https://thebeachbumlady.blog @thebeachbumladyblog - Tumblr Blog

https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B7LomlEpnPm/?igshid=1rgr8ifpdm6b

Now I learned for my own self when Pastor Peter defined love. To love imperfect people and seek their highest good. When I let go of the boys I have loved before, I called them boys for two of them are half my age. I let go because I know this is the right thing to do. I do not want to steal their youth and their own respective chances to marry the wife of their youth. To have children and family that I may not be able to give to them. It is painful yes, but I don’t want to waste my pain. If I will be broken, I want to be broken before God. I still do not know what the future holds, but I had been dwelling in this pain for too long. It’s about time to break camp and move on, just in the days when the Israelites were in the wilderness of the dessert. God was faithful to guide them with the pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. I have to move with the clouds. I have to keep going forward. I know I am not alone, God designed my family. My own family and my church family. My work at the office is also my extended family. The thing with family is, it is not perfect, but I am reminded that my first calling, my first ministry is my family. If I were to serve, I have to serve my family first. Be it at home, at work or with other love ones such as friends or perhaps in the future a better half. That for me is the One, The One thing that matters most from the One Who cares for me no matter how impatient, no matter how stubborn and imperfect I am. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B7JFdphJnlz/?igshid=193034clmbvhn

This is not a setting sun but a rising full moon, the first for the year 2020 if I am not mistaken. As the sun sets at the other side of the building, I was sitting down in marvelous view of the rising full moon in all it’s glory from the east. I was by the pool side when I finished this blog, God indeed have His own extravagant ways to amazed us. Who am I? I am just a dot, a speck in the vast universe, yet God loved and cared for us. Every time I see spectacular creation like this, I am just but in awe that indeed God pursues us, God have His ways to make us His children smile and say in the midst of our busyness and toil - yes Lord you got my attention and in You I have found my joy no one on earth can fill. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B7JBmg-J7Oj/?igshid=192hh9rjcsebu

So what is that one thing I have put fort before God, meaning what is that one thing I have prioritized more than God? The message this Sunday was “The One Thing”. It is the story of Martha and Mary. As I listened to Pastor Peter Senior, as he holds back his tears towards the end of his talk. I my self can’t hold back my tears from the inside. Here I learned that I some how have become Martha, I have become a human doing instead of human being. I have dwelt on what will I do to impress God and Kevin, yes Kevin who never loved me since day one. Yes the Kevin I have put on the pedestal and bowed down unknowingly, unintentionally. How I have pushed and tried harder and harder to win my bosses approvals, just to hear my most coveted validation and affirmation. Martha is doing the right thing, Pastor Peter continued, but one thing is not right - she’s complaining, she’s no longer happy, Martha was no longer happy in serving God, she lost her joy. I have lost my appetite to go to work, I would rather stay at home - in my own world, in my own deep dungeon. Until it became automatic, just when I wake up every morning, I will look for all the likes and comments on facebook. Whether who have seen “my story” or “my day” on social media. To check from time to time who have “hearted” my posts on instagram or do I have a new follower, then if my follower count goes down, my whole day now becomes gloomy. “But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.””  ‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:40-42‬ ‭NASB‬‬  https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B7AM8L0JTKc/?igshid=gvezhbbuxrwn

The following working day Monday, I emailed everyone telling them I will be on leave. But the truth is I will join the church wide prayer and fasting. What a way to start a year! A break up, a heart break... really? but does my heart aches for what breaks the heart of God? Maybe I had been nurturing this pain for too long... I have dwelt with all failed relationships in the past. It’s about time to break free and pursue what matters most - The One and no one else. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Katipunan Avenue) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7ALLoipzhf/?igshid=l33jr4rdg1sh

That every messages I send to Kevin is just “seen”, that despite of frequent checks I receive no replies. That I stalk for him, if he’s online and all the hurt of being ignored and neglected in that chat room. But there’s the other story of Mary, the bible says, only one thing is necessary, Mary chosen what is good and this shall not be taken away from her. Unlike Martha, Mary was undistracted, she was totally focus on Jesus - her sitting at the feet of Jesus is intimacy. Yes Mary found her joy, her true joy in Jesus. That joy that no one can take away from her. That joy so fulfilling that she gave up her chance of getting married, by pouring everything she had, that whole year salary worth perfume she poured to anoint Jesus feet. Lifting her vail, that she no longer cares what others will say, bypassing the culture when the only one should see a woman’s hair is her husband. All she knows, all she care about is to be intimate and find her delight in the presence of her Master and Savior. All along I thought Kevin was the one... the only man I will hold on to. I have pursued my own way for happiness with the man I thought will make me happy. After all the emotional turmoil, God honored my faith when I went out of my comfort zone. Just as God did not make no apologies nor explanation to Job why? God gave Himself. Today I received God Himself, because the only One, The One Thing, The One Thing necessary that will never be taken from me is God alone... God Himself alone. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Quezon City, Philippines) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7AI1vvJl_Q/?igshid=1aiz42xhxwthm

