Personally I view wincest dynamic through the lens of strict, traditional gender roles. Dean is a masculine archetype and Sam as feminine.
Their emotional, domestic and physical mechanisms mimic a traditional, heterosexual marriage. Dean is a husband/father and Sam is a wife/mother. And I convinced that their sexual dynamic is the same.
Sam is the empath, often the one who connects with victims, especially women and children. He advocates for mercy, understanding for the âmonsters.â He is the forgiver. No matter how brutal Dean gets, Sam almost always folds, offering reconciliation. This mirrors a trope of the long-suffering, forgiving wife. He provides domestic stability when possible.
Sam's concern with health, appearance, and cleanliness is a form of self-maintenance associated with femininity.
Sam does not weaponize his size. He deliberately disavows this physical advantage. He makes himself smaller and harmless. He chooses not to compete with Dean in physical terms.
Sam becomes more submissive over time because the system punishes rebellion and rewards compliance.
Dean loves the dynamic. He mocks Sam's lifestyle and beliefs, all tropes he codes as weak/domestic/feminine. This mockery reinforces the hierarchy.
Dean is the breadwinner and protector (gets the money, drives the car, etc.). He dictates when they talk and when they act. Sam's attempts at emotional communication are often shut down with a joke, a command, or anger.
The cycle of explosive fights (Dean's anger, Sam's flinching), followed by silent reconciliation and a return to "normal," mirrors the pattern of an abusive domestic partnership. The profound love is real, but so is the fear and control.
John unconsciously raised them to fulfill complementary, spousal roles. Dean was molded to be John's successor. Sam was shaped to be the wife and the mother of the family â Mary.