"FFVII OG WAS SUPER SERIOUS AND GRITTY UNLIKE REMAKE!!!"
Behold, a comprehensive list of "gritty and serious" plot points that happen in FFVII OG:
Barret throwing his subordinates at the camera
Cloud stealing money from children
Reno stepping on the flowers and then immediately telling his subordinates not to step on the flowers
Cloud engaging in a squatting contest over a wig
Cloud helping out someone with incontinence issues
Cloud sitting in a tub at a sex club getting hit on by other men
Cloud also spying on President Shinra participating in kink shit
Cloud crossdressing in order to save a friend and then getting chosen as the hottest waifu
Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa threatening to stomp on a guy's nuts
Said guy launching them down a trap door and immediately doing a silly dance afterwards
Cloud, Tifa, and Barret going up an infinite loop of stairs until they are all physically exhausted. This is supposed to be a rescue mission.
Hojo getting mauled by a catdog after trying to get the catdog to have sex with Aerith. The catdog also talks. And has a human grandpa.
Rufus spending ten minutes monologuing at the player while Cloud basically tells him that he doesn't give a shit in the background
Convenient getaway vehicles in the building!
Sephiroth, Cloud, and Tifa are flung off a bridge like ragdolls
Cloud's friends repeatedly interrupt his traumatic story to make silly commentary. Barret's reaction is the verbal equivalent of "that's rough buddy".
Cloud makes bird noises at a bunch of dancing chocobos.
Elena. Just...OG Elena in general.
Cloud tells the teenaged ninja to fuck off and him telling her this makes her want to hang with them.
Cloud gets launched by a dolphin into electrical wires
Cloud sabotages a parade on live TV, inadvertently boosting the ratings.
The catdog cosplays as a human and wears a human uniform
Cloud launches a soccer ball at the catdog's face
Hojo is surrounded by hot babes on the beach
Aerith gives zero fucks about Barret being edgy because theme park
Cait Sith spouts a bunch of fortune telling bullshit and somehow manages to correctly predict DEATH.
Barret substitutes a gun on his missing arm. Conveniently his buddy also came to the same logical conclusion.
Ride birds to escape prison.
The catdog is 48 years old.
Sephiroth throws a fucking ball of materia at Cloud's nuts before doing a triple flip and nyooming over him.
There's literally a random vampire dude in the basement who you can only access by using a safe code and fighting some rando monster. And also he tells you to fuck off before immediately changing his mind.
Palmer gets hit by a bus.
Cloud and his waifu of choice get to be part of a silly theme park stage show and celebrate its conclusion by ballerina spinning offstage.
Go steal the keystone from some muscle man idk
Wander around the temple getting smushed by falling boulders and follow some purple Jar Jar Binx looking motherfucker.
Cait Sith dies. Immediately comes back within thirty seconds while Cloud is beating the shit out of his girlfriend.
The only way to get out of the limbo forest is to order a bunch of randos to blow up the environment to get some harp thing.
Cloud goes snowboarding after Aerith dies.
Sephiroth cosplays as Tifa and boobs boobily all over the place
Tifa and Scarlet have an over the top catfight before Tifa jumps forty feet to make her escape
The world's most tedious army simulator minigame
A man in a wheelchair is launched off a cliff.
That fucking submarine level. Also Cloud is claustrophobic.
The plot somehow devolved into the gang launching a rocket and going to space????
Shinra fires a missile at Godzilla.
Sephiroth's real mom lives in a crystal. Okay.
Cloud and Tifa have sex on some rocks. It's implied that everyone watched.
Sephiroth tries to kill everyone through the power of math.
Cloud fights a shirtless Sephiroth. Sephiroth literally just turned into a bunch of Eldritch monsters, but the final boss is just him half naked ig. Also he gets clowned a million times.
Magical Deus ex Machina Lifestream sparkles
Everyone dies anyway lol except maybe not? Except yeah. Except maybe.
This was only what I could remember off the top of my head. Point being, the same writers who worked on the Remake series worked on OG. They are BOTH very silly and quirky. And they are also very capable of being serious and gritty at times too. Part of the reason why the plot of FF7 stands out is because of how zany and out there a lot of these plots and concepts are. It's a balancing act. And for the most part, the Remake series reminded me why I love these characters and their stories so much. There's a lighthearted quality to them and their adventures. And it makes their darker, more emotionally complex moments that much more appealing.
I LOVE BOTH OG AND THE REMAKE SERIES.
AND I STAN SILLY ANIME SHIT.
