jessica 🌸

[midsommar therapy cry]

[snootyfoxfashion]

PlayGhoul Bundle Print Set by CassandraDunnArt

Vol. 1 // Vol. 2

[horrorgifs]

THE LIGHTHOUSE (2019) dir. Robert Eggers

[tvandfilm]

Sharp Objects (2018) dir. Jean-Marc Vallée

[jokerous]

SUICIDE SQUAD (2016) // BIRDS OF PREY (2020) // THE SUICIDE SQUAD (2021)

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[djjohnnyt]

I work for a company that does court reporting (I’m on the tech side so I don’t do it myself) and I can tell you how they keep a straight face

They don’t actually listen to what’s being said.

I know that sounds crazy, but in order to type as quickly as a normal person speaks, court reporters have to learn to just not process what’s being said and just type. They basically short circuit their brains and route their hearing straight to their fingers.

[oldschoolvillageidiot]

Kate McKinnon, presented without comment.

[crocomire-deactivated20151208]

do actors get boners while making sex scenes this is one of the things i’ve wondered my whole life

[missingdinosaur-deactivated2013]

Idk if you actually care for the answer, but they have to put their dicks in little sleeves that attach to the leg so if they get a boner it just get held down.

[princekarkat]

that sounds like a garment that should be sold everywhere and considered polite if not mandatory to wear, like bras

[sassyhiddles-deactivated2016031]

Omg I can’t

[mr-dilliams]

As a guy I second this.

[microbewrangler]

If I have to wear a titty sling because there might be an event where it becomes chilly and my nip noops become visible through my shirt, people who have a peenor should be expected to wear a peenor sling in case there is an event where a gentle breeze occurs and their peenor becomes erect.

[naamahdarling]

I kind of feel like if we’re gonna do that we should go all-out and they should be IMPOSSIBLE to size, VERY expensive, flimsy, and made of uncomfortable, itchy materials.

[chadjesus]

And the little ones should have cute designs but the big ones only come in white,black, and tan

[daftpunk-delorean]

and there should be a company that sells them called Victor’s Secret, that has uncomfortably large, close-up photos of enormously-endowed male “angels” stuffed into their gorgeous little pouches spread all over every mall and TV channel, which changes societal expectations on penis size as a whole, so that men who don’t have incredibly large penises feel impossibly inadequate and feel compelled to make up for it by spending a fortune on overpriced penis pouches as a way of compensating.

Then Victor’s Secret should be sure not to actually carry any of these garments in the sizes that they advertise, so that only modestly-endowed men have the privilege of being seen in the shop, which is the type of place that simultaneously clamors for huge dicks, but refuses to cater to them in any way, leaving everyone involved vaguely uncomfortable and slightly ashamed.

[uriigamii]

This is legit one of the best posts I’ve ever found on tumblr.

[thegirlinthebyakko]

They also must come with a terrible underwire that sometimes breaks or stabs them from time to time.

[adgunty]

This is great.

[daenerys-targaryen-moved]

HANCOCK (2008) | Dir Peter Berg

[rob-pattinson]

Run, piggy, run!

Harley Quinn + men’s rights men’s rights to shut the f*ck up — Birds of Prey (2020), dir. Cathy Yan

[rolloroberson]

“Wait a minute baby

Stay with me awhile

Said you'd give me light

But you never told me about the fire”

Sara written by Stevie Nicks

[le-jolie]

Angelina Jolie in a promoshoot for Playing By Heart, 1999

[yennefervengerbergs-moved]

“It was time for Gotham to meet the new Harley Quinn, so I really put myself out there.”

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn in Birds of Prey (2020).

[icarus-suraki]

Quick Reminder...

The COVID-19 virus has not changed

Your immune system has not changed

There is no vaccine

There is no cure

What’s Different?

Fewer government-directed restrictions

That’s literally it: fewer lockdowns, closures, and stay-at-home orders, often due to political pressure.

But COVID-19 is still here. It’s still contagious. People are still getting it. People are still dying from it. Just because it’s not as prominent in the news does not mean that this 2020 story arc has concluded!

Please

Wash your hands

Continue social distancing

Wear a face mask

Protect high-risk and vulnerable people

Self-isolate if sick, quarantine if exposed

Help flatten the curve and contain the outbreaks 

Source: I am an actual contact tracer and I just got home from a very long shift where we are having to reach out to more and more and more people as they are exposed to people with positive COVID-19 tests.

Please stay safe.

[ladygagaqueenedit]

Lady Gaga en la alfombra roja de los premios Grammys, en Los Ángeles (10/02/2019).

[holythefirm-deactivated20200829]

Says ruh roh during church when they talk about the devil and bad angels and sins and stuff

[idreamofhazel]

My mood currently.

[christinaroseandrews]

Oh Look! It’s me!

[fuckyeahladygagas]