The Curly Safari

Curly Hair. Wild Dreams. Beautiful Adventures. Welcome to the Curly Safari. Insights, reflections and moments shared along the messy, colourful journey.

[thecurlysafari]

So I too will post black today and join the inspiring, important and global #blackouttuesday You will see I still have blue posted for #justiceforsudan But what next? In activism, global development advocacy, lobbying and any efforts of change, a multidimensional approach is always best. Digital campaigns. Petitions. Donations. Protesting (peacefully). Conversations. Reading. Educating. But until unconscious bias and othering stops, societies will fear, will act and will perpetuate a culture that defeats the assumed and proposed threat. As a brown woman in the UK with black family and friends we can all retell dissertations (and then some) of our own racist subjugations and trade war stories. We often choose not to. We look past it. Laugh it off as ignorance. Justify it as misunderstanding. But different shades, hairstyles, traditions, language and differences are to be embraced and not feared. Because what you discuss in your social circles or coffee break chats spreads. What you say in front of your children socialises. We all may feel helpless and hopeless at times. But there is real power in being an agent of change. As simple as embraces a name or skin tone over fearing it. Please do not accost a racially motivated murder but sit in privelege and justify your own secret or subtle fear of us. A racist attitude in front of a child sits ingrained and is fed by a corrupt and disciminatory press. So when that child grows into a police officer, policy maker or judcicial worker, weve already lost. Do more to stop these injustices by owning your own attitudes and behaviours daily. As we all do this and join together we can mobilise effectively and diversely to fight for real change. I love my friends, family and network for their attitudes, behaviours and inputs. But it is not allies alone where change can happen. Black lives matter. And not just when theyre dead. https://www.instagram.com/p/CA8KfwGjSUAvyDGXttjsD9dnAaDc1jzKJ8snzM0/?igshid=1d1zoc2y6trrm

[thecurlysafari]

Having not long finished work I jump on my instagram to see this... Minus the odd instagram advert all I see when I scroll is black. Black squares as the world globally, digitally mobilises for #blackouttuesday Im amazed that everyone of my friends, contacts, companies and pages have all joined for this. Its heartwarming. Its inspiring. Its special. Its also devastating. Finally white and non black voices are louder this time so we dont have the incessant and unecessary versus battle of black people around the world literally having to argue #blacklivesmatter and defend our position that being pro black isnt anti white, or being anti racism isnt anti human rights. Because this is not simply a black issue. Nor is it simply a race issue. Although these two issues are forefront in the myriad of criminal injustice, institutionalised racism, government corruption amongst a post-slavery modernity and pro-right fraternity. Finally we are calling this out as a human rights abuse and injustice issue and many are standing together. But will my white counterparts not cross the street when a black man in comfy clothes walks past. Will recruitment managers not pass over a stereotypically black name over a more pleasing white name. Will descriptions of a person in a work context stretch beyond reference to someones race. And will wealth and value not be demeaned to pale skin with white rural postcodes. Because my gorgeous black magic sisters and powerful multidimensional black brothers deserve a fair chance at a job irrespective of their name or hairstyle, let alone shade. My brothers deserve to look around a store or not be the only one stopped in an airport security walkthrough. We are no stranger to I cant breathe as Eric Garner disappeared before our eyes. We are no stranger to physical fear of routine stop bys when Sandra Bland disappeared. There is nothing unique or new about the horrendous end of #ahmaudarbery or despicable murder of #georgefloyd But there finally seems to be a new response. Not in protest, for protest is the language of the unheard and people are and will be unheard in a racist and corrupt society. But there seems to new voices & methods. https://www.instagram.com/p/CA8I1aKApGcyWHzGYZrlNjNaKxVeL_Tak2sbxk0/?igshid=1v187cdxugzsa

[thecurlysafari]

As people pass you by...

At 17 years old I caught one bus to College, driving past country hills for a brief moment, I used to look afar and picture a life in greenery. As I was city bound for much of my life and as a dreamer, forever with my head in the clouds, I used the bus journeys to contemplate. 

At 17, as I walked up the steepest hill to reach the College at the top, I was passed by many of my college friends and classmates whizzing by in their cars. It felt as though 90% of people learned to drive during College years. Then a handful more when I moved to Wales for Uni. 

But driving was never a focus or concern for me. Financially also, the cost alone was the same as a flight to Kenya, so naturally, I chose the flight. 

