-- impenetrableVitality [IV] began pestering estrapadingTrueblue [ET] at 20:13 --
IV: i need to talk to you
ET: The fuck is this about?
IV: you said a lot of stuff last night
IV: your and colt's thing is your thing but
IV: what did i do to make you hate me so much
IV: it's fine that you do i'd just like to know why
ET: Not to sound sardonic but are you referring to recently? Or in general.
ET: Yeah cool. Because either one is relevant.
ET: Youre an idiot and I fucking hate seeing you make the same mistakes over and over again. Cuz for whatever reason you never learn from em.
ET: And somehow. It never fails but you always manage to make shit worse for you. Worse for everyone.
ET: Now theres a kid involved and we come back to the initial point.
IV: okay and you're always as vague as possible
IV: what same mistakes am i making exactly
ET: Why are we talking about this like it aint the most obvious shit in the world dude.
IV: because i don't know what the fuck i keep repeating
ET: You dont know how to take care of yourself so you take care of everyone else.
ET: You try but what the hell is the point??
ET: Youve never even liked you???????
ET: Real great example youre gettin ready to set onto someone whos got no way of formulating her own opinion about you.
ET: Its just the fucking worst reason to take in a little girl. To gratify all your own stupid fucking shortcomings.
ET: I hate it. And I hate you. End of story.
IV: that's a real nice story for someone you don't know anymore
IV: i mean i'd hate me too if any of that were true to who i am now
IV: what perspective are you looking from like 3-4 years ago
ET: I dont have to know you any more than you have to know me.
ET: Youre THAT predictable.
IV: i can admit i don't know who you are
IV: maybe i did when we were kids but people change and you changed and i changed
IV: i'm not fucking incompetent joel
ET: Still doesnt justify anything.
ET: Why you stayin with Colt huh? Do you not have a plan for her? You?
IV: i have a plan for her not being shoved around foster care like she would be if i hadn't taken her
ET: Thats your self righteous bullshit.
IV: so you're saying i should have left her but you would still hate me just as much wouldn't you
ET: Thats the general thing I was referencing to yes.
IV: because you see people as you want to see them regardless of anything else
IV: i'm finally at a place where i can admit that i've found a much better balance
IV: i can take care of other people and myself at the same time
IV: but you don't want to see that at all
IV: you want to hate me so you keep your reasons
IV: we were friends joel what the hell happened
ET: Whats a friendship if I aint ever been able to depend on you dude.
ET: You know what we talk about when we talk? You.
ET: Maybe Im fucking sick of it.
ET: Thats what the hell happened.
IV: then why didn't you tell me
ET: You didnt deserve to know.
IV: i know i was fucked up
IV: i know i was hurting other people when i was trying to be helpful
IV: like really hurting other people
IV: i have most of it under control now
ET: Well hey. Theres a point in your favor.
IV: do you know why i did what i did
IV: why i freaked out all the time at everyone and tried to do everything possible to make sure nothing bad happened to them
IV: are you going to let me tell you or will it be a waste of time
ET: Doesnt matter what I think.
IV: well it's not going to change the truth so let's give it a shot
IV: ever since i can remember i couldn't stop thinking about everyone around me dying in horrible terrible but possibly preventable ways
IV: especially people i cared about
IV: i didn't want to think about it okay like
IV: but i could imagine it in my head all the time
IV: i found that there were certain items that i knew could help me in certain situations
IV: everything in my backpack i counted 3 times every day to make sure i had everything possible to do what i could to make sure no one else died
IV: if i didn't have my backpack then i was too careless then all of those images would be right at the forefront of my mind again
IV: i remember being over at your place and the first time you got a cut all i could see was it getting infected and you dying
IV: it was awful i hated being so paranoid and neurotic all the fucking time
IV: i hated chasing you away
IV: and you're right yeah i hated who i was
IV: and it got to the point where i had somehow convinced myself i was the main problem
IV: i would lead everyone around me to their deaths because of how much my helping didn't actually help
IV: that's when the whole woods thing happened
IV: that's when i got diagnosed
IV: i got medication i got help i learned other methods to keep that stuff out of my head
IV: it didn't always work but
IV: and i'd like to think i've gone forward from then
ET: Still dont see the point of you trying to level with me.
IV: if you want proof i'm not the same person
IV: you've always wanted to
ET: Time to fuck off Finn.
ET: This conversation never happened.
-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:50 --
IV: it doesn't work like that
ET: Maybe not to you. But listen.
ET: This isnt working out.
ET: You need to quit while youre ahead and figure whether any of this is actually fucking worth it. Because Ill tell you. Its not.
ET: Live your life and forget I ever expressed some disagreeable opinion about your choices.
IV: i can't forget and i'm not going to forget you or what you say
IV: because you were always family to me too
ET: Then thats your problem.
IV: even if now it's like an estranged cousin that hates me
-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:55 --
-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] changed their mood to OFFLINE --
