.....this is the worst take i’ve ever seen.. like ?? why can’t people just respect other ships instead of insulting them in favor of praising their own.. also this person is so rude, like she tagged catradora and doesn’t have a single ounce of respect for catradora shippers and responds so rudely to all of them 😑 And sisterly???
That’s literally straight up delusional.. I mean dislike catradora all you want, but your argument is immediately refuted when you say sisterly lmao
Considering that only two of those screenshots are from before season five, you seem to be proving that they forced the romantic element of Catra and Adora’s relationship in at the last minute, or season in this case.
Don’t mistake my intention, I agree with the poster. Respect other ships and don’t insult people for the ships they like.
oh well I just used the most recent because there were so many blatantly romantic moments. And nothing they’d done has been sisterly so I don’t understand why she would call a lesbian relationship “sisterly.” like just use the word friendship... and anyway the romantic element was always there (or at least Noelle tried to put as much romantic subtext as she could without it getting removed) like:
Catra looks antagonistic in most of these shots and Adora looks defensive and hostile. Not that invalidates the ship, who hasn’t shipped an antagonist and a protagonist before? I do find it hard to believe that Noelle had any trouble including romantic elements in her show. She had a pair of the princesses in an openly gay relationship from the first season, a pair of openly gay married men in the second season, Huntara openly flirting with a female bartender in the third season. What exactly got removed?
.....this is the worst take i’ve ever seen.. like ?? why can’t people just respect other ships instead of insulting them in favor of praising their own.. also this person is so rude, like she tagged catradora and doesn’t have a single ounce of respect for catradora shippers and responds so rudely to all of them 😑 And sisterly???
That’s literally straight up delusional.. I mean dislike catradora all you want, but your argument is immediately refuted when you say sisterly lmao
Considering that only two of those screenshots are from before season five, you seem to be proving that they forced the romantic element of Catra and Adora’s relationship in at the last minute, or season in this case.
Don’t mistake my intention, I agree with the poster. Respect other ships and don’t insult people for the ships they like.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Nineteen: Speaking my Language
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Summer’s over and school is in session, made worse as it is middle school. Amidst the troubles of the new year Gwen finds something she’s always wanted and was beginning to fear she would never have, a friend. Except Ben of course.
Read my review below:
Why is Gwen still going to an elementary school? It is directly stated in the story that Ben is in middle school, "Middle School blows. You're so lucky you don't have to deal." They are identical ages, so they should be in the same grade as they were in the original, or an explanation should be given as to why they aren't in the same grade. Gwen's school is a K-12 school; it wouldn't be called an elementary school.
Gwen answering her phone in school and her receiving no repercussions for throwing away the note Mrs. Adams wrote to her mother shows that scene in chapter eleven was completely needless. It should have ended after Gwen's viable scolding.
" - even old Squid Face was this horrible!"
I suspect Shadows59 meant to say 'wasn't' here.
The phone call in the middle of school and the deluge of texts that they exchange is supposed to show that they are a sweet couple that is very affectionate with each other. But it ends up coming across as they are obsessed with each other in an unhealthy way, so much so that they can't go very long without contact of some form. Even with young infatuation, couples need time apart so they can continue to be individuals, but Ben and Gwen come across as clingy and co-dependent. She even calls the phone a 'lifeline' to Ben as if she'd die without him. This wasn't the case in the original, and Shadows59 came across as a much more mature author in how he depicted a healthy but highly romantic love between two kids.
Flint continues to be a caricature of a creepy guy. He just says disgusting, hateful things so the reader will be disgusted by him and hate him, but any reader that understands this will just see him as a shallow character with no substance. Antagonists need to have well-reasoned motivations behind their actions, and yet for all the times the story has brought up Flint, it never tells the reader why he is the way he is.
Additionally, the things Flint, an eleven-year-old, says are highly sexual and complex suggestions. It's not the mere perversions of a boy who would say something such as 'show me your panties.' Instead, he suggests an advanced form of sexual degradation play, which further raises questions about why he is the way he is.
Even non-prestigious schools had computer labs and teachers who were experts to deal with them long before 1999. Even with her affinity for computers, it's unrealistic that Gwen would have then said teacher or would be called in to deal with an administrator's computer. Said computer might even be too old for her to understand at all. Honestly, I feel like I would let this pass if the story was more like the show and not trying to be a serious story.
Gwen comparing the reactions she gets from kissing Ben, her love interest in the story, to the reaction a younger brother gives to his older sister when she kisses him is, odd to say, incestuous. These two reactions should not be comparable because the reaction she should be getting from Ben is one of a peer who hasn't come around to discovering the romantic feels he has for another peer. The other is the reaction of a younger sibling at getting a kiss from an older sibling who is, in this case, Gwen peer. So not only does this compare Ben and Gwen as sister and brother but also Ben as being younger than Gwen, making their romance come across as highly inappropriate.
In the original, Gwen has social anxiety, which prevents her from talking to Michelle at first, and it's only when she thinks of Ben is she able to encourage herself to be open the new girl. This is a very relatable problem, and Gwen displays her courage and willingness to follow another's example, like a hero, overcoming it. In the reboot, Michelle asks one innocent question, the first thing she has ever said to Gwen, and Gwen is ready to judge her as being like Marci. Prejudging anyone is a very unheroic act, and Gwen has to remind herself that Ben wouldn't do something like that to convince herself to give Michelle a chance.
It's unclear why Michelle finds what Gwen says funny, why it makes Gwen "crazy," or why this makes Michelle like Gwen. In the original, Michelle is shown to be as lost and alone as Gwen, so it's natural to her to like the person who reaches out to her, on Gwen's own accord, and offers to show her around. In the Reboot, Gwen has been conscripted by the principle to interact with Michelle and show her around. That can be a fine way to bring to people who will be friends together, but the story of the original is stronger.
Having Ben's liberal parents protesting a new army base is a weak stereotype. It is a stereotype as no reason is given for them not to want the base built.
It makes no sense that Michelle, probably before she was 11, would be able to sneak out and go to a protest that turned violent given that when Gwen came near violence in this story, teenagers and adults treated her like a toddler.
Gwen comes across as bad friend allowing Marci to pull Michelle away from her with putting up a fight to get her back even though she knows Marci is lying, and she is abandoning Michelle to Marci's lies and possible bullying. Instead of doing anything to stop this, she just sits down and feels sorry for herself, thinking badly of other people, especially Ben. Gwen isn't concerned with Michelle; she'd not watching the new girl make sure Macri's not making her feel uncomfortable or anything, instead just assuming that she would fall for Marci's corruptive influence.
There is more overuse of italicized text in this chapter where it displays translated speech. First, this visual clue that Gwen hears translated speech weakens the story, because in the original, where the speech was not emphasized, the reader is confused with Gwen as to what is happening, but because we already know or can guess that something is happening we're just waiting for Gwen to figure it out. This distances the reader from the character's situation unnecessarily. Second I am left wondering what would happen if Gwen was in her plumber suit, speaking to someone on the phone, in a different language, and emphasized what she was saying. I assume the universe would implode, or explode, or both.
Marci's using the word cousin in place of boyfriend as a jab at Gwen's relationship with Ben would be good if it didn't require Gwen to understand french to be effective. Marci has been established to be able to speak some french, but Gwen hasn't, so there is no way that Marci would know Gwen would understand her. If Gwen couldn't understand what she said, then it would lose a lot of its punch. It's a cause of the scene being written from the author's perspective instead of the character's.
"she was going to drive through a perfect little nose"
Don't try to blame reflexes when there is clear intent on the part of the character.
Gwen anticipates that Michelle is going to leave her for Marci several times, and it's only after she refuses to several times that Gwen starts to trust her. The foundation of their friendship is Gwen constantly mistrusting Michelle.
Every time Gwen nearly explodes on Marci, I'm just reminded of how much healthier she dealt with her anger in the original, channeling it into little pranks she pulled on Marci with her magic.
