I know Jude probably doesn't have a dating app profile, but what would his hypothetical dating profile look like?
I am a machine of multiple uses and abilities. Interests include: Systems Analysis, Technical Support, Mechanical Engineering, Tactical Combat and Crowd Pacification, Home Maintenance, First Aid.
Message me if: You're a high stress, low impulse control individual seeking support and stability.
Our ideal date: You will be fully intoxicated and depressed, resulting in lower inhibitions and even lower standards. You will pry me open and use my own wiring to bind me. While I'm immobile we'll engage in intercourse after which you will feel guilty and cry on the floor. After rebooting I will hold you through the night and the hum of my core will keep you warm. We'll do this again the next day.
Don't message me if: You're seeking to generate oxytocin.
