THE GODS AS STUPID STUFF THEY DO
Persephone: Shamelessly cheats in board games. Youāll never catch her tho, so try to just accept it.
Zeus: Answers serious questions regarding all life on Earth with āLife is a mysteryā, then proceeds to strike some tree with lightning to scare the ever-loving shit out of humans. Laughs himself to tears every time.
Hades: Secretly runs one of those dog-rating websites. Thinks no one in the family knows. Everybody knows. The others regularly gather to laugh at his descriptions. He gives every dog a 10/10.
Poseidon: Drank 10 ounces of sea water to win a bet once and almost died. To this day, considers it one of his finest accomplishments. Would do it again without a blink. Please donāt dare him.
Hera: Hasnāt slept in weeks, doesnāt even know where she is. Everything she does is stupid. Somehow still makes the best avocado spread youāve ever tasted.
Athene: Thinks coffee can be a supplement for any fluid. Any. Fluid. She once tried to wash her clothes with coffee so even their smell would ākeep me awake, Iām tellin yaā. Didnāt work, never will. Hermes still laughs about it.
Demeter: Tried to put braids into Cerberusā fur once. Once.
Apollo: Bites all his nails. According to Artemis, even his toenails. That information is to be handled with doubt.
Artemis: Once called herself Apollo. She cried after. āThe biggest mistake of her lifeā
Ares: Has a weird obsession with Japanese game shows. Has no idea where Japan is.
Hestia: Once wore the same socks for a week to prove feet donāt really stink. Turns out they do.
Hephaestus: Was convinced by Dionysus to try to forge himself into a sculpture for a Halloween prank. Got halfway done and realized he canāt escape with his hands buried. Was a half sculpture-half man for two days until Persephone took pity on him and rescued him.
Dionysus: Slept for three days straight. Nobody knows how. All he remembers is that he āpeed for like 20 minutesā after waking up and considered taking a nap. Went for burritos instead, didnāt come home until a week later in nothing but a Hawaiian grass skirt. No one really cared. This shit happens weekly.
Hermes: Drunkenly tried to pierce his own ear, missed and landed a hole in his neck. Refused to get treatment, calls the scar his āearholeā, thinks itās the funniest thing ever.
Aphrodite: She says she has a hidden tattoo. No oneās seen it. No one knows where it is. She brings it up from time to time and it drives everybody mad they canāt figure out what or where it is. Itās the word āSUCKAZā with all caps on her inner lip done in red ink. Theyāll never know.