My Socials: https://msha.ke/jacksstuff#links
🍄 Jack 🌼 18+ ✨ he/they 🌈 Artist 💕 Writer 🔮 Hellenist 🏺
📜Ao3: QueerFledglingVampire 🌈 Some Adult content ‼️
DMs are CLOSED if you're not already in them.
(Everything below here is a WIP)
🌿 Herbalist and Druid 🧝🏻♀️
💙 Achillean/Demi 💜
🏛️ Worship 📜
🦌Veles 🐦⬛Drud 🐐Lucifer
🦋Thanatos 🪽Hypnos 🪢Moros
🛡️Ares 💗Aphrodite 🌄Apollo 🪦Hecate
I have been rather inactive for the past 3 months & received a lot of notifs about it. I won't be able to answer all of them, sorry for that.
Here's my attempt to try & lay open a little why I've been gone and what the coming months will bring. I have pondered long how to write this in the least hurtful way, while also expressing my own emotions & experiences.
Those of you, who have followed my journey on pretty much any other page, probably know that I'm chronically ill with autoimmune disease, homebound since over a decade, that I got cardiovascular damage as a side effect & that since 2021/22 my condition severely worsened & often leaves me mostly bedridden for weeks at a time. I shared about the numerous surgeries & medical treatments I had in the past year, how I've slowly lost the ability to digest food before & require parenteral nutrition via an IV port since September '23.
As well as how I tested positive for GI cancer in March. I've been waiting for an appointment to remove growths, cauterize multiple ulcers & take tissue samples to test for malignant cells since & been gone for a 6 week long hospital stay with a number of surgeries after September 16th & was taking time to recover from that since.
My mental health has gone really bad in the past year as well, for a number of other reasons but also this. I've experienced the biggest cptsd relapse I've had in the past 20 years in the past 14 months.
I went from stable & happy, despite my illness and a low-contact situation with family, after almost 2 decades of therapy & inner child healing to escape and recover from an abusive childhood home; keeping my cortisol low and my nervous system calm to prevent further autoimmune flares & to be able to cope with my fatigue enough to do my work and happily make art and write...
...to the point where since about a year I'm in the middle of a full blown relapse of complex PTSD, severe depression and anxiety that has little to do with my offline life. Despite numerous attempts to resolve or remove myself from the underlying situation in order to preserve my well-being and safety, requesting acute intense psychiatric care during hospital stays more than 8 times, as well as consulting regular therapy sessions in social psychiatric help centres since January and ultimately return to therapy since June, I've only started to experience relief more recently.
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And this is where the good news start!
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In the past 2 months, I have finally been able to take care of myself, my work, household and hobbies & properly rest again, without constant exposure to anxiety inducing situations.
And while the time in which I had surgery was still horrendous for a number of situations related to this, I have at least started chemotherapy now, without having to constantly fear that something terrible will happen again when I'm most vulnerable right before, during or right after my treatments or other crisis in my private life.
So far the treatment is effective, even though I have all the unpleasant side effects that come with it.
Overall my life is much calmer now and I don't live in constant anxiety anymore, which is a huge win for me.
Moving forward, I want to return to doing things that are good for me & were originally intended for this blog, now that I can finally rest, heal, take care of my health and actually thrive & be productive at my own pace in peace.
So despite the fact that I won't be super active, here are my plans for the future:
Make more original art and art dedicated to my own passions and projects again and actually post them. I had started a series on learning to do folkloric art as well as a series on intrudcing MBTI personalities, glimpses into their lives, lots of research, writing small articles and doing my own art for this, in 2022.
Return to my passion projects from 2022/2023 (all NSFW):
- My 9-pieced fanfiction series "Lestat's Lovers" and Art for it
- My 8-pieced fanfic series "Things I didn't tell Thetis"
- My 4-pieced series "To love a thing Death can touch"
I have wanted to continue writing for a long time. The plot for the first one has been with me for 17 years & is deeply intertwined with my internal universe. I've always hungered to write & share it with the world with the art I used to make for it, but never finished or even started. It was devastating to be unable to do that for so long.
Post about my journey as a native practitioner of Bohémien Romani Culture, Slavo-Celtic Shaman-/Druidism and Kabbalistic Judaism, as well as the taught believes of Hellenism, Christianity and Christian Satanism in the past 20+ years, present and future.
Translate & publish the vast knowledge I've assembled about herbs & other natural substances, their uses in historic and folk medicine, magic, alchemy, spirituality, etc, their historic significance and much more. It's been a big interest since my childhood, I was taken on hikes to collect herbs & materials for homemade remedies and other things and taught how to make them from scratch, since I could be taken out in a baby sling.
Make blog posts about my culture, including its folklore, mythology, rites, magic etc. and post them here.
(I borrowed books about this from the library, so I can give reading recommendations and cite interesting sources! :D)
Create a side blog about my music recommendations, as I'm very passionate about a lot of genres and want to keep things more sorted. <3
Stop being scared to make posts for my mental health & healing journey again, even if they might still get misinterpreted. I can't take the responsibility to manage others' perception & emotions or literally anything else they should work out themselves.
"His touch was like a melody on my skin" - "The curves of his body were as contoured as a violin's under my fingers"
Quotes from the WIP of my NickiStat fic that's been sitting on hold since summer 2023. I added the notes of my favourite classical music piece Toccata. I had so much brainfog I misspelled my own writer's alias when adding the signature. 💀
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Trying to go back to writing. I have lost access to the emotions, intuitive thoughts and inner safety required to experience my sexuality and sensuality and expressing it through the creative processes of daydreaming and writing the way I used to.
I guess the best I can do for now is to pick up the remaining fragments of inner universe and at least tap into the memories of what visions I wanted to create and realize them through art.
It's not going to be easy to fix all this... and I'm bitter about the damage done and scared about the work and time and energy it will take to be okay again, bc idk if I have it.
First proper art I've made in almost a year now. Proud of myself.
Thank you to everyone who helped to inspire and support me.
💀🎃👻 Happy Halloween ! 👻🎃💀
Image 1: Monsieur Lestat le Rockstar (Magazine Cover Collage)
Image 2: Shirtless Lestat posing for you on a colourfully lit Baroque pattern background
Image 3: Rockstar Lestat's booty, as seen on stage, freshly bitten by his mistress Akasha (and equally freshly pegged, according to some sources 😂) with one of my own photos serving as a reverence. 🍑
🌤️ Devotional work to Apollo, god of art and masculine beauty. 🌤️
armand confessing to stalking daniel for 52 years, panicking when daniel doesn't find it romantic, and basically yelling LESTAT FUCKS HIS MOM!!! to divert to attention off his feelings. incredible.
to be a cat in the grass, watching all the little creatures do their little things 🌱 it's been a while since i made a bigger illustration with more details and it's been so fun to sit with it and puzzle with all the little details!