Love is patient. God has been patient, he’s been patient and will always be for you and me. Who am I to give up? God will see me through, not only from loosing Kevin, but in every area of my life, be it financial, physical, emotional, mental and ultimately spiritual. My part is to live a godly life, not perfection, but a life that is surrendered, repentant and righteous - to please no one but God. My part is to acknowledge my responsibilities, own up to my actions and leave the rest to God. My part is to understand what I can and cannot do, what is within and beyond my control. So that one day when God calls me home, I may be able to hear Him say somehow... welcome my good and faithful servant, enter rest with your Master. So will I go on to live as if money, belongings and career are my masters? It is about time I live intentionally with the little time and resources that’s left for me. After all when life comes to an end, it is not between me and them, it is between me and God. One day I will give an account to God... so I guess this is the purpose of life - to be fully accountable to all of what God has entrusted us, be it relationship, money, talent. One day, on that wonderful day... when I die only then will I start to live in eternal peace with the lover of my soul. Until then, until such time, may God find us all faithful. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B6sbZWVJmxn/?igshid=lalrgnbm8xz9

My first time to cook zucchini pasta 🍝 #cookingselfie Left alone again in my condo unit I just thought of going back to something I love doing- to cook! When God said love is patient, most of the time, we thought of loving outwardly as in being patient with people we all choose to love. But the road to recovery requires not only patience but submission to the process as well. That recovery and keeping a strong mental health is not an end state but an ongoing process of our lifetime. So let’s go ahead and take care of our own selves so if the time comes, if that day comes, we are ready to care for others. Not a question of if, but when. Ok let me have a sip of my red wine 🍷 https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B6pVVqVJZWZ/?igshid=l6zj2mgnvmxv

Finally my book is now one at the top rankings for #anxietyattacks #selfcare and #suicideprevention. At first when I got #1 #solotravel #1 #midlife and got the coveted #1 #blogger rank I thought that was it. But it wasn’t about the numbers or getting to the top. Now I can say to my self that I have made something of value, something that will last, somehow I made my contribution to the society and community in my own little way. Since the very objective of my writings is to somehow reach out to those who have mental and emotional challenges like mine. TO GOD I BRING BACK ALL THE GLORY 🙏🏽 thank you @wattpad https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography (at Turublien Long Beach, San Vicente, Palawan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6k1uTRplpe/?igshid=8hr6v8496vqn

Words cannot define the pain I am going through right now. But one thing I know... when I asked God for a song. He gave me this one. What makes a person continue even if it hurts. What makes a person continue beyond confusion. After every heart break after heart break. What makes a person go on even if you don’t understand. God gave me this song in the night, in the midst of darkness and all the suffering. I heard it all aloud God saying “I don’t make mistakes my child”. I know it will be a long difficult path, there will be time I will feel alone and everyone has abandoned me including God. How can I go on with this life when I got used to a life of emotional codependence with Kevin. Now that I have turned my back, now is the point of no return. I know there will be long sleep less nights of crying. I know there will be times of temptations to go back to Kevin and beg him to accept me back. I know there will be times when I want to go back to Palawan and look for him. I know there will be times when I will be frustrated at work. Wallowing in tears for when it rains... it pours. But I know even if I don’t see God working, I don’t see God’s answers to my prayers, I don’t see God move. I know God is working even if I don’t see. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Cadlao Resort & Restaurant) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6fzO4Gp1VJ/?igshid=hvv1m7r5mddx

