of sound mind

"let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story, and this is my side... the right one"

[music]

behind the music with @taylorswift

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

[thechrisramos]

can we skip the part where i cry?

[thechrisramos]

[thechrisramos]

[thechrisramos]

Adderall feels like a magic carpet ride, but like through a VR headset. Except you can’t take the headset off after the ride is over. So you stare at darkness.

And while staring at darkness, you realize that the world that exists within the headset is not real, and that you’re just a character.

Then you feel guilty for having a personality that is not yours, so you stop taking the drug.

Then you crash.

Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

It's hard at first because you can barely open your eyes. 

All you want to do is sleep.

You’re nostalgic.

You’re only interested in learning about Pangea or the savanna.

You’re eating nonstop.

Then you’re back to normal, and you want to go back.

To the crash.

[thechrisramos]

Society has never done anything as a society.

So don't wonder what we can do as a society, wonder what you can do as an individual.

The last time society did something as a society was when that society consisted of one person.

[thechrisramos]

[thechrisramos]

Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review

This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.

Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.

willow

Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.

I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.

However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:

The more you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow

I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.

Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.

champagne problems

Sadness.

You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.

I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.

Favorite lyrics:

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing

I really enjoyed the piano on this one.

gold rush

Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.

While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).

Favorite lyrics:

I don’t like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.

‘tis the damn season

I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?

I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:

And the road not taken looks Real good now

Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.

Favorite lyrics:

You could call me “babe” for the weekend ‘Tis the damn season Write this down

I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.

tolerate it

This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.

Favorite lyrics:

If it’s all in my head tell me now Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow

_

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

_

Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life

For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.

It sucks to feel that way.  

no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)

Pop country?

This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.

I was really impressed though by how it goes from:

But I ain’t letting up until the day I die

to:

I wasn’t letting up until the day he Died

My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.

happiness

The song is a question, “how does something great end?”

“We were so happy, when did it change?”

You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.

I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.

This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:

There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you

No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.

There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me

This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.

Leave it all behind And there is happiness

Like I said, easier said than felt.

dorothea

The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.

Do you ever stop and think about me?

Yes.

coney island (feat. The National)

I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.

I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:

Will you forgive my soul When you’re to wise to trust me and too old to care?

I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.

ivy

Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?

So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.

I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!

Favorite lyrics:

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another

cowboy like me

Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?

I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with. 

Favorite lyrics:

You’re a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

long story short

Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again. 

While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:

I always felt I must look Better in the rear view

I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.

marjorie

For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me. 

Maybe not. I don’t know.

This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.

I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!

Favorite lyrics:

Never be so kind You forget to be clever Never be so clever You forget to be kind

For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.

closure

Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:

It’s been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn’t right The way it all went down

While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.

Favorite lyrics:

It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone

This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.

evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

And I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn’t be for Evermore

Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.

Thoughts:

Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.

She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).

Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!

Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:

Apple Music

Spotify

YouTube

[thechrisramos]

i wanna be skinny so bad

[thechrisramos]

Sorry not sorry

Today was the day that humanity could’ve been saved from the horrible year that we’ve had, but it WON’T because of FAKE NEWS!

The heartbreak that a man named david made me go through unleashed a series of unfortunate events that have destroyed many lives

The race wars, WW3, a pandemic, and the inevitable death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg all happened because david played me and because it was my chinese zodiac year

My first date with david was at the dallas aquarium, and seeing this headline was a breath of relief for ALL OF YOU because my journey with david had finally come full circle

but when I did some investigative work I found that the aquarium that’s closing is not THE ONE WHERE WE WENT so now the world will not be saved, i’m sorry I don’t make the rules 

The dallas world aquarium better close right now or god knows what my unbalanced emotions will bring next. Nov 3?

[thechrisramos]

A Stranger Walks into a Library

A stranger walks into the school library without saying a word. 

A stranger to me that is. 

The library is not very big, its glass doors are hidden under the main staircase of the school. Short, but long shelves await at the entrance full of books that will all be read, but not by the same person. Behind those shelves there’s the back wall of the room, it’s just a big window that extends from floor to ceiling. It’s not quite that small though. That glass back wall extends another forty yards or so to the left, to where the library ends. Back there, bigger and taller shelves hold the rest of the fiction books that are not as popular, and the non-fiction books that have never been popular to begin with. In between the entrance and the tail of the library there lie eight circular tables, with the librarian’s station to the left and several computers lined up against the glass wall to the right.

