Something Something Something Darkside

[catarinastone]

So, I'm in the process of figuring some stuff out and I feel like I could use some input to put things in perspective.

I've always been pretty introverted, whatever that means, but it's never been something I've identified with. It feels like something learned rather than innate, but it's usually discussed as being part of your nature. I also think our society priveleges being an extrovert.

So for other introverts out there, whether self-identified or "diagnosed" by a third party, how do you see yourself?

Very much an introvert

Temporarily embarassed extrovert

I'm an extrover/bald/see results

Voting ended onJul 21

Please reblog for reach. Thank you.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

Do you threaten murder on everyone who gives you book recommendations?

it was ayn rand...

[tpwrtrmnky]

Tbh I think the "but data centers are important infrastructure, not just AI" talking point misses that like

Ok so roads are important infrastructure. A lot of stuff that's important happens on roads. Now, let's imagine that quadrillionaire Matt Stench has decided that the next big tech innovation is the Wide Car. It's a car that takes up six lanes despite seating only one passenger.

The Wide Car is supposed to be the future, and everyone's going to be driving Wide Cars, even though nobody who makes Wide Cars is turning a profit. Employers are offering Wide Cars as an employee benefit, and getting "nah." Some employers are going as far as demanding their employees drive Wide Cars, and the result is that people take time out of their workdays to get in the mandatory gas usage for their Wide Car before driving home in a regular car.

In spite of the fact that the Wide Car is clearly set to fail, there's an enormous push to expand to twelve-lane roads to accommodate a bunch of Wide Cars that simply will not materialize. This is not an organic response to demand, but a speculative investment that amplifies the existing issues with road development for no good reason.

That is the problem.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Oh and the road infrastructure project is buying up resources other people could have used for literally anything else. With money they promise they'll be making from Wide Car sales any day now.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Okay so what I'm getting from the notes is that when you try to transplant some techbro nonsense into an offline equivalent, you have to be careful to avoid simply inventing something the Americans are already doing in real life

[rage-cupcakes]

The other thing about AI data centers is they're incredibly purpose-specific. A data center built to be packed with GPUs is not a normal data center, and most the things people actually want to do--browse websites, use apps, talk to their friends, post, whatever--don't require GPUs.

These data centers aren't even useful in their own right.

[tpwrtrmnky]

I'm one of the people who've used large amounts of GPUs for research purposes, and it's way worse: A fraction of the power of many of these data centers could be used to power an entire PhD's worth of research, but they're being used to do This Bullshit instead.

[catarinastone]

Not to like, pull put the tinfoil hat, but we do all realize that all this infrastructure is ultimstely going to be used for the mass surveillance system that is being built, right?

We have both the US and the EU passing legislation for that purpose rn

[pocket-deer-belly]

the egg and the closet are two different concepts

[pocket-deer-belly]

to be in the closet is to not be "out", not be "known" as what you are. much ink has been spilled about how the closet isn't really a straight line, you can be out to some people and closeted elsewhere, out online but closeted to everyone in real life.

the egg is a state of unknowing. you do not know you are transfeminine. you might be drawn to femininity, you might know this consciously and seek it out or even publicly express femininity, but if you either do not know your own transfemininity or are in deep denial about it, you're in the egg.

knowledge cracks the egg. if you're outright searching for reasons to transition or justifications for your own transgenderness the egg is cracked. if you've admitted to yourself your own transfemininity the egg is cracked. this is usually still a volatile experience, there might be some questioning or retreating back into the shell, some moments feel stronger than others, but you can't uncrack the egg.

[catarinastone]

Interesting. I usually consider my egg cracking the moment I accepted I was trans. But by this logic my egg cracked about 5 years before then

I guess to an extent it makes sense. A lot of people had their realization during the lockdowns, but to me it felt like a coincidence. That it was going to happen anyway, it just happened to line up.

