Ok, guys, the time has come to confess the truth: Iâve lost a lot of motivation with this blog. I thought that eventually I would get over it, but the lore change left me literally hanging and every time I look at this blog I feel like Iâm working with some sort of dull frankensteinized excuse of a character. I am not comfortable.Â
So yeah, before continuing to drag this apathy forever and on, Iâve finally decided to do something about it and Iâm going to reset the blog. I feel bad about it because it feels like disappointing everyone that has interacted with me until now, but i think itâs necessary if I want to continue writing Katarina. And I do. I still like her despite the new dark and depressive turn in his bio (thanks rito), and I would like to continue writing and developing her more. But for that, I need to start once more.
With that said, Iâll let you know that I wonât continue with the threads we have until now, with the only exception being the AUs (because I donât really need to restart muse for that). If you are still willing to interact with me though, for which Iâll be immensely grateful, you can hit me up once I have everything sorted and ready and we can plot things again.
I am sorry things have come down to this, but I find it preferable to just simply abandon the blog or keep it into an indefinite hiatus.Â
So yeah. Iâll start thinking to which direction will I push Katarina to. I will mostly try different things to keep me motivated; there are probably going to be some posts with headcanons and stuff (maybe even drabbles) to help me focus more and see things more clearly. Iâll take the occasion to change the layout (maybe even the url because iâve grown less and less fond of it) and generally just try things out. I donât know If I will do a full cleaning of the blog, so in case you want to save some posts tell me before I delete them.Â
Aaaaand I think thatâs all for now. Thank you all for your patience and for sticking around with my sorry ass. Iâll try to come back better, stronger, with infinitely more knives and stabbing power.Â
(Art courtesy of @noxian-rose Iâm sorry, that picture is too good to not use it)
Katarina let out a humorless snort as she brought her fingers to her face, trailing the scar in her left eye. It burned under the touch, feeling almost fresh.
âPride has only brought me regretsâ. Her voice cracked, the usual harshness in it disappearing to show how truly tired she was. Se was doing her best to not let her weakness show, but she was failing, and emotion slipped through her like water from her hands.
Talonâs statement made her feel sick on her stomach. House Du Couteau had always been loyal to the nation and her father had been disposed off anyways, leaving her to be the in charge of her family name. Painfully aware of the expendable position they held.Â
âWhat else was I supposed to do?â The assassin asked with bitterness; Garenâs unrelenting contempt stirred something in her, and Katarina almost felt herself cracking. Her rage, her impotence, her fears... They were coming to the surface and she didnât want him to see them, nor Talon, nor anyone. But she had not the strength to contain them anymore.
âTell me, what else I am supposed to do?!â Katarina pointed at the Demacian and then into the distance, where a thousand miles away stood the proud Noxus with her buildings of cold, grey stone. âSince I was born, the only thing Iâve been taught is to serve Noxus, to fight for it or to die! Thatâs my only purpose, the only thing I should care about, and without it I am nothing!â
How it had stung that night her father had decided she had to die. Disposable, like a broken blade that could no longer be of use. How had Katarina despised him for it, how had she feared to never be anything else than that broken tool in his eyes. And that fear was resurfacing again, making her hands tremble. After all, an assassin was nothing more that its blade.
âWhat can you understand? Nothingâ. She gritted her teeth. Garen, so bound to his honour, to his kingdom and people, should understand the weigh of her unnamed duty, but apparently, he did not. Perhaps they were too different after all, and the distance between them was insurmountable. it felt like a betrayal. âIâve let myself be a fool with youâ.
Her hand fell limp at her side as the pain raised again. Her vision went blurry, grimacing as she turned around. Katarina knew she was exposing herself in that position, but at that moment she did not care. She had no will to fight.
âCling to your ruins if thatâs what you wantâ, the assassin said, with not as much spite as she pretended, but defeat instead. âTo your revenge or your regret, I donât careâ.
