The Official Blog of High Chancellor Abnur Tharn

The High Chancellor of the Elder Council, Marquis of Tulips, Overlord of Nibenay, Bane of Dragons, Patriarch of the Tharn family, and the most singular battlemage of the Second Era answers your questions. Oh, and Clivia. Empress Clivia is here too.

[the-tharns-speak]

Oh, I would never... <looks up the word> D'oh Gods! High Chancellor Tharn! Such words! I had not figured you for such a vulgarian. I was merely expressing my undying love for Queen Khamira. Ziss. Haven't you ever fallen in love, Tharn?

Actually, that's a good question. Has that rigid heart of yours, ever soaked in cold calculated thinking, known love before? Who broke whose heart? Tell us all the details if you please. I am starved for some political intrigue.

I use words as I see fit. Usually as a weapon. I am not above being vulgar and crass when it gets the point across the best.

Anyway, I was in love. And I am capable of passion still. I do have emotional depth. You might find it hard to believe, but I am currently seeing someone.

However, I cannot allow the fancy of heart get in the way of the Empire. Or give anyone unnecessary leverage over my decisions by being open about my sentiments.

Three of my marriages were founded on love first and convenience only second. There, chew on that.

[the-tharns-speak]

Oh wow, Queen Khamira must really not like you. Well, it makes sense. You did set dragons loose on her homeland, albeit accidentally. What sort of pie?

Oh, but I do wish she had her own correspondence here like you do. I could talk to her all day. She makes my heart dance, truly. Like Twin Moons, one might say.

I am destined to make excellent impressions wherever I go.

It was a cherry-and-cream pie.

And as for you, go goon somewhere else.

[the-tharns-speak]

Hello, High Chancellor Tharn. I was curious if you've spoken with Queen Khamira at all since the Dragonhold incident in Pellitine?

Yes. She yelled at me a lot and threw a pie in my face.

So, now we maintain correspondence and haven't seen each other in person for several years. I find that... preferable. And significantly easier on both the cook and the laundress.

[the-tharns-speak]

Not sure if this has been asked before, but how many clerical errors has the family endured (as far as you're aware of) due to the obvious wordplay on your last name?

Surprisingly not that many, because the knowledge that a Tharn comes in complaining about your A's looking like O's is terrifying enough for people to develop extremely neat handwriting.

On the other hand, the number of clerical errors caused my spelling conventions of local languages, those are numerous. The amount of teachers who refused to spell my family name as anything other than Taranus back in Battlespire was... daunting.

[the-tharns-speak]

Hello Chancellor,

There has been a... new development, or several really, first off a new individual has joined my group, an ex Morag Tong member... unfortunately him and our ex Dark Brotherhood member have spent the last three days trying to kill each other and I'm about ready to either lock them in separate rooms or in the same room.

As for other matters I swear I saw Sheogorath walking through Windhelm the other day and I'd rather Not with that. Hope the Empire is proving more stable then my band of soldiers, mages and assassins.

Greetings.

If your employees refuse to be civil to each other, it depends. If you wants both of them alive and working for you, assign them tasks at the opposite ends of the area you are managing. If you do not need (or want) both of them alive and care not which one makes it, a locked room and two knives, give them about ten hours or so. They might, actually, survive. sometimes it is about beating out the frustration. And if you. Finally, if you have a preference for who stops working for you and who doesn't... Well, a functional network is like a garden, and the gardener has to prune and weed it.

Regarding Sheogorath... He gets into places. Like a cat. He wouldn't go and violate the Coldharbor Compact, though. Honestly, sometimes I think that he wants these "little bouts of wackiness" thwarted. It keeps people busy, him included. Or maybe he just wants to sample some spiced mead. Or check on someone who reportedly has his blessings.

[the-tharns-speak]

Princess Aurelia, what do you think about kittens, cats, and Khajiit?

I lov kittys Mama has lots of kittys Mangus is teh new emperrer

-Reli

[the-tharns-speak]

So we all know that mages, like everyone else on Nirn, need to eat, drink and sleep. But do they need to, uh, excrete as well? And can a mage use a Telekinesis spell or open up a portal to make it go away, or do they have to do it the old fashioned way with a shovel and bucket?

There is nothing in creation that would not break down matter to produce energy without also producing waste. Even a furnace spouts ash and smoke. So yes, wizards, mages, witches, warlocks, enchanters, sorcerers, diviners, alchemists, oracles, whatever, all defecate and urinate.

In theory, yes a magicka user can do all that. It is a question of fine control. Not to mention that portals are not exactly an easy spell, even when you do not bother with aiming the output. Teleportation at longer distances is exhausting, too.

So on one hand you have the option to sneak a teeny tiny portal between your posterior muscles and underpants (there isn't much space there) (if you mess that up, in better case you shit your pants in Daggerfall while the rest of you is in Wayrest, worse case you cut off a body part), and on the other hand you have the tried and tested chamber pot right there, and rinsing it is quite easy.

