[gaypeopletwitter]

[snorlaxatives]

why is being alive so expensive

[aaaaalrighty-then]

You spelled “suck” wrong.

[snorlaxatives]

???????????????????????????????

[snorlaxatives]

i literally can’t even tell what you’re trying to say

why is being alive so suck

why is being alive suck

why is suck

suck is being alive so expensive

why suck so expensive

?????

[caffeinekind-deactivated2014091]

[bitcoinlord]

what the hell is going on

[grimmygirl]

imagine how is touch the suck

[im-moving-yo-blog]

imagine how is suck the sky

[ruby-white-rabbit]

There’s a turtle in my yard laying eggs

This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose

I’m not ready to be a single mom

I know shit about reptiles

[ruby-white-rabbit]

I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth

Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer

[ruby-white-rabbit]

Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care

[ruby-white-rabbit]

I’m googling turtles right now. I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she’s a box turtle?

[ruby-white-rabbit]

70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??

[timesalad]

You a mom now

[ruby-white-rabbit]

Text from stepmom “watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They’ll eat the eggs so chase them off”

I’m gonna fistfight nature

[ruby-white-rabbit]

@mrswinterbarnes you’re not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow

I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye??

[mrswinterbarnes]

I don’t think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out

YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA

[ruby-white-rabbit]

DAMN IT SHARRON

First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this

Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??

[ruby-white-rabbit]

UPDATE

SHES BACK

[ruby-white-rabbit]

NEVERMIND

ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE

That’s two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me

[odinspattern]

Call this one Susan

[raddestbabe]

everyone’s having their mid-life crises at like 19

[olivertrees]

[tittled]

[ourstrangeduet]

me: I dont wanna like…… do things……..

My psychologist: You have to, do things

me: 

[997]

absolutely hate ????

[ruinedchildhood]

[997]

absolutely hate ????

[babyanimalgifs]

this husky is mad because he wants to take a bath but isn’t allowed to

[beebossinner-deactivated2023102]

let my poor baby take his bath

[melissa-anne-rose-deactivated20]

If y'all really knew. If y'all really knew what utter drama queens huskies are this wouldn’t surprise you at all.

This is my life.

[tinyelfperson]

Literally my husky is the same way. He’s only a few months and he’ll cry to go back outside after being in the house two seconds.

[fractiousrvt]

I once ran out of my house in my pajamas at 2 in the fucking morning because I heard a dog screaming like it had been hit by a car. As I’m pelting towards the road barefoot I see an open garage with two people standing there and a husky in the back of a truck. I slowed down and asked them if that noise had been their dog.

Heavily embarrassed they admitted that it was. The reason for the godawful tortured sound the dog had made?

“We took his running harness off.”

And that was the moment I vowed to never own a husky.

[grison-in-labs]

I frequently pet sit for a friend’s husky, who is completely normal and unremarkable for her kind with one crucial exception.

She is dumb as soup.

(You didn’t hear that from me: her owner thinks she’s a genius, bless him.)

Anyway, my dog Tribble thinks Arya the husky is one of her very own adopted babies, so she stays with us fairly often. Reasons I have heard this dog dissolve into a screaming, wailing meltdown include:

I followed my buddy up a mildly steep hill and now she’s gone and I can’t figure out how to get down

That one cat won’t be friends with me even though all the others will

I hopped up on the sofa and the hardwood floor next to it is much more confusing than the laminate I have lived on since I was two months old and I don’t know how to get down

I’m mildly bored and my buddy yelled at me when I tried to bite her neck for the zillionth time

I want to play with that potted plant but you said I couldn’t

I’m overcome with joy because you took me on a walk to the hardware store

I want that biscuit but I forgot what sit means and now I’m frustrated

I haven’t seen you in two weeks and I forgot you weren’t dead and I’m overjoyed

You are not petting me enough

You are not petting me at all

I got lost four times in five minutes on the off leash trail and now you won’t let me off again for a while

There’s a brush and I need it

You made eye contact with me and didn’t immediately drop everything to pet me

She’s a very good dog, and she’s a sweet dog who is never offended by anything, but the screaming has singlehandedly ensued I will never, ever, ever own a husky. I like having functioning ears too much.

[violent-darts]

To be fair, you and your friend may both be right: huskies, like border-collies, are just intelligent enough to develop Exciting Cognitive Neuroses, much like a toddler, which frankly dumber dogs will skip because they don’t actually have quite enough extra cognitive space to think up ways to be utterly fucking ridiculous. 

I kind of suspect this is going on here in part because of the dog being so very specifically upset that the one cat won’t be friends, despite all the other cats being friends, and also the overcome-with-joy bits: you’ll notice they’re very similar to what makes toddlers randomly cry for no reason. 

Where a bulldog doesn’t care about the difference between laminate and hardwood, a husky is just smart enough to get VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THESE ARE SUBTLY DIFFERENT AND POSSIBLY IT MEANS THAT GETTING DOWN WILL BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE AAAAAUGH! and get hysterically anxious about it. 

“Smarter”, in animals as in humans, does not actually always mean “more sensible.” XD 

[cryoverkiltmilk]

I was feeling very lonely this evening and now I’m laughing down to my belly so thank you for this post

[chubbymon]

@grizzlywintz

[hurricane-jenn]

I think the reason the song Safer from First Date hits me so hard is because it is as if someone put words to everything I have felt my whole life, and somethings I didn’t even know I was feeling until I heard them voiced.

[wickedlttletown]

And a manic, depressive, demanding, immasculating, ball-busting beast from Hell!

Alison’s Theme #2 ~ First Date (via wickedlttletown)

[please-call-me-kitten-deactivat]

Seen a million movies All selling true love. Fantasies I’m not sure That I’m worthy of. Caution to the wind My heart’s been on display. Still the end result is It’s not gone my way.

“Safer” First Date Musical (via please-call-me-kitten)

[please-call-me-kitten-deactivat]

Every day it gets harder to Somehow believe You will survive, so you strive Just to keep up your guard ‘Cause it’s safer to hold every card. Oh, it’s safer to hold every card.

“Safer” - First Date Musical (via please-call-me-kitten)

[ladiesoftheatre]

”Wish that I was different, I’d like to let go; but when I try to change there’s my past saying no…”

Day 60: Casey (First Date)

[darthgayyder]

(x)

[bluegingham]

“Safer”, First Date The Musical