The Color Spectrum

Just another system blog on tumbler. Posting about life.

[morningstar-system]

30 Days of D.I.D Day 19

Day Nineteen: Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.

we have one system friend in real life! we actually did meet online BUT it was bumble bff and so we got to meet them irl pretty soon after meeting them. since we only live like 35 minutes apart, we sometimes hang out irl.

they are a wonderful support for us and we hope we are for them as well. they’re wonderful and we’ve built like four insanely complex and lore-heavy original roleplays together. we plan to turn one into a story we co-write one day!

we are so very thankful for them and they’ve been crucial in our discovery process.

[the-one-stranger]

We've met more than one system irl in our high school years when we were in and out of hospital psych units, but I won't count those because if you're in an adolescent psych unit you're likely to mee a bunch of young traumatized people.

After that phase of our life we've met two other systems irl. One of which didn't discover their system until we had talked about it in depth and an alter in their system felt safe enough to come out. It led to a lot of stress in their life unfortunately and they really struggled to process it for the entirety of the time we knew them.

The second one was more positive. We met someone at work that we became friends with. He was older and had gone through a lot of shit in his life and recognized that we have our own share of trauma we carry. We had a pretty intense flashback resulting in an anxiety attack on one of the shifts he was working and even though we are good at hiding it he knew what to look for and knew we weren't okay. He went out of his way to check in on us and we shared some vague details of our life and why we were more fragile lately.

After that we started hanging out more, and his apartment became the first safe space we'd ever actually had, to the point where our brain allowed us to feel things we usually kept locked down. One night we had a very hard switch that always comes with heavy dissociation, the kind of switch that only happens when we're very comfortable, and usually only around a few people who know about the system; This person did not.

We knew we had to tell him, and knew it would probably go fairly well, but it's never an easy conversation. We were ready to have a long talk and explain all the terms most people have never heard, and ready to answer a lot of questions that stem from misinformation, as well as ready for the possibility that he wouldn't take it well and we might need to make some distance.

We started it off the way we always do, with a question to help us gauge where to start. "Do you know anything about D.I.D?"

And he goes, "Oh yeah, I was diagnosed with that when I was in foster care,"

So that conversation went really well, and was way faster than I expected.

He's been able to do a lot of healing since becoming an adult and is now a single coherent personality. Which is awesome. And he understands very well all the things that most people can't grasp. It's nice to have someone who understands us so well.

[jazzy-officia1]

PROPAGANDA PROPAGANDA

WIN THE RACE, VOTE GRACE

[shape-shifting-trickster]

sometimes you have to be your own comfort character

[the-one-stranger]

@funnierasasystem

[the-one-stranger]

One of these days I won't be able to hold my tongue any longer

Soon enough my restraint will unravel

I'll stop trying to keep the silence you sell as peace

And I'll scream at the top of my lungs just to prove that you can still hear me

One of these days I'll try again

I'm already starting to forget, soon the cycle will reset

The air in this house helps me believe that this is im fact peace

I mistake the quiet as inviting the longer I let myself breathe

Soon enough I'll attempt to be honest for you even though the problem is not my transparency

I'll think the solution is to talk about the issue you don't want to see

I'll buy into your lie that what we have is peace

But really all we have is silence.

[liberalsarecool]

Stay engaged.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Even though it's hard...stay engaged.

[ultrareginarules]

Keep fighting, keep resisting. It's only over when you give up.

[almondcroissantsandink]

Ryland Grace, seconds before losing consciousness: did--did you just reference Parks and Rec

[the-one-stranger]

Okay but in the book she literally does this exact thing IN COURT

Like, tells the judge to screw off, hands him a paper signed by the fucking president saying she can do what she wants, and then leaves without waiting to be dismissed.

[the-one-stranger]

Burning myself out by trying to go full speed all the fucking time at work. Spending every shift exhausted feeling like Im nearing the point of having absolutely nothing to give no matter how hard I try.

And at the same time I cant rest. Sitting still lets the heaviness settle in. I cant get a good nights sleep no matter what I do. Going to bed early just means more time laying in the dark with my mind to fill the silence. The longer I have to breathe the less I want to do so.

I can't rest. And am on the edge of falling apart on my feet.

I don't need sleep, I need a different way to be awake. Unfortunately I can't have that yet. All I can do is try to hold myself together just a little longer.

[nothingburgrr]

I made matcha to cheer myself up. I still havht quite got the hang of it but I think this is the best one so far. Do yall have any recs for sweetner cuz I don't like the one Ive been using🙏

[the-one-stranger]

This morning I made myself a latte at home and added hot chocolate mix. Doesn't taste much like coffee, maybe I'll do a triple espresso shot next time.

