On AO3 as Marvel_or_Bust. Hey my name is Mair. I'm A Virgo and I enjoy Ballet, horror movies and chocolate. I'm going back to writing. Starting with Marvel fiction. None of the characters I write about within the marvel or supernatural universes are owned by me. If I miss label something, sorry. These fan fics will have some chapters that will not be for the weak of heart. And always forgive me for spelling errors- I get too excited sometimes.So- without further adeu you have been warned.
2019 mood: absolutely zero shame in re-reading your own fics and saying “This was good. This was a good thing I did, I’m proud of myself and I’m a good writer”
you ever have that one fanfic author that’s so good, you’ll read any of their stories without even knowing what it’s about? like they could make a mcnugget au and you’d still read that shit cause you trust them and everything they do
Summary: After being controlled by Loki alongside Clint, you were made to do unimaginable thing to people. Clint was rescued by Natasha but it took longer for you to be saved. After the dust settles and the avengers save the day, you and Clint bond over the events and the mutual shared loss of Pietro. Steve and a hesitant Bucky step in as well. will your life ever go back to normal? Will you?
Words:7,767
“How come nothing that happened bothers you?” You ask while keeping your eyes down studying your hands. They shook ever so slightly whenever your mind drifted back towards the delicate subject at hand. Clint was the easiest to talk to, you didn’t feel the hopeless stares from him like you felt from the others. He had experienced what you had, just on a smaller scale.
“Well for one it was out of my control just like you. We couldn’t stop ourselves.” Clint sighs glancing at your hands. He takes one of his own covering one of yours with it. You sniff yanking your hands from him. No one ever was allowed to touch you. Not if they knew what was good for them, but Clint knew what he could get away with, you were family- so much that his kids called you auntie. You were more alike than you thought. He knew when your mind drifted to the edge of no return he’d just know what to say.
“Yes but,”
“But what?”
“The people…what I was made to do Clint, will never be forgotten.” You swallowed wearing a frown,
“You were held captive by your mind until Natasha rescued you. But I,”
“I know the weight of everything that happened.” Clint motioned to stand. He faced you, crossing his arms against his chest.
“You know of it but you don’t understand the weight of it.” You bite your nails then force your hands against your chest, mimicking his stance. “You didn’t taste the blood, feel the bones underneath your feet or hear their cries begging for death- demanding it.” Your nails dig into your arms leaving crescent shaped marks behind. It happened so much you had become numb to the pain.
“Hey, don’t do this. Beating yourself up over something you had no control over. Are you understanding me? No control.” Clint rubs your back, this is what had been happening for a while now and the team had been trying ways to pull you out of your feelings of failure. He glances at his watch, “Hey, I’ll come by later, ok? You sure you can’t be persuaded to move back in with us? I know Stark has already tried but you know, it’s your boy, and you can’t resist this face.” He pointed towards his face, giving you his best shot at a sad puppy expression and working it over time. You smirk, shaking your head.
“Hard pass. I need to just be out on my own for awhile.”
————- time skip——————
You sigh and move from the arm of the couch in your apartment, heading in the direction of your small kitchenette.
Clint follows scratching his forehead exhaling. How many times has he found himself standing in the exact spot trying and failing to reach you.
He rubs his face studying your civilian and your tired physique.
“It’s been two years.” He stops a few feet behind you, sliding his thumbs through his belt loops. His voice was smaller, softer than usual. It was the voice of someone close to breaking.
“Trust me Clint, I have to come to terms mentally with all that’s happened. Not only the gaping hole in my chest but everything with Tony and Steve.” You take a drink from a mug, turning to face Clint. He wasn’t stupid, he knew you were drinking liquor.
“Don’t even get me started about that shit show. I’m telling you farm life can really put a new perspective on things. It’s relaxing,” you can feel the smile on his voice. How he yearned for you to join him.
“For you perhaps. For me It’s slow and torturous. Can you imagine me in overalls, milking cows?” You both chuckle, “As always, Thanks for the offer.” You nod a few times placing the mug on the counter behind you.
“Alright.” He responds, looking around your small home.
“Anyway I’m not truly alone, Clint, there’s enough Stark tech here to power a third world country.” You point around the room.”In other news… “ you turn crossing your arms, “I heard Steve’s friend resurfaced. That’s gotta be a plus, right?”
“Eh, it’s too early to call. They’ve had their own battles but at least now Steve has managed to convince him to live in the tower, with around the clock surveillance, ofcourse. But I guess that is a win, if you can call it that. It’s forcing Tony to deal with it…in his own way.” Clint said plainly, leaving a space for you to ask how but you didn’t want to hold him up more than you had already. You felt out the loop being away but you believed it was for the better.
“Cool.” You nod.
“I’m sure he’ll stop by to check on you, Steve I mean.” Clint turns and starts for the front door.
“Ofcourse. 5pm on the dot, like clockwork. That man is too predictable.” You follow suit, walking behind him.
“I hear ya.” Clint pauses and turns to face you, “Hey, text me or call if there’s any-“
“-thing that I want to talk about. I know, I know! You sound like a broken record.”
You can almost hear his face fall, “Barton, hey. I’ll be ok. You know that right? I just-“
“ ‘Need more time.’ I got it the first hundred times you said it. Just like I retaliate with, ‘There’s nothing here for you y/n’. It will do you good to be around people again. Wether you like them or not.”
He looks up at you face to face, “I’ll be back in a few weeks. Just. Take care of yourself, alright?”
“Ofcourse, dad.”
———————
You still had and hour before Steve would show up on your doorstep. Opening your refrigerator you groan, it was empty just like it had been when Clint had got there. You place a cap on your head and pull over your hoodie heading towards the market.
You loathed going out in public. Clint was right, it had become better over time. It had eventually moved past the spitting and throwing things at you to glares, spiteful words and whispered hisses. Although you didn’t know which was worse.
The grocer studied you from afar, observing you place a bag of green apples onto a scale closest to you. Suddenly someone pushes past you with such force it breaks your purse strap, causing it to slide off your shoulder unbeknownst to you.
“Hey watch it!” You yell, “little bastard.” You whisper intently focusing on the scale holding the fruit when it dawns on you what the stranger had done. “Shit.”
You say with a growl. You toss the apples back onto the stand while yelling an apology over your shoulder.
Breaking into a run, you keep your sights on the hooded stranger. Others frantically move out of the way spotting your scowl and squeal as you head in their direction at a neck breaking speed. You begrudgingly ran two blocks before cornering the man in front of a hotdog stand. His cheeks were gaunt and covered with stubble.
“You have something of mine. Give it back” you speak with a hiss, resting your hands on your thighs wishing you had kept up with your training. It had been a while since you’ve ran like that and an ice bath would be in your foreseeable future. Passerby’s curiously watched the interaction between the two of you.
“Hey, I’m just trying to make a livin’, lady.” The man gasped rubbing his hand across his brow. His hazel eyes study you between huffs. He was breathing harder than you and the chilled autumn air wasn’t helping.
“Then get a job! don’t steal! What sort of living is that, to prey off others?”
“Hey,” he pulls a sleek black gun from his pocket, holding it with a shaky grip. “Listen, you’re gonna make me do something I really don’t wanna. So just walk back home and-“
“No! Give me my things!” You demand straightened your stance, holding your hand out in his direction making a grabbing motion.
He cocks the gun aiming it at your chest, making you drop your arm to your side. The once rapidly growing crowd of people begin to scatter and yell in a panic.
“Why must they always pick the hard way,” you whisper balling up your fists.
“You must really have something good in here if you’re willing to get shot for it.” He sports a wicked grin, eyes falling between you and the object in question. “Last chance.” He spits off to the side eyeing you.
“Fuck you!”
As you move forward to grab him he brings an arm up firing a round off. He’s more than surprised when you wrap the fingers of one hand around his neck lifting him from the sidewalk. Gripping a shoulder you continue to lift him over your head slamming him onto the concrete like a rag doll. He lands with a sickly crack onto the curb. Moving to hover over him, you squat down sliding a finger through the side of the gun, watching the small weapon swing gently balancing on your finger.
“Why didn’t you just give it to me?” You mutter, your eyes shifting from the weapon to his face. He coughs once, twice while blood trickles out of the corner of his mouth.
“It’s you.” He says weakly, “oh…shit.” He puts his trembling hands up in surrender.
Looking around you see the once dissipating crowd had grown immensely larger and has gathered around the both of you. The people appear more shocked at you than the incompasitated robber.
“It’s her!”. Someone says in the crowd. “Loki’s puppet!”
That’s when you realize your hat and hood had come off in the scuffle, revealing your signature black and white ombré hair. You push it from your eyes looming over him. Feeling pain shoot up your left shoulder you let out a hiss and the crowd moves back. You see a mother push her child behind her.
“Lady she’s already seen the jist of it would it matter now?” You grumble cradling your arm.
“Someone call 9-1-1!” A voice rings out making others begin to rile up.
“I didn’t mean to.” You whisper, you can sense your eyes start to mist at the corners looking over the throng of people and then to the man on the ground. The person you had hurt. ‘But he had it coming..’ was the thought that kept flashing behind your eyes.
YOU’RE STILL A MOSTER!”
Your head shot up towards the voice, “HE STOLE FROM ME!” Your teeth were clenched as your heart began racing.
“Somethings never change!”
“Hey!” You hear over the sounds of the angry group. Everyone freezes after another voice makes them turn and see. “HEY! Do what the captain said.”
Steve stood the apitimy of honor and everything good, resting his hands on his hips. You see a darkened figure behind him, staying within Steves shadow. He’s wearing may layers of clothing, including a cap like your own. Studying the emblem, you knew this had to be the Winter Soldier. Steve didn’t hand out his hats to just anyone. A frown was the only thing you could make out under he shadow casted by his cap. His hands where shoved in his pockets surveying the people surrounding you.
Steve eyes you with a shake of his head quickly approaching the scene.
“Y/n we’ve got to get you out of here.” He began tugging at you, trying his best to maneuver you to his side, in case anyone chose to make a move towards you.
“Steve, he took my bag and I -“
“I know.” He scans the gathering citizens for any threats.
“She tried to kill him!” A crowd member yelled.
You scowl looking out at them.
“He probably deserves it. “ The man with Steve says lowly. A few people give him appalled looks that he shrugs off. He looks away from your gaze when you too look at him- surprised by his words.
“What are you going to do about this murderer, Captain?” Another bellows, “She use to be one of your own.”
“Who made any of you judge, jury and her executioner? This will be handled but not now and not by violence.”
“I was defending myself!” You yell out at the group, “He tried to shoot me! Were you even paying attention?!” You retort feeling your resolve fade with the loss of blood. You could feel heat rising to your face from how angry you were becoming.
“Steve, she’s bleeding.”
You turn to the new voice then back to Steve. He began moving you around every which way until he found its source- your shoulder.
“It’s not a clean shot. We’ve gotta take her in.” Steve sighs looking to his friend. You follow his eyes just to see them both looking at you.
“No,” you speak moving to Steve and snatching you battered purse from his clutches. “NO! it’s fine, I’ve got some stuff at my apartment.”
You look down feeling nausea hit you. Steve pulls you towards him noticing your face becoming sickly and ashen.
“You were always screamish when it came to blood.”
“Shut up before I throw up on you.” You grunt, hoping you’ll heal quickly.
“Ok citizens, I need you to move.”
Reluctantly the sea of bystanders begin to part, sneering and whispering their accusations. Steve grips you by your good side, slowly departing the scene.
You look over your shoulder at the man still barely moving on the ground then to Steve.
“Is it bad that I’m hoping the bastards ok?” You whisper now free of the people making your way to a taxi.
Even though he tried to hide it, that was the first time Bucky had laughed in years.
“Hey. What are you giggling at.” You ask while Steve ushers you carefully into a taxi.