"I kind of like the one I have - "
Shadows59, you probably meant to say 'ones' here.
The previous chapters had Max leave and created a great deal of drama. Erico even stated, "Grandpa is gone... They have nobody else they can turn to... They only have each other..." Every indication in the story and the co-author indicate that Max is gone, and yet he just shows back up in the story like none of the drama of him leaving in the previous chapters occurred. The original lacked that overly dramatic element, so when Gwen calls Max to find out why she can speak french, it makes sense they can just talk to him, whereas in the reboot, it doesn't. There's no pay off for all that drama.
"Some part of her - most of her was sure it was Grandpa saying that something came up and she felt sick at the idea.
She missed him. She'd been missing him since he disappeared and how could he? None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller..."
Shadows59, you should consider revising this section. It isn't clear what is meant by 'Some part of her-' Because that is unclear the 'None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller...' part isn't clear either. Additionally, the sections are separated, but they feel like they are part of the same thought and are referring to one another without clarification.
"No!" "No!"
Shadows, you either repeated the "No!" accidentally here, or the two knows don't need two sets quotation marks.
"He was just Ben and hers and she wasn't going to share him, not even with Michelle..."
This shows that Gwen has a very unhealthy attachment to Ben that goes far beyond romance and young love.
"He was just Ben and hers and she..."
There should probably be commas after 'Ben' and 'hers' as they are separate statements.
The added content for Michelle doesn't add much to the story of their friendship. Some might have found it sudden that the pair met in this chapter, and one chapter later, we're best friends, but that at least was marked with a time jump, so the development of their friendship could take a mundane pace normally in the skipped time. Here their transition from strangers to best friends really does seem sudden, and there's no real reason why these two because so attached after just a few hours. There's no real reason for their closeness save on Gwen's part because she notices that Michelle is somewhat like Ben, an unsettling fact given how obsessed she is with the boy.
Ben and Gwen sound like old people talking about 'kids fashion these days.'
"she was so much faster and back on her feet before she even got any water on her skirt."
It's physically impossible to pour water all over someone's head while their head is in your lap and not get wet.
I'll just say there is a big difference between Gwen staring a little because Ben is shirtless and her ogling him while describing droplets of water running down his muscles. One is appropriate for an eleven-year-old, and the other is not. Once more, I just think these characters are older in Shadows59's mind, not that he's trying to be inappropriate.
That ending is so cute, I love it.
-Erico
"...carries much more depth and heart because Michelle's first day and Gwen's first day back address it from Gwen's perspective."
This sentence makes no sense.
You make it sound like Gwen is taking advantage of Michelle's uncertainty.
It makes no sense for Gwen's classmates to ostracize her for doing things for the school staff; all students get called to do such things. So unless the faculty is ostracizing the other students and only calling on Gwen for help, the students' opinion of her shouldn't be affected by that. You are also showing just as well as I that Gwen has an unhealthy attachment to Ben when her focus is getting the day to get back to him. An attachment that again, goes far beyond healthy romantic attachment.
So what I hear from you is that Michelle is guarded because the concern she sees from people is usually because she is her father's daughter, and its more their concern for him, or his opinion of them, then it is for Michelle herself. This isn't expressed in the story, and while it would be difficult to do so while locked in Gwen's perspective without creating awkward dialogue, it is still possible to express it. For instance, by Michelle extending her father's gratitude instead of her own, or assuring people that she will tell her father what a good job they did.
You talk about Gwen and Michelle like they are going through the friendship equivalent of love-at-first-sight. This is a trope that is used, most commonly, by poor writers to establish romance first and justify it later, but real friendship, like real love, is slow to start. The original had that at least in feeling; the reboot has chosen to forgo it instead.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
I thought the ending to Steven Universe Future was terrible. But thinking about it, I now realize I was wrong; this entire series, including the movie, is terrible. This series creates more problems and questions and doesn't solve any of the ones left from the original series. Many people complained about 'Change Your Mind' but, ignoring the quick resolution with White Diamond, the ending left with there was far more satisfying.
I've made a list of these problems:
-Jasper's self-worth problems: This is one of the only problems left from the original series. The way Amethyst goes over and reassures her at the end of 'Change Your Mind' indicated a better future for her than one where she self-isolates and becomes subservient to those stronger than her.
-How Steven managed to completely remake a galactic empire in two years: This just raises a near-infinite number of questions of how he did this. Most significantly, how Steven managed to resolve the resource problem, Peridot spoke about?
-How Steven managed to heal the entire planet: Spinel succeeded, and the injector poisoned the entire planet, how the heck did Steven managed to fix that one square foot at a time before everyone died?
-How the Zoomans managed to take over management of the space station when they can't even take care of themselves?
-Steven's relationship with Rose Quartz: 'Storm in the Room' had Steven confront a representation of his mother, and even the reveal of her as Pink Diamond while creating further problems for him didn't indicate that he was left with any major turmoil over her. Steven Universe, the Movie and Future, seems to exist partially just to assassinate her character. All the conflict it creates causes Steven to have to hide away her painting in the lion's mane, and he never resolves those feeling about her. In the end, Steven only looks at her picture in a place that literally suffocates him.
-Aquamarine and Eyeball's animosity towards Steven: This existed in the original series, but they bring it up and make a point of how much these two hate him, and it's just left that way. Creating conflict that will now never be resolved.
-All the gems unsatisfied with the change to the empire's status quo: We now know from the Lapis that there are gems that just want to and continue to do what they are made for, how many such gems exist? How much damage are they doing?
-Lars and Sadie's relationship: At the end of 'Change Your Mind' it seemed as if they were going to finally get together. But then they don't. Why? Personal reasons. That is this epilogue series in a nutshell. The show was the one that invited the audience into their relationship then just decides there's nothing there, and it's none of our business why. The show doesn't own the audience any resolution for the conflict it created.
-Lars' fate as a now immortal being: Can it be undone, is he even alive any more, what's he going to do in space, and the human mind even cope with never aging or dying?
-Bismuth's interest in Pearl: They introduces that Bismuth is romantically interested in Pearl, but never tells us if that will change their relationship in any. This seems to show that the show is just creating ship-fodder. On a side note, it never resolves the romantic tension it created between Amethyst and Peridot ether.
-How or why Greg and the gems chose never to take Steven to the doctor or send him to school and why child protective services never intervened?
-Steven's grandparents: They introduce that they are alive, living not that far away, and that Steven is interested in meeting them, but that Greg is opposed to it because he views them as bad parents, if not people. Does Steven ever meet them, are they as bad as Greg describes, does Greg ever repair his relationship with them?
-Steven's mental health issues: He has problems bad enough that he needs therapy, does he ever resolve these issues? I will also note that while it makes sense for Steven to have these issues, the series doesn't handle them well. For instance, how exactly were the Crystal gems and Greg not there for Steven? The opposite seems to be true; they were always there for him; he just kept pushing them away.
Some will interject that this is all just 'realistic' that in real-life problems are not always just easily resolved at the end of a conflict and people more on happily and fully fulfilled. That is a misunderstanding of reality. Steven Universe is not real life, it is a story, and if a story creates conflict and then doesn't resolve that conflict, it is poor storytelling. It leaves the reader or viewer unsatisfied, and as I said most of these conflicts were created by Steven Universe: Future, they wouldn't exist if not for the show that was supposed to serve as an epilogue to the story, something that is designed to bring closure to the work. It is not supposed to create more conflict then it resolves.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Eighteen: Everything Stays
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
When loss follows loss, Ben and Gwen realize that they have to rely on each other. They can still have a fun summer together so long as they are together.
Read my review below:
It's silly for Ben to think he's been captured for more than a second, as he does in the original, noticing your surroundings is an almost instantaneous thing humans do.