Holding her side, she limped away, carrying her pain, her rage and her loss with her.Â
Ok, guys, the time has come to confess the truth: Iâve lost a lot of motivation with this blog. I thought that eventually I would get over it, but the lore change left me literally hanging and every time I look at this blog I feel like Iâm working with some sort of dull frankensteinized excuse of a character. I am not comfortable.Â
So yeah, before continuing to drag this apathy forever and on, Iâve finally decided to do something about it and Iâm going to reset the blog. I feel bad about it because it feels like disappointing everyone that has interacted with me until now, but i think itâs necessary if I want to continue writing Katarina. And I do. I still like her despite the new dark and depressive turn in his bio (thanks rito), and I would like to continue writing and developing her more. But for that, I need to start once more.
With that said, Iâll let you know that I wonât continue with the threads we have until now, with the only exception being the AUs (because I donât really need to restart muse for that). If you are still willing to interact with me though, for which Iâll be immensely grateful, you can hit me up once I have everything sorted and ready and we can plot things again.
I am sorry things have come down to this, but I find it preferable to just simply abandon the blog or keep it into an indefinite hiatus.Â
So yeah. Iâll start thinking to which direction will I push Katarina to. I will mostly try different things to keep me motivated; there are probably going to be some posts with headcanons and stuff (maybe even drabbles) to help me focus more and see things more clearly. Iâll take the occasion to change the layout (maybe even the url because iâve grown less and less fond of it) and generally just try things out. I donât know If I will do a full cleaning of the blog, so in case you want to save some posts tell me before I delete them.Â
Aaaaand I think thatâs all for now. Thank you all for your patience and for sticking around with my sorry ass. Iâll try to come back better, stronger, with infinitely more knives and stabbing power.Â
(Art courtesy of @noxian-rose Iâm sorry, that picture is too good to not use it)
Katarina smiled when her guess proved to be certain, even more when Lux admited it. For a moment, she felt some sort of complicity with the other woman, like two explorers that meet at the same point after following different leads.
The assassin rested her chin in the palm of her hand, circling the border of the jug with her free hand. Katarina chuckled softly when she saw the demacianâs reaction to the drink and after her next question.
âCanât I?â She teased. Lux accepted her offering of peace for the moment; it seemed that they had a truce. Katarina raised her drink towards the mage in an accepting gesture before she drank.
âThe usualâ, she licked her lips, answering after a couple of sips (there was a limit to how much she could drink of that foul drink at a time). âIn Bilgewater thereâs always someone willing to risk their lives and do what other might not just for some gold coins. And Noxus has great interest in that... as Iâm sure you knowâ.
Katarina had been sent to the chaotic city in numerous occasions. At first, her trips had been accompanied by the bitter taste of defeat, as the assassin saw it as an excuse from her father to send her away from his sight. With time and years, though, she had learned to enjoy the strange freedom she experienced away from the long shadow of Marcus Du Couteau and the towers of the Immortal Bastion.
Freedom. What a strange thought.
âA demacian in Bilgewater though, that is a much more rarer sightâ. Katarina intertwined her fingers over the wooden counter, playing with her thumbs. âWhat brought you so far away from home, miss Crownguard?â
The Demacian didnât give chase to the Noxian male. There was no point. He was outnumbered, now⊠and he was still relatively injured. His sapphire gaze was locked on the two, visage clearly showing how irate he was being in the presence of these DuCouteaus. His grip tightened around the handle of his blade.
âIf this is what this is all about⊠then bring your best to this battle, KatarinaâŠâ Garen replied sternly. âYou know what youâve done to me⊠and now you know what youâve awoken.â
He needed to buy more time. The more time he could stand and breathe without exerting his energy⊠the more he could use it to heal his wounds. âThe legacy of DuCouteau is tied with Noxus⊠and your country is now ruled by a psychotic barbarian. It was not just you who let that pass⊠but your father, as well. Have you no humanity in your soul? Do you despise my people so much that youâd allow the murder of innocents?â He scoffed⊠and then spit out a bloodied phlegm. His cracked ribs was certainly making it difficult to breathe properly.