[mousidy]

My hot take: it wouldnt be fatphobic to declare that you dont want to sleep with fat women bc sex is not political activism and bodies are not public resources

no this kind of thinking lets so much bigotry fly because people don't just declare things out loud for no reason, even if they happen to be true. like if you really just don't want to sleep with a particular minority group then what is your motivation for declaring this out loud? your reason is obviously not just "I have a fact about myself to share for no reason at all"

[catarinastone]

I think there's a very big different between saying you don't want to sleep with a person vs you not wanting to sleep with people from a certain demographic

[mousidy]

ok I may be cracking open a nuclear can of discourse worms but genuinely is it not like. easier for trans men to become cis-passing

[mousidy]

like I'm sure higher wages help a lot, but mainly like I feel like I see and encounter so much more discussion from trans men who are able to go fully stealth than trans women who can. and I see plenty of trans men online who are very cis-passing, whereas I rarely ever see the same for trans women

[mousidy]

like I've seen talk about how trans women are privileged because we're more represented in government, but I can't help but think there probably are some trans men in government, they're just understandably taking the opportunity available to them to be stealth, since being in government is a notoriously high-risk position and if you can help it it mitigates a lot of risk to not be openly trans

[mousidy]

oh my god right, how could I forget, trans men start HRT on average significantly younger than trans women, I'm sure that's a significant factor

[catarinastone]

I do think a big part of it is that both whether facial hair is present and voice weigh a lot in how people get gendered and testosterone helps trans men with both of those things and will show visible effects very soon after starting.

Where as for trans women...

The flip side of that is boobs, but there are a lot of things you can do to manage that in either direction.

[bellanesthesia]

I'll he/him my mom I don't give a fuck.

[fleshengine]

I have to stop mentally she/herring my dad even though I know for a fact he's trans and is choosing not to transition because I don't want to slip up and reveal that to someone who shouldn't know.

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

weirdly common "my dad is an egg" allegation. many such cases?

[fleshengine]

My dad is hatched, full grown, walking around the chicken coop, wearing his shell as a hat. It's basically drag at this point. Subconscious... soulless....... software-engineer-denial-of-the-self............. drag.

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

yeah

[catarinastone]

I mean. There's some studies sugesting there's a hereditary element to it, so...

Like, in my case, I really can't say for sure, but it would explain a lot of things.

Also, this one is more subjective, but avoiding becoming like my dad has been a huge driver for my transition. And sure, a big part of that is just not wanting to be a man, but a lot of it is also who he is as a person. A lot of behaviours that feel like he's bearing the same scars.

I don't know, I think about it from time to time.

[prokopetz]

If you look at the actual history of the decline of empires, in the vast majority of cases it's less an immediate implosion and more a decades-long slide into geopolitical irrelevance, so it's pretty likely nobody reading this post will live to see the ultimate Fall of the American Empire™, but there's value in being there at the start, too.

[catarinastone]

I feel like the fall of the british empire was pretty fast all things considered. So I think we may very well see thw US being supplanted as the world hegemon in the next decade, though maybe you were using empire in a more specific way than that.

[mousidy]

I generally try to keep up with and follow along with what trans women talk about when it comes to transmisogyny but sometimes I get stumped. I’ve seen others say the same that that other asker did. "when young girls are gender nonconforming as children, they are called a tomboy and given until sexual maturity to shape up, but when young boys are gender nonconforming, they are called faggots and immediately and often brutally corrected by their peers." That’s so disconnected from what my experience was, and the experience of all the other trans men I know. I feel like an asshole but I do get annoyed with this black and white view cause I can’t help but think “what experience are you pulling from to say that’s what it’s like for trans men growing up?”. But I don’t want to be a bad ally so I think I may be misunderstanding something or it’s part of a bigger discussion.

yeah I could have mentioned I didn't fully agree with that. I think it's a generalization of the fact that femininity in assumed-boys tends to be punished and sensationalized much worse than masculinity in assumed-girls. consider the difference in stigma between like, girls playing football or hockey and boys doing cheerleading, ballet, etc. femininity in general is much more Marked as such, whereas masculinity is thought of as default and natural. so I think there is an observable difference, but it doesn't mean I think it's super easy for you either

[catarinastone]

My experience has been, in general (and this is to say people I've interacted with, so it might not apply universally) is that trans men describe pushing the boundaries of what they could do to present more masc, or at least less fem. Where as us girls usually don't even try, because we don't want to risk putting one toe out of line.