It's silly that Gwen never cries, why wouldn't she? She was fine doing so in the original it wasn't even worth noting.
Ben pictures Gwen in her underwear. Why do they continue to sexualize eleven-year-olds?
"old squidface and throwing him into Washington's carved face"
That's not what happened, Vilgax smashed the head. Shadows59 needs to review the source material before he writes his story.
In the reboot, Ben takes the Keystone of Bezel because he wants its power. Why is Shadows59 making Ben's motivation here to be selfish? In the original is only intent was to put it on a chain as a gift so Gwen could keep a souvenir of the summer with her at all times as he does with the Omnitrix. On top of that he can't even do so competently, he almost gets caught, which means there's no reason for Gwen not to realize he has the charm the moment she notices it's missing. Gwen is even the one that has to give Ben the idea of giving it to her as a gift.
Can the reboot seriously not have Gwen come in to find Ben look at some pictures without creating melodrama? The whole scene seems to be there to tear down Ben.
"the white cat logo face peeking out from between her -"
Why not start talking about the eleven-year-old girl's breasts?
"everything was the best thing ever and he tried to do it all at once,"
Does Max put Ecstasy in his coffee? The tonal whiplash of going from Gwen having breasts to Ben's cartoonish reaction to drinking coffee is incredibly offputting.
Here Ben nearly restarts the prank war fight; in the original, he was the one to bring it to its resolution by properly apologizing first. In the reboot, it is, of course, Gwen who does this by forcing out of Ben that he was about to praise Gwen's skills, not his own, and she makes Ben understand she didn't mean to make his smoothie explode. Unfortunately, as there was a long list of mean things Ben did to Gwen, he is still the cause of the fight, and Gwen is still blameless as she can't control what she feels, and the magic acted without her consent. In the original, she was the cause of the fight, and it was completely due to her unjustified jealousy, but the reader could empathize with her feelings, and she grew when she realized that Ben was helping the girl who arrived late and didn't know who the demonstrator was. Ben couldn't even have that tiny bit of heroism as it was the girl, Emily, who helped a sulking Ben by talking to him. So, in the end, even Ben has to chastise himself.
The electronic frame is an odd thing to change, maybe Shadows59 decided it was too advance tech for 1999, but the change seems unnecessary.
Ben doesn't realize what an ultrasound picture is, and Gwen has to explain as she emotes about it. In the original, Ben noticed and knew what it was immediately showing concern for Gwen if she saw it, which she seemed not to. Another example of Shadows59 taking from Ben to give to Gwen.
Why is Ben stealing the idea for Gwen and Michelle's game of trying to find the ugliest thing possible when shopping? It makes sense for a pair of girls to come up with a game like that; it doesn't make sense for an eleven-year-old boy to make it up or even agree to go shopping with his cousin.
"the Principal calls Gwen into her office because there's a new girl who needs someone to show her around."
Why isn't it good enough that Gwen befriends her in class, trying to emulate Ben's skills at being able to just open up and talk to people? Likely it's because Shadows59 kicked Max out of the story and now can't follow up with the translating brain worms, a fun piece of world-building lore.
-Erico
So Ben apologies for selfish reasons instead of the embarrassment his prank continues to cause Gwen. How is that an improvement?
Gwen is going to be more touchy-feely then when she was kissing Ben? I shudder to think about what that will entail considering how much Shadows59 has accelerated the sexuality of these eleven-year-olds.
No, again, they started as friends, right from season one, and based on Shadows59's original epilogue, they were something more before the end of that first summer together, not that they could admit those feelings to each other or themselves.
LMR is such a slow burn I'm getting frostbite. They are much less like kids then they were in the original, and they dealt with all the same problems.
If by wonderful you mean it's going to continue Gwen's degenerating into a Mary-Sue, the erosion of Ben and Max's characters into shadows of their former selves, sexualizing pre-pubescent children, replacing genuine drama with melodrama, tight writing with near-endless rambling, being inconsistent with the show, itself, and logic in general, then yes it will be wonderful. However, others would likely look at what this story has become and choose to describe it as a total bastardization of the original and loss of the talent Shadows59 once showed as a writer. I'm begging you to stop encouraging the degeneration of Shadows59's skills. I don't even care about the story anymore, just the beautiful writer that the world is loosing.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Seventeen: What You Leave Behind
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
There has been so much tragedy in Max's life, so many mistakes he's tried to make up for, so much time lost. He thought his time as a soldier was over, be he's a soldier still, and the war comes home to call. He never forgets that a soldier fights to protect what they love.
Read my review below:
The whole beginning of this chapter is a good example of the drawn-out melodrama of the reboot that gets silly when Max sees Carl but doesn't recognize him because he's still supposed to be a boy. If that were happening, Max would be running a fever so hot he'd be in the hospital. Like with Gwen in the previous chapter, it's just a bad cliche.
The going on about Lili's parents in this chapter is exhausting as it was when the same was happening with Lili several chapters ago. It's like suddenly being made to read a completely different story. This story is supposed to be about Ben and Gwen, huge dumps of information about other characters that don't meaningfully impact them are a weight that makes the story drag. This would be bad enough if we didn't have a much tighter written version of the story to compare the reboot to, but we do.
"that walrus of a husband of hers just grabbed Ben the second he walked through the door and dragged him upstairs!"
To do what? Show me in the text where he did anything but stand outside the door the whole time Gwen was changing. Because if that was the only thing that he did, it was a waste of words.
It can be assumed that in some future chapter, the reading with have to read about how Sandra's parents aren't really that bad and they were just trying to do the right thing, and we shouldn't demonize them either. Anyone who isn't eagerly anticipating that or who'll be disappointed at that outcome has no right to defend the rambling melodrama of Lili and her parents.
Ben sleeping feels out of place too while Gwen must be at home staring into the crib waiting for Kenny to reappear, again it makes them seem out of step with one another, which they weren't ever during the original. Worse yet, it seems he's only asleep to cover for the fact that otherwise, the pendant couldn't have gotten where it needed to be without Ben noticing it or him being alerted to it being dropped off.
After dragging the chapter out with rambling melodrama about unimportant characters, Max doesn't even get to have the moment of levity of finding Ben and Gwen together in the nursery. Why change that? The reader doesn't even get to see them sleeping next to each other it's just vaguely described. Max doesn't even get to protect his son Frank from having to go into, what is for him, an incredibly painful room to be in.
So Ben and Gwen's parents put them in bed together, under the covers with cloths that are half falling off. In the original, when Ben's parents found them sleeping in the same bed, spooning as they are in this chapter, with Ben on the covers instead of under them, that was enough to tip them off that they were in a relationship. What Lili's hyper-conservative parents would say when one of them would inevitably find them in bed together like this, and why don't they? Why change this from putting them to bed separately in the clothes they were wearing? How does the story justify this making more sense? It seems like this was changed to replace the cute moment of Max finding them together in the nursery that was also changed for no apparent reason.
Why does Max know without even talking to Wes that he is going to have to leave? It's been said multiple times outside the text that this next part is Ben and Gwen learning to rely on each other. That was the story being told in 'Breaking Point', why is it being fast-forwarded to midway through this story which was about Ben and Gwen realizing their feeling for each other? It again seems like while Shadows59 incest-insisted on rewriting 'Little Moments', his mind is still stuck in the later story with those themes.
So here, when Jim shows Max the picture of Gwen using magic to summon her water snake at the fire, she is easily identifiable because of her school uniform; even Max laments she didn't change out of it. This seems to be the reason that the event was changed from night to day, and it is a poor one that ended up causing problems in that previous chapter when Shadows59 tried to lift and reuse lines from the original. A reason that did not need to be created as it was already apparent who Gwen was and that she was using magic.
"Still, a pink aura… Not even Nimue was..."
Is Shadows59 suggesting that Gwen is an even more powerful magic user than the Lady in the Lake? He deduces this just from the color of her aura, which she gained through a power-up rather than via real effort of training and study. This is a total affront to Gwen's character.