Talonâs presence by her side was more reassuring that the other might ever know. Katarina didnât fear faltering so much just by being sure that the assassin might be there to pick the pieces of her.
She did not answer when her partner urged her to act and simply raised an arm to prevent Talon from attacking.
That mere gesture caused her a visible strain. She grimaced in pain, which actually hid any change of expression that Garenâs words might have arisen.Â
A part of her said that the other assassin was right: that the only way to solve that situation was to take one of her daggers and slit the demacianâs throat. They were two against one and Garen was injured. It shouldnât be difficult and yetâŠ
âAnd what do you think you can do?â Katarinaâs words were disdainful, hidding the fact that she couldnât find the strenght to grab her daggers. âYour country is done for, no matter how much you struggle and pledge to your honour. Even if I battle you, and you slay me, nothing would changeâ.Â
The mention of her family was a low blow, and for a moment, Katarinaâs eyes darkened with honest resentment.
âThe Du Couteau are the house of blades. Do you know the most important thing my father taught me? That an assassin did not need humanity: and assassin was beyond honour, pride⊠loveâ. Her voice wavered slightly when she said that word. âAn assassin is no more than their weapons, a tool to the will of their masters. Who rules Noxus is not mine to decide, neither whoâs worthy to live or to die. I donât care about your citizensâ destiny⊠as I donât care about yoursâ.Â
Each sentence was heavier and harder to pronounce than the last. By the time she finished, Katarina didnât know if she was trying to hurt Garen or just to desperatelly strangle the emotions that had grown in her heart.Â
Riotâs writing has a lot of problems, but one of them (which is pretty much key to my issues with the Noxus update) is their inability to use word of god narration.
The general lore outside of the flavor stories, including the short bios, is word of god narration, a reliable neutral voice that presents <i>facts</i> about the character or the world OR alternatively a chance for the author to present their point of view on the matter at hand. Or rather it should be.
The general lore of the Noxus update doesnât sound factual, it sounds like itâs trying to paint Noxus in a better light with supposed upsides to their conquest.
Greatness, stability and security are words they use to describe the âbenefitsâ of assimilating. ââŠmany have voluntarily taken the kneeâ but also go on to say that âThose who defy Noxus, however, are crushed without mercy.â In the end itâs not âvoluntaryâ to join, itâs âkneel or be crushedâ.
I wouldnât be surprised if this came from the point of view of a Noxian champion - propaganda is a powerful thing after all and the color stories <i>are</i> the place for unreliable narrators - but itâs completely out of place in a neutral section of the lore. Thatâs word of god territory.
Either Riotâs writers are extending the unreliable narrator into the neutral lore sections which is a bad habit to have and bad writing in general or this reflects the views of the author which makes me wonder if they actually live under a rock to believe that conquest benefits the conquered.
Yes, this is so true! And Iâll add that this was a controversy that was brought up with respect character biographies as well - not flavor stories, but the base biographies. I distinct remember a huge uproar in the fandom about obvious disparities between Viktorâs and Jayceâs lore, for example, because they portrayed the same events in completely factually disparate ways. A Rioter responded (on an AMA reddit thread, I believe) by saying oh, thatâs because the biographies themselves are biased by the characters.
But thatâs misleading, and itâs a terrible way to build a comprehensible expanded universe. Something needs to be objective reality, somewhere on the universe website, or itâs all basically rendered meaningless by virtue of, seemingly at random, either being biased or word of god depending on what mood a Riot writer is in today.
// OR, to put a different take on it, they expect us to be smart enough to recognize the intentional bias and actively question it. Intentional ambiguity like this is not inherently bad, especially since the game lore is not story-driven, or even world-driven, but almost entirely character-driven. In a believable world, there is no word-of-god when it comes to individuals. Everyone and every group is going to have a different perspective and opinion on events. If theyâre building the world from the charactersâ perspectives, then there canât be objectivity.
