed to just be fine with it. We're supposed to just shrug and be like OH IT'S THEIR MONEY? THAT'S ALRIGHT THEN.

Well, I'm not. I'm not fine with it, I've never been fine with it, and I suspect that you haven't either, dear reader. I am not "fine" with the rest of us dying a slow, painful, miserable collective death because of this shitty little handful of shrewhearted fucks.

I don't care what you do. Just do something. Write to somebody, call them or show up at their offices, attend a protest, whatever.

Just fucking do something.

[yaldabaothadeez]

The person who composed the Dr Who theme tune back in 1963, Ron Grainer, didn’t actually arrange it - that was mostly the work of Delia Derbyshire and some other BBC people.

I’m bringing this up because, in 1980, Grainer finally did produce an arrangement of the Dr Who theme, as he had imagined it, and, well, you will not expect what you’re about to hear

[yaldabaothadeez]

Four years later, I’m still not over this.

Someone with more video editing skill/patience than me please make the 70s cop show opening (with freeze frames on each major actor, you know the type) that this so badly wants to be.

[humandisastersquad]

op i have excellent news:

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i understand why people like the queue and i do respect you guys for using it but that is just not how i roll. if i think these 37 posts are funny you’re seeing them right fucking now

[bogosortbeat]

Golden Antlers came on shuffle and I got so sad. I miss when Glass Animals was good man.

[the-great-lizard-wizard]

“How To Be A Human Being” is a very important album to me, it’s so good. i have been trying to figure out why “Dreamland” slid off my brain like a wet egg. i still don’t have a good answer, the one song i enjoyed i like less and less each replay.

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me