Mutual beverage-making for the sake of improving low mood

[infectiouspiss]

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

[the-one-stranger]

I just give them the full scientific name. If I say that I'm in pain because it's about to rain and someone tells me I'm 'too you to have joint pain' or says 'yeah just wait till you actually have arthritis' I stare them in the face and say

"I have Elhers Danloe Hypermobility. My connective tissue is very weak and changes in air pressure causes me chronic pain. That's why I have three different braces in my bag at work at all times, I actually need them"

Usually the mix of long words, medical terms, and harsh reality makes everyone shut up and back off. This of course doesn't work on everyone and with every situation, for me it does enough to get through work and most social things. But that's me.

[dogpuppy]

[the-one-stranger]

Okay but like... no they don't.

Companies are not required by federal law to put expectation dates on anything other than infant formula.

(source: https://www.fsis.usda.gov/food-safety/safe-food-handling-and-preparation/food-safety-basics/food-product-dating https://www.fsis.usda.gov/food-safety/safe-food-handling-and-preparation/food-safety-basics/food-product-dating)

Pay attention to the fact that the food you buy doesn't have 'expiration' dates, it has 'best by' or 'sell by' dates. Sell by dates are for the distributors, if something doesn't sell by the date printed it gets tossed. Best by dates are made up by the manufacturers, often based on little more than a vague 'it's stale now'.

The stuff you buy doesn't become unsafe after either of those dates, not by a long shot. Everything you buy in a store is processed to hell and back, dairy is pasteurized, wheat is bleached, anything that isn't an ingredient or raw meat is likely safe to eat for a very long time after the date printed on it.

If you can't tell by look, smell, or taste, that something in your pantry is bad, it's probably not. Those dates aren't to keep you safe, they are to make you throw out perfectly good food and go buy more.

That being said, always take precautions with raw meat and dairy, don't leave something sitting at room temperature if it's supposed to be temperature controlled. If you are at higher risk for illness take whatever steps you need to feel comfortable with your health.

But for anyone throwing away processed food because it 'went bad' two days ago, no it didn't. You wouldn't notice a difference if you hadnt already looked at that arbitrary date. Please let's just use our heads for a minute and not throw something out because the brand on the box told you that you won't enjoy it anymore.

[cryptotheism]

I always wanted to be the guard that tells only lies

[the-one-stranger]

Yet here you are, being truthful.

[thememedaddy]

[the-one-stranger]

Serious answer though. When you were young each day was a larger percentage of your life, you hadn't experienced as much, you had more memory space. Life feels like it moves faster as you age because each year is a smaller percentage of your life than the one before. So comparatively it feels much faster

[the-one-stranger]

How do you get help when the few people who support you just can't do it?

I have so few outlets.

I can't trust family, those are my abusers. I don't have money for any kind of medical treatment. If I'm honest to my therapist they will HAVE to hospitalize me, and a huge hurdle for me rn is paying of the medical debt from the last time that happened last year.

I can't change my situation until I can save money and move out. I'm struggling to keep my performance up at work because I'm so fucking depressed and tired. I have a hand full of of friends I can talk to who say things that actually help and all of them are dealing with their own shit.

And let me be clear, I'm not just pretending everything is okay to not pile on the stuff my freinds are dealing with. I'm being full open and honest that I am really not okay. But they only text if I reach out first. They don't ask if I'm okay even though they know I've been struggling. They have support systems and I don't, so when I can't offer support they stop talking to me. So I keep offering support in the hopes that it will be reciprocated because where else can I turn?

And now I'm spending my birthday alone and depressed, which is what I expected. I told everyone I trust how much I expect this day to be really shit. But no one thinks to check in. And reaching out to them just leaves me reading their texts of how their day has been rough.

I can't bring myself to ask them to put their problems on hold and give me a turn, especially since I feel like I'm always in need of some kind of help. So I won't ask it, I'll just continue to be honest and open and hope someone stops and lets me be not okay.

And they won't. And I know that. But I have no where else I can turn.

[casperth3ghost]

bro i wish i knew how to draw

[the-one-stranger]

You want to know how to draw?

Badly.

Draw badly. Put pencil to paper and make incomprehensible scribbles. Draw like shit. Fill an entire page with wobbly circles. Then do it again. And again.

I'm only recently getting to a point in my art where I can actually be outwardly proud of my abilities even when just sketching, but I started over 7 years ago in high school and OH MY GOSH.

The only reason Instill have those first sketch books is to prove that doing something badly is a crucial part of learning anything.

How do you draw? Badly. Until it's not so bad any more.

[vampirefabio]

i think one of the worst things the left wing internet ever did was push the idea that oppression is basically a virtue, and being oppressed is a sign of your morality. it has made it like…impossible for some of you to hold the idea that most people are privileged in some ways and oppressed in others. AND a lot of you seem to have it in your mind that terrible people cannot be oppressed, and that oppressed people cannot do terrible things, which is a dangerous rhetoric to hold imo.

[maemaybe]

I am so exhausted today but I can't seem to actually rest. I'm really struggling.

[my-dailydreams]

[the-one-stranger]

That's not bullying, those two cats are clearly looking into each other's eyes with longing and romance. Shhh, they are in love and about to have their first kiss.