//Victor and Jayce are not going to see events the same way. A Noxian is going to insist their form of empire is culturally inclusive, and Demacia will always point to the way the Rune Wars nearly destroyed the world as their justification for their anti-mage discrimination. Diana will insist the revelations she received are the truth, and Leona, with the other Solari, will deny it in perpetuity. The two factions of the Freljord will forever debate whether it was Ashe or Sejuani that was at fault for the start of the Civil War. Swain now even implies that Asheâs story of how she found the bow may be false or at least not the whole truth. And weâre not given a clear answer as to which side of any of these is ârightâ or âwrongâ. Because there isnât a straight answer.
//In this case, the ambiguity invites us to notice this form of bias and ponder what the truth is. It gives us enough facts to alert us to what isnât factual, or what parts of a story are up for debate. It gives the creative side of the community space to portray more than one side; to justify or decry one version of events without ever being wrong; to comb through the stories and the lore and piece together what is factual. It gives room for interpretation and exploration. Maybe the goal is not to have a comprehensive factual record, but a more subjective one that leaves room for questioning. This form of writing expects a level of curiosity and analysis from the readership that we all know exists within this community.
//I find it refreshing, as a creator. They donât need the spoon feed us word-of-god narration from a reliable narrator for us to piece together whatâs going on, or at least a plausible version of whatâs going on. I like the liberty it provides. It lets me pick at the threads and follow them to new places in a way that a rigid word-of-god delivery would not allow. It creates negative space to explore by hinting at depths beyond the obvious. And the genius is that they donât have to fill those spaces themselves. WE fill it in.
//I fully concede this may be giving Riot more credit than some believe they deserve, but I love the results regardless. If they can continue feeding us this kind of character-centric lore building, Iâm going to be a very happy writer.
[TL;DR: this blog is on hiatus until i decide how to proceed. Not that it makes much of a change since i take so long to answer anyway :^) Be ready for a cold hearted bitch.]
I am distressed beyond comfortable levels due to this bio update Riot has done to Katarina and all the things Iâm forced to change in this blog to keep canon compliant. But letâs go step by step. Letâs check the facts that the text gave us:
Katarina was harshly trained as an assassin since childhood under her fatherâs guidance.
She wants to prove herself and fight for Noxus among all things.
Arrogance an pride led her to fail her first mission, losing her fatherâs trust forever.
Her father tried to kill her sending an assassin. The assassin gave her the scar, a reminder of failure.
So, conclusions we can take from that:
Katarina received little to no affection during her childhood and youth. Her mother might have been mostly absent from her life, focused on Cassiopeia instead. The relationship with her sister is vague: they could be close or they might have seen each other only a few times.
Marcus was a jerk and most probably Katarina hates his father. She even confessed that she thought about killing him.
Katarina was disgraced for his mistake, assumedly losing her privilege inside the family. Marcus focused on training other assassins (assumedly Talon) just to spite her.
How does all this affect my portrayal? Well, it simply breaks all the pillars in which I based Katarinaâs character. As I wrote her, Katarina was loyal to her family even beyond Noxus. Considering her new circumstances (mother and sister assumedly absent, loathsome father, family disgrace) I donât see how that could be sustained. It is clear that now Katarina holds more loyalty to Noxus than anything else, and that she would be willing to even kill her own parents if it was needed.
She is much more colder than what I wrote her to be, much more extreme. She has no morals, no code. She is just a tool to serve the interests of Noxus, but still she puts a lot of effort to in in order to erase his past mistake.
That leads me to another important question that I need to solve to proceed writing in this blog: Where does she stand now?
For what we know thanks to Swainâs interaction, someone (assumedly Marcus but it could have been someone else) sent Katarina to kill him. Some suggested that it could have even been Darkwill, fearing his demise. We also know that Swain and Marcus worked together or were allies until Swain betrayed him. So, my interpretation of things is:
Marcus worked for Darkwill, the emperor. Friends/partners with Swain.
Swain decided to kill Darkwill. Either Marcus or Darkwill himself know and send Katarina to kill Swain before he acts.
Swainâs revolt. Darkwill dies. Assumedly, Marcus goes missing/dies in that too.
