The Buzzkill

In mid 2015 I was diagnosed with cancer. After the diagnosis and for the majority of the treatment I kept a journal in comic form. I have been in Remission since December. This is the journal as it was originally posted!

[thebuzzkillcomic]

[thebuzzkillcomic]

I remember this feeling very vividly... the feeling of an alien space, no bearings or compass points, no landmarks to guide me. 

I have a young family, and I was so determined going in to chemo that I was going to face it head on. I’m sure part of that was due to complete ignorance and lack of understanding of what I was about to experience.

It is also important to understand that I never could have faced up to this if I really was alone. My wonderfully lady, our beautiful daughters, all of our friends and family... they all lent me strength and each other strength.

[thebuzzkillcomic]

[thebuzzkillcomic]

Wow... even now thinking about that needle gives me the willies... I remember by this stage being off work, a being anxious to get this started. I felt like a fraud because despite the fact I was clearly very sick, I just felt like a normal guy, sitting around waiting for the next thing. The whole thing was like a bizarre dream.

The moral of this part of the story really is, see your doctor... get checked out even if you think you might be over reacting. I felt more or less fine, I didn’t feel sick even at this point yet my liver was absolutely riddled with cancer cells. in the CT scans it looked like swiss cheese!

[thebuzzkillcomic]

About a week ago a customer came into work looking for dishwasher racks. Nothing out of the ordinary about that. Somewhere in the middle of our discussion he mentioned that he had cancer and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I actually had to go and sit down for a few minutes after he left just to collect myself. You see, it’s almost a year to the day that I posted this comic. At the time I had no idea what kind of cancer I had, what the prognosis was... none of that. I was really wrestling with the idea that my time here may be limited (Yeah I know, in the existential sense we’re all specks of dust and all that). I remember my biggest fear was not seeing my daughters grow up.

Those few short words from one customer triggered all of these emotions, so I decided to start reposting this journal from last year. I’ll most likely share a few thoughts and reflections along the way, maybe even a few new pages as well.

I should probably mention that I’m better now, in remission, and other than regular check ups and blood tests pretty much back to a normal life.

Peace