[helsinore]

i think we need to stop calling it boymoding i think we just need to start calling it "being closeted." you are in the closet.

[catarinastone]

Well, it's a little different. Because you can be out to some people and go in and out of boymoding. Where as being in the closet implies you come out eventually and once you're out, you're out. And that's not really how it works.

Also, this compares being read as a gender with being read as gay or straight, which also doesn't track very well. You can be fully out as a gay person, but when you go to the grocery store, the clerk isn't going to know that. Where as for a transfem person sometimes you just need to go the grocery store, aren't feeling sure you're going to be read as a women if you present fem (or aren't willing to put the work to look fem or you feel like people stare at you when you present fem and don't want to deal with that at the moment) so you boymode to get some peace of mind

Also, the reason why girlmoding isn't a thing is because most transmasc are already presenting masc before they transition

[helsinore]

"coming out the closet" is an ongoing, continuous process? people can be out to friends but in the closet around family, people will re-closet at family events, people will be closeted at work even if they're out to family? There's a myth that once you come out, you're out, but anyone who's ever come out before knows that that's not true, but it's still useful as a term? and the closet wasn't only ever for gay people (and you can be "clocked" as gay/lesbian at the grocery store, depending on where you live and what you wear and what mannerisms you have)-? I'm not saying "boymode" never had its uses when discussing "i need to go to the store and not get harassed and I don't feel safe so i'm going to dress masc/lean into be read as a boy" but I feel like with the way I've seen it used now it's become a sort of brainworms enabler. Girls are thinking they "boymode" when they just look like some woman in a pair of jeans. The culture around "boymoding" seems to encourage girls to stay, well, in the closet (this is not to say that anyone should risk her own safety if she feels like presenting fem would endanger her, to be clear). And I'm not really sure about the transmasc thing, I'm pretty sure there are transmascs who closet and/or re-closet ("girlmode") depending on whatever situation they're in, and "masc-presenting" pre-social transition is just .... getting misgendered while wearing pants (and getting attacked for being perceived as being a lesbian depending on one's exact location + appearance). "masc-presenting" pre-medical transition is also anything from wearing pants (and getting misgendered) to risking getting attacked for being perceived as lesbian or as a trans man.

[catarinastone]

I don't think I articulated the first part very well. Like, I don't think it makes sense to say a gay person closeted themselves to go the grocery store. Also, as someone whos been fully out at work for almost four years now, I have a lot of coworkwers who know me as a woman but don't know I'm trans. And me existing as a woman but not necessarily telling everyone around me I'm trans tracks a lot more with that experience of being selectively out than boymoding. Which is not to say that boymoding and being in the closet can't overlap, but they feel like distinct things.

Also, I agree that masc presenting can be just wearing pants and that this is because of the "masculine" being seen as the default and oftentimes gender neutral. That also means that for trans girls staying in that "gender neutral" can be enough to boymode, where as to present fem you kinda need to go out of your. And the next part is obviously not universal, but transmasculine people have ways to assert their masculinty or at least distance themselves from femininity that don't really map the other way, such as cutting their hair short and avoiding wearing skirts and dresses. Plus testosterone works a lot faster than feminizing HRT, so two months in transmascs can have noticeable voice changes and sometimes even a hint of facial hair.

Like, I think that the "neutral" being read as masculine, or at least acceptable for a man is a big portion why this isn't symmetrical. There's really no equivalent to the "man in a dress" that someone who is read as a woman can do. And the point of boymoding is precisely to avoid being read as a "man in a dress" (i.e. transmisogynized)

[helsinore]

i think we need to stop calling it boymoding i think we just need to start calling it "being closeted." you are in the closet.