On the third hand when you have more magicka than brains, usually because you've just reached double digits in age, you might attempt to impress your peers by hanging your piss in the air in various shapes. But be aware that the less impressed peers will try to break your concentration so the urine splashes everywhere.

In conclusion: Like with many "Why don't people use magic fro that?" questions, the answer is "The nonmagical way is less of a hassle.". Exception is made for, as always, for braggarts and idiots.

And no, you cannot just "disappear" or "unmake" waste. So far everyone who's tried to piss over Julianos' lawmills (specifically the conservation of mass) ended up with yellow flour (use your imagination).

[the-tharns-speak]

evry body poops

-Reli

[importantcatpics]

[the-tharns-speak]

are there any interesting things going on politically in the empire

The Imperial Pricess has began her education in the trivium and proven to have an incredible memory for the complaints of various people employed in statecraft. She has also come to the conclusion that adults solve everything by politely composed letters that cut the chase and go straight to the point.

So now on the top of everything I am intercepting the correspondence of a six years old girl to M RIK oF DAUGRFAUL. I am not disclosing what it says inside, because right now we might make it out of another war, but it wouldn't be nice, and also because I suspect Reli's attempting to quote me verbatim. (Although if M Rik of Daugrfaul would stop being a vimpee muddy fakir 4 5 minnits, everyone would appreciate it, that's spot on.)

I am not sure if it is interesting, but currently it is keeping me very busy. It definitely beats the endless reports of broken mirror glass all over the West Weald.

[the-tharns-speak]

he is a stupit fak in meeny

-Reli

[the-tharns-speak]

What does the Elder Council do in summer?

In addition to normal Elder Council work, that is drafting new legislature, revising the old one and coming up with new decrees and directives to see the Empire through the difficult times? Well, most of the Elder Council tries to stay indoors because the White-Gold Tower keeps a fairly stable temperature. Not to mention the regular political squabbling when someone tries to get in a better position at someone else's expenses. But a true altruist never stays in politics for long. One has to be a mean selfish bastard to survive in the game. (The trick of forming a good Elder Council is to pick intelligent selfish bastards, one that prefer long-term benefit.)

I know for a fact that Ilman likes to go fishing early in the morning, and Anthony spends the little time he permits himself to be off work with the dog.

And I do try to sneak out into the garden back home and avoid people. People in summer are intolerable.

[the-tharns-speak]

Hello 👋

Oh my, has it been over a year since I last wrote you already? How are you doing, Chancellor?

I am doing fine taking care of my little Aurelia, despite us having trouble with dear Aloysius’ pesky neighbour who REFUSES to sell us his family cemetery so we can find more material for Bone Meal- I mean, find old relics. In fact he’s filed a court case against us that is still ongoing. That little Nibenese rat, when I get my hands on him, I’ll fry his body!!

Anyway I hope this year has been kind to you.

Cordially,

Haarfindelwe

Haarfindelwe, always a pleasure. I hope your family is faring well, especially the young addition.

I am sorry to hear about your estate purchase trouble, although the neighbor is fully within his legal right, just as well as he is within his legal right to file in a case for repeated business harassment if you've brought up the matter of the potential purchase more than three times within half a year's time when he's made his stance clear on it. At least this is the way the law is currently standing in the Second Era and it hasn't been updated since the middle of the First, because it is actually a very well functional law.

Furthermore, cemeteries, graveyards, crypts, catacombs, ossuaries and burial grounds of any kind within Cyrodill are not a good source of bone meal unless you are willing to drag through a very lengthy and annoying court proceedings or even worse legal process of obtaining legal permission for exhumation.

Yes, it is your burial ground, you own it with all the remains within it. No, you cannot exhume a deceased body unless you have a permit. Yes, this extremely sucks if your lineage runs both strong magic and even stronger spite, because a deceased rising from their resting place is by legal definition an exhumation.

On a related note, I strongly advise against exercising the "Finders Keepers" rule in any burial site in Cyrodill where more than 20 % of coffins, caskets, sarcophagi, doors and whatever you have separating the body form the rest of the world is wrapped in warding chains.

If you are in need of bone meal in quantity, I strongly suggest to negotiate with a butcher. In 18 out of 19 cases bones of a pig do in a pinch for bones of a humanoid. The 19th case you are certainly not doing, because it is so illegal you wouldn't raise the suspicion of a High Chancellor, not to mention the bones have to be fresh, so sourcing from graveyard is out of the question anyway.

[the-tharns-speak]

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

No. No it doesn't.

[ID: In the first picture Abnur Tharn holding the Spoon of Repulsion stands next to Meridia's beacon which is badly pasted in. In the second picture the Spoon is slightly raised while the beacon is a small dot in the far end of the picture], , surrounded by purple-blue magic and the word YEET written in Daedric script next to it.]