For years as I grew, more and more people drove and more and more opportunities would have been far easier with a vehicle. When I managed multiple supported living homes 2 hours from my house, a car would have reduced that to a mere 30 minutes drive. Or the youth charity role having to scout, visit and book hundreds of community and business partnerships across a region, scheduling time in for public transport. A colleague in this role could not believe I was 24 and couldnt drive. 

But once again, it wasnt a concern. Not just for the financial reason, it didnt seem of interest and I had a conflict with the environmental and social damage driving would have (my thinking at the time). 

But at 26, I decided I wanted to drive and finally found an instructor I connected with. Each Thursday at 8am I would have this lesson and drive to University ready for a 10am lecture. It was a nice routine and lasted a few months. But when a two week trip turned into no driving money that month which turned into, it was too hard I couldnt do it, eventually my lessons stopped. 

I genuinely thought it was a skill I just didnt possess and driving wasnt for me. I could not get the hang of it all and perhaps I would just never drive. 

Then, at 28, I took a role overseas that demanded I drive, cars, vans and minibuses long and short distances with aid and volunteers to transport also. I decided this was the kick I needed and during my interview process I made the bold claim I would pass my time at the time of employment. The claim was heard and noted and now I needed to deliver. 

So my rota was a 21 day on 7 day off system (although often was more 22-23 days on and 3-4 days off). So that month, I travelled back to the UK and arranged a two day intensive with my former instructor. All of those mental barriers had no place, I needed to pass the theory and learn to drive. It was as simple as that. So, the theory was passed and the two days were up. I had gone from a shy and timid learner to a somewhat confident driver who could do things like change gears whilst driving round the roundabout (something that seemed PHYSICALLY impossible as a learner, too terrified to let go of the wheel at any point). 

I took the test and with no majors and very few minors, I ...failed. I had to travel back to France and work for another 22 days. But the day of failure would not have a full stop attached to it. As I returned to France on the ferry, I sat and booked another day with the instructor and another test. 

I made a claim, I made a decision, it was time to honour it. 

22 days later, I travelled back again, with 6 or 7 solid hours of driving with a quick espresso break. What was nice about this new found confidence is that I was hearing all the things my instructor had been saying; but this time there was no constant noise of fear and doubt blocking out his conversation or instruction. I loved hearing his anecdotes about his family and his travels and our social and political debates took up time, whilst I was driving. 

The next day was the test. I had to pass. And at 9.30am that day there was the certificate in my hand. 

Elated, ecstatic, I told my team and manager I had passed. 

So I returned to France the very next morning feeling pretty good about myself. The feeling that lasted all of a few moments. As, my colleague called, from the roadside, with car failure and the need for a pick up. My usual plan would be to run around the team that day and see who could drive one of the vehicles. But low on volunteers that day, the only driver was me! 

With no choice I got into the work car, driving at about 2mph out of the warehouse and onto the main road. 

Its one thing to learn to drive in 3 days with your cool and calm instructor. Its another to be alone in a French town on the opposing side of the road, driving in an emergency. The driving didnt stop from there as that very day I also needed to drive a small team to deliver aid to a local site that evening, or the aid and volunteers transported the following day via the motorway and a 45 minute drive to Dunkirk. 

Its fair to say I lost weight that week, in buckets of nerves and sweat! 

My dad finds the stories hilarious and says they are typical of me. Not doing things by half. 

But I didn't consciously decide this route, nor did I plan on driving in my first month of passing. 

Never at 17 did I imagine I would be driving through that greenery with the sun beaming on my face as I drive for 7 hours along the French coast to Normandy. I didn't believe I possessed that skill, nor did I prioritize it. So, as so many around me passed their test and saw driving as natural as breathing. It took 11 years more of public transport, walking, cycling until I took the plunge and did the same. 

I realise how insignificant and tiny this may seem to so many, to whom driving is normal, standard and a given. But after driving the work car, I drove the work van, then the other work van, then practiced in the minibus (which is basically a truck). I drove weekly to another country, driving to Brussels every Thursday. I drove back and forth to the UK and France when I was visiting home. I’ve driven in random country lanes, en route to the French alps, on airfields (not recommended), in waters (also not recommended) and it wont stop there. 

But what’s crazy to some is normal to others. For me, learning to drive was one of the best feelings in the world. Only because I gave myself a strict target and zero room for failure. Any thoughts of doubt or fear that had taken up so many years before, would have taken away powerful mental energy needed to learn and store information and muscle memory needed to gain the driving license and like skill. 

