The Ambien Chronicles @theambienchronicles - Tumblr Blog

If my last name was ‘Gull’, I would name my child either ‘Ellie’, ‘Ollie’, or something that begins with the letter ‘C’.

#theambienchronicles #seagull

talking to myself: “..you know what I mean..?”

Me: “yeah I know what I mean”

#theambienchronicles #things i said #talking to myself

um.. it’s november & this CREED concert is not until august next summer, yet already it’s been sold out apparently, & i am like.. who is listening to all this creed anyways..? ..cause I mean they sure aren’t talking about it…. & I just I’ve never met one single person who’s gone around saying things like “I love creed they make great music”

#theambienchronicles #butwholistenstocreed #no but really

More suspicious than a sketch of the shade

“..a story about 100 Gecs called Laura & the 99 Gecs…”

#theambienchronicles

Ancestors & Incestors

Um. This happened.

So I forgot the term ‘future generations’ & was talking To the bugs in my house, & I was talking about their ancestors, & how if they ain’t already dead then they’re all gonna die. ..but I couldn’t remember the whole ‘future generations’ thing, so after saying ‘ancestors’ I referred to the future generations as their ‘post-cestors’ instead.. but then I was like,

“wait, ‘post-cestors?’

‘…pre-cestors..?’ …

‘ancestors…?’ … ‘..incestors…???’ “

& that’s what happened.

#theambienchronicles #i was talking to the bugs in my house #things i said #ancestors and incestors #precestors and procestors #i said this #ancestors #future generations

“I don’t have the whys-they-did-its, I just have the whos-they-did-its.”

#theambienchronicles #things i said #i said this #whystheydidits #whostheydidits

My future dating profile bio:

“I’m afraid of everything & I think there’s bugs everywhere”

#theambienchronicles #dating profile #things i said #talking to myself

“My predetermined dream lover irons his socks every day,” I confidently stated.

#theambienchronicles #my words #things i said #talking to myself #predeterminedlover #dream lover #ironicsocks

My cat’s name is Smeagol.

& he goes like,

“With so much drama in the C-L-E, it’s kinda hard bein’ S-M-E-A-G..”

His rap name is 2 Snugg.. sometimes he changes that up - to this,

“With so much drama in the C-L-E, it’s kinda hard bein’ S-N-U double G..”

#theambienchronicles #rap singer #ladidadi #cat #it rhymes #rhymestyle #snuggly cats #snuglife #snugglykitty

Whenever I don’t laugh at one of my own jokes, I say “You don’t get it..” to myself

#jokes #you dont get it #theambienchronicles

You ‘n Me

“I am you. That is me.”

- said Me (to Myself)

#theambienchronicles

Al Capellini, a caps llama

(a short story by me)

There goes Al Capellini, the caps llama, (seems he’s always wearin’ multiple caps at once, never did understand it myself, but explains why we call ‘em that).

See the cup he’s holdin’, has ‘Alpacallini’ writin’ on it? Heard ole Cap got that from his kinfolk as a gift, or somethin’. Always ‘sposed it was some kinda llama joke ‘bout his name, don’t know really.

Probly drinkin’ cappuccino, loves that stuff, not as much as alcohol, though. I’d bet that ‘Alpacallini’ cup he’s got there has more alcohol than cappuccino in it, if you catch my meanin’.

Looks to me like ole Cap’s headin’ back down to Acapulco, I ‘spose that’s just as good a guess as any other, though. Think it was that alpaca youngin’, Al Paccini, we call ‘em Alpac, said to me once that’s where Cap’s kinfolk stay.

‘Course, Alpac also says to me, all of ‘em sing, ‘stead of just talkin’, ya know? Heck knows if it’s true, I ‘spose could be, never been to Acapulco myself, after all.

Got to thinkin’ on it more, started me wonderin’, I ‘member a good while later on, Alpac says to me, “ya know, they ain’t never talk in Acapulco. Singin’ is all they do, an’ ya know the weirdest part of it? It ain’t even the singin’ stuff. It’s the singin’ is always A CAPPELLA.”