Written for Destinytober 2024, now with art from @theavocadojam!
Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there
"Tower of Woah? ...It's not that impressive."
"What?"
"You said it was the Tower of Woah. It don't make me go woah."
"There are times when you are completely incomprehensible."
"Pot. Kettle."
"Hmmm..."
"Don't guardians normally have to fight their way in here?"
"Yes."
"But we just walked in right through the Scarlet Keep and no one bothered us."
"Yes."
"And there ain't nothin' shooting us as we go up this elevator right now."
"Correct."
"But when I looked this place up in the Hidden archives there was footage of-"
"You have been infiltrating the Hidden archives? Again?"
"Well you said we were goin' here. I wanted to research it."
"You could have simply asked me and I would have shared the relevant files."
"But then I wouldn't possibly come across any irrelevant files. The amount of times I've stumbled across the most profitable-"
"Do. Not."
"Right. Sorry. Point bein'... the footage I saw had Hive Acolytes shootin' Guardians in this elevator from those holes in the sides."
"Alcoves."
"Sure, whatever. They were in there in those Al-Coves shooting guardians as they came up the tower like they was fish in a barrel. No cover. Shoot before ya get shot. But there ain't no one shooting us here. Last Guardians through can't have got rid of all the Hive in this tower. Those fuckers move back in hours after you clean 'em out. Sometimes five minutes if you time it right."
"Yes. But they are not here now."
"That's my point. Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why ain't they here tryin' to kill us?"
"Because I sent them away."
"You what? You can... command them?"
"The lesser Hive are easily compelled with sufficient magic and force of will, yes. The spell will last for the next four hours, which is more than enough time for us to make a full circuit of the tower and take care of anything we might find."
"Holy shit. I didn't know you could do that. That's... hot."
"Hmmm..."
"Wait... You said the lesser ones. What about the greater ones?"
"This is why I requested your assistance."
"You can't take on the greater Hive?"
"I can, and frequently do. However this is one of those situations you have mentioned before... where it 'makes sense to bring a friend'... just in case."
"Buddy system. I get ya. Surprised you didn't just bring one of the Guardians."
"I usually do. I will in future, if you prefer."
"No. I do not prefer. I like this. You know I like this."
"I do. Hence your invitation."
"Just not used to you... bringin' me along for... Moon shit... that's all. I like it. I hope we do it more. I'm happy to come with ya for anything, you know that."
"I do."
"Hey... wait a sec... is this... a date? This is a date, isn't it?"
"What? No. Why would it be a date? How does that even make any sense?"
"Creepy Hive tower... you scared 'em all off so we can be alone... maybe we fight something nasty together... murder is a form of love for Hive so us killin' something big together is kinda-"
"No. We are here to set wards and confirm the tower's energy is not being put to even more nefarious uses than it is routinely. It is not a... date."
"Not with that attitude."
"Ugh."
. . .
"Hoo-ee! Four Ogres, six Wizards and nine Hive Knights... It may not be the Tower of Whoa but it sure is the Tower of Ass-kicking today."
"Tsch."
"That was fun. You should take me out on dates like this more often, Moondust. You really do know how to get someone's blood flowing."
"Hmmm... Yes. You should use your ghost for that."
"Nope. Not gonna."
"Do not be ridiculous. You are likely to lose consciousness from blood loss before we even get back to Sanctuary."
"Nah. Brought a first aid kit. Gimme a bit and I'll have myself patched up. It'll be fine."
"A first aid kit? Why would you bring a first aid kit? You have a ghost."
"Because you don't."
"What?"
"Rule number one about hangin' around Lightless, is you bring a first aid kit in case they need it. My ghost can't do shit if you get hurt."
"Do you... always bring a first aid kit when you are... with me?"
"Uh... yup."
"Really."
"Well... yeah, Moondust."
"That is... extremely thoughtful and... kind."
"Really? Wild. It's almost like I like you or something."
"Or something."
"Hey... you sure this ain't a date, Moondust? Cuz when you're up close touchin' my face all gentle like this, it really is very nice... and it almost looks like you might wanna kiss me right about now."
"Do you never stop talking? Even now... with our lips so close together... you are still... talking."
"Yeah well, if you want me to shut my mouth so bad, maybe you should shut it for me."
. . .
"Ok I take it back. It is the Tower of Whoa."
"Tsch."
Fun fact: The original quote, "Tower of Woah? ...It's not that impressive," is from the Destinypedia article on the Tower of Woe. It does not appear anywhere in-game and is purely a creation of the weird blend of truth and creativity that is Destinypedia.
Levithan and Nellie dressed up for crimson days this year! 💙 These two and a Hunter/Warlock duo who never properly got to say 'I love you' in Nellie's first life before the Red War, later falling in love again when Than found her as a Guardian years after Red War.
if the hunters win guardian games this year I vote we dump one of those 5 gallon buckets of (sports drink of choice) on Crow like sports teams do with their coaches and pick him up and parade him around the city
hunters haven't had a Vanguard in a hot minute we gotta leave a good impression on this mans