-Erico
I blame you for every terrible decision I have noted through every chapter of this story. I can only hope that the mess of writing this story has become is because of you, then maybe Shadows59 can one day salvage his former talent for storytelling.
You are overly focused on Max's lying, spreading it into something it never was. How would Max's life be any different if he was just as absent but had told them the truth? In the show Max's lying only spread as far as what his job was, he accepted the responsibility that his work put on him, and the lost of fame and respect he could have because it was more important to him to keep the world and his family safe. Max's burden was that of a hero, and instead of the credit and respect he deserves, you have smeared him as a deceptive person.
How can you justify claiming that Max was so hubristic that he didn't know what he had? Or what he had to lose? He's been running from the plumbers all summer, was that just a game of tag to him? If Max thought he had any other choice but to go, then why did he tell Frank he was leaving? And how is it that his lies brought him to that point? Which of Max's lies caused the High Breed and their DNAliens to kill everything else because they are dying? Unless that motive has been replaced with 'punish Max Tennyson for lying.'
Oh, forbid I read one story and enjoy it for what it is, no there has to be this elaborate web of them, because one overly long story full of rambling melodrama isn't enough.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Sixteen: Words
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Sometimes being a hero isn't enough. Sometimes bad things happened that no one can fix. In a tragedy like this, Gwen feels pulled through the ceremony that follows, not knowing what to think.
Read my review below:
Gwen being in such denial that she incest-insists that her mother being pregnant and losing the baby is a joke then freaks out is a bad cliche.
Ending on the clothing prank and having Ben have to transform and retrieve everything from the tree just makes the scene feel like it drags. The original started much better with them on the way home.
Noting that Ben did anything except flip through the Omnitrix is a downgrade of his character. In the original Ben and Gwen were in the exact same mindset, desperately searching the entire way home to undo what had happened, that is what connects them after the funeral.
Is Lili's father a lawyer? That makes him rejecting Frank make even less sense.
Gwen can't dress herself, that's not worrying to her grandmother? Why did she tell her husband to get Ben, did they just stand outside Gwen's room the whole time she was being dressed? It made far more sense in the original when Gwen's grandmother left Gwen to dress herself and went to collect Ben when it was his turn to change.
Why is Ben stomping up the stairs? In the original Gwen recognized his footsteps even though they were unusually soft, again this showed that they were in the same mental state of mourning, why take that from him?
It's an improvement that Gwen didn't actually yell in the reboot, as it is hard to explain why no one would come up if she had.
-Erico
Why did you say "their" summer wasn't easy if you are going to only talk about Gwen? You are revealing just how much this has become Gwen's story instead of Ben and Gwen's story.
Say it with me, Ben and Gwen were always friends. This story was once about them discovering what they really were to one another, not changing their feeling for each other but discovering them.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Fifteen: This Means War
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
People sometimes make mistakes. People sometimes answer those mistakes with mistakes of their own. Eventually, this can lead to a downward spiral of destruction that will take everything with it. Tragedy can break the cycle because no matter what, people need to lean on each other during a tragedy.
Read my review below:
So the chapter starts in a place so charged with magic/mana that Gwen is having trouble containing herself. Then Ben openly snubs her in his mock duel attempt and takes off when Max points out Gwen's interest. Then he snubs the event that he knows Gwen was excited to come to, as was he, and takes off. Then Shadows59 reminds the reader of the events of the last chapter and the negative effect it had on both kids. Then Max puts pressure on Gwen to be nice to Ben. Which she does by getting him a weird smoothie she thinks he'll like. Once more, we are reminded of the last chapter and Gwen's fears of Ben abandoning her. Then she comes upon him bragging to a girl about being the best in their dojo, even complimenting his skills as she scoffs at his lie. Then he's intentionally hurtful and dismissive of Gwen. Gwen notes the girl is interested in Ben. Then Ben plagiarizes Gwen's advice to him about kicking. Then we are reminded again of the fear and drama the Poodle created. Ben shows he's intentionally doing these things to upset Gwen. Then Ben makes fun of the smoothie Gwen got for him and shares it with the girl instead of Gwen, like he normally does. Then Ben and the girl almost share an indirect kiss, something Gwen and Ben have only done once, and she is clearly jealous Ben is doing with a stranger. So after all that Gwen still does nothing except get ready to scream, but without her direction, her magic causes the smoothing to explode out of the cup. In the original there is no drama from an otherworldly horror, Ben isn't mean to Gwen in any way. A girl does sit down next to Ben after the demonstration starts, and he does start talking to her, but he does so for altruistic reasons that will be discussed in a later chapter. Gwen is simply jealous at this and accidentally-purposefully knocks over her drink, which the pair sit in, making it look like Ben peed himself. In the original, even Max indicates that he thinks Gwen may have done it on purpose, but here he doesn't, he's completely in the dark about what happened. As much as one might want to say the situations are the same and Gwen shares blame in both, that's not true. If Ben hadn't been so cruel to Gwen, it wouldn't have happened. Shadows59 is taking something that is at least partially Gwen's fault and gives all the responsibility for what happened to Ben.
There is a part where Ben is about to say that Gwen is the best at the dojo but is cut off by Max's call. The problem is that Gwen mutters to herself after hearing Ben say, "the best fighter in our dojo is-" but before Max calls out, there is no way Ben couldn't have finished the sentence in that time. Ironically this doesn't even need to be a problem, as rather than writing the sentence as being cut off, Shadows59 could have just ended it there, inferring he was talking about Gwen the whole time.
Why is Max sudden completely oblivious to just how upset Gwen is getting with Ben and the girl talking next to her?
It was seen as an incredibly hateful thing for Marci to called Gwen a slut. However, it seems that if you get Gwen a little jealous, she's not so averse to calling other people the same thing.
In the reboot, the chapter perspective stays focused on Gwen; the reader follows her horror and regrets at what is happening through her eyes alone, only gleaming Ben's through her empathy. In the original, the perspective swapped back and forth with each prank, giving both fears and regrets about the situation. This only makes it harder to empathize with Ben, so why change this?
Additionally, Ben's first prank against Gwen, the first real prank of the story, is done reactionarily, in the spur of the moment. In the reboot, he waits days before he acts, having plenty of time to reconsider his actions, and it even happens in what should have been a moment of levity, where they were bonding as heroes. He also does something disproportionally humiliating to her, worse then what she did to him and not even comparable to what he did the original. It too is a bit of a reversal, where in the original Gwen spilled drink made it look as if Ben had wet himself and in the reboot Ben makes it look like Gwen messed her pants. Ben is also the one in the reboot to pretend like everything is okay before pranking Gwen, whereas, in the original, it was Gwen that did this. Why change these things? Again, it seems obvious that Shadows59 is doing this to show Gwen in a much better light than Ben. Perhaps this is not his intention, but that is still what he is doing.
Even if Ben isn't trying to be mean when talking about Gwen's friends being all online, that is still how he comes across, whereas in the previous scene before his prank, she was nothing but nice. This adds to making Gwen seem like the better person. She even reconsiders her prank, but because Ben continues to be mean to her, she goes through with it.
Has Gwen's magic ever not manifested without her hands glowing? If not, then how could she cast in the dark without being seen? Also, if she is drinking from a straw, as people normally do in theaters, her grin wouldn't be hidden.
Shadows59 takes more time to show that Gwen is emotionally vulnerable due to what happened with the Poodle.
Ben pranking Gwen by turning her hair green was the crux of their eventual making up, which will likely be given over to Gwen instead in the reboot. That is bad enough, but to regulate something so key to the original to a throwaway line is hard to read.
Ben can't even prank Gwen without getting caught in the reboot, Gwen never gets caught.
The Omnitrix is a device meant to facilitate communication between alien species. Why would it take an artificial creature and evolve its form way beyond its original state? Communication with its unevolved species would be impossible, and there is no species for it to communicate with. This goes completely against the Omnitrix's function.