“Nothin. Nothin. I mean, it just Sounds like he had it comin’ is all.”
You smile at him and he’s smitten. You- sweaty, bleeding and sarcastic ass has pulled him in. He can feel this and forces himself to keep his stern face. He reminds himself not to get too close, that he would eventually hurt you even though he didn’t know you but he couldn’t deny you peaked his interest.
“See, someone agrees with me.” You say making Steve roll his eyes.
“Don’t encourage her.”
So, tall dark and beefy, you must be Bucky. James, right?” You notice his hardened glare, “Regardless of what you have heard, I don’t bite.”
“No, Bucky is fine.”
——————-
“Haha. I actually talked you to taking me back to my apartment! Loser!” You snort when Bucky opens your door moving to make way for you and Steve. You smile dragging yourself inside.
Steve rolls his eyes helping you towards the breakfast bar. He always had a sweet spot for you, believing there was more to you than the hard shell you were now. You had been yourself once and he intended to get you back to that person again.
“You know you’ll have to tell Barton.” He said catching your eye. “You’re suppose to wait for Clint, remember? If you had to go shopping Clint, Sam or myself could have went with you.”
He gently helps you out of your hoodie tossing it into a chair. “Then I imaging this would have gone a lot smoother.” He heads straight for the bathroom rifling through your medicine cabinet.
Bucky stands off to the side looking about the area. The apartment was simple, a tad unkempt and surprisingly bland. Meeting you he would have expected something totally different.
“Please dad, I don’t need one of you testosterone filled men to protect me…” You whine, easing yourself into the stool, finally feeling your legs give way.
“Please stop calling me that. I’m a concerned friend- uncle even.” He says with a wink,
“Oh so that’s what it’s called.” You smirk. “Obsessing over someone for no reason?”
Steve gives a long sigh, dismissing the comment when his sight briefly land on the bathroom mirrors reflection. He spies the corner of the room quickly becoming irritated.
“So you know what I’m going to ask,”
You lean on your good arm staring off and occasionally turning to observe Bucky. You remember what Steve had told you about his friend. His mind had been turned to mush but he still could function. Not completely successfully but that could come with time.
“When are you going to finish unpacking?” Steve says,
Your eyes drift to the large boxes, about four, huddled in the far corner. “Why? nothing’s permanent.” Shrugging your shoulders you turn back to study Bucky.
Bucky looks from the cardboard boxes to you. He could sense the pain in your voice. Pain from what, he wasn’t sure.
“Steve, uh… told me you… “
“Don’t want to be some sort of charity case?” You turn back facing Steve, “Am I so bad that I don’t wanna move in with a bunch of other adults? Into a glorified frat house that just so happens to reek of poor choices and unfortunate outcomes?” You roll your neck facing Bucky, “Yeah. I never get tired of hearing it.”
Steve sticks his head out from the clatter of the bathroom, “It’s not like that and you know it. We do good. You have done good.”
He rushes to you, placing all the medical supplies onto the counter beside you. “What could you possible want here y-n?” Steve takes a seat beside you rolling up his sleeves. “You have people that care for you back home.”
‘Home.’ You thought, swallowing down the lump in your throat. You couldn’t go back. Return to see Wandas distraught expression and Tonys disappointing stares. He had given you an order and you had disobeyed, landing you where Loki ended up finding you.
“Yep. You could call it a family. But you know how family is..annoying, noisy, better off without them here.” You turn as far as you can to see Bucky while Steve begins to clean your arm.
“How about you, Bucky, like it there?”
“It’s, it’s ok. I mean, I kinda… I’ve got my own floor.” He smiles feeling bashful with having your undivided attention, “So, I really don’t-“
“Hey? You’ve got your own floor?! Now I’m jealous.”
He chuckles, “Well, when you’re a brainwashed assassin and never sleep.. and when you do…. all you see is-“
“Buck,” Steve says giving him a look.
“I know. I am moving on from that. That is something that will no longer describe who I am.”
“Spoken like a true person who’s been to recovery classes. Good for you my friend.” You grip one of the many liquor bottles on the counter taking a drink.
He smirks when you call him friend. He’s not sure if it’s you by now or all the pain pills you’ve taken.
You suck your teeth squinting at the bitter liquid burning your esophagus,
“You know what, no. tell me! I want to hear it. I’ve been here for a while and missed out some of the fun deta- AHHH DAMN STEVE!” You cringe drawing Buckys attention. He frowns seeing you in pain and suddenly he wants to make your pain stop. He knows he can’t and that Steve is helping not hurting you on purpose.
“Sorry! I’m sorry. I’ve gotta make sure I get it all out.” Steve drops the bloodied tweezers, applying more pressure to your shoulder. “You know, if we take you back-“
“I can’t do that. “ you sniffle, wiping your face on your sleeve of your good arm.
Steve stops, moving around to face you. “Why not?” He moves a hand up to cup your jaw, “y/n, “ his voice was faint and laced with as much pain as you were feeling. You quickly turn your face, freeing you from his fingers. You bite your lips feeling your stomach churn.
“You know why.”
Bucky watches you both while Steve stays silent until he’s finished. You occasionally take a sip of water, swallowing another multicolored pill.
You sneak quick glances at Bucky slowly walk through the main room of your apartment. He’s big, so muscular with broad shoulders that make you melt. You smirk thinking faintly of what you could do to this man. ‘Easy girl’ you think as your eyes rake over him.
While he can feel your gaze on his back he fingers through the papers stacked on a small desk. He cocks his head looking at a photo slightly poking out your purse. He was nervous but nosy. You had nothing on the walls in the area and this stuck out like a red flag. He heard you thanking Steve for patching you up when Steve whispers a few words, a silent conversation. No doubt it’s nothing he hadn’t heard from his friends mouth before. Carefully he pushes the leather material of the purse to the side, plucking the photograph from its spot in your bag. It was in a small, cheap, simple frame. The people in the photo were others he knew of, except for one. There was Barton, smiling so big his eyes appear squinty, gripping onto two other people- both trapped under his sleeveless arms. Bucky could tell this was after a mission from the clothes, but the cheery expressions that graced their faces would have made anyone else think otherwise.
One was Wanda, she was quiet and kept to herself sometimes yet here she was laughing, resting her head on another man, and looping her arms around his waist. Bucky didn’t recognize him, he was dawning white hair that was out of focus and wearing a shirt way too small for him, hugging his physique. If he hadn’t known any better, he would have thought the shirt was Steve’s. He was blowing a raspberry into your neck. You gripped his shoulder while he had an arm around you and Wanda. Your head was tilted upwards. Your mouth was open with all your teeth exposed. Apparently Your hair was shorter then. The photo makes him feel different. The edges of his lips turn up for a second into a small smile, seeing you all happy. An image of joy frozen for all eternity. Bucky turns gently placing the photo on the table, hearing the voices behind him grow louder.
“Y/n. This is ridiculous! come home!.” Steve inhales sharply, composing himself. “I need you, Sam- the entire team needs you.”
“Now you sound like Stark.”
You point at him wiping your brow heading towards your sofa.
“I just can’t. Not yet.”
“But why not? You could even join counseling. I’m trying to get Buck to go. Maybe-“
“Don’t drag me into this.” Bucky throws a hand up walking towards you both.
“See? Thanks but no thanks.”
“You know what Sam thinks…”
“Well Sam can shove it.”
“You’re being selfish! You think you’re the only one that lost someone?”
“Listen. Steve, when I am ready -“
“It’s been 2-“
“Do you really wanna start this in-front of your friend? Now, When I am ready, I will… try it out.” You say with a roll of your eyes.
Steve rubbed his face then rested his hands on his hips. “Ok. That’s all I can ask for.” He wanted to talk about this, really talk but he could sense you would only be pushed away from his words.
“Ok. Now. Let’s get some dinner. I’m starving.” You pat your belly, “Hey Buck, you like Chinese?”
Bucky liked you already.
——————-
“You gonna tell me about y/n?” Bucky says curiously, when he is sure Steve and him are far enough from your door. He has far too many questions flashing in his head.
“What about her?” Steve asks, stepping into the elevator at the end of the hall. He was replaying the happenings of today in his head. Wondering if there was anything different he could of said. After reluctantly leaving some pain meds behind, he was making the trip back home with Bucky in tow.
“You know, what’s her story?” Bucky asks again, licking his lips. He was anxious to know anything about you. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ever felt this way.
“Y/n - around the team, is a delicate subject, ok? Meaning you won’t hear her name spoken around the tower.”
Steve begins,
“You don’t mean to tell me people are walking on egg shells when it comes to her? Even Stark?”
“ that’s exactly what I mean and yes, even Stark has thought it best not to say her name or even mention anything having to do with her. Sam gets agitated and soon after I’m pulling Clint and Sam off of Tony and each other. Thor can handle himself but he hurts more than he helps.” Steve pushes the elevator button watching the doors slide softy shut.
“Do you?”Bucky looks at him expectantly.
“I don’t try to, though I don’t push her like I do you, punk.” Steve smiles briefly, “She’s. We’ve come close to loosing her and if being just a few minutes away brings her an ounce of piece so be it. It’s better than her disappearing off the grid.”
“So, was she, like an avenger?”
“Something like that.”
“What happened?” Bucky followed Steve out towards his car. Steve surveyed the surroundings before continuing.
“She was controlled, taken as a puppet to do Thor’s brother- Loki’s dirty work. And in the mist of it all….She lost someone. Someone that was given another chance at redemption- much like you.”
“So whatever happened was out of her control? I mean, that’s what it sounds like…”
“Yes but she was the one that did it. She took so many lives, Bucky. She killed a multitude of civilians but the one that broke her, and managed to separated the control that Loki’s ceptar had on her, was the one that she still remembers and can’t seem to move past.”
“Steve, I remember all of my kills. The feel of it. The adrenaline rush.”
“I know you do. An when your mind travels back to that dark place, Buck. That’s what I’m trying to avoid. We all are.”
“What makes this particular one so..?I - I saw a picture in her bag. It was of Barton, Wanda and y/n. Everyone was wearing uniforms. There was a man with white hair too. I don’t recognize him from anything I’ve seen. He had an arm around Y/n. The weird thing is it was hard to make out his face. He was the only one blurry in the picture, like..”
“He was moving when it was taken? Yeah, that is- was Wanda’s brother, Pietro” Steve said an airy chuckle in his throat thinking about the first time he had encountered him. “Bastard could never sit still. He-wait, why were you snooping? Gosh you’re lucky she didn’t catch you!” Steve lectured.
“I take it that’s why she chased the purse snatcher down, for the picture of them together.”
Steve nodded.
“That took some balls.”
“She’s a strong one, I’ll give her that, on and off the battlefield. I miss her on missions the most. Her attitude, how she would crack jokes and tease..”
“You really do have a soft spot for her.”
“What? She’s like a sister to me. Watching her spiral out into this drunken, careless shell of her former self, it’s almost too much to bear. I mean she couldn’t help her self I get that. She did what she was instructed.”
“And what was that exactly?”
“To take out whoever was in her way. And she succeeded.”
——————————-
It was not a shock when Bucky began asking Steve if he could visit you whenever he stopped by to check on you. At first you weren’t sure what to expect. The very first time, you stood there, looking from Steve to Bucky, rolling your eyes. You blew some hair from your face, wearing sweatpants and a tank top- bra less. Steve tried to avoid looking at your chest while Bucky stared at the hardened peaks poking through the think material without regret.
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” You began, “You bought reinforcements? Is this an intervention or something?” You question before taking a drink of the bottle in your hand.
Quickly Steve grabs it twisting your fingers free of the toxic substance.
“Annnd that’s enough of that.”
“Oh come on! It’s 5 o’clock! Time to drank!”