[catarinastone]

Well, it's a little different. Because you can be out to some people and go in and out of boymoding. Where as being in the closet implies you come out eventually and once you're out, you're out. And that's not really how it works.

Also, this compares being read as a gender with being read as gay or straight, which also doesn't track very well. You can be fully out as a gay person, but when you go to the grocery store, the clerk isn't going to know that. Where as for a transfem person sometimes you just need to go the grocery store, aren't feeling sure you're going to be read as a women if you present fem (or aren't willing to put the work to look fem or you feel like people stare at you when you present fem and don't want to deal with that at the moment) so you boymode to get some peace of mind

Also, the reason why girlmoding isn't a thing is because most transmasc are already presenting masc before they transition

[prokopetz]

Whenever I see the phrase "foul magic" in fantasy media I have to try very hard not to think about how one definition of "foul" is "having an unpleasant smell", because it's challenging to take a character seriously when their title is Master of the Stinky Arts.

[catarinastone]

There is this series of books where the "bad" magic is always described as having an overwhelming, hot, and acrid metallic stench. Which I always thought evoked a very tangible sensation (at least for me).

[tpwrtrmnky]

A lot of online left discourse immediately evaporates if everyone involved internalizes the following:

The bourgeoisie are capable of reading Marx and then structuring their methods of exploitation in a way that looks like the workers gaining ownership and autonomy to misdirect analysis.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Marx's works aren't secret hidden knowledge, they're books from the 1800s that are readily available. Even capital owners can read them and go "hmmm perhaps i should strategize and secure my material interests."

[catarinastone]

Also, for people who supposedly think marxism is just bullshit, the capital owners sure are organized, as a class...

[demilypyro]

woke up in a panic from the sound of an explosion. saw it was bright out, thought, "oh that's it, they dropped the bomb." tried to make peace with my impending death but felt deep despair at the senseless loss of life. then realized it was a thunderstorm

[demilypyro]

this says really good things about my state of mind I think

[catarinastone]

I mean. The good news is when the sound reaches you, so did the blast. So... if you only hear it you're safe. Otherwise you won't hear it

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[communistkenobi]

I don’t really think the pitt earns its name. like it’s not a pit. doctors can change the minds of anti-abortion mothers trying to force their teenage daughter to stay pregnant. health insurance barely ever comes up. everyone can be saved by a social worker. you can own anti-vaxxers with facts and logic. if you’re unhoused you should simply go to a hospital. putting an incel kid with a kill list of girls in a psych ward for 72 hours is wrong because he’s a just misunderstood little guy. understaffing can be overcome through the sheer grit of doctors and nurses. there’s nothing really dire about this place. there isn’t really any injustice happening that would infuriate you on a systemic level. it’s not a pit!

[catarinastone]

Do scrubs is still the best medical show?

[communistojousama]

Marxist unironically using the term "Middle class" like it's a real category

BLEAK

It is a real income category. get over yourself lol I understand both Marxism and economics in general far better than you

[catarinastone]

Idk if it makes sense to add to this, but like, it is a meaningful distinction to make in a lot of cases.

A middle class person is probably someone with a higher eduction, with training to do differentiated work such that can still command a reasonable wage.

It's someone who probably comes from generarional wealth.

It's going to be someone who isn't living paycheck to paycheck and who therefore will probably be able to one day buy a house or otherwise build generational wealth.

It's someone who, because of all of the above will likely have better access to health care.

And it's someone who is going to be better off than most of the working class and as such may be less invested in the idea of ending capitalism. But it's also someone who's main source of income is still going to be their wage and is therefore still very much working class and being shortchanged for the work they do.

I think it's also important to understand that the growth of the middle class during the cold war gave a lot of legitimacy to liberal democracies within those democracies. And that the decline of the middleclass is the greatest betrayal to the liberal promise that everyone would one day be able to achieve middle class status