Why is there this interjection of Gwen being chummy with her mom? Sure she was worried about her mom being sick, but before that the last thing we read about them that Lili had completely betrayed Gwen's trust by listening in on her phone call. If they moved past that, why wasn't the resolution to that conflict shown?
I do like that Ben takes everything and, instead of impossible hiding them, strings them up in the tree.
The whole bra thing comes across as another interjection of sex into this story about eleven-year-olds. It also makes no sense that Ben, who practically had a mental breakdown when he momentarily felt Gwen's bra under her unitard because it meant she was a 'girl' would now handle her girly bra so much to carefully hang it at the very top of the tree with no problems.
There is also this persistent motif of Gwen being devastated and saddened by Ben pranks, but Ben just howls like an enraged madman when he's pranked. His yelling even summons the cops once, which causes the chapter to almost have a theme of domestic violence to it where Gwen is the sad suffering wife, and Ben is the raging husband that the cops have to restrain.
The original ended with Ben tricking Gwen as a prank after the clothing thing had been done and the pair were thrown out by Max. During the fight, Gwen wasn't one loosely buttoned shirt away from being topless as they fought like animals, and Ben wasn't soaked to the bone. Who started the fight was left vague as they were equally culpable for what transpired. Whereas here, Ben starts it by grabbing Gwen as she excused her move on him as just intending to shove him, after he called her what her bully calls her. Gwen's actions being excused while Ben is left the bad actor is pretty much this fight in a microcosm. Even in the end, he is made out like the final aggressor leaving her to whimper sympathetically with a whole list of injuries and Ben with only one, that Gwen feels terrible about inflicting. In the original, however, it ended on even terms.
"he sounded just as sarcastic as she expected, but... There was something that almost sounded sincere"
Ben can't be sarcastic and sincere at the same time.
In the original, the moment the fight ended Max arrived to tell them the bad news. In the reboot, Shadows59 gives Gwen time to try and reconcile, and she nearly does, which is exactly the opposite of what happened in the original a couple of chapters later.
-Erico
The original didn't need a bunch of drama to start the war; just a single misunderstanding that was relatable, revealing, and eventually showed Ben's good character.
You're right Little Moments didn't have the characters going from "outright hatred to sucking each other's faces off" in the original. In the reboot, however, Gwen won't stop finding excuses to kiss Ben, and he's taken a liking to pinching her ass.
What you described was the original prank war, what has changed is in the reboot we are locked out of Ben perspective while he is being shown as less sympathetic and meaner. Case in point, it is Gwen who tries to make peace at the end when in the original, it was Ben. Why does Gwen need to be so lifted up as Ben is pushed down?
How does the added drama, the addition of sexual innuendo, and long rambling of the story facilitate them being kids longer?
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Fourteen: Voices Crying
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
The worst thing about a liar is that not everything they say is a lie; if that were the case, then it would be easy to know the truth. Also if you come upon Silent Hill in your road trip, just drive on by, seriously.
Read my review below:
Chapter Fourteen
The problem with italicizing dialogue that mentioned back in chapter three and twelve is far more noticeable here as several characters have all their speech stylized this way.
If the voice is going to successfully fool Max into thinking that he's hearing Gwen calling for him, shouldn't Shadows59 also try and fool the reader into thinking the same thing? If that was the intent, then it failed automatically when the dialogue is written in the unique way that all the Voice's dialogue is written.
How this entity, the Poodle, works is very unclear. It can't read Max's mind, as it questions him, but then how does it pull out voices from his mind to speak to him with? It's able to do this even with people Max barely remembers, like the little girl, but uses phrases that it has no way of knowing said voice would use, such as Jim being the only one to call Max NASA. This does create a problem within the story because if the Poodle can lift such specific information from Max's mind to mimic people's voices and mannerisms perfectly, why can it not just read Max's thoughts? If it can only read memories, then where is that line? Surely Max remembers coming to the town so Ben and Gwen could have fun; one can argue thoughts almost instantly become memories of thoughts. And if it could read his memories, it wouldn't need to ask Nimue was dead.
Max's character continues to degrade as Shadows59 begins to suggest that Max was and is willing to kill otherwise helpless foes as a matter of course for his job as a Plumber, undoubtedly connecting what was required of him as a Plumber to that of the 'gritty realism' of real-life soldiers. But this again goes against everything we know about Max, who spent the summer of the series acting as an example to Ben about the altruistic nature of being a hero.
Again Shadows59 tells the reader point-blank that Ben needed to learn Karate to have any success in fights when he's not an alien. Shadows59 can't acknowledge Ben's natural skills as a fighter or that Ben handled himself constantly in fights where he was at a physical and numerical disadvantage that was on constant display in the series.
Shadows59 takes a moment to forcefully point out Ben's guilt about Gwen nearly being killed. I think it worked much better when it a single line in the original, showing that Ben suffered his guilt in silence.
Max actually testing to make sure Ben and Gwen are themselves when they are getting along better was a bad joke in the original, and it's a bad joke here.
As a fan of Silent Hill and fanfiction that brought it to setting and character people would rarely associate with the horror franchise, such as Silent Ponyville, I was intrigued when I started reading this chapter. Unfortunately, it quickly became about showing all the worst changes to Max's character and setting up more unneeded drama in future chapters, discussed later. The chapter even forgoes the deep, subtle, and complex psychological horror present in Silent Hill for the aptly named Poodle, a simple vehicle for directly telling the reader things about the characters. I hope the chapter inspires someone to write a story that better combines these elements as I would love to see Ben and/or Gwen facing the horrors and burdens of their past in the dark dimension of Silent Hill.
"Three times? Gwen's never lost"
Why is it so inconceivable to Max that Gwen could lose three times in a row to Ben when he plays way more video games than her? She doesn't even own a Gamestation. It is as if losing three whole times would disrupt her status as a Mary-Sue.
The Poodle makes Gwen question her trust in Max by suggesting that he's lying to her about the existence of the Plumbers and what they may want with Ben. It made her question her trust in Ben by suggesting that he's going to leave her behind, and she would never see him again. But it only had to tell Ben that they thought he was a loser to make him question his confidence in them?
-Erico
I question what the purpose is for creating all this drama, it was something the original didn't need, but I suppose that was a much stronger story. The truth is that this drama is here to be used as a crutch in the next chapter, a crutch the story doesn't need. When someone uses a crutch they don't need, they only weaken themselves, or in this case the story they are writing. When a story becomes weak, then you have to start desperately defending it with hallow statements like "For those who are willing to really READ, to think and to listen and to tumble it around in their heads, this story's true depths and power are on display." As if one who reads and thinks about the story cannot conclude that it is shallow and weak compared to what it once was.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Thirteen: Voices Calling
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Find out the truth is hard; sometimes, telling the truth can be even harder. What harder still is trying to protect a loved one while not knowing if another is telling you the truth.
Read my review below:
I like the inclusion of the teddy bear here, the extra history that goes along with it, and the idea that Ben would give it to Gwen when she needed someone to comfort her. It makes sense that he couldn't bring himself do it all time, and I'm sure the bear must smell enough like him that it's very comforting to Gwen.
Gwen continues to whine about her life and not being Max's favorite.
"The suit's more comfortable than it looks, Pumpkin,"
Max has directly told the kids in 'Ultimate Weapon' that wearing the suit gives him a rash. Wouldn't a life long liar be able to do lie better than that?
"There aren't any Plumbers anymore,"
What about Joel Tennyson? This isn't Shadows59's fault, but it should be addressed for continuity purposes.
This chapter has some good characterization, but it's bogged down by too much drama and rambling writing. Max continues to slide out of character; it loses the fun, high energy of the original. Where once Ben was upset about being dismissed from the base by Max, now it's Gwen, and we lose the fun water fight that broke up the tension. Now Gwen continues to dominate the spotlight by being the only one who realizes something is wrong, but that just a manufactured problem to fuel manufactured drama in chapters to come.