“I’m shocked. Out of everything I’ve seen from you, you didn’t even try to hide it?!” When you turn to face Steves reddened face, Bucky waltzes inside shutting the door as quietly and quickly as possible before you began chewing Steve out. And that became the norm. The three of you spending time together. Until the one day Steve didn’t show.
You look up over the book you’re reading, at the clock on the microwave. Steve was currently 5 minutes late. You sigh placing the book down on the coffee table and folding your blanket. You sip the tea steve had bought you to replace your rapidly growing alcohol addiction. You promised you’d give it a try. It was just words but you honestly began feeling bad lying to him. Nervously You rested your elbows on your knees. Steve was never late, ever. Even if he was held up at a meeting or mission he would have called or text. You began pacing, talking to yourself.
“Ok. Everything’s alright. It’s Steve. “, “Steve’s mature and a responsible adult. He could have lost track of the time. He’s old anyway, practically a living breathing fossil!”, “Maybe something happened with Bucky.”, “Maybe he had an episode and Steve got hurt.” frantically rubbing your hands together at all the worries wearing down your resolve you snatch up your jacket, “ugh I’m going to have to go out, in public- with people,” heading for your door you whine, “He owes me.”
You take another look around before opening it up almost walking straight into Bucky.
“Hey where are you headed?”
“Oh good Hell!” You jump back, removing your hood and pushing back your hair. “Where’s your better half?” Your eyes were wide looking him over.
He smiles with a shrug of his shoulders, “Today it’s just you and me.”
“Oh.” You say.
“Is that ok?” He gives you a small grin and you nervously twitch. He walks in as you watch him, wearing dark jeans and some Nikes, “look at you! someone went shopping.” Twisting your head around your eyes rake over him.
‘How did he find that shade of blue? It perfectly matched his eyes.’ You think to yourself watching the back of him as he stops at your kitchen counter.
“Wanted to know if you were interested in going out.” He turns around fully not expecting the look you’re giving him, taking him by surprise. You bite on your lip studying his frame. He notices the minute you realize what you are doing and move towards him.
“Out You mean out Out? like outside? Where there’s clouds, birds and shit?” Now you were beyond nervous to down right terrified. This very attractive man was asking you out. To be willingly seen in public with you. Before now only Clint and Steve would do that.
He laughs, “Yeah that’s usually what is outside. Like trees, buildings, and unfortunately, people. Though, I was thinking, there’s a diner that me and Steve visit…it’s not far from here.” Bucky swallows, now it’s his turn to become nervous. Steve knew from the moment he introduced you two, Bucky liked you. And after much, much convincing and bargaining to atleast attend a full month of counseling, Steve stayed behind at the tower making sure Bucky understood to call him if anything happened.
“Yeah unless you don’t wanna…” he trails off looking down at his shoes.
You stood tall, pushing your shoulders back, “Ok. If you’re fine being seen with me.” You head for your coat unsure what the night would bring.
“Don’t worry I’m sure they’ll treat us both the same since both of our reputations succeed us. “
————————
You hesitantly remove your jacket looking around the aged diner. This is why he wanted to come, it reminded him of a simpler time, of home.
“Don’t worry.” He pats your hand. Instantly you draw it back at the contact. Bucky feels stupid and slightly hurt but he understands. He clears his throat. “You can relax, No one here will judge you.” He says looking over the menu.
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” You scan the scarce amount of occupants. They don’t seem to care and never look twice at either of you. You were so use to having your guard up. This might actually be a place you could relax, whatever form that was.
You pretend to look over the food sneaking glances at Bucky from around your menu. Why would he want to go out with you? The burning question racked your brain. Did he want something from you? No, someone like him maybe friendship? ‘He has Steve. Honestly staring at that would be all the friendship I’d need.’ You snort laughing at your own inner thought.
“You ok?” He asked because he was pretty sure he had sweated through his undershirt. He rubbed his palms down his thighs. Bucky popping his knuckles drew your attention.
“Yes. Are you? You seem a little… tense.”
“No. I’m good.” He gives you a half smile.
You eye him when the waitress approaches. Sighing you close the menu sliding int in front of you,
“How do pancakes sound?”
——————
Sitting in silence was not as easy as it sounds. You drum the table whistling when Bucky clears your throat.
“So uh. What’s your story?”
You exhale leaning back in the booth.
“Yeah if you’re at the tower day in and day out, you’ve already heard my story.” You take a sip of water trying to find what to talk about. Steve’s always been there with you both. It was a comfortable schedule you had grown accustomed to. Now your mind wandered and you began only thinking about two things: how badly you wanted a drink and if he was just as thick below the waist as he was above.
“Actually everyone’s pretty hush hush.”
“So you’re an assasin, spy…whatever, you tell me? From what you’ve observed -“
“I haven’t pried,”
“You don’t have to. Come on. I saw you, when you entered, you looked for the closest exits. Even though you claim to have been here multiple times. And I noticed it when we went to the Chinese shop the first time you came over, hence why mostly we either pick up the food, order in or I’m too broke and cook.”
“Just because I’ve been here a lot doesn’t mean.. it doesn’t mean that my old practices die. Feeling safe is hard. I’m trying to get some normalcy. And you know with Steve, he’s a persistent son of a gun. So, let’s go back to the subject at hand, what happened to make you leave, quit, whatever you call it?”
You sigh closing your eyes briefly.
“That’s not something I want to divulge in right now. And howabout you? What’s your story?”
“Ok,” he looks about the diner before leaning towards
you, resting his elbows on the table, “So you’ve never stopped by the history museum?”
“Ofcourse I have. Who doesn’t know about the famed Sargent Barnes in the 107th? But again I ask, tell me your story. “
Bucky shakes his head. You both wanted to get the other to talk without causing them to shut down. Then you had an idea, “Come on, Bucky, we can make it a game. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” You tease with a wink.
He laughs. And it’s not just any type of laugh, his head falls back and he grabs his chest. it’s loud and deep and it grips your heart. You can’t keep your face straight anymore. You begin laughing as well. And that’s when you know. You like this man. You genuinely like him- a lot. And suddenly for the first time in two years, you wanted to go home.
———————————-
You both walk out laughing like old friends. You’ve been there so long you’ve lost track of time. You stumble of the curb and he grabs you, swinging around and holding you close.
“Hey. Uh thanks, for willing to be seen in public with me.” You gulp as the chilled air fills your lungs.
“Likewise. Just watch where you’re going, It’s dark.” He breaths out letting go of you. Suddenly you want to touch him again. To feel his hands on you.
“Hey,” you reach slowly for his hand rubbing it at his side as you walk. “Is this ok?” You ask, why did he make you act like this? Making you feel normal- human even.
He nods blushing, he tries to urge his hand to stop shaking. This is something new and by God he’s be a fool to mess it up now. Bucky turns to look forward and grips your entire hand, catching you by surprise. You bite your lip.
“Is this ok?”
“Yeah”
——————————
“So this is my door.” You say turning around to lean against it. You didn’t want your time with Bucky to end but like all good things…
“Yeah. It’s a nice door. I bet it makes all the other doors on this floor jealous.”
You smirk as Bucky has both of your hands now, his fingers clasped between yours. His leather gloves smoothing over the top of your hands. You snicker at the feeling of the material. Oh god, It was a sickening sweet sight to see. What has this man done to you?
“So I’m gonna go inside now. And I’ll see you.” You point backwards, keys jingling in your hand.
“Next week?” Bucky says dropping his hands and sliding them into his pockets.
Your heart sunk wanting to see him before then. Being around him made you feel better, more like your old self.
“You promise?” You tease, slowly teetering on the balls of your feet.
“We can’t make any promises now, can we, doll, but I can buy you a drink.”
Smooth. Smooth mother fucker.
“Um. For now though..Would you want to come in?” You stumble over your words scolding yourself.
Buckys heart leaped at the offer. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and hold your hand in his and walk around the city looking at the lights. He licked his lips gazing at you again. You made him want to be better, to take risks and become not the winter soldier nor Bucky Barnes but something in between, something more. His heart was saying yes but watching your eyes become hooded in the dim lit apartment made him slow down. It had been a while since he was with a woman, one that would mean something more than a one night stand. He grunts, “I better not.”
“Oh yeah,pppfff!” You roll your eyes hiding your hurt expression. “you need to get back. I’m sure your den mother is up waiting for you.”
“Yeah.. I don’t doubt he and Clint are probably counting the minutes..
y/n? would you wanna..”
“Wanna what?”
“I like you. I’m sorry. I. I didn’t mean for it to just roll out of my mouth like that.” He chuckles.
“I like you too. but this isn’t for the best.” You slide off your coat, hanging it over your arm,
“What I’m trying to say is, My reputations never been worse so… maybe wait a few thousand years.”
“But I like you for you. Who gives a fuck what people say! Don’t let others make you feel bad about what was out of your control. They’re just people, people come and go.” Bucky has moves slightly into the dim apartment now. You and him stood in silence.
“Well what about you?” You swallow, “Are you one of those people? Are you gonna go too?”
“Not if I can help it.”
You look down at your shoes before pulling him the rest of the way into your apartment.
You slam him against the back of the front door kissing him rough. He’s blissed out and there’s fireworks behind his eyes. He slowly and carefully placing his hands around your back. You’ve got him by the collar, devouring his mouth then travel down his neck.
He pulls away keeping you at arms length, “Is it cool that I said all that? Because you’re all in my head y/n.”
Your heeled boots click loudly against the floor closing the gap between you both. You kiss him yanking his shirt open, causing the buttons to echo off the floor. You look up at him through your lashes. Your movements are fluid and familiar. Your mind is blurry as the alcoholic rushing through your veins prevent the memories of another from invading your thought.
“Is it too soon to do this yet?” You say licking your lips. Your mind is reeling and your heart is pounding. You were impulsive enough it wasn’t going to take much now to ignore all the voice in your head telling you this was a bad idea.
“No, I want you but I know it’s delicate.”
—————————————
You grown,hearing loud knocking at your door. Bucky moves to get up first, while you were content on ignoring It. You surround yourself with the warmth of the covers around you while the events of last night play in your head.
You move to pick up your jeans from the side of the bed. Searching around for your underwear you find it hanging from the ceiling fan. Man what was in those pancakes?
Bucky walks back towards you, leaning in and kissing the top of your head when a loud bang disrupts Buckys actions. You both stall hearing Steve’s voice.
“Hey, y/n? You ok? If you don’t answer I’m coming in,”
Bucky inhales the scent of your hair before looking you over. He couldn’t believe he was with you last night. Caught up in his day dreaming he hears Steve begin to hit the door.
“Stay here,” Bucky whispers fastening his pants and heading for the door.
“Maybe I should get it,” you say, “it’s my apartment anyway.”
“Nah,” he brushes the comment off winking at you, “I don’t want to share.”
His flirtatious attitude makes you feel warm inside. It had been too long since you felt the presence of butterflies in your stomach. suddenly you are overwhelmed by all your emotions at once feeling your knees becoming weak. It had been so long since you were with someone that made you feel like Pietro had. You quickly walked to your restroom shutting the door louder than you had anticipated, locking it while stifling a sob. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you fan your watery eyes exhaling. You knew if you worked yourself up it would be hell coming down. Climbing into the tub, you draw your legs to your chest. Resting your head on your arms you let your tears flow freely watching them plop onto the porcelain beneath you.
Meanwhile Bucky opens the door to a very shocked and confused Steve. Sensing something was wrong he made his way back towards the bedroom, noticing you were no longer in bed. He told a speechless Steve he would be back. Upon entering he saw the restroom door was closed. He gently knocks.
“Hey, y/n.” He tried to open it discovering it was locked.
“Y/n. Doll, you ok? Is something wrong?” The urgency and worry was obvious in his voice. Was it something he had said or done?