[the-tharns-speak]

Hello again Chancellor,

Good news, the situation on Solstice seems to be (mostly) resolved. In less Good news I THINK something happened with that knight I mentioned last time?

My Lieutenant won't give me specifics but apparently they went to an old Meridian temple on the island and apparently the knight did something that killed a bunch of Daedra in the span of a 3 minute conversation with what might've been a Manifestation of Meridia and the Lieutenant only found out when he turned back around?

I wasn't really able to get specifics out of either of them through all the alcohol and the others didn't have a clue what the hell happened but everyone's pretty freaked out and I'd rather not the knight become a Problem considering everything that it took for him to even be standing here again. Any thoughts? Preferably before this makes me need to do more paperwork?

I am going to teach you a phrase that saves a lot of paperwork if used sparsely enough: Daedric interference beyond mortal comprehension.

Also I strongly recommend not touching anything related to Meridia. You might not get all your fingers back. Drill that into everyone that is working for you, just in case.

[the-tharns-speak]

are there any interesting things going on politically in the empire

The Imperial Pricess has began her education in the trivium and proven to have an incredible memory for the complaints of various people employed in statecraft. She has also come to the conclusion that adults solve everything by politely composed letters that cut the chase and go straight to the point.

So now on the top of everything I am intercepting the correspondence of a six years old girl to M RIK oF DAUGRFAUL. I am not disclosing what it says inside, because right now we might make it out of another war, but it wouldn't be nice, and also because I suspect Reli's attempting to quote me verbatim. (Although if M Rik of Daugrfaul would stop being a vimpee muddy fakir 4 5 minnits, everyone would appreciate it, that's spot on.)

I am not sure if it is interesting, but currently it is keeping me very busy. It definitely beats the endless reports of broken mirror glass all over the West Weald.

[the-tharns-speak]

When you see events repeating in your lifetime, it is tempting to say that life is a circle. That is, of course, completely false if mathematically compelling simplification. of the truth. While the end and the beginning are connected, the shape itself is too irregular to fit within a simple description. The outline of a very bumpy potato is a way better way to imagine it.

Then again every so often someone kicks the whole thing and makes another dent. This is why one should never say things like "There is nothing new under the sun." because in that moment someone breaks a dragon and prove you wrong.

[the-tharns-speak]

So we all know that mages, like everyone else on Nirn, need to eat, drink and sleep. But do they need to, uh, excrete as well? And can a mage use a Telekinesis spell or open up a portal to make it go away, or do they have to do it the old fashioned way with a shovel and bucket?

There is nothing in creation that would not break down matter to produce energy without also producing waste. Even a furnace spouts ash and smoke. So yes, wizards, mages, witches, warlocks, enchanters, sorcerers, diviners, alchemists, oracles, whatever, all defecate and urinate.

In theory, yes a magicka user can do all that. It is a question of fine control. Not to mention that portals are not exactly an easy spell, even when you do not bother with aiming the output. Teleportation at longer distances is exhausting, too.

So on one hand you have the option to sneak a teeny tiny portal between your posterior muscles and underpants (there isn't much space there) (if you mess that up, in better case you shit your pants in Daggerfall while the rest of you is in Wayrest, worse case you cut off a body part), and on the other hand you have the tried and tested chamber pot right there, and rinsing it is quite easy.

On the third hand when you have more magicka than brains, usually because you've just reached double digits in age, you might attempt to impress your peers by hanging your piss in the air in various shapes. But be aware that the less impressed peers will try to break your concentration so the urine splashes everywhere.

In conclusion: Like with many "Why don't people use magic fro that?" questions, the answer is "The nonmagical way is less of a hassle.". Exception is made for, as always, for braggarts and idiots.

And no, you cannot just "disappear" or "unmake" waste. So far everyone who's tried to piss over Julianos' lawmills (specifically the conservation of mass) ended up with yellow flour (use your imagination).

[the-tharns-speak]

Greetings Chancellor,

Hypothetically speaking what would one do if their chief Lieutenant happens to be flirting with a leader of a certain spy organization and a recently resurrected knight on a consistent basis? Totally hypothetical.

In this strictly hypothetical scenario which has happened a couple of times (on account of spy organization leaders being fairly rare, at least those living past the two year warranty) (resurrected knights are common, especially in religious connotations) (I am too sober for the knight talk) you make sure that you are receiving more information out of these two points of contact than they are getting out of you.

So if your chief Lieutenant is tight-lipped and shows up the mornign after a meeting with his current interest "hey did you know that their secret weakness is [insert something stupid]?", all good.

If suddenly a local knight order and/or monarch and/or random group of Interested People are pushing your buttons you didn't know you had, your chief Lieutenant is ripe for an accident and someone better behaved is due for a promotion. After you explain to them how tragically often accidents happen.