-Erico
You can't "come up for a breath of fresh air" and then focus on conflict. Trying to do both will cause you to fail to achieve one or the other, in this case, the levity.
The problem is that Max lying to them like this is out of character. In the series and original, he disappears to protect them but doesn't really lie, but omits things to try and protect them. The original and the series had a sense of humor about its world that in the reboot has been replaced by what seems to be an attempt at gritty realism. The original maintained the spirit of the series, though it was more serious. The reboot has completely fallen out of touch with the spirit of the series and suffers horribly for it.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Twelve: Fumbling in the Dark
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Old wounds don't heal as much as we think sometimes, but with trust, you can get through anything. Their second summer begins with a bang as the Tennysons' plunge into danger, proving they are still heroes.
Read my review below:
Wearing plumber suits was never something Max insisted they did in the series, even he didn't often wear his own, even when entering unknown situations, so why is he insisting they do so now? Not to mention the suit would cover the Omnitrix making it difficult to use.
What is the point of changing the bolder into a stump? Why would the Plumbers have the symbol used by the necromancer or whatever from the first chapter carved very conspicuously on the underside of it? It's also convenient that Gwen noticed it for a moment and then got so distracted by it that she completely forgot about it after that.
I find the subtle reference to the claustrophobia Gwen developed, due to nearly being killed, in the original to be a far better representation of Gwen's character then her having a panic attack.
"(He) glared at her with an eye that was only a shade greener than the rest of this body."
Wildvine's eye was blue in the original series, the only series that counts, and the one Shadows59 didn't seem to bother reviewing before writing this story. Gwen also expressed a little anxiety at Wildvine's appearance in the original, but because he was Ben, she handled it.
"She remembered the first time she used that spell and how it barely blew away a mist. She'd gotten better."
This story has explicitly shown that your magic is strong because of the chapter nine power up rather than your skill with it improving.
This chapter in the original captured the fun, high energy action of the series perfectly. In the reboot, however, like in the first chapter, the action lacks that fun excitement and is dragged down by unneeded drama.
Why is Shadows59 bothering to humanize the bug creature for it just to go wild and get squashed? It comes across as pointless virtue signaling of Gwen by making her seem like an overly moral person for trying to talk to something that is trying to kill her.
Why does Gwen have this weird obsession with thinking that if she cries, Ben will think less of her?
They have this big dramatic moment about Gwen being afraid of Wildvine and the tight, enclosed tunnel because of her near-death experience, but they resolve it and bond as partners. I liked this scene much better in the original when it was done more subtly in the first chapter of the story. To repeat from the chapter one review: "Gwen is having a nightmare in which Gluto doesn't reform to save her. Gwen wakes up to Ben, holding her and telling her it will be all right. She cries in his arms all night, and from his silence, it is obvious that he too will never fully overcome what happened to her." But they've faced that pain together so Ben knows Gwen can handle the dark tunnel and him turning into Wildvine, because he has shown her he'll always be there for her. How is the long drawn out drama in this chapter an improvement to the simple love and dedication expressed in just a few lines of the original?
I like how Ben listens to heavy metal and Gwen to classical. I'm a pop/rock fan myself, but even I know that if you're interested in music that takes great skill to make, you will listen to metal or classical. The music choice does a good job showing that they are complementary opposites. (The kind of opposites that really do attract ;)
Max really starts acting out of character in this chapter, more like he did in the 'Ultimate Weapon', but less severe. Dissecting these changes and why would take too much time and guess work as the nature and history of the Plumbers fluctuates even in the original series, the situation with the mudpuppies, for instance. In the original, due to the summer Ben found the Omnitrix and the invasion of the Highbreed the Plumber to become active again, including Max, and black-ops causing him to have to go underground and pretend to take the Omnitrix with him. In the reboot, the same seems to be happening except with extra drama, particularly about how much Max is lying to Ben and Gwen. In the series after the truth came out, he always was open with them, lying to them is broadly out of character for him.
"his green eyes shone yellow around his green irises"
Blitzwolfer's eyes don't have irises or pupils for that matter, like most of his alien forms.
So just to be clear, Ben suggests that they use her as bait to get all the insect monsters to attack her while he stands safely on the sidelines. Ben would never suggest such a plan in the first place, and for him to do so after having had a moment with Gwen where they come to terms with the trauma she suffered by being dragged into a tunnel by an alien monster is beyond parody. The only reason this is happening seems to be so that Gwen can have more of the spotlight. How is it that these creatures have already created a massive hive?
Ben calls Gwen pretty; it comes across as a cheap replacement for the original when he calls her beautiful before they go on their first date. Why did Shadows59 trade that meaningful moment of realization for a cheap joke?
Shadows59 also replaced Gwen getting a little distracted by Ben's guns with her cracking jokes about how his guns are water pistols. Does making Gwen get distracted due to her attraction to Ben somehow detracts from her character?
Gwen doesn't think the damage to the plumber suits is possible then describes it as looking like someone stabbed through the suit when earlier she explicitly said the suit doesn't protect against stabbing weapons.
Ben uses his karate training to put Exoskull in a hold so Gwen can trap his head in an airtight magic sphere causing him to pass out due to lack of oxygen. This has to be one of the clearest examples of Shadows59 taking an accomplishment of Ben's, one that showed what an intelligent and capable combatant he was, and giving it to Gwen. In the original, Ben as Wildvine, learning that he can't overpower Exoskull, wraps him up in vines, squeezing him tighter with each breath Exoskull tries to take. It takes Gwen a moment to even realize what Ben is doing, when she does, she praises Ben before moving in to help him with his plan. Why change that, why take away from Ben to give to Gwen?
Do I even need to comment on the color of Four-arms eyes in the original series?
Ben is now pinching Gwen's ass; I guess it is supposed to be fine since Lili taught Gwen that's just how boys express that they like a girl. Wouldn't that be at least a little more appropriate in a few years when Ben wouldn't be doing it to another eleven-year-old?
The problem with italicizing dialogue that mentioned back in chapter three is far more noticeable here as several characters have all their speech stylized this way.
-Erico
Every time I read this chapter I am reminded of everything this story has lost, fun, subtlety, and a balance between the main characters. In their place we have melodrama, clear proof that Shadows59's skills have eroded.
In the original, Ben wasn't afraid to use Wildvine because they had come together to come to terms with what happened none months ago. Gwen was afraid of not being there for Ben in the original as well. I don't know about minor details, but one major detail that has changed is Ben's willingness to send Gwen out into danger while he sits on the sidelines.
When I started reading this story I thought that not only did you have a big influence on Shadows59, but that you were the author because all the long rambly melodrama that I read in your story had wormed its way into the reboot. So let me assure you, you are having a profound influence on Shadows59.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Eleven: Gwen Tennyson's No Good Very Bad Day
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Some days everything goes wrong. For Gwen, this is one of those days, but even when they can't heal the pain of what's happening family will always be there.
Read my review below:
So vaguely creepy idiot is saying sexist things, why is this caricature in the story? Why is Shadows59 wasting time writing him lines? It seems that he is going to try and rape someone in the future, and the only reason he's here now is to set up that the reader is supposed to hate him.
Telling the reader directly that Gwen helped the students that are now enjoying watching her be humiliated is not good writing. The reader has everything they need to know to understand the situation without it being spelled out. Also, because it is being spelled out by Gwen herself, it just makes her seem like a whiney person upset that she's not getting something back for doing the right thing and helping them. If she had just looked around for help and none came, that would have been enough because the reader would know from chapter three that she had helped at least some of these kids study, and they were now abandoning her. Then if Marci had met that look from Gwen and said something passively threatening, then the reader could have also gotten the sense that maybe she was indirectly cowing the class into shunning Gwen. That would make Gwen a sympathetic character without her whining about her situation. Instead, Gwen doubles down on her whining and expectation to get things for the good she does.