I shut down any dialogue that said no or presented barriers or problems. Even those around me, although the foundation was love and care, I was told to not be so silly or ridiculous to pass in that limited time. 

But plan B’s do really distract from plan A’s...even if that is a Will Smith lyric, the message rings true. 

The mind and power of intention is magic when channeled correctly. But I didnt realise how so, until a simple task like this became a mental mountain I had to tackle. 

People will always whizz by and pass you as you walk along your journey, getting to places or achieving things perhaps before you or more than you. You may feel like 17 year old me with 90% of people around you doing something, you at present arent or cant or dont want to do. I didnt want to drive at 17 and thoroughly enjoyed my bus journeys and walks. Nor was I ready to later on, although doing so could have been so helpful to short term work gains. 

Instead I accomplished more than a simple driving license. I understood what determination and tenacity looked like on a deeper level. I practiced the power of intention and gave myself two months of one sole focus. 

So, despite what 90% of your circle or networks may be doing. Only give energy and focus to the things that matter to you. Give weight and significance to as much or as little you care to. Spend ten days, hours or years to learn to drive or learn anything for that matter. 

Actually give this power of intention thing a real go (if you dont already). You might end up doing some pretty special things in some pretty special places.

Pictured above...my first 7 hour drive to Normandy. Ignoring the amount of screams and genuine terror experienced by me and my passengers.

[thecurlysafari]

‘Putting yourself out there’

Break ups are never easy, but eventually, the end of something old leaves room for something new. Well the same applies for work; as you leave a job or organisation and move onto pursue something new. 

Like dating, when you interview, you are often:

Completely vulnerable and exposed!

Look inward with a microscope! 

Welcome old insecurities that you thought had long disappeared, only back to rear their ugly heads!

Like dating, interviewing also requires:

Confidence and Self Belief to walk through that door believing in yourself and your worth 

The ability to overcome nerves and present the best version of yourself 

Find the perfect match between what you want and what they want

As I have spent my entire May 2019 making applications and interviewing around the country and technically through Skype, around the World, its been a really interesting find for me. 

I left France and had one focus; I will work in Africa this year in a great role for a meaningful charity. Then narrow it down, the vision was Sub Saharan Africa on a poverty reduction programme. One goal. One focus. This clarity left no room for doubt or failure, as all efforts and mental acuity was needed to seek out the right role and find the right match for both parties. 

But as time passed by and rejections (a natural part of the game) came in, the clarity became murky and the doubt seeped in. Naturally leading to some questionable applications to low hanging fruit jobs. 

As I approached each interview; I started to create some rules for myself:

-Research who I am meeting and what I am actually going for, in depth. The credibility of the organisation, the competency level of the interviewers, the values held, the culture. I asked myself before every interview, was this the right fit for me? 

Just like dating, the professional world can often stamp this level of thought out of you. Who are you entitiled milenial to ask such questions, work is work, money, goals, pay your bills, thats it. There is a real hand to mouth unspoken culture that many fall victim to; that when you approach a potential employer, you need to wow them and prove your worth. 

But actually, the same applies both ways. You will give 40-70 weekly hours of your time to this place, sacrifice time with family and friends and commit to this new role with all you have. So, do you want to work there, with that team, doing that role, feeding into that culture? 

-Confidence in myself and my ablities, irrespective of the experience and outcome of the interview. We all know how it feels to have an interview that just tears you to shreds. The hard line of questioning, the intense looks a panel can give you. The feeling of sitting on hot coals or walking on hot needles. Last year I interviewed for an incredible job and the Chief Exec took my CV out, slashed through my life history and told me at each stage where I had gone wrong, giving me spoonfuls of confusing feedback, only to not offer me the role. We have also all been there when you walk out of the building like Jonny Bravo, really feeling yourself Beyonce style. You glimmered, glistened and gleamed, you shone at each interview stage and you had incredible rapport with the interviewers. 

Like dating. You can have an incredible date and cant help but picture the next date or next 5 years with that person. The conversation was flowing and the compatibility almost oozing out of the restaurant. 

So why then did they not call? Why was the job not offered? Why were you not even good enough to warrant feedback? 

These experiences can be really damaging to self esteem and confidence in your own abilities and skillsets. A 22k job can turn you down but a 50k job can hire you. I love cake but hate meringue. 

The point is, despite the outcome of the interview (or date) preserve the belief in yourself. Its that full tank that will enable you to get to the next window, the next seat, the next interview to find your match and land your next opportunity. 