One of those tables is where I’m sitting on this day. I’m supposed to be eating lunch with all my friends, but I’m not, I’m at the library, sitting on this faux maple wood table, facing the entrance, with my U.S. history book open in front of me, my unfinished test review, a number two pencil, and no one around me. I’m flipping through the thin glossy pages of my book, probably looking for the name of a president that nobody cares about or the definition of a historical term, when a stranger walks into the library.

He is around six feet tall by my estimate, he has a full beard, he is wearing a letterman jacket and jeans, and he is the most handsome guy that I’ve ever seen around this school.

I can’t help but stare.

He stares back, not because he intended to do so, but because that is where his hazel eyes happened to land at that moment in time in 2013 during the last lunch of the day at Frisco High School, and they just happened to find mine staring right back. I quickly go back to my graphite-filled pages that I have yet to finish, but that is suddenly not important anymore.

After he walks past me and to the back of the library, I lose track of him. I could probably turn around and find what he is up to, but I don’t think about it. After all, at that point in time he is just another random guy that I think is cute, nothing else.

Nothing else will come of this, let me just say that.

After a few minutes, when the stranger’s presence is no longer important to me, and when my ability to finish this review on time is again my biggest worry, a hand appears on the chair in front of me. I look up and it’s the stranger.

Is this chair taken? he asks with a voice that I can’t remember, and I say:

No.

None of the chairs or tables around me are taken. We’re the only ones here, he and the mean librarian and that skinny girl on the computer that I won’t meet until next year in English class. The librarian will be here long after I graduate, but he... he will graduate Saturday, June eighth at seven thirty, and I will never see him again.

He pulls out the chair, breaking the silence in the room with the sliding of the chair against the tight blue carpet. I’ve always found the school’s carpet strange, the fibers of nylon and polyester are so tightly woven together that it ends up being as hard as a tile nicer-looking floor would be.

Even as the handsome stranger plops his government book open on the faux maple wood table, a book which gives away his senior status, I still cannot believe that, for no apparent reason, he chose to sit with me. And because there’s no apparent reason, my mind starts running wild, perhaps even planning the wedding party that will come after the handsome stranger confesses his love for me on our third date, which will take place after one of his football games on the sidelines of the field at sunset, when the orange-red light hits the green grass, like it does in eighties movies just before the screen fades to black.

But for now, I pretend to go back to my review that still needs to get done by the end of lunch, which will come soon enough, but I don’t realize that yet. We sit there for what feels like forever, and in my mind he pretends to read his government book as he takes quick glances at me when I’m not looking, just as I am doing. I swear our eyes meet again, but I don’t remember whose eyes meet whose.

The bell rings.

We pack our things.

He leaves first.

I follow.

After we exit the library, he gets lost in the crowd. Forever.

[thechrisramos]

Chromatica Written Reaction

Chromatica, Lady Gaga's newest album, is suddenly out and I am excited to listen. 

I have both Spotify and a free 3-month trial for Tidal, so I will listen on Tidal because they pay the artists more. I hope Tidal pays artists during the trial period. I bet they do or Taylor Swift wouldn’t have her catalog on there.

Here we go:

Chromatica I – Good movie-esque intro. Short and good. 

Alice – I don’t like the song, but I enjoy the song. The beat and the lyrics just make sense, but I don’t like it or dislike it. 

Stupid Love – I didn’t really like Stupid Love when it came out, but now that I have listened to Rain on Me, Sour Candy, and Alice, Stupid Love just makes sense. It goes with the rest of the album. I guess this is a dance album. 

Rain on Me – Rain on Me is growing on me, but I still don’t like the guitar at the beginning of the song. That’s the only thing that I don’t like about the song, that guitar part. Otherwise the song is ok. The music video was fun to watch. 

Free Woman – Song with a message that’s kind of corny. I hate the pre-chorus. Not having listened to the rest of the album, I assume all the tracks are pretty generic, but this one is super generic. 

Fun Tonight – Giving me Disney Original Movie. This is a story of how she likes her fans, but suffered at the beginning of her career. She’s using her Fame and Fame Monster voice, which is soft; young. I like the voice, but she’s using this song to tell the fans that The Fame and The Fame Monster are for us to enjoy. 

Chromatica II – Good instrumental. It takes you to the movie theater. I mean I guess Chromatica is a story. 

911 – Gave me an orgasm. The beginning. I love this song so much! It’s so pop. So catchy. Is she talking about drugs? I don’t know, I’m stupid. The transition between Chromatica II and 911 catches you by surprise, and it’s magnificent. Sad part is that once you know it’s coming, it’s not as enjoyable. 