If this is an elementary school and Gwen is in the sixth grade, how could she be doing any subject next year with her current teacher? Same problem with the write up that Gwen tosses and faces no repercussions for making it a waste of the reader's time. Also, what book is the story talking about, and where is it explained in the text? H. G. Wells wrote a lot of books.
Then Gwen stoops to Marci's level of saying mean and embarrassing things to hurt people, something she uses not against Marci herself but one of the other girls. This would be a disappointing thing for Gwen to do, but the weak character she has displayed, especially in this chapter, makes it unsurprising that she would stoop to this level.
On a side note, Marci is really a basic bitch when it comes to negging. The whole 'bestie' angle worked the first time she showed up because they hadn't seen each other in a while and it was her introduction to the reader. But after an entire year insisting they are friends has become weak and kind makes her sound desperate.
So I mentioned back in chapter nine that Ben outing that he was Gwen's cousin causes a problem in the story. This problem is exaggerated by Gwen outing that the Doofus she has been texting to is Ben. The problem is now Marci and her friends know that Ben is Gwen's cousin, and even if she is just trying to be mean, she is accurately deducing that Ben and Gwen have romantic feelings for one another, and Gwen knows this. Gwen is now completely aware that a Sword of Damocles is hanging over her head concerning her relationship with Ben. Marci has become a massive and known threat to outing Gwen and Ben's relationship once it begins, a threat that dwarfs the general fear she once felt about people discovering she's dating her cousin. Shadows59 has painted himself into a corner, as he as to justify how Gwen can ignore the clear and present threat that Marci poses and pursue a relationship with Ben. That isn't something I can see Shadows59 doing, not well at least.
Max is furious that Gwen unintentionally used magic to get a bit of revenge on Marci, because for some reason, the reboot is overly moralistic, eventually comparing this small act with ruining someone's chance at a happy life with someone they loved. Why is the reboot so hyper moralistic? In the original, Gwen all but came out and said she had been using her magic to play little pranks on Marci for the last few weeks of school, and Max reacted like a normal person by making a joke and saying he had done worse in his time. In the original, Max trusted Gwen's judgment, why doesn't he trust her in the Reboot?
I would say that from what Gwen's reading here that the woman who wrote the journal is clearly Verdona. I have no problem if she is Verdona, it works quite well to explain Gwen's natural talent for magic even if there are no Anodites.
I would seriously pay money for someone to make a 'Baby Got Back' AMV with Ben as Sir Mix-A-Lot. Seriously.
Gwen can't bring herself to hug Ben, but she can kiss him? Why doesn't the fact that she is sitting in bed with him and what Marci did is fresh in her mind not stop her now, but crippled her so badly before? If it needs to be said, she hugged him a lot in the series.
-Erico
Ya life is unfair, for everyone, regardless of how it seems. Even when life is being unfair to them, what I want to see from a protagonist is them doing something about it instead of whining about how unfair life is.
There is no comparing the little splash of water Gwen gave Marci or the pranks she played on her in the original to what the woman in the journal did, and you can't justify drawing a moral equivalency between the two.
Yes and rather than enduring the pressure of all those things and striving forth with courage and integrity, Gwen is crushed by them showing how weak her character is in the Reboot.
I would almost agree that Gwen holding back is a sign of maturity and strength, but that doesn't apply to Gwen in this story as she stooped to Marci's level of petty meanness and said something to hurt and embarrass one of Marci's friends. She handed Marci a weapon to use against someone else, that is not strength or maturity.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Ten: Under His Nose
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
As you grow up, many things happen without a person noticing at first. Amid fighting bullies, fighting mothers and tickle fighting Ben learns this very thing first hand.
Read my review below:
When I started reading this chapter, I wondered if Ben was writing bad fanfiction about himself, and I so loved that idea that I was a little disappointed when it was revealed to be a dream, which was a far more mundane answer. It would have been an interesting idea to explore. Ben expressing himself through bad fanfiction. Gwen finding it and seeing the romantic undertones of the story that Ben didn't when he wrote it. Even the end where the teacher snaps him out of it would still work.
Are the current events of war something they would spend time teaching a sixth grade class?
I know the slacker student sleeping in class is just supposed to be a funny trope, but why does Ben sleep so much through class? Not only in elementary school would that be noticed and taken very seriously, but despite the trope, it's not that easy to fall asleep in class. Bored students just tend to daydream, or write fanfiction ;) The teacher also makes it seem like this is a regular thing, so given how much Ben laments that there is not much 'heroing' to do, so it seems unlike that is the reason every time.
After spending so much time asserting that Ben needed Karate to be an affect fighter in his human form, the story shows the reader this outright ith Ben focusing on and using what he learned in class to defeat Cash and his friend. What happened to the naturally skilled and affective fighter we saw in the series? Even in his alien forms, Ben has fought groups of more than two and opponents stronger than the alien form he was using. He has effectively used aliens that are weaker than his human form to defeat opponents. Why are his natural abilities and all the growth he went through in the series being so disrespected in the reboot?
The fic goes on for a long while talking about the morals of solving problems through communication vs. violence. However, because it does so only via talking and moralizing, it is very weak and hard to take seriously. As with most things in life, there is a balance between these two methods that people need to achieve. The real problem here is again this is a lesson that the original series already addressed, and it did so in more effective ways.
Why is it reasonable that Gwen got from school to her house without her mother, but not reasonable that she could get from her house to gymnastics practice without her mom?
The material of Gwen's costume is so tight that Ben can "almost" make out her ribs, but not her bra, which is above her skin. But then when they are wrestling around, thrashing wildly in the middle of a playful-fight the second his fingers brush against her bra, it completely snaps him out of the moment, and he immediately knows what it is. Then it causes him to completely freak out because it makes him realize Gwen is a girl, despite him complaining about her being a girl many times at this point. The whole thing is completely unrealistic; it would be different if Ben had realized what he touched was after Gwen hit is bad eye and stopped the play-fight, then had his freak out, that would make more sense. To justify this reaction, Shadows59 should have somehow made Ben see Gwen as Kai for a moment, momentarily connecting the crush he'd had on Kai with the feelings he was having for Gwen.
Why is Ben having this over the top girls are supposed to be gross reactions when he has had a crush on a girl before?
-Erico
Slave Leia costume? Gwen is eleven; I feel I need to bring this up because they both keep ending up in vaguely sexual situations. Their sexual awakening was just starting to be touched upon when 'Breaking Point' stopped, and it was being handled far more tastefully; in the reboot it comes across as creepy fan service.
Unfortunately, the thing that has changed the most is that Shadows59 has forgotten about the source material, and they are failing to take into account who the characters are before writing. This was not a problem in the original.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Nine: Aches and Pains
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Ben gains a new appreciation for all the suffering Gwen has to go through to keep up with him. That she is not as perfect as she seems, and Gwen learns that when things get to be too much, she can always reach out and take Ben's hand.
Read my review below:
On Japanese honorifics, now I don't want this to come across as me going full otaku on some poor weeb author like I'm some kind of haughty authority. My problem is the misuse of the honorifics is that they make things uncomfortable. There is no way Ben's sensei would refer to him with the kun honorific; in fact, him doing so is very creepy. The kun and chan honorifics are only for informal use; a sensei would never use them when referring to their students, especially in the setting of his dojo. It is also somewhat a bad trope for Japanese characters to use Japanese honorifics in a non-Japanese setting, it's far more likely that their sensei would use English honorifics in a very formal way.
Addendum: "I informed the Senpai"
It would be 'your senpai', as senpai is a situational honorific, not a title. The students Ben would refer to as senpai the sensei would not. Technically, Gwen is a senpai to Ben.