You wipe you face. “I just need a-sec.. minute.” You say hoping he heard you.
He leans on the door catching what sounded like a sniffle. Steve invited himself in watching Bucky outside the bathroom. He became concerned as well. He couldn’t imagine what you could be going through. Just that you knew he would be ready and raring to help if needed.
What had come over you? Bucky. Last night. It had been too much. Images of Pietro touching you then it morphing into Bucky was pushing you over board. Your mind could be your worst enemy. You had loved that man. You would have done anything and everything for him. Right then words rang through your mind, wouldn’t Pietro want you to be happy? Would he want you to live every waking moment scolding yourself for something you couldn’t fight? He would want you to be happy and find peace.
You finally exhale stepping out of the tub.
“Y/n, talk to me, please. “ Bucky urges, resting the back of his head on the door. “Was it something I did?”
“Buck. No.” You sniff, wiping your eyes, “I’m ok.” You look at your reflection smiling and nodding at yourself. “I’ll be ok.” And for the first time you believed it.
———————
Steve sits on the sofa across from the two of you. His eyes move from your disheveled appearance to Buckys. It looked like two kids had been caught behind school bleachers making out, and in this case he was the principal.
“So I take it last night was good?” Steve start in wearing a smile and shaking his head. He had known something would happen between the two of you, now that it had, he wasn’t sure how to accept it.
You both nod sheepishly. You sat on the sofa, wrapped in a sheet with Bucky behind you clad in only his pants. He gently ran his metal fingers against your back wondering if you had been touched like he touches you.
Steve took a deep breath standing up from the sofa when Bucky nuzzles your neck.
“Ok you crazy kids, All I’m going to say is,I expect to see you both at group next week.”
You and Bucky turn in a flash, eyes wide in shock you both speak in unison,”what the fu-?!”
I will not be posting any fics having to do with Infinity War. I understand it will be a while for some people to get a chance to see it so I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone!
Here’s part 2! I hope it doesn’t disappoint! I’ve edited it more than I can count yet some mistakes are bound to slip through. This chapter in particular got away from me and became longer than I had intended. So yay! Here you go:
Catch up here: part 1
You, my dear, look like shit.” Clint remarked opening the door. He was shirtless, and only partially awake. Leaning against the edge of the door while his eyes flick easily down your body. He swallowed, glancing away and motioning you into his waiting and invitinqg arms. “Come here.” he spoke, his voice was deep and filled with something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You frown biting back tears when Clint gently pulled you into his home when you reluctantly budge from the entrance.
You wrap your arms around his torso melting into his touch. Clint was always there for you. He was funny, kind, infuriating at times but was always there, managing to make everything better. You bit your lip looking up at him. You don’t even care that you mostly, no- undoubtedly ‘look like shit’ yet you feel something dawn on you. Did you have feelings for him? He smiled at that moment and you place your face back against him, feeling overwhelmed at this aphiphany . You felt a little embarrassed dampening his smooth chest with your tears. He rested his head on top of yours hesitating before bringing his arms around your frame. He patted your back as anger began bubbling inside him. His patting slowed and he began holding you tighter when a incoherent sob mixed with a few words escaped your mouth.
“What happened?” Natasha questions, the sympathetic tone in her voice is a nice change for the usual. She rounds the kitchen area looking between Clint and you. The sight of the two of you together brought a smile to her face. Without replying, you let go of Clint passing them both and took a seat at their kitchen table picking at your worn nail polish.
Natasha scoots up a chair beside you, resting an arm on your back, the other lingered off to your side. The expression you wore was beyond devastation. With your eyes pink and glossy, you swallowed in attempt to form words.
“He uh. He-“ You sniff keeping your eyes downcast. Although Natasha had a pretty good idea of what had happened, she patiently waited for you to tell your half of the story.
“Not this shit again.” Clint plainly turned resting his plams on the countertop. The amount of anguish he was feeling wasn’t only his own. He was hurting that you weren’t his and that someone had taken you for granted. In his already perturbed state he couldn’t hold it in any longer. “That stupid, dumb fuck!” Clint yelled making you and Natasha both flinch. “How many times are we going to have to deal with Stark and his screwups?!”
Natasha frowns, upset at his reaction, “Barton! That’s enough!”
“It’s fine Nat.” You put up a hand to quiet her down, She glared at him, “Clint im sorry to impose,” you motioned to stand when Natasha stands with you, gingerly grabbing your arm.
“Your fine. Don’t let Mr. grumpy bother you.” She faced him sticking out her tongue.
“No, I should go.” You took Natashas hands in your own bringing them before you, staring into her caring eyes, “I’ll call you guys tomorrow ok?. I need to rest anyway.” Dropping her warm hands you carefully dabbed tears off your cheeks while heading for the door. Natasha’s hair bounced with the force of her head snapping back in Clint’s direction. She gave him her ‘do something’ face.
“Y/n!” His voice was almost in a yell. He cleared his throat knowing he startled you. “That’s not- it wasn’t directed towards you,” he whispers. There was nothing more that he wanted to do than to hold you in his loving embrace and make everything better. He wanted to tell you that he would never make you cry or feel taken for granted with him. These thoughts dissipated when he heard the front door creek open.
“Don’t worry about it, Clint. It’s no problem. I’ll go hang out with Maria for a bit to clear my mind before heading home.” you tried to muster up all the courage you had forcing a smile, resting a hand on the doorknob. Feeling like you were being rejected, Nat placed her hands around you pulling you gently into her and back into the homely apartment. You didn’t want to leave,
not really and you felt like she knew this.
Her hand rubbed soothingly against the back of your neck. The sigh you let out is sinful, making Clint feel like he could loose it right then and there. “Is there anything we can do for you? Short of me visiting Stark tonight which I can tell is not an option. But feel free to stay as long as you’d like.” Clint exhales, trying to keep his mind occupied and not watch the scene before him unfold into something from his imagination.
Natasha on the otherhand, couldn’t get over how smooth and supple you felt beneath her fingertips. She had only grazed your skin a handful of times, mostly in passing yet she was itching to touch every part. She could only imagine how the rest of your body felt. With a shake of her head she brought her focus back,
“Clint’s fine y/n, he’s just…Upset. That’s all.” Nat pushes you back down into one of the kitchen chairs eyeing Clint. He rubbed his hands through his hair then against his face, exhaling as he adjusts his hardened manhood. His clear blue eyes moved from her to you as he retreats to grab a shirt. Natasha and him where already talking about you, your body- working themselves into a hot and heavy frenzy, before you interrupted. Now he needed to find a way to talk himself down, accepting that a release for his sexual needs was no where in sight.
You huff setting your head down on the cold table. “Yeah, well, join the club.”
Clint swallows hard before attempting to pull another facade of being around you. He wasn’t like Natasha. He wasn’t use to lying to the people he loved, yet there he was, plastering a sympathetic expression as he re-enters the kitchen grabbing some glasses from the cupboards.
Clint watched Natasha out the corner of his eye stroke your hair, calming the flow of tears wetting the sleeves of your hoodie. She liked you yes but wanted you to not be swayed by her emotions alone. She wanted you to come to them because you were equally interested in the pair. They had both previously caught you staring at them a handful of times. Your eyes taking over their bodies longer than one should, m but until you said anything Natasha would attempt to never cross that line. She also knew you valued your relationships with everyone. Which is why you wanted to label most of them as a brother or sister, keeping everything platonic. Avoiding any possible confusing or messy emotions that could arise. She knew from the moment you found out that they were a pair, you had a thing for Clint. Maybe it was a harmless crush, or just something you weren’t highly aware of but it was there.
Clint on the other hand struggled more with this. He had known from the moment he had met you. He felt it, better yet he knew that you were interested. Which made bitting back his words and his emotions more difficult.
Clint finally breaks the silence noticing your breathing is back to normal. “So what happened this time?” He questions pouring coffee for himself and tea for you and Nat.
“What always happens,” you begin, sitting up from Natasha’s side. “Except this time it started off differently. When I had first walked into his bedroom, there wasn’t a woman lurking in the shadows. Strangely enough, he was in bed.”
“In bed? During the day?”
“ ‘Taking a nap.’ “ you spat with a roll of your eyes. Removing your hoodie, you use it as a pillow on the table.
“Ah. That’s code for gettin some strange.” He mutters taking a sip.
“Really?!” Natasha growls. She closes her eyes and composes herself. “Let her finish.”
“Apparently that was the case. I wish I had a codebook for all men. Anyway- I was soaked and I was changing my clothes…well, not exactly, I-I was just getting ready to take a shower, because Tony told me to, because of the rain…I know right? Does that even make sense? I don’t know but my phone- my fucking phone was in my jeans!” You slap the table angrily making Natasha jump. Clint hid his mouth behind his mug so she wouldn’t see him chuckling at her expense.
“-which were in the hamper and I went to go get them and….this woman appeared by the door…His bedroom door. And their hands were wrapped around one another just going at it. I mean really going at it like a fucking porno…till they saw me.” Finishing your head seemed to drop down before a fresh wave a tears began to fall.
“I can’t help to wonder if she- had she been hiding beforehand? I mean, you didn’t see her when you walked in, did you?”
“Well obviously I didn’t, Clint! For all I know, she could have been hiding in the closet or under the bed! Does it really matter?!”
Clint is taken aback by your anger directed at him. He wanted to think of something hopeful to say or make you laugh but this clearly wasn’t the time.
“So What did Tony have to say for himself?” Natasha rested her hand over your clasped ones.
“Nat I don’t know and don’t care. I just walk out and all-“
“I’m sorry, What did you do?” Natasha’s brow dipped mulling over your words. It was rare that you would walk away from anything, it wasn’t in your nature.
“Well I didn’t walked out per se, I took a shower, then walked out and came here.”
“That’s….it?” She questioned tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear.
“You didn’t attack her or Tony?!” Clint asked setting his mug down just as shocked as Natasha.
“Nope. I just was like a normal person. In all honesty you two should be proud. I cried during the shower then composed myself and blasted music all the way here like an adult.” You said in a matter of fact tone
“Wow. Ok.” Natasha sounding surprised. “That’s… Your level of restraint,”
“I have decided that I’m just meant to be used. That’s my purpose in life!”
“That’s just not true.”
“Barton, there’s no talking me out of this.” You take a drink of the tea Clint places before you.
“There’s someone out there for you y/n, I know this, ok.?” Clint spoke softly, you turn to him feeling compassion in his voice. You wanted to ask him what made him think that but decided against it. You were quickly becoming exhausted and didn’t want to say something you would regret in the morning.
“You guys, I’m just going to go home.” You stand rubbing your eyes and yawning. Clint eyed Natasha giving him a face while gritting her teeth. He thinks how she’s needs to use words instead of faces in the future since all her expressions feel threatening.
“Hey! ugh,” Clint jogged towards you firmly gripping your arm. You turned around when Natasha’s voice got your attention instead.
“Wait why don’t you stay here tonight, ok? We can keep your mind off of things, a movie maybe some popcorn. I’ve got work in the morning but I’m sure Clint can keep you cum- I mean, company…” her face reddened and prayed you didn’t catch her misspeak. “and if you still want to go tonight, we’ll take you home.” Natasha exhaled awaiting your answer.
Clint’s eyes widened. He could barely function on a regular basis with you around. What would he do with you, alone, in his home? Especially after what him and Natasha were about to do. His heart began to race tossing back another swig of his drink.
“That’s imposing Nat. And you both are always just so helpful and this is my fault, remember? You told me to stay away but did I listen? No!. I can’t keep relying on you both to drag me out of my Tony induced stupors.”
“It’s not a suggestion.” Nat says with a smile pulling you towards a room.
You look to Clint for help but he turns away to refill his mug. This was going to be a long night.
“Clint’s office?” You question as Natasha flicked the light on.
