Be All And End All

Is the glass half full or half empty? Depends. The glass is half full when it has been filled halfway. The glass is half empty when it was full and half of it was emptied. There. Doesn't that make sense? (Instagram: @thechocoholicstache)

[blackhearts-badvibes]

The worst part is the world keeps going. For you it feels like time stopped. The moment you felt their absence. Before the doctor even tells you. Before the blood tests. Before the frantic google searches. A part of you already knows. You remember the exact moment you felt different and it feels like time stopped right then and there. Food doesn’t taste the same. Air feels different on your skin. Your body doesn’t feel like yours. In that moment your heart knows. The miscarriage has begun and there’s no turning back.

Time keeps painfully moving forward while you’re stuck in a moment wanting to just go back. Even if it’s just 30 seconds before. Just a moment longer with the life you wanted so badly. But time keeps moving forward. You go through the painful motions of your days. Through blood stained sheets and tear stained pillows. Time just keeps moving forward.

I guess I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a partner who truly loves me and genuinely loved the life we were growing together. He did everything he could to comfort me through his pain. But it’s somehow not enough. It’s not enough to stop time from moving forward. Not enough to slow the days down. Not enough to pause the voice in my head that keeps talking about what could have been. What we would have named you. What your eyes might have looked like. How it would feel to hold your little hands in mine. I miss you so much already and I never even met you.

I’m at the point now where I’m barely bleeding any more. The pain has stopped. And tomorrow I get a final blood test to confirm what I already know. Tomorrow the last shred of hope gets taken from me. And life goes on. I’m supposed to keep moving forward. Try again. Go to work. Life goes on business as usual. I’m supposed to move forward but I just don’t know how. I don’t think I’ll ever be the person I was two days ago again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust my body again. How do I recover from something no one ever talks about.

[dionysian-mystery]

Francis Forever by Mitski

[jinxingrief]

[jinxingrief]

[unwelcome-ozian]

[dionysian-mystery]

[virginiewoolf]

Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.

[thechocoholicstache]

I keep experiencing loss and idk….I can’t really talk about it because it’s not something people want to talk about or hear about. I just wish I could cut it out, all this hurt that I feel, this emptiness.

[azulapocalypse]

I'm tired. I'm tired of being depressed. Of being sad. Of wanting to talk to my friends and not knowing how anymore. I'm tired of trying. I'm just. Tired.

[kparrott34]

Why didn’t God heal my dad?

[freshmoviequotes]

The Sky Is Everywhere (2022)

[the-weird-poet]

“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.”

~ C.S. Lewis

[petrichara]

There’s a quote about mothering your grief, I like to think of grief like that. How when they die, you have to take care of yourself like you’re an infant. You focus on the basics: eat, sleep, hydrate, clean, repeat. And when it sinks in that they’re gone, it’s like a toddler having big emotions you don’t have the words for or the capacity to understand yet. You deal with the meltdowns as they come. Then time goes on a little more and you’ve grown up some more, and you have more words to describe your feelings now, you’re more prepared for how to deal with the meltdowns when they do come. And the grief doesn’t go away, you have the experience to know how to get yourself through it to the best of your abilities. When many years and decades have gone by, I suppose it’s like your grown-up child calling to check-in every once in a while. The grief is still there, it’s a part of you, but it doesn’t take up the entirety of your home anymore.

[sheymaaaaa]

[zippyzstuff]

[dionysian-mystery]

Now I have to remember you for longer than I have known you.

C. C. Aurel

[jinxingrief]