-Preparation: We are stepping into some provocative grounds as I continue to compare dating and interviewing. Although the kind of preparations made before either appointment vary massively in some regards, the principles are the same. I know the interviews I’ve prepared at length for and still been unsuccessful, then I recall the interviews offered at short notice and doing a late notice swot only to land the job. 

But leaving these to chance and luck isnt an option for me anymore. Its important I feel prepared and ready so I give myself the very best chance to secure something I am set on. Preparing myself from the logistics, to role research, value addition propositions and proposals for role specifics. I ensure I look the part, feeling as though there is enough professionalism and appropriateness as there is character and personality. From getting the right amount of sleep before to proper nutrition of the body and the mind and spirit. 

The competence enables the confidence and the confidence is the driving force to set me up in the best position. If I dont believe in my own abilities to undertake this role, why should they hire me? Just like if we dont love ourselves, how can anyone love us?

But with these rules, came some very interesting experiences. How one interview can make you feel like a lost tourist while another can provide you with satisfaction in your own skills and abilities. How some interviewers treat you as they would in the role and that is a very good indicator to what the role and working relationship will look like. How this is all about puzzle pieces, both employers and job seekers each trying to find the right match for them as they embark on a new relationship. 

In exactly three weeks I left one role and landed my perfect next step. But in between that were so many applications, conversations, interviews and wavy levels of confidence and clarity. 

I didnt stop until I secured my right fit. I trusted my own abilities. I held the calm and deep level of faith and matched this with positive habits and endless grit and determination. 

Like dating, sometimes we have to trust in a bigger picture that the right one is coming. The deep level of faith and positive habits with the above rules can help with the dating world and as well as the interviewing world. 

So to both dating and work considerations...

1. Keep an unwaivering faith and deep belief that the right thing/ person will come to you. The books, studies, podcasts, prayers, vision boards, mantras, it will all lead to what is meant for you. 

2. Match your belief with work, research and preparation. Nothing in life is handed and the next role or person in your life deserves you, because you are magic and light in this world. So dont leave room for doubt and set yourself up for success

3. The reactions of others should never dictate the feelings of you. You may have to kiss many frogs or interview at many places, but any role or person worthy of you will treat you in a way that feels comfortable and right to you. 

4. An interview or a date shouldnt warrant a character assassination, nor should you do the same to them. Let the past be the past and dont hold any grudges of an ex or previous employer and affect how you treat the next. Heal, move forward, learn and grow. Its good to look at for similar signs, but also be willing to give this new person or role a fresh chance

5. There will be dips of motivation in both job seeking and partner seeking. Miss/Mr Independent can plummet to singing All by Myself in a very unironic manner. Thats ok. We cant be 100 all the time. But prepare for these dips and prepare for a way to overcome them and work through them

Most importantly, know that you matter, believe you were made with a purpose and go after ultimately what you believe is yours. 

For me personally, three weeks of interviews and taking the above advice, I received many invitations as well as many rejections. The winds then all of a sudden changed and I began to meet my matches. On one day, I received three incredible job offers which included two roles based in Sub Saharan Africa and I had to make a choice. I am overjoyed to say, I took the role with a meaningful grassroots charity, on a poverty reduction programme in Sub Saharan Africa....One goal with one focus with no room for failure. 

[thecurlysafari]

Focus amidst Fireworks

We all know in one form or another how in a split second, life as you know it can change completely. A home, a city, a job, health, everything can change in an instant, with not even a warning.

Its fair to say in one moment, my life in that present changed in an instant. I went from having a (somewhat) stable job, apartment, car, routine to packing up my apartment, getting in my car and driving all the way Home. 

Yes, there is much in between this. But it all came down to one moment, one blink of an eye. A moment where I had two choices; to give in to the ruthless attempts on breaking and silencing me or to stand tall and walk forward. 

I chose the latter and here’s what happened. 

One day I was working and was faced with a very tough professional predicament as well as a level of ruthless nastiness that I hadn’t experienced professionally to this extent before. In that instance, my life would be tipped upside down.

The fireworks exploded as I had to leave my job, my home and my life in a different country and return home. Not because I wanted to leave, not because I was forced to leave, but because the time had come where I wanted to live more than I was willing to die for my job (literally). I was faced with a huge giant wanting my continuation of work output but with a stricken and silenced sense of subservience. Where this giant thought shouting, name calling, attempting to use superficial levels of great power and influence could force me into a corner. Continue to work for my livelihood whilst shackled by threat and intimidation. 