“It’s got a pullout bed, nothing fancy, just for when he can’t sleep or working late.”
“Nat,”
“Y/n. I would hate to see anything happen to you, Alright?” She prepares the pull out.
“What about Clint?” You peek out towards him sitting at the table. He looked so defeated and alone. You felt the urge to go to him and cheer him up and make everything better. You didn’t know what was wrong but in that instance you only thought about what you could do to fix it.
When Natasha finished making the bed, you take a seat smoothing the covers down. The material is soft to the touch and cool feeling.
“You’re sleeping here tonight just get over it,” she says gently pushing you backwards onto the mattress. You laugh moving to lay down on top of the nicely made bed. Natasha settles down beside you, leaning over on her side, propping herself up on one arm watching you. You are staring at the ceiling, resting both hands on your abdomen. She pushed a stray curl back from your face, smiling.
“You deserve better. You are amazing and anyone would be lucky enough to have you.” She pushed herself up almost hovering over you.
Your cheeks heat up feeling Natasha near your face. What a great friend you have in her. Always finding ways to make you feel better. Her and Clint were a wonderful team and couple. Her blue eyes sparkled back at you. She was so close to you, her voice was so low and soft. “When you find someone, maybe more than one person that appreciates you and loves you for who you are, you’ll never have to deal with feeling the way Stark makes you feel.”
Your heart is thumping so fast and you notice your mouth is dry. You are unsure why, maybe with all the tears you have shed on the way over, you must be dehydrated and your body is starting to wear down, right? Natasha reached toward the side of your face gently pulling at your curls watching them spring back up.
You visibly gulp, “Thanks Nat. I mean I really can’t tell you how-“
She pecked your lips. Your eyes are wide in amazement. Her lips are plump and suddenly you have the urge to bite and lick them.
As quickly as it had begun, and start to lean into her, it was over. She moves away, watching your eyes open from the slits they had been in seconds ago. You lick your lips tasting the cherry flavor left behind. What was that about? You turn to face her already standing form, sitting up yourself and confused as ever. Natasha smiled back at you, leaving out of the office into the hallway. You rubbed your neck thinking it was best to deal with that tomorrow.
Meanwhile Natasha leaned against the outer wall, rubbing a finger across her own mouth. Had she done it? Had she actually kissed you? Your lips were so full, soft and sweet. She had a sneaking suspicion, but it was Sams words to Clint that had convinced her to take the next step. She lets out a breath, running two fingers down her body lightly grazing her core in the flimsy pajama shorts. She had never been so nervous yet turned on at the same time until now. She waited a while, You have yet to leave the office nor said anything, so she thinks she caught you off guard. Natasha smiled to her self, pleased as she heads to her room with a bounce in her step. Clint was going to get a workout tonight.
You toss and turn to no avail, unable to get comfortable nor clear your mind of the images from earlier. You are either thinking about Tony and the green eyed girl or Natasha ravaging your body in ways you thought weren’t even possible.
Finally you awoke in a cold sweat feeling your shirt sticking to your caramel colored skin.
Rubbing sleep from your eyes you spotted a crack of light leaking through a slit in the door. Deciding to give up on sleep you tip toe softly out of the room following the light.
Clint was beyond tired, mentally and physically. His eyes flick to the only other sound in the area, the clock above the microwave. It was 3 am and if he wasn’t asleep by now, sleep was not coming. He watched the amber liquid swirl around the ice cubes in his glass before taking another gulp.
He immediately choked when he spots movement out the corner of his eyes.
“Oh god, fuck y/n, you scared the shit out of me!” He whispered grabbing at his chest.
You lift an eyebrow walking into the light, “Me? Isn’t your job to sneak around, unseen?” You chuckle.
“Yeah but that’s mostly from fucking high places though! Besides, I’m sleep deprived right now so my-“
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you brush off his words walking towards the refrigerator. Your hips sway towards him entering the kitchen. “Excuses, excuses.” You said wearing a smirk.
You make Clint chuckle, he eyes crinkle up at the corners. He is studying your choice of attire while you linger by the threshold of the kitchen, closing the doors of the fridge. You were covered from head to toe, except for the rouge bra strap peeking out from one of your shoulders, he takes another long sip.
“So, what brings you to my pity party?”
“Pity party?”
“Ha. Yeah,” he shakes the bottle he’s currently demolishing in your direction, sitting up straight in the chair. You shake your head moving closer to him leaning over a chair.
“What makes you say that?” placing your hands into your hoodie pockets, wearing a troubled expression, “I mean really, Clint, you’ve got it all. A great place here, “ your eyes flit around the kitchen. “A nice car, awesome girl,” your eye catches the large welts on the side of Clint’s neck, causing your voice to falter. “killer job, literally. And me, ofcourse,”
“Of course.” Now it’s his turn to shake his head laughing lightly. “Now our of everything you listed, would you be considered the best part?”
“I’m just here to keep your life interesting.” You finish with a smile. You feel like it was a taunt, as if he was trying to coax you into saying or asking something.clint notes that the smile doesn’t reach your eyes.
You run a finger against the chilled liquor bottle tracing the condensation on it. He grabs your hand smoothing a finger over the top of it. You both stay in the position wondering what the other will do next.
“True. So uh speaking of you,” he clears his throat, letting go and dropping his hand into his lap, “How are you- Uh, holdin’ up?”
You look away, retracting your hand placing it into your lap as well, “good. I’m good.”
“Y/n,” he slowly exhales, “it’s 3am, nothings good.” Clint sighs, his eyes are only partially open, if the room had been brighter, you were sure they would be blood shot. He leans back in the chair again stretching, “enough about me. What about you? For one, you sleep more than anyone I know. So please just don’t lie, worst of all to me.”
Pulling out a chair you scoot in across from him, “It’s about time I’ve learned, right? Stay away from dating tony.”
He lets out a grunt taking another drink, “I’ll drink to that.”
“The entire reason why I moved out from the Tower in the beginning was that I didn’t become attracted to any of you. Yet here I am, again.” You rest your head on your palms, watching him guzzle the rest of the amber liquid.
“I mean dating friends can’t be too bad, sometimes. Take me and Nat, we started as friends. Well not really- I was assigned to kill her…but that’s beyond the point. But we became friends. Then it…blossomed into something more.”
“That was a very bad example.”you laugh, drawing your feet to your chest.
“I don’t know what you’d want from me at this hour.” He laughed chewing on some ice.
“Listen. I know what will cheer you up,” he says coughing from the burn traveling down his throat. Clint makes he way over the front door, motioning you to follow, grabbing his jacket. It was too early to determine if this would be a good choice or not.
“Wait. We are going out? Why are we going out?!” You stand resting your hands on your hips. “Clint I can’t go out looking like this!” You motion at yourself.
“Lookin’ like what? of course you can! You’ve got clothes on don’tcha?”
“Clint!” You whisper, folding your arms in defiance, when he grabs hold of one of them. His hand slid down towards yours, grasping it firmly. You suddenly felt hot and the close contact wasn’t helping. First Natasha now you were feeling this way towards Clint.
“Y/n…Now it’s been established we know each other’s names.” He kept his focus on you, while he spoke. though his heart was about to beat out of his chest, he refused to let you go.
“It’s cold out there! And it’s late!” You toss excuses at him hoping to change his mind.
“You mean early, sunshine. Come on, we’re not going far. There’s something I want you to see.”
————————————-
“What couldn’t wait till morning?” You huff when Clint pushed open the heavy door to the rooftop. You inch outward with your mouth agape.
“No one comes up here. I mean, no one Nat hasn’t scared off already.”
Clint braces the door open watching your shadow stretch across the ground, headed towards the dim lit area.
Flower pots and all sorts of plants were hung and placed strategically about the area. There was a small pond, table, two benches, an wicker archway complete with stepping stones leading in each direction.
You cautiously made your way towards the flowers. So many different kinds and scents wafted around you.
“You like it?”
You tear your eyes away to see Clint beside you, “When? How?”
“This is our quiet place actually, she is in charge of the flowers of course but I just prefer the height. It’s quiet and secluded.”
“Why bring me here?” You turn towards him waiting for his response.
“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you needed a place to clear your head.” He shrugs his shoulders, “I know Nat and I, we don’t have all the answers. Hell, I have no clue what I’m doing most of the time but you, you’re the best of us Y/n. You’ve got that innocence about you.”
“I’m not innocent.” You give him a sly smile, walk past him and grabbing a bottle off one of the benches.
“You’re thinking about - yeah that’s now what I’m talking about.” Clint blushes a little turning in time to watch you guzzle a few long sips, “I mean, the blood on our hands and what waits for us- all of us, when we die,”
You stop and swallow the last bit. Licking you lips as the chilled liquid numbs you, contemplating your next words.
“Why are you talking like this? Are you in trouble?” Studying his face you sober up.
“Don’t you know anything about me? I stay in trouble but currently- there’s nothing that can be proven.” He loosens his collar coming to face you, closing the little space between you both. “God this is hard. Why is it so hard?” He looked into your widened eyes in awe of the view. The white Christmas lights decorating the entire place made the perfect balance of light to make it appear your skin was glowing.
“Clint. Just tell me, you’re scaring me.” You sigh, your breath coming out like small whisper of smoke. You search his eyes, hoping that him and Natasha were ok.
“Nat and I, I- we, shit.”
“Are splitting? Adopting? having money problems?”
“Money problems?!”
“I don’t know! You and Natasha are so domestic around me! I’m trying to think of an issue regular people would have!”
“Calm down won’tcha! Geez! Your not making it any easier for me to say this.”
You freeze waiting for his next sentence.
“Y/n, Nat and I.” He pauses,he glances at your wetted lips and the expression on your face.
Here we go.
“We like you. A lot.” Clint shuts his eyes then looks down briefly before looking up at you. “More than a friend. Hell, more than I should if we’re being honest.”
You look down seeing his hands holding yours. He said he liked you and your heart swells until Natashas face appears in your mind. You yank your hands from his practically jumping back.
“And? I’m, I don’t know what- you’re with Nat, I can’t come between the two of you.”
Clint was making a move on you? What would Natasha think? Your friendship would go down the toilet.
“Is this why you’re so weird right now? I mean, ok- I like you guys too, you’re practically my family, especially you.” You smile big “You’ve been a big brother to me since I met you. You saved me and there’s nothing I could do to repay you for that.” Those words hurt you to speak. He was more than feeling like a brother, like family. But he was with another.
“Brother, huh?”
“Why not?” You say, feeling the weight of your words. “since day one and if it wasn’t for you, I have no idea where I’d be. Fallen in with the wrong crowd or dead. And Natasha? She’s great.” You stutter a bit shaking images of her kissing you, “You couldn’t have found a better… partner.” You swallow, why was that so difficult to say?
“-And everything you both do for me is amazing. I love you both so much. So please stop freaking me out and tell me what the problem really is and I promise we will work on it together, all three of us ok?”
————————-
“Y/n. Y/N! Let me explain!” Clint sternly spoke trying to catch up with your pace.
You go into the guest room grabbing your things. “Clint. I- this is too much, too fast.”
“So Nat can kiss you and you have no problem?” Clint stops in the middle of the family room, wearing a scowl.
“You knew about that?” You speak lowly, walking back out towards him. “Does she know how you feel about me?” Your tone is soft laced with worry.
“What you just thought you were dreaming or some crap?!”
“You stuck your tongue down my throat! Clint,” You sigh stopping in the middle of the family room lowering your voice,
“I, I’m not trying to become a wedge between you two. It’s true that I may have some.. No what am I saying?!.”
“You aren’t! you wouldn’t be, every time I’m around you it’s like I’m on fire. I can’t describe it, you just drive me crazy.” His arms are outstretched towards you and all you want to do is run into them.