Plastic Doll – The intro reminds me of Just Dance. This song is for Trixie Mattel. I’m still processing 911. This one is alright. Like Free Woman with the message, but not as explicit. Very long for what it is. 

Did I mention 911 was great? Fuck that song was great. 

Sour Candy – I’ve been listening to Sour Candy all day, since she released it early today. I like it, this might get me into K-Pop. I also like that Lady Gaga doesn’t hog the entire song just because it’s her album, and instead all the girls get their turn to sing. Same with Ariana Grande song. I want to listen to this song backwards, it probs has a subliminal message. 

Enigma – She said “AUTOTUNE my voice right now, Ricky!” There’s a part that sounds like another song, yet no samples are credited. Anyway, this is an alright song. This album is very ARTPOP, but grown. I swear this is what ARTPOP 2 was going to be, but better. She had time to learn from ARTPOP. 

Replay – Futuristic intro. 70’s chorus. Nice beat. This song is full of great sounds. I like it. I really like the mix of futuristic with old sounds. Just listen to it. I will probably replay. 

Chromatica III – Another great instrumental. Let’s see what this is going to lead us to. All Chromatica instrumentals transition into other songs. 

Sine From Above – This one is with Elton, but he barely sings. I don’t like it. This is what these greats artists came up with? Good club music, but it sounds like any other club song. Damn, they said GarageBand at the end. 

1000 Doves – This one is whatever. At this point all the songs are starting to sound the same. I feel like the piano demo of this song at the end of the album might be better than this one; however, that’s exclusive to Target, and Target is burning right now, and for good reason. Let’s take a moment to remember that Black Lives Matter. 

Babylon – I’m writing this before listening to the song because 1000 Doves is not it. I’m expecting a lot from this song because Rivers of Babylon by Boney M. is a great song, so for some reason I expect the same. OH DAMN this sounds like Vogue by Madonna, but the Rusical version. Literally. Go listen to the Season 12 Rusical, the last song of the Rusical is very much this song. No joke. It’s not a good thing. 

Love Me Right – Target exclusive. I feel like this is a ballad for her fans, and I haven’t heard it, but from the lyrics, it seems like it could be like Dope from ARTPOP, but the version she sang at the iHeart Radio concert before ARTPOP came out. That version of Dope was better than the album one. 

1000 Doves (Piano Demo) – Target exclusive. Like I said, the piano is more fitting for this song. 

Stupid Love (Vitaclub Warehouse Remix) – Target exclusive. I don’t really like remixes, but this one could be good since the point of this album is dance music. I just found it on YouTube, and it’s the type of song that is played in the background of a Netflix show as a character makes her way through a club as she loses awareness of the stuff going on around her. 

So, as a whole this album is good. It’s not her best, but I do like some of the songs in it. My rating for it is 7/10.

[thechrisramos]

Giving Up On Love

I don’t remember what time it was, but it was night time. I block him on Grindr, right in from of him. He says it’s sad. I believe it. I say goodbye, try to drag it out, he gets in his car, he really wants to go. I get in my car, I go to Snapchat and block him. I can still see his score. I unfriend him. I look over, he’s on his phone, planning a Grindr hook up. That’s sad, but I don’t care. I’m relieved. Maybe faking it a little.

I put the car on drive, and start driving home. Listening to music that I still love. Surprised that I don’t feel bad about this quasi-breakup. I will later, for the next month. This is when I realize he didn’t mean any of the things he said. He was just saying things to make me feel special. Later, to make me feel comforted. Like when a moribund is told that everything will be ok. But I didn’t die, and can now ponder back to those moments. Realizing that men are trash even in the most beautiful moments.

A pandemic hits, putting things into perspective. Was this boy really all that? Definitely not. Love and obsession blind. I was blind to the two daughters, the wife, the hookup app pulled up in front of me. I was obsessed. I knew it, and I kept it going. Love and obsession make you ignore red flags, but self-obsession makes you believe that he will change one day because you are the one. You are not the one. I was not the one.

The reason why it didn’t hurt when I was driving away was because I was the one that ended it, the one that had control. The reason why it hurt later was because I realized that he was giving me this control. He knew I needed it, and he said what I wanted to hear, and he did what I wanted him to do. The reason why it hurt later was not because I couldn’t have him, but because I was not the one.

Now, I say I’ve given up on love. I tell myself that they’re not looking for the same things I’m looking for. It hurts less than admitting that no matter what, I’m not getting them.