To be cornered. Intimidated. Threatened. Obvious things to avoid in life or in the workplace. But sometimes these can be subtle, barely noticeable and so discreet, we may not even realise they are present. 

Yet, I did realise. To be so isolated in a different country, away from all social networks and safety nets. The intimidation can be swollen and rife. Feeling alone and helpless.

And despite all of this. Despite the reactions of those around me. Despite the desperate acts to get me to stay. Despite the magnitude that leaving held. I chose composure in the face of chaos. I chose strength in the face of fear. And I chose focus in the midst of fireworks. 

This meant while I should have been crying on my sofa wondering what I would do, I was reading, exercising, planning. When I should have been working and was forced to take holiday during my notice period, I was applying for jobs. When I should have been shaking in fear at my next steps, I was too busy attending skype interviews as blankets were sprawled on my boxes as I packed up my apartment. 

And my timeline was as follows:

-Friday: leave work

-Saturday: pack up apartment

-Sunday: drive Home

-Monday: Join Gym & attend interviews 

Then Tuesday onwards for a three week period; my week was filled with GYM, applications, interviews, GYM, applications, drive to interview, GYM, applications, skype interviews. 

My first day home and I had two interviews lined up ready. In between any work related items or catching up with friends and family, I was in the Gym, keeping my body working and my mind busy. 

I refused to allow the attempts of a bully, the stomps of a giant to squash the character and strength, I had spent a lifetime building. 

I channeled every blow and hit thrown my way, into a clear and steady focus in shaping my next steps. 

Why should someone’s negative actions towards you hold any significance over you or your life? Why should we feel weak if something bad happens to us? Why is victim the main narrative after pain, abuse or trauma? Why, when there is so much noise and chaos around do we need to rise to the drama?

Because defeating a monster creates victors not victims. 

Negativity of others holds no bearing without attention. 

Ships only drown from the waves around them if there is a hole that allows the water in. 

I did not need the fireworks around me to sting and burn. The explosion of colour and change led to a move home and a brand new chapter ahead...one I am so looking forward to turning, embracing and sharing. 

Yes life changed in an instant with no warning and how very thankful I am that it did.

[thecurlysafari]

What lay behind the Door

My post regarding Knocking on the Door of Development was almost my love letter to the career field and lifestyle I have chosen, or more-so, walked, as often its as though the path chose me. 

As illustrated previously, I’ve spent my adult life genuinely knocking on this illustrious door. How could I ensure that my 7.5 or 12 hours of a working day was spent genuinely working towards reducing poverty, injustice, inequality? How could my job description contain objectives that empowered people, collaborated with those in poverty, facilitated participatory methods into people shaping their realities, futures and lives. Aka, when can I work in International Development?! 

My reflections for what lay behind the Door are as follows:

1. I had stepped through the Door many moons ago. From the time I was 20 years old, leading volunteers to raise funds and work in partnerships with grassroots projects across Kenya. Or the time I was 24 managing 24 adults in a rural Zambian town on a DFID funded project. Let alone the expeditions and projects I designed with superheroes across villages and slums in Kenya. From setting up a society or social enterprise, to governance, managing volunteers, designing training, creating a brand, editing videos, social media strategies to managing the programme aims and impact. 

This is what ‘Development’ was all along. Real people in disadvantaged marginalized, vulnerable environments and the people and projects working to support, help, empower. 

But because I only held a stipend or used my own funds, this wasn’t Development? Because my job title was not with huge INGO’s like Save the Children or UNICEF, I wasn’t in Development? 

So my first reflection is that I knew all along how it felt behind that Door, but the realisation didnt come into my consciousness until recently. 

How many of us are chasing the stars, ambitious, goal oriented and focused on that next step, that next role or opportunity, that next moment to level up? Well I know so many that are and all whom in some way or another achieve such in their own way in their own time. But something I failed to do was keep my feet on the ground whilst my head was in the sky. How I often didn’t marry the grounding and gratitude with the goals. Ultimately, I was chasing something I had already experienced and worked so hard at, but as it didnt look or categorise the way I thought it should, I overlooked its very significance and presence. Being present, honest and inward is something that can enable each of us to appreciate the work we currently do and the impact it currently creates. Being kind and honest reduces the silly emphasis on ‘should’ and replaces with ‘is’.

2. Behind the Door = Work!