“That’s how Nat should make you feel, not me. Yet every time you smile at me or touch me I’m dying inside. I just can’t.” You go to retreat when he grabs your wrist pulling you back into him with such speed your pressed against the thin material of his t-shirt. His chest is burning and you can feel his heart beat. Your mouth is slightly open in surprise.
“Trust me the feeling is the same.” Clint exhales,. you place your hands on his shoulders, taking a finger and trace his jaw. “Clint. I couldn’t. It wouldn’t feel right.”
“Never mind. Forget it.” He lets go moving away from you. He’s not sure what to say next.
“I’ve got to go. This is too much.” You say, now by the front door pulling on your jacket.
“Well I’m sorry princess next time I’ll check your schedule! shit.” His back is to you now, arguing with himself over the events of the night.
Suddenly you feel overwhelmed with anger. Natasha had kissed you then Clint. If what he was saying was true- that they both wanted you, it was too much to process. You couldn’t suppress the excitement of him being interested in you and then remembering everything up to this point.
“You can’t spring this on me, Clint.” You whisper cradling yourself, “Especially something so-“
“No you’re right, you’re right. I’ll just pencil myself in next time so it’s more convenient for you!” He turns, his face is beet red and his eyes are blurry.
“Why are you yelling at me! I didn’t do anything to you! You know what? I’m stepping out … to grab… stuff… water.”
“Why? we have water here?” Clint walks over, turning on the kitchen sink, “Look, fuckin’ all the h2o you could ever want.”
“Ive just gotta get some air.”
“Ok. Fine. Whatever you wanna do.”
He gently shuts the door behind you, lingering near the wooden frame. He aggressively rubs his neck fighting an inner battle with himself. He knew you wanted him just as much as he wanted you, he could tell when he kissed you, how you just melted into his arms. His tongue explored your mouth all smooth and warm, making him crave for the rest of you. He thought about How your body fit perfectly against his own, how your shin would feel against his and how everything in that moment felt right. He also knew you were afraid. Afraid he would be Tony all over again.
“Fuck this.” He flings the door open, shocked when he sees you frozen on the other side. You were still, purse strap gripped tightly in your hand, with your mouth partially open. You both stood there looking at each other for what felt like ages. Without warning you bolt forward into his arms, crashing your lips to his. His arms surround you tightly, picking you up and both of you become engulfed in a heated make-out session. Clint braces an arm onto the doorframe shoving you against it, making the wood whine. Your legs wrapped around him, locking you in place. You can feel his hardened manhood graze your inner thigh.
“I thought-,” Clint tried to speak between kisses. “you said-“
“I know what I said. I just don’t want what I’ve been doing- I don’t want you to think that you are a rebound.”
“I won’t be, I won’t feel that way, I promise. Y/n you don’t know how much I’ve wanted you.”
Maybe it was the alcohol talking or maybe the sleep deprivation but he just wanted to show you how much. He believed if he could just show you…
—— he carried you into his office, laying you onto the mattress. He removed his shirt in one swift motion, moving to lay beside you.
Thoughts of Natasha flashed in his mind momentarily. As quickly as they surfaced he kissed you harder, deeper, flooding his senses with you and only you. He came to the conclusion, when he finally thrusted into you for the first time, maybe it was best not to wake her…
———————
“I can’t believe you slept with her without me.” Natasha slaps his chest lightly, walking around him in her heels.
“Yeah well, you were knocked out“ Clint pours himself some coffee, clad in only his boxers, “and don’t even go there with me, don’t think I didn’t notice you eyeing her this morning before jumping in the shower. I might be a heavy sleeper but I ain’t that heavy.”
“Touché.” She smirks, blowing off her cup, “Well you kept walking around here like a wounded puppy. What am I suppose to do?”
“I’m sorry ok? I should have-“
“Yes… you knew how I felt about her.”
“Yeah I did, maybe we can go for round a two with you?” He pulled her close, nestling his face in the crook of her neck making her snort. They break apart when they see you enter.
“Oh- hey…um. I,” you nervously bite your lip and rub your arms.
“Come here. You can’t pretend to be shy now,” Clint says as you get closer. You look at Nat noticing her eyes drift over your partially clothed body. You wrap your arms around yourself, as she looks on. Noticing she must make you feel scrutinized she smiles, swinging an arm around you opposite of Clint’s as smell of coffee surrounding you three. Natasha nears your face kissing you again, this time it’s slow and passionate. Her tongue slowly explored your mouth. Your hands reach upward resting on the sides of her face. Clint watched in awe, running his fingers up and down both of your backs. Feeling left out he began to leave soft kisses on your neck then moves to hers.
When Natasha breaks the kiss from Clint’s kisses, knowing he wanted attention, your head is spinning.
“What was that for? I- I mean,”
“I told you, I like you a lot. We both do.” Natasha spoke looking from you to Clint.
“You’re officially ours now, y/n. If you’ll have us.” Clint kissed your forehead, “You’ll never have to worry about Tony again.”
———————
“So… “
“Yeah Sam?” Clint looks up from the television, seeing a faint blush cover Sam’s face, taking a seat in the easy chair aways from him. He had come over to watch the game ever weekend like usual. Shortly after entering, he swore he had heard the shower running. Since Clint never acted like it was out of the ordinary Sam took a seat, unpacking all the snacks he had bought for their day, full of guy talk and beer. Though after returning from the restroom, it took Sam a moment to spit out what had him flustered.
“Yeah I just walked in on Nat… and
Y/n…in the shower…naked.”
“Well that is how people usually look like in the shower, naked.”
“I was actually headed for your master bath because Nat has it all fancy and nice.” Sam had recognized a voice or who he thought was you coming from down the hall. He knew you were feeling down and was going to swing by your apartment after the game. Upon seeing the hall bathroom door cracked, he knocked a few times. When the sound grew louder he declared his entrance and began to open the door. He had forgotten the shower doors were glass. He had to drag himself out of the bathroom even though the sight before him was heavenly.
“ I heard some noises and. It kinda sounded like someone was in destress.”
Clint laughs turning back to the movie he was currently watching. “Haha. Yeah. Nats kinda rough sometimes.”
Sam eyes Clint’s neck, “yeah I can see that…now.” Sam stands by the sofa unsure of what to do with himself. “You could have told somebody!”
“ man you know how my hearing is,” Clint glances at sam biting a stick of licorice. “So, did you like the view?” He asked wiggling his brows at Sam, pulling him from his daydreaming.
“It was, yeah- how long has that been going on? You know what don’t tell me.” Sam said standing and grabbing a few snacks from the table, “ I’m better off not knowing.”
“Which, where are you goin’ in such a rush?”
“I gotta go home, man. I’ve got some stuff…things I gotta get taken care of.” Sam swallowed adjusting himself.
Clint glances over Sam with a smile on his face then back at his television pausing it. “Someone a little hot and bothered?”
“Hey, Those are your girls now, Barton,” Sam says, turning around making his way to the front door. “Congratulations! I can’t ogle y/n for afar anymore.” Sam smiles rolling his eyes. “Text me when you’re free.” He swung open the door. Coming fade to face with the last person he envisioned to see there. “Well speak of the devil.”
“Wilson. Here to see Barton.” Tony looks over his shoulder, taking a step into the apartment. Clint’s face returns to the scowl he normally wore, getting up and heading towards the two. Sam debates wether to stay and play peace maker or head back to his home. He decided the latter seeing Clints face.
“Yeah. What do you want?” Clint reluctantly asked, crossing his arms against his chest. Even though he had you now, it would take a lot to reverse the damage Tony had done.
“Well, I went to y/ns early this morning and she wasn’t home. In fact, it doesn’t look like she’s been there for a couple of days. And I wanted to know, you being the keeper of all- if you know where she had run off to? On another note, I got a text that Natasha called in sick again so I bought over some flowers.” Tony presented them with a smile, forcing them into Clint’s hands.
“Really?” Clint says mulling over Tonys words. He leans against a post watching Tonys eyes glaze over the area when your laugh echos from the master bedroom. Tonys head shoots up in the immediate direction.
“Sorry man, wish I could help you.” Clint shuffles his bare feet towards the kitchen when Tony finally figured it out and quickly follows.
He leans over the bar while Clint pours some orange juice. “You didn’t!” He whispers, looking around then finally back towards the bedroom.
“I did.”
“Please, Pffff, it’s probably just a phase!” Tony visibly swallows, “In a few weeks she’ll be back at my place. Month tops.” He can’t even disguise the evident waver in his voice. He placed his hands in his pockets surveying the area in silence when you let out some loud noises from the back. Little did he know they were gleeful squeals of Natasha tickling your nose with her hair while leaving brief butterfly kisses down your stomach.
“You sure? That doesn’t sound like the squeals of someone interested in you. “ Clint scoffs, shifting his stance.
.”Clint?” Natasha’s lips curve into a dangerous smile. Her face was barely visible from the crack in the door. her damp hair was curling at the ends, “oh, hey Tony.” She smirks, followed by aloud bang behind her. You scramble from your place on the floor beside the bed, covering your exposed skin. Your face was clearly slightly flush from the heat of the shower and from Natasha’s actions. Your wet curls glisten from the droplets of water clinging to them.
In the kitchen, Clint’s eyes shift to Tony as he frowns. walking a step past Clint, Tony is curious as well to see if what Clint is implying is true, “Nat. How are you?”
“I’m good, in fact I’ve never been better.” Her attention flashes back to Clint, “I could use your…assistance in the bed room.”
“Well you see Nat, Stark just stopped by because he hasn’t seen y/n.” He took a bite of toast, “I haven’t seen her this morning, you?” Clint lifted a brow.
Nat blew some hair from her face, “Oh, not since our workout.” She giggled bitting a finger. She knew how to tease him.
“And I came to check on my favorite spy since she couldn’t make it in at all this week.”
Tony sighed, removing his sun glasses, “You two…” he took a few more steps towards Natasha, “I’m not stupid.” He rested his hands on his hips pushing back the corners of his jacket.
“Really. Huh. You could have fooled me.” Clint replied from behind.
“I know she’s here.”
“I never said she wasn’t here. I said, ‘I hadn’t seen her this morning.’ There’s a difference. Besides I’m sure she’ll turn up.”
Clint finished his breakfast placing his dishes in the sink. He leans on the counter while him and Tony exchanged glances.
“Now, You know I love your random, uninvited visits as much as the next guy but Nat and I are about to become preoccupied at the moment.”
“Extremely.” Natasha chimes in with a nod.
“So unless you’d like to watch,”
“Wait. Just.” Tony approaches Clint, speaking in hushed tones, “Tell me one thing. Is she happy?.”
“Yeah. I mean yes, as far as I can tell.”
“Well then I’ll be happy for her.”
Tony quips, he clears his throat heading back towards the front door. “I’ll stop by later and see if she’ll want to grab lunch.” He turns around once more, replacing his sunglasses. “After all, just because I’m happy for her doesn’t keep a man from trying.”
“I’m sure that will mean a lot when I’m on top of her,” Clint speaks, popping his neck sporting his popular cocky smirk.
Tony frowns appalled at his words,
“Wait what?” He questions shaking his head.
“ What?” Clint responds, resting his hands on either side of the door frame. “Anyway, thanks stark for stopping by,”
“No…come again?” Tonys voice was an octave higher, attempting to nudge his way into the apartment past Clint. “Barton!”
“Alright, take care.”
“HEY!” Tony reluctantly took a step back before the door was closed in his face. He straightened his suit heading down to his car. He wanted to get you back just to spite him. But knowing Natasha was involved now he thought against it.
Clint smiles to himself. Now with both his girls, he couldn’t get back to the bedroom fast enough. He opens the door to find you and Natasha laying in the bed, her arms embracing you, kissing your jaw gently. You turn at the creek of the door and smile at him. You lift up a finger motioning him towards you.