Why is Swain not dead though? If Katarina was sent to kill him, thereâs only a few explanations as to why.
She failed.
She actually believed in Swainâs cause (or she disobeyed her father out of spite) and supported his rebellion, so she wouldnât act against him.
She is still working on it.
Her orders might have even come after the whole coup dâetat, even. Depending on her take on the issue, I can only imagine 2 settings for her in the present.
She works for the actual government, the Trifarix.
She works for Swainâs detractors, which might include the Black Rose.
And this is, ladies and gentlemen, what is killing me, because I have no clue. The stories and small pieces of lore that Riot has given for now donât include anything that would help me decide one side, and both seem pretty incompatible. Idk. I have to think on the issue, but until I have everything sorted I donât feel safe enough to keep writing certain topics.
Which leads me to the important issue:
What about the roleplaying threads?
There are a few that need an urgent revision. The one with @noxianmercy Iâm pretty sure it can go to the gutter lmao. The other interactions Iâm concerned about are the ones with @nihil-remedium (WHERE DO WE STAND NOW SIS), @general-darius (since both characters have been changed), @ignis-ad-iudicem (why would I care about dead people now, duh, though I still I can still work with it, I just need to think) and @noxian-rose, though the latter I think can be ok if we just re-establish the reason as to why the ladies would meet.
I think the rest of threads are safe, though Iâm afraid you folks will have to encounter a Katarina 10 times more evil and douchey. I hope thatâs not a problem. If you have anything to comment or any thoughts, feel free to let me know.
@luminous-lady, @traviling-mage, @demacias-broken-wing, @ascendedbladesman, @maxson-leblanc, @reforged-and-redeemed, @infiniitas , @summoner-renzus, @the-economics-of-death (I think I didnât left anyone, if so, let me know)
And the final conclusion:
// I am totally not feeling anxious about Katarina's new bio, nope :^) It just send a ton of my headcanons to the trash and basically forces me to rewrite her bases as a character, ha ha ha
1. ANIMAL(S): Panther
2. COLOR(S): Black | Red | Silver
3. MONTH: November
4. SONG: I can never come up with one buuuuuut... right now... just... this
5. NUMBER: 1
6. DAY OR NIGHT: Night
7. PLANT: Carnation
8. SMELL: Laurel and pepper
9. GEMSTONE: Ruby | Obsidian
10. SEASON: Fall
11. PLACE: A lonely roof, a crowded tavern, the halls of a manor, a battlefield.
12. FOOD: Tacos
13. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Scorpio
14. ELEMENT: Fire
15. DRINK(S): Ale | Wine
Easy. Ironically, Katarina always found death easy to deliver. How many times had she been thrilled for the hunt of an assassination? How many had she worn a smile on her face and felt the satisfaction that came after stabbing her targetâs heart?
To kill and to die were easy. To outlive those who shouldnât die, not so much.
Katarina took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. She only opened them again when she felt Kayle moving, her bright aura even visible through her closed eyelids. The assassin followed the otherâs steps with a resigned look in her face. As the winged warrior went past her, she almost felt a warm breeze carrying a familiar scent she couldnât identify. Something that smelled like summer.
A warning look crossed Katarinaâs face as Kayle knelt beside Cleoâs remains, but the angel couldnât see her. A strange sense of protectiveness struck the assassin and her fingers twitched, as if he was trying to grab an invisible hilt.
Still, Katarina didnât move, stuck in reverent awe as the corpse of her subordinate was turned into ash with just a touch. Such care in Kayleâs gestures. Such purity in the ashes as they ascended to the air, carried away with the wind. She felt a lump in her chest as she saw how they disappeared into the grey sky.
âThey will say that they died because they were weakâ, Katarina spoke. When she dropped her gaze again, Kayle was watching her through her golden helmet, and the assassin felt that that gaze could pierce her mere soul. âNobody will be responsible, only those who failed will take the blame. There is no place for weakness in Noxusâ.