Fast track decades later up to now. This father issue left a huge gaping hole in my heart. I looked for every corner on earth to fill this void. Material things, relationships even with wrong men, men even half my age. It took a lot of time and waste of resources before I came to my senses... that this God shaped vacuum in my heart can only be filled by God Himself. So it is important, if you have similar life issues like mine to look for a father image here on earth whom we can look up to. I cannot imagine my self if I don’t hear the messages of Pastor Peter Tan-Chi, Pastor Bong Saquing, Pastor Ricky Sarthou, Brother Peter Tan-Chi Jr., Brother Paul Tan-Chi and other preachers at Christ’s Commission Fellowship. God used all of them to fill my longing for a father, but more than that all of these men were used for me to hear what I needed most - the Words of my Father in Heaven. My prayer if you are reading this, I pray you find it in your heart to sought after the things of God. Who am I to tell you this, I am not perfect, I am a wreckage, I am broken, I am used, I am damaged. But only a Perfect God can use imperfect people like you and me to encourage each other. God can send the medicine right away to heal cancer... or simply God can just write all the answers to all of our prayers and questions with His mighty fingers on the heavens for all of mankind to see. But no, God uses people, no matter how imperfect, no matter how many times we stumble and fall, no matter how damaged, no matter how broken. God uses broken people, first to receive healing for each of our own selves, next is to extend this healing to others. We may not always understand His ways but one thing is for sure. People change, time changes so are our situations. But God doesn’t change. God doesn’t make mistakes. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love https://www.instagram.com/p/B6fw09SpNTy/?igshid=5qd3v8seb72n

But I thank God for His Words - I too have a promised land, just like the Israelites, or the Levites. It may not be a property, a real estate, money, possessions, positions, it may not be a husband, nor children of my own, nor a family of my own. I do not know, sometimes I blame my self.. maybe the reason why God is not giving a boyfriend is because I never asked God for a husband, a partner in life. Kevin changed that. Today I learned that relationship is not about labels, not about counting the anniversaries, monthsaries or daysaries... Relationship is being there for each other, to be a stronghold when the other is weak. To speak the right and encouraging kindest words when the other needs it most. That relationship is not about how much I have received, not how much I have given, but to see beyond longings. It's all about sacrifices and not expecting anything in return. Not about what's in it for me but what's in it for him. Now I have appreciated the true meaning of marriage. It is the foreshadow of what is to come. Based on love, united in faith... It is the foreshadow of tri-unity, Three in One. Man Woman God. God The Father, God The Son, God The Holy Spirit. Before, I believed that fairy tale, that knight and shining armour who will save me from all my despair. Kevin did just that, he saved me from self destruction. But it's about time to value what is really important, what really matters most, what will last. Without faith it is impossible to please God. God is a rewarder of faith. I have chosen to love Kevin, not out of feelings, but I chose to trust God, to put my faith in Him that He has our best interest at heart. I really don't know what the future holds. All I know is I have Kevin's back, to be there for him and let him know I am by his side always... forever, if there is a life time for the both of us. Above all I choose to put my hope in God. After all the ultimate blessings is God Himself. He will be my portion. God Himself is my greatest reward. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey https://www.instagram.com/p/B6Zw6nYJoI2/?igshid=jdqmn138fn54

#thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey

Where is your mommy? the doctor asked my daughter. She went to the rest room my daughter replied. Tita (Aunt) I didn't corrected her anymore as she gave away that sweet smile to me, then we both went inside her doctor's clinic. I messaged Kevin just I have always tell him of my whereabouts, no response. Is this the last straw? I asked myself once more. If he is less caring with me, why would he care for my daughter? But who am I to judge Kevin, do I give up again, move away only to come back again to him, then scheme my all way out just to make him stay? My choice is just do whatever I can do within my control and capability, at least I have done everything I can and could, if Kevin is here it would be much better but if not... I will put my hands to my chest again and whisper those words again - Jesus You are enough... I am content. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Krabi, Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5pzSqDJzfi/?igshid=d5wzpx8zqglw

Though my thoughts still lingers about Kevin, somehow I am happy, I want to spend my life sharing and being part of his dreams. That for the longest time, someone have asked me to be part of his aspirations in the future. I want to support Kevin, I want to be there if he needs someone, someone who will partner with him to reach his goals. But all of these may remain a dream, a heart's desire. I do not know if he is teaching me to be independent, to be strong, formidable in a sense that I am not emotional and mentally dependent on him. That I need to be emotionally intelligent and independent even if he is not always around. That I need to keep an open mind and understand that he is a young military officer, busy, yes busy with the matters of discipline, protection and security. That I need to learn to take care of my self and my daughter, that I may need to resolve problems on my own without waiting for him, for his opinion, for his decision. I do not know to be honest, I have no idea. But aside from focusing my mind to what lies ahead, to focus on what ever is true, noble, to what is good. I have learned a mantra, if that's what you call it. Every time I miss Kevin, long for his kiss, his touch... or resent over all the small things that makes him less caring. Or even all the frustrations and imperfections of what I have in the office. I have learned to put my hands on my chest, trying to get a grasp of my heart and say, Jesus you are enough, I am content with what you have given me right now. Even if I don't hear from Kevin, as I hold my heart, I am content that You all love us and have our best interest at heart. Even if I don't get promoted, I am content, that I have done the best I can with the little that I have for His glory. Even if I have not carried a child for nine months in my own womb, I am content, I am thankful I am given the opportunity to experience how it is to be a mother to a beautiful daughter. I am thankful I have a job to support her to school. I am thankful I have a job that someday if it's God's will I can support the dreams of Kevin, that his dream will become mine, our dream, in His time... if there will be a time. (at Krabi, Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5pyzw8pAIv/?igshid=1544fas40bg06