A/n- I’ve proof read this more than I had planned. I still see mistakes here and there, my apologies.
You can read part 2 here.
“Nat! You cut my phone line?!”
“See! I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your word.” Natasha rolled her eyes, “‘Don’t pick up the phone Y/n,’ I said, ‘he’s only calling because’…” she turned a page in the magazine she was currently skimming, watching for your response. Of course you hadn’t forgotten it now, she only drilled it into your head for months on in.
“Because he’s drunk and alone.” You let out a defeated sigh plopping the phone back onto the counter.
Being around Bucky and Steve was too much so you chose to live apart like Natasha and Clint. You thought this way, hopefully you wouldn’t end up driving friends you were interested In, away from each other.
Then you met tony and with him, not only were you able to relax but you were hoping the small and juvenile crushes you had on your male and female counterparts would dissipate. With all your attention focused on keeping on an even keel with everyone else, you didn’t catch yourself slowly falling for Tony. Deciding ‘why the hell not ‘ you both have a go. But the honeymoon phase doesn’t last long between you and Tony, quickly finding yourself back at square one more often than you would like.
Some of your closest friends came by after your most current split from Tony took a nastier turn than usual. They felt like an intervention was way past due.
“Natasha! How will I be able to contact the outside world with you keeping my cellphone hostage and vandalizing all my other means of communication!!” Your voice goes and octive higher, resting your hands on your hips on the middle of your kitchen. You were wearing gray sweats, your hair was pulled into an curly mass resting on the top of your head. Traces of unwashed mascara left light shadows under your eyes and around your lashes.
Natasha was unsure how long since the break up you had been looking like this. Her best guess was when the very public split made the front cover of every magazine in the city three days ago…
“If you were calling someone worth your time, we wouldn’t have to do this.” Nat says in a sing song voice sinking deeper into the sofa.
Her gum popped as she rested her bunny slippers on your coffee table.
“She’s right Y/n.” You hear from behind you. The archer looked rather comfortable in civilian clothes. Not a bit out of place. He made his way around you, grabbing some fruit off the counter.
“Barton,”
“Don’t Barton me, I heard you talking in your sleep again, thin walls remember?” He motions towards you making you frown.
“You’ve got to let him go this time and move on.” He spoke chewing on a bite of apple. He props himself up on the counter.
“But Clint. Listen, I know-“
“He loves you, right? But you know he doesn’t, not really. Deep down you know. Us,” he waves his finger in the air, “and yourself- we’ll be right back here in a few weeks, months even?” Clint tosses the core away, wiping his hands on his pants.
“But Tony he-“
“Makes you feel like no body else?
Pfffff you and half of New York, California, Massachusetts, aaaand I’m sure their are other states.”
You give him a shocked expression at his bluntness. Nat gives Clint a side glance surprised by his words as well. He usually held his tongue when it came to you, what had changed?
“You guys can’t possibly understand.” You flop yourself at the end of the love seat. Natasha reaches over with a hand twisting her fingers around your coiled tresses.
“No. Actually we don’t. Sorry hun, you just sound like a broken record.”
Clint walks over towards your mantle picking up a picture of you and Tony.
Both of you were dressed in designer clothes and of course- knowing Tony, he spared no expense that night.
“Is it the eyes? They have that lost puppy look to them, haven’t they?” Clint grumbles looking back towards you and Natasha then back at the photo, “I swear to God he perfects that look in the mirror EVERY MORNING!”
“Calm down there tiger,” Natasha sighed putting her magazine down when Clint sunk down into the sofa cushions on the other side of her.
“Y/n this is just what you’ve been telling yourself. Stay strong ok? You deserve better than this,” she meets Clint eyes, talking to you but keeping her gaze locked with Clint, “Better than him.”
—————————-
You sit up in your bed startled by the sharp knock at your front door.
Your head was filled with tension and stress, pushing your remote and mound of tissues to the opposite side of the bed before getting up. Another rap at the door makes you grab your bat from its resting spot beside your bed.
Sliding your feet towards the knocking, that is quickly growing louder, you manage to slide open the peep hole. Breathing a sigh of relief recognizing the figure on the other side.
“Hey. It’s uh. Me.,.again.” Tony stated. His eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot. He was wearing a light blue suit, or what was left of it. The tie was undone and hung carelessly around his neck and his shirt was unbuttoned.
Tony? What are you doing here?”
“Can you talk?” His voice rasps, rubbing one of his eyes with the palm of his hand.
“Y/n, don’t open that door.” You hear at the edge of your mind. You turn slowly spotting Wanda peering out of the guest bedroom. Her hand resting on the outer door frame and glowing red, staring daggers at you. Even though she was trying to help, you were feeling torn.
“But it’s Tony. I-“ you reply in a whispered tone. Your bat you kept for emergencies, slowly swung loosely at your side as you had a silent conversation with her.
“Y/n don’t do this to yourself. Stark overall, is no problem but in a relationship- He is like poison.”
“His pissin’ drunk,” Clint, speaking in a louder than normal tone- sat up from the sofa, making both you and Wanda grab your chests. “I don’t even know how he made it over here.” Clint yawned, combing a hand through his bed head.
“Clint you gave me a heart attack!”
“And before you ask- it was Nats idea!” He points to your door, “and look at that, She was right. God that woman!” He jumps over the back of the sofa with ease hastily joining your side.
“Come on, open up sweetheart.” Tony sighs resting his head on the cool surface of the door with a thump. “Can you just hear me out?” He speaks weakly, at first you weren’t sure you had heard anything at all.
Clint shook his head back and forth making your lip quiver when he saw your hand began to twitch. You know they are your friends trying to look out for you but in this moment, you wished they were at their own homes.
You sigh gazing at the door,
“I have. I always have but not this time, Tony. I just can’t. We’ll be right back here soon enough.” Finished you eyeball Clint who nods.
“Honey, please just,” He began fidgeting with his collar and untucking his winkled shirt, “Is the heat on out here?! God it’s so hot. Shit.” He takes out a handkerchief, wiping his face. How many times had he been right here, in the very same spot? Too many to count. It was always his fault, he was the fuck up he told himself yet he just couldn’t enjoy what he had. Instead he would take you for granted expecting you to always be there and always come back. Regardless of what he put you through in the process.
Exhaling calmly he tries to form words that conveyed what he was feeling. “You know I’m just trying to keep up appearances and, the attention- I hate talking without seeing your beautiful face.” He looks down at the floor changing the subject. “I noticed you weren’t at the gala tonight.” He pauses, folding his arms over his chest, “Were you.. were you with someone else? You know I love you and no matter what there’s not another woman out there for me, it’s only you. And I know what happened the other night could be taken as just a fluke- a misunderstanding..”
Clint silently crosses his arms against his chest, rolling his neck to face you. “Ugh He’s laying it on thick now.”
“Tony, I-“
“Don’t y/n, “ Wanda pleads, clasping her hands together.
“Maybe five minutes?” You whisper meeting both her and Clint’s eyes. “Just to hear him out. I mean, communication is the key right? Clint? That’s how you and Nat get along so well.”
“Were not talking about Nat and I. We are,”
You grasp the doorknob,
“Y/n don’t you dare!” Clint puts out his arm in front of you. You meet his eyes, even in the dim lit apartment you can see he is completely focused on you. He notes the heartbreak and exhaustion reflecting back at him and it pains him to see you so broken. “This will not end well. You mean a lot to me Y/n, to us and I’m trying to protect you from more of the same. Let me help you. This is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, do you?”
You halt your actions at his words searching his face. It was easy for him to say, he already had someone.
“Don’t look at me shocked, we all know you feel like your biological clock is a tickin but this- Stark isn’t the way.”
“That’s not true!”
“Fine. Whatever. Listen, you’re going to rush this and there’ll be no coming back from it. “
“Is that.. Merida?”
Tonys mind started drifting, becoming his worst enemy thinking about what Clint could be filling your head with.
“Someone decided to spend the night with you, Y/n?”
Tony questions annoyance clear in his voice. He was well aware how Clint felt about you and discovering that he was over at an ungodly hour only lent more fuel for his imagination to run rampid, “so I take it you’re sleeping with him now?” Tony chuckles, biting his lip, “I’ve gotta admit, I didn’t think you’d have it in you.”
Before you twisted the doorknob Clint was two steps ahead of you, unlatching the door.
“That’s it, I’m gonna kill him.” Clints groans, his face flushed with anger.
“No!” You yell through the wood, both men stall, unsure of whom you were addressing, “He just thought it best to keep me company!” You mutter gripping onto Clint’s arm, he calmly lifts your hands from his bicep placing them at your sides.
“Ok. You know what we all need some sleep. How about I just go out there and have a word with him ok? I won’t hurt ‘em, too bad.” Clint smirked before disappearing into the hallway, you barely could catch a glimpse of Tony before the door was tightly shut behind him.
You hear the muffled talking, which quickly turns to yelling. Wanda comes to rest her small hands upon your hunched shoulders, guiding you back to your room.
“I know you’re letting your emotions get the best of you but trust me, this is for the best. Don’t let him in.”
——————
“So I see you and Nat spend no time swooping in for my left overs.” Tony rubs his nose, walking back from Clint.
“Fuck you Stark.” Clint takes a step forward, contemplating how to handle him. “She’s a human being.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you two are doing.” Tony wags a finger at Clint tucking both hands behind his back. He takes a few steps off towards the side, striking a finger against his top lip as he leans against the far wall.
“Ok. Fine. If you’re so brilliant what are we doing?”
“You’re trying to pull y/n into you and Nats little poly relationship, freak fest and I’ll have you know-“
Clint couldn’t take anymore. Taking a swift step forward, he was able to catch Tony off guard, landing a punch straight to his face.
Tonys eyes widened in shock, releasing cuss words from his mouth. Tears begin forming at the corners of his eyelids. He honestly had not see that coming.
Clint distances himself knowing this was bad. He shouldn’t have volunteered to go out there in the first place. He knew he was already high strung, throw in lack of sleep and pent up stress in the mix and this is the result.
“Do you hear yourself right now?
I suggest you stop if you like keeping all of your teeth.” He spat pointing as Tony who was keeping pressure on the bridge of his nose, keeping it from bleeding down the front of his outfit.
Tony quickly retaliated, swinging back missing Clint by an inch, stumbling into the wall behind him.
“Come on old man.”
“Ha you’re one to talk. So you’re mad I’m hitting a little too close to home now, is that it?” Tonys voice sounded nasally, as they begin to circle one another. “You can’t fool me, I see the way you look at her. It’s way past the little sister label you thought you could toss on her.”
“Ok so what? You’ve hurt her so many goddamn times she won’t let anyone else near her. And I’ve tried, believe me I have. But damn that sweet face of hers she just keeps drawing me back in. but you, you lucky fuck- have just twisted her so much! Making her think she’s not pretty enough, smart enough, good enough for you!”
“Well, she is.”
“Damn right she is, She’s fucking amazing.l-“ Clint took a breath realizing what he had said, “Tony. Just go back home so this doesn’t go any further. And I’ve got an unfair advantage because you’re drunk.”
“Fine. Atleast it’s about time you fucking admitted it.” He lets out a hollow laugh, “Just gotta always have what I have, huh?”
“Atleast I’d take better care of her which is more than I can say for you. I wouldn’t have her up crying for days on end about a stripper or lingerie she found in random places, or and here’s my favorite- lipstick.”
“Lipstick? I’m not following-“
“Because you’re drunk. Lipstick. This last time? Tip toeing around with a Stark Industries secretary of some sort of department?”
“Oh uh”
“Yeah that little gem. Was it worth it? All that humiliation you bought down on her? By the next morning her reputation was down the toilet!”
“What about me and what I had to endure?”
