BelGarath

[acehardys]

i have been laughing for 10 mins

[the-perks-of-being-black]

[the-gay-goblin]

[feanor-the-dragon]

Tell it

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

[thebootydiaries]

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”

[prime-tiktoks]

[catchymemes]

[onceland]

[turtletotem]

I have long said that in order for any comedy to truly succeed as a story, there has to be meat beneath the jokes. There has to be that moment when it is not funny any more.

This. This is that moment.

[agooduniverse]

#honestly even though this is one of the best scripts there ever has been  #that is the greatest line  #it’s /groundbreaking/ in terms of how it frames vengeance quests; temptation beats; inigo as a comedic figure throughout the movie  #you know because this is a happy book (film) that inigo will get his revenge  #but will he get JUSTICE  #will he get ABSOLUTION  #will he get CATHARSIS  #those are the things we don’t know  #and that line sells it more than any of the previous scene (x)

[teenwitched-archive-deactivated]

also:

[elizah-schuyler]

God I love this movie.

[johnmarkgreenpoetry-deactivated]

Wow! One of my favorite movies just got even better!!

[jaesama]

Visit Original Link

[slimmeroo]

holy shit

[songbirdsofthesea]

I read somewhere that sirens/mermaids sang songs that they heard from sailors on passing ships. I imagine this is what a modern siren would sound like singing this song.

[infinitygrey]

I was not expecting this to be good. I was so wrong.

[a-night-in-wonderland]

[mecha-moira]

Please remember that nearly all of the kids dialogue was unscripted.

[araceil]

But she isn’t wrong.

[rahakasha]

Outnumbered (2007-2016)

[sparkyle]

My thing during quarantine is to recreate Pokemon in Spore

[dirtyhippieproductions]

[ruinedchildhood]

Cake: The Movie (2020) dir. David Lynch & David Cronenberg

[scottishtwitter]

[xoperidottea]

Translation: I told this girl sent next to me on the bus that her guide dog was cute and she said “Aw I wouldn’t know” and I choked on my coffee

😂😂

[happyhumannoises2]

I think this is the first one of these that i literally couldn’t understand a damn thing written

[backtothebog]

[arcticbonobos]

[krinkshaming-deactivated2017021]

[skypig357]

Lmao

[bigwordsandsharpedges]

modern art

[crimethinc]

Comrades in Minneapolis—this video from Chile shows how to extinguish tear gas canisters quickly, safely, and easily. To deal with tear gas canisters, take a water jug with a wide mouth, put a little baking soda, dish soap, and/or vegetable oil in the jug of water—3 tablespoons of each to 1 liter of water. Pick up the canister with protective gloves (it’s hot and can burn you!), drop it in the jug, and shake the jug while covering the top with your gloved hand just enough that the gas doesn’t get out. Don’t cover the top too tightly—you don’t want to make the jug explode. Don’t let the police or #COVID19 cut off your air supply. Fight back! #icantbreathe #GeorgeFloyd #Minneapolis

[glumshoe]

Villain: “You and I are very much alike, you know.”

Hero: “I realize that.”

Villain: “Doesn’t that trouble you?”

Hero: “Why would it? I share most of my genome with sewer rats.”

[glumshoe]

Villain: “But our similarities mean that, deep down, you’re a bad person. There’s nothing stopping you from being just as evil as I am!”

Hero: “Sure there is. I’m stopping me.”

Villain: “But in your heart you crave—”

Hero: “Sometimes when I’m in a crowded building I get the sudden urge to just boop a stranger right on the nose. But I don’t do it, because that would be super rude and weird. Does having that compulsion in the first place make me just as much of a weirdo as if I had acted on it? Maybe it does in your eyes, but to the would-be boopee, it makes all the difference in the world.”

Villain: “We’re not talking about booping noses, we’re talking about killing peop—”

Me: “Look, dude, I’m sure murder can be really satisfying. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to murder people, and I think that’s very sexy of me. Look at me. With a little self-restraint, you might have had what I have.”

[lost-carcosa]