Her words were cold yet bitter. Katarina rarely had questioned the principles in which her beloved empire was founded on. To fight or to perish. To succeed or to fail. It was that simple.
But then her father was gone, and her sister was gone, and her mother... It no longer felt that they were building the glory of Noxus through their strength. It felt like the empire was eating them alive, using them as fuel to grow into a monstrosity.
For the first time in a very long time. Katarina faltered.
// So just this morning I found out that Ursula K. Le Guin passed away two days ago. :c She had a way of describing things, so plain, so slow yet so deep when you realized their meaning that it felt like a slap to the face. Tehanu is one of the few books that has managed to make me cry while reading it.
I feel a bit sad because, even though Iâve only read her Earthsea series, this woman was one of the major inspirations I had when I was barely starting stories. Iâll put her books on my reading list again; maybe I will be able to remember the inspiration she gave me the first time I read her.
The mention of the meeting she had not attended to, spoken in such a soft manner, still felt like a scolding. Katarina couldnât help the tension that suddenly straightened her shoulders and made her clench his jaw.
âI had personal matters to take care of, Madameâ, she explained. It sounded like an excuse, which it really was.
The meetings with the High Command and the nobles had grown more tedious, more hard to attend with a straight face. After Talonâs disappearance, she couldn't face them knowing that one of them might be responsible, it made her livid just thinking about it. Who knew how many were eagerly expecting the downfall of his family, how many were actively plotting to had their heads in a pike.
She wished she could freely slit their throats so they would never look down on the Du Couteau name again.
LeBlanc's words though, intrigued her. The woman had always seemed fond of talking in riddles and double entendres, much to Katarina's dismay. She had never been patient enough for this kind of games, but right now Evaine's soft voice carried something she could understand. Something similar to an offering, if she was willing to listen.
âI... apologise. I didn't mean to be rudeâ, she spoke. He still sounded more polite than what was usual in her, but there was a renewed anger under all that facade. It somewhat managed to make Katarina feel more in control of herself, less vulnerable in this strange dinner table.
She followed each one of LeBlanc's movements with practised attention. How she drank, how delicately she played with the surface of the glass. Evaine had beautiful and elegant fingers, and each gesture seemed perfect, mesmerizing like the virtuous skill of a pianist. It was those hands what Katarina was looking at when the woman offered her a treat. In comparison, her own movements seemed clumsy and hesitant when she raised a hand to pick up the macaron, and she frowned slightly in irritation. The Sinister Blade usually took pride in her swiftness. It was not often that she felt slower.
The mention of her father made Katarina's hair suddenly stand on end. She closed her hand around the candy, careful not to crush it as she listened. A question came, one that felt too much like a trap, so she remained silent. It was hard not to avert her gaze out of habit, familiarity playing against her in that encounter.
âTruth is found in proofâ, Katarina answered slowly, as if a wrong response could end in a fatal wound. âIf I must listen to you, Madame, and if I have to believe in anything you say, I'm sure you know that you'll have to convince me of the certainty in your wordsâ.
She sounded defying in her own ears but she didn't care. She was tired of ruses and lies, of never being able to trust anyone but having to put up with all the people playing against her.
Still, all his determination seemed to crumble with LeBlanc's laugh, echoing gently inside the chamber's walls. Katarina felt a chill down her spine once Evaine's perfect fingers touched her skin, cold as porcelain, making her tilt her face.
'For all the years I've known you and your father, do you trust me?'
Did she? Katarina didn't know. On one part, she knew what LeBlanc's game was. A deceiver, a strategist, a mind sharp and clever, a trader and keeper of secrets. To trust her would have been very unwise from anyone in her position and yet...
And yet she still remembered those afternoons in the yard of their manor. Marcus and Catherine Du Couteau seated together, looking relaxed around a young, raven haired woman. Evaine always told the best stories, Katarina recalled. Always brought the best sweets, like the macaron now in her hand. Her fingers closed a bit harder.
âI... want to trust youâ, she confessed, and her voice faltered just for a moment. âFor my family, I would trust youâ.