“What you had to endure?! Popping some viagra? Please! You were getting hot and heavy behind the stage curtain! THE FUCKING STAGE CURTAIN! You think everything’s fun and games. It’s past time for you to grow up. I’m not saying you’ve got to care about others, because we both know- the only one you look out for is you.”
“Hey!”
“Let me finish. You should have shown her how much you cared about her.”
“She’s that bad off huh?”
“This, right here, is breaking her heart. And I hate it. All of it. I hate that I had to come out here to prevent her from facing you. And ofcourse I feel like shit because here I am, trying to patch up what’s left of a failing relationship between my teammate and the woman I’m falling in love with. “
“Well you take the cake for the suckiest life right now.”
“Glad you agree. Now how about you make my life a little easier by calling Happy, taking your ass home and icing your face?”
—————— one month later
“Ok. So I saw Tony tonight at the fundraiser.” You begin entering Natasha and Clint’s apartment. You drape your black shaw across the back of a chair, removing your heels.
“Aw Sam!” Clint groaned, tossing the deck of cards he had onto the coffee table. He stood ignoring the soft swirls on his back from Nat. “You had one job! Be her date and keep her away from Stark!”
“It wasn’t my fault, Alright!” Sam loosened his tie, slumping beside Nat. “She distracted me with a hot waitress. A hot waitress, carrying some delicious food and before I knew it, there was no intervening.” Sam through his arms up in defeat making you and the other women laugh.
“Oh Sam, we’ve got to work on that.”
Wanda giggles, throwing some popcorn in his direction. “You know Y/n fights dirty.” She said giving you a wink.
“Tell me about it, I didn’t even get her number.” Sam smirks taking off his jacket, placing it on the ottoman before him.
“Not so fast, Sammy,” you slip a napkin into his palm with a wink and a pat on his shoulder. The others exchanged confused glances while Sam skims it over satisfied.
“You gonna tell me how you did it?” He tilts his head towards your retreating direction.
“Simple, told her you were my brother.”
“Girl, have I told you how much I love you?! That’s what I’m talking about!” Sam triumphantly laughed while tucking away the napkin in his pocket.
“Okay, So dare I ask what happened with Tony?” Nat questions, her face already beginning to cringe up, taking a sharp inhale.
“Well after talking to him,”
“You spoke to that smug bastard?!”
“Hey- you promised you’d play nice!”
“I have been thinking that maybe we can just be friends?” You give an uneasy smile to the group lounging around, your words coming out more like a question than a statement. Their opinion mattered more to you than anything.
“Noooo”
“Y/n!”
“Come on!”
“The dick must be that good, huh?”
Well, Almost anything.
“You guys, and uh, Sam- everything’s not about dicks with women you do know that?” You lift your eyebrow glancing at Sam. He shrugs his shoulders when you continue, “Anyway, it will be back to the way we were before all of this.” You said with a smile. Were you trying to convince them or yourself?
“There is no going back to normal, ok?”
“He’s just going to use you up and spit you out again.”
“Stark is like a revolving door. It’s amazing how he’s dodged so many STDs.” Nat sighed leaning back into Sam.
“I know you all think Tony is some womanizer-“
“Well yeah.” Clint and Sam simultaneously respond.
“No! He’s not like that, he’s kind, loving, gentle.”
Clint was furious, balling up his fists when Natasha rests a gentle hand on his arm beside the couch.
“That’s what he wants you to think! In fact that’s the same description all the girls label Tony with.”
Clint stalks away when you look down at Natasha she looks to Sam, who nods and follows after him.
“Just stay clear of him alright. You don’t want to wake up in his bed again.” Wanda whispers to you while Sam and Clint walk toward your kitchen.
——————————
Sam looks back at you guys chatting on the sofa before leaning towards Clint, “So you wanna-“
“Ha you’re asking me if I want to talk about it? I swear sometimes you’re just like Steve.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to help.” Sam backs up away from him turning to grab some drinks from the fridge.
“Yep that’s what everyone seems to be wantin’ to do these days.”
“I’m just sayin’, It’s obvious you’re interested in y/n,”
“Yeah, What of it?” Clint pauses looking over at him. He then watches the interaction between you and Nat. It was so fluid and loving. Natasha’s touches lingered on you always a little longer than they should have.
You on the other hand, never put much thought into it, chalking it up to how she was worried more about you because you had no super hero serum or special deadly skill set to keep you safe. That in her eyes made you an innocent.
“You and Natasha- you both
Like her? I mean, are interested in her?”
“Sam-“
“I just didn’t know how that would work but if you’re both… open to it,”
“Sam just spit it out and stop taking all cryptic!” Clint hisses clearly agitated, worried and still trying to speak quickly and quietly.
“Y/n, after her first break up with Stark, I saw her downtown at her favorite coffee shop. Looking back I believe she was out on a date,”
“How do you know she wasn’t just catching up with an old friend?”
“We know all of her friends. Trust me this wasn’t that. I mean, I don’t know about you but I don’t greet any of my friends with open mouth kisses.”
Ew”
What?”
“Now all I can picture are those retired war vets you work with.” Clint snicker avoiding a hit from Sam. “So sloppy and-“
“Knock it off. I’m serious.”
“Ah, Ok ok. Is this going somewhere, Sam?”
“This was a girlfriend, Clint. I think.. Y/n might be bi.”
—————————
“Hey y/n where are you off to?” Tony questions intertwining your hand with his, he twirls you into his arms giving you a slow heated kiss.
Going against you and your friends better judgement, two weeks later you’re back with Tony.
“Oh I missed you, handsome.”
“Right backatcha, princess.”
“So I’ll see you this afternoon right?” Tony questions, helping you slide your arms into your jacket. Your curls bounce around, brushing his face.
“What time are you thinking?”
“Ugh I don’t know, two maybe? Why?”
“Oh nothin, just I wanna be up here to greet you instead of the lab. That’s all.”
“Ok. You smile, pecking him on the cheek. See you then!”
————————-
You stomp your feet on the mat exiting the elevator. It was very quiet when you enter, walking through the kitchen. Strangely quiet. Perhaps the others were out on a mission? Steve usually notifies you so you can take care of his dog and Buckys cat. Which you were more than willing to assist with, if it meant spending any type of time with them before they left.
Shaking the droplets of rain from your hair and umbrella, you carefully maneuver yourself out of the wet articles of clothing, carrying the heap towards Tonys room. The last thing you wanted to hear was him having a conniption because you warped his cherry wood floors.
You managed to keep most of it bundled up while standing in the elevator watching each numbered floor let out a small ding.
“ FRIDAY?” You call,
“Yes Miss Y/l/n.?”
“Is Tony here? In his room?”
“Yes, would you like me to alert him?”
You looked down at your watch, noticing you were an almost an hour early.
“Oh no, FRIDAY, I want it to be a surprise!” You grin bitting your lips.
You begin trudging down the hall towards his bedroom, passing the glass walls of the lab. You heard a few noises heading that way but they were so muffled it sounded like a recording or a movie.
You slowly open the door to silence. In fact you smirk when Tony stirs about from the bed. You trot over, dropping the drenched heap into a basket.
“So you couldn’t manage without me?”
“Oh hun, I just felt a tad peckish so I decided to take a nap.” He was surrounded by mounds of blankets and sheets.
“Really?” Your expression immediately turned into concern. Tony never got sick- unless he had drank too much and even then it was rare. When you move your hand to touch his forehead he grabs it turning it over to kiss the back of it.
“I see how smooth you are hasn’t been affected.” You laugh resting your hands on your thighs.
“You’re home early.” Tony states, rubbing his eyes and propping himself up. The sheets inch down revealing his toned chest.
“Yeah, are you naked?” You ask, moving to pull the covers lower. He grips the comfetor pulling it back up.
“Yeah, I took a shower. It was very relaxing,” he sees you looking around the room trying to keep yourself from ogling him. It was dimly lit, blinds closed.
“why all of this too much for you?” He smirks bringing your face back to him with his index finger.
You laugh shaking your head. “Anyway,” you say beginning to undress.
“Hey what are you…”
“I’m changing my clothes, Tony! As you can see I’m soaked.”
“Ew.”
“Ew?”
“Yeah, because you’re going to stick your cold, clammy body on me and that’s just not right.”
“But you’re so warm!” You groan, putting on a fake pout.
“Uh no. How about you go take a shower right quick, huh?”
“Tony I’m just damp not sweaty-“
“I know just freshen up ok, Beautiful?.”
“Ugh you’re impossible.”
“Thanks sweetie.”
Sulking as you enter, the bathroom door doesn’t close all the way leaving a small crack as you begin undressing in front of the sink. You make mocking faces of Tony as you finish removing your clothes. Clad in only your bra and underwear you pause when you see a shadow of a figure fly behind you in the mirror.
“Tony?” You call hearing a shuffle from the bedroom.
“Yes sweetie?” He replies,
“What are you doing?”
“Just straightening up the room.”
You roll your eyes again moving towards the shower. When you turn it on, you remember you left your phone in the pocket of your jeans, currently bawled up in the basket besides Tonys bed. The water was still a bit chilly, so you decided to step out and retrieve it while the water got to your desired temperature.
With a huff you yank the bathroom door open, “Tony, have you-“
Your words die in your throat, being greeted by a brunette dark skinned woman clutching her clothes against her body. Even in the shadows of the room you could see she was breathtaking.
You took the whole scene in. Tonys hands clutching her forearms, his boxers clearly straining at the close proximity of the woman to himself. How her green eyes glued to your half dressed form, the lipstick smeared across his chin, lower stomach and traveling down past the band of his boxers. Lastly, the scratches on the side of Tonys shoulder. It wouldn’t surprise you if they too stretched the span of his back.
Tony began speaking, with your eyes flicking between the two your head began to ache. You approached them both, Tony pushing the girl towards the door with his arms spread out, remembering the last time you had caught him with another woman, readying himself to absorb the punches you would soon be handing out.
But to his shock you did nothing of the sort. You neared him bending over, picking up a glossy red heel and looking at the shoe as if it was the most interesting thing you had ever seen.
“Excuse me, you forgot this.” You say, your voice just loud enough to make the stranger turn to look at you. Her eyes graze over your form, recognizing you from magazine covers from the last time you had seemed relevant to the world. She finally meets your gaze.
Clearly the object was not yours, you made your way over to the woman. She was a few inches taller than you. Tony watches the interaction, bewildered by your demeanor. You bring the heel up placing it gently to rest on the top of the clothes, bunched up against her poorly covered breasts. The strap made a small noise hitting against her long painted nails.
The woman licked her lips, unsure of what to say. “I’m. I didn’t. Know”
You only nodded, when she disappeared into the hallway leaving you and Tony alone.
“Y/n.”
“No. I am going to take a shower.”
“Sweetheart it’s not-“
“It’s going to be long and it’s going to be hot. Then I am leaving.”
That stops him in his tracks. “Ok!” He throws his hands up. “Fine! That’s what you do best, Y/n! Run away from your problems!”
“I have no problems except you, Tony.”
He rubs a hand over his mouth, seeing the crimson lipstick smear across his palm grumbling to himself.
“By the way. You missed a spot.” You speak over your shoulder, in a matter of fact tone- closing the bathroom door behind you.
me writing dialogue: “what is man but a vessel through which a higher entity may see? what is his purpose? must he find a purpose? we are but stardust; the universe comprehending itself.”
me writing action: they ran real fast from the bad men aand legs hurty
My main problem as a writer is that I don’t write because “I have a story to tell”. I write because there are worlds I want to visit, ideas I want to explore, people I want to meet, conversations I want to hear, emotions that I want to express, and impossibilities I want to make real.
tfw ur trying to write plot but ur brain only provides you with out-of-sequence snippets built on vague ideas and an endless number of potential outcomes that develop and branch out unnaturally over an unspecified timespan
Writers Block Avenue @the-tormented-writer - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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