Aayusin ko muna ang sarili ko. Baka pag dating ng panahon handa na ako. Kung di man kami mag kita ulit, at least naiayos ko ang sarili ko. I will fix my self first. Once the right time has come, I am ready by then. But even if the right time and the right one doesn't come... at least I have some how fixed my self. I guess that's part of growing up, of maturity, letting go of people not because you no longer need them but because there are women whom I thought I can trust but I can no longer be with them if I pursue to align my self to what God has intended me to be. God said do not owe anyone except to love one another. One thing I learned from my life long recovery, if there are people or situations that pulls us down, it is important to train not just our mind but our hearts to what lies ahead. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Krabi, Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5pyPoSJa_e/?igshid=1hlue8pf3xvm8

I am now in the book of Joshua, I went back to reading my Bible in one year plan. I was encouraged by brother Edric Mendoza, the husband of one of the daughters of Pastor Peter, Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza. He said it only takes four chapters a day to read the entire bible in one year. So I did, I went back - truly we cannot live by bread alone. Just as brother Paul de Vera said, we cannot live without having both spiritual and physical. We cannot sustain life, fulness of life by having one without the other. I remember one time and I know it is the spirit of the Lord prompting me. Maybe I lie on bed hours and hours doing nothing, just being with my thoughts and allow my self to be carried away by thoughts and own feelings. Why? I ask myself? Because sometimes I have to admit that I am too lazy, too lazy because it is easy to wallow in pain and in bed - rather than work, take the responsibilities and do the hard work. Because I never admitted to myself that it is easy to point a finger to somebody else, rather than taking a step back and view where have I done wrong and how could I prevent this from happening again? https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Krabi, Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5SOinhJr3f/?igshid=15sylwyhquwmk

Yeah this is an “ouch” moment for me. Another realization I had was to keep learning to be more kind to myself. You see for so many occasions, I find myself guilty of the pleasure (or should I put the right term “opportunity”) to work from home. When the draft report was out from a due diligence report from Hong Kong came out. We had no major issues or findings in the report, simply put all it says was that we have done our job and no major concerns over what we do here in Manila. Funny how, this assessment interview happened when I was working from home. I remember myself wearing my pajamas and hoodie, no make up or whatsoever, my hair pulled up in a messy bun... and I do not know if it’s a real concern or an insult but she just said on video cam from Hong Kong - are you ok? In her sweet little voice and Chinese accent. So I was encouraged, if I could do such leap over a video call with Hong Kong, I could do it on a daily basis be it home or office for work. There are a lot of demands both at home, at the office, family and even with our special someone. But I learned a strong lesson here and I am reminded, that before I can engage with other people with kindness, I need to be kind first to my own self. Perhaps coming from Paul de Vera’s story, instead of having suicidal thoughts as a habit. Though this can be translated from defense to coping mechanism. It is important to keep a habit where we can find our true north. Our standing ground, when everything is on chaos, we go back to the center. There’s no other greater place to be but to be in the center of God’s will, God’s Words... My part is to take responsibility and not escape, to take ownership and not compare or point someone else, to obey and not make excuses. https://thebeachbumlady.blog https://my.w.tt/15lZX947BZ #thebeachbumlady #wattpad #wordpress #blog #blogger #personalblog #travelblog #single #solotravel #islandgirl #beachbum #journey #celebraterecovery #glorioushope #ministry #ccfmain #ccf #palawan #boracay #beachplease #philippines #book #iphonephotography #photography #travelphoto #love (at Krabi, Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5SODaYJIeG/?igshid=mrhz9g0rij0g

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

https://thebeachbumlady.blog