Max explaining the Omnitrix is a medical device instead of an heirloom is a much better cover and a good change to the story.
The first time Ben referred to Gwen as 'his dweeb' here was good. It was subtle and could be easily overlooked and could be a good match for the one time Gwen referred to him as her doofus in the original. But then he kept doing it and so does Gwen in later chapters. It feels too soon for them to do that, which was a habit that they picked up in 'Breaking Point'. This is just another piece of evidence to show that Shadows59, while rewriting 'Little Moments', is thinking of the character as they were in 'Breaking Point' and not as they were at this stage of their story.
Why would they clean the dojo before they started using it? Should it be clean now and dirty after training?
I have to say I like that Shadows59 didn't stick with Marci's non-touching hug from the original; it just sounded awkward.
Ben revealing that he is Gwen's cousin causes problems, but it becomes more significant in a later chapter, which is where I'll discuss it. But for now, I will just ask, why add that detail? It just makes things awkward when they call him Gwen's boyfriend.
The people at the dojo nicknamed Gwen 'Feet of Fury'. I say this with all seriousness, that is so embarrassing that I am ashamed for you. No one would unironically call anyone that.
I miss the part in the original where Ben blames what's happening on his clean socks.
So Gwen's magic goes off when her fight response is triggered and went out of control because she was repressing that response. Why did this never happen before she started casting magic? In the series, it is confirmed that Gwen has a magic aura, so if it was always there, then she should have always had to potential to have uncontrolled magical outbursts. After she regains control, her magic has changed, and spellcasting is easier, and her spells are more powerful. Why is Gwen, who could use magic on equal terms with someone five years her senior after a month of studying and was powerful enough to destroy two of Vilgax's war drones with a single spell getting a boost in her power? Why is it so large and dramatic as well? The compelling thing about Gwen's character was that she was able to keep up with Ben and the Omnitrix, the most powerful weapon in the galaxy, through hard work, study and practice, that is how she achieved the great skill noted above, to gift her with a sudden increase in power like this weakens the core of her compelling character. Back in chapter three, when she was shown struggling to achieve, being frustrated by failure, but not defeated by it, that was an example of Gwen's true character not "it's just easier. And brighter,"
The narrative suddenly switches from Ben convincing Gwen that Marci is bullying her, to Gwen convincing Ben that she has bullies while he thinks that she is popular at her school because she likes school. Not only is the switch an error, but why would Ben think that the people at Gwen's school would like her because she likes school? Are the most popular kids in Ben's school the geeks that like school?
Then after that, the story goes into yet another conversation about they aren't actually being mean when they call one another dweeb or doofus. This is a great example of how the reboot is full of repeated unimportant content instead of expanding on the story.
Here Gwen says she won't use her magic to get any kind of small revenge on someone who treats her horribly and deserves it. That is the more altruistic attitude to have; it's also completely unrealistic. While it's true in the original she stopped him from doing it, but there she didn't moralize it and she somewhat lamented her own goodness in that moment.
-Erico
I would say what this shows is that Gwen is someone fixated on affirmation and narrow definitions and Ben, not being held back by these things, is more emotionally mature. Ben understands that 'friend' is too weak of a word to describe their bond and, to the reboot's credit, even that family might be too weak of a word.
What added depth is there to this chapter from the original? I noted a few things myself, but not enough to warrant this extended length. I think you are more accurate when you just say there 'more of' thing, but more of something doesn't make it better.
I already explained why this type of growth goes against Gwen's character. What I would like to know since you brought it up is: why is pink the trademark color of Gwen's magic? That seems like a very odd thing to say about a story that loudly proclaims "Only the Original Series Counts".
Cool, there were no Anodites in the original series, why is it not that magic simply continues on as it does in that series? Coming up with rules for magic is a necessary step as an author, but a mage's magic going out of control and then giving them a power-up isn't establishing the rules of magic within the story.
I will repeat this as many times as you repeat yourself, Ben and Gwen were friends early on in the original series. This story was once about them discovering their deeper feelings for one another while dealing with everyday life. Now it's about Gwen becoming a Mary Sue.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Little Moments: Reboot
Chapter Eight: Fathers and Sons
By Ericobard and shadows59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Ben 10 Series
Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Some Additional Tags:
Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Carl tries to explain what it means to be a man and how hard it is to be a parent to Ben. It can make acting like a hero look easy, but Ben watches and learns carefully from his father.
Read my review below:
The exchange between Ben and His father is good; it could be written tighter. The only thing I would change is to put it before the convention instead of after it. Carl admits to knowing they screwed up, so why he didn't stop at any point? He just got through dragging his unhappy son through a convention all day after grounding him. Ben made it clear, to the point he was grounded, that he didn't want to mess up his and Gwen's birthday plans with this convention. If they had had this conversation before the convention with its positive resolution, they could have continued to the convention as at that point there would be no fixing the mistakes. This way, the story creates the image of Carl torturing his son all day while pretending to be happy and excited. It makes far less sense that Ben cooperated with his father in going to the convention at all if he was still mad at him.
Again Shadows59 tries to press ownership of bad actions onto both parents instead of just the mother. It was very clear in the 'Bloody Christmas' chapter that only Sandra was bothered by Gwen calling Ben a Doofus.
No one else picked up on that? (Shrug) Ten bucks says Eric and Josh are gay. Twenty says Sandra's parents are religious fundamentalists and disowned Eric. Thirty says someone will somehow think the first statement constitutes bigotry.
I love how much Ben loves the 'man to man' thing.
What is the point of having Gwen meet Ben at his window and be hiding at the front door?
Once more, Ben's parents shower Gwen with affection, and Ben still doesn't have a complex about it. Frank is more jealous of the attention Gwen gets from Max than Ben is about the attention Gwen gets from both his parents.
It detracts from what little maturity Shadows59 let Ben keep when he openly declares he gave up Max because that's what he thought he should do instead of it being something that he wanted to do for Gwen. His maturity is further eroded when he then asserts that Gwen is Grandpa's favorite, which is something he never did before either.
"But you thought that I would choose between you."
Not in the original he didn't; that is why he arranged it so Max would get to spend time with both of them on their birthday. Why is that too much insight for Ben to have in the Reboot?
"This was all her idea."
Being unsatisfied with giving Gwen things that Ben did in the original, now Shadows59 is giving her things that Max did, such as setting up their short birthday celebrating they get to have together amidst everything that has gone wrong since Christmas. Again everything that is taken from another character and given to Gwen erodes her character and makes more of a Mary-Sue.
Gwen can now apparently grab Ben so fast he can't see her move, but only for this chapter as a way to suggest he needs martial arts training to be an effective fighter. Which again, he doesn't.
Explaining that Max is covering for the existence of the phones is a good detail to add.
It makes more sense that Gwen would reign in her emotions with Max watching, preventing her from kissing Ben. In the original, they were alone, no outside factor that would cause her to restrain herself.
-Erico
No, those chapters were a rambling mess, and I would still like to know who read the originals chapters that correspond with this one and the last and thought Lili and Frank weren't people.
No, their parents' importance to the story is measured by how much they contribute to the story. Going off on unrelated tangents adds nothing to the story, and that was all Lili's chapter was. In this chapter, Ben's parents added something to the story by creating a resolution to what happened at Christmas, something Gwen's parents completely failed to do.
Ben and Gwen fought like cats and dogs for three years, according to the last chapter, as they were seven when they had the big blow out. That blow out happened because Ben was upset about everyone praising Gwen for her successes, not parenting. Also, I will say again they were friends in the show.
Celebrating their birthday together, a huge problem for two chapters isn't equal to suggesting they tacking on little stargazing. For Gwen to turn that heartfelt kiss to a weapon cheapens the emotion of that scene. The story insistence on Ben's needing to learn karate to be a good hero is another hindrance to its quality.
No, like in the original, Ben will express how they are more than friends. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if you are even reading the story under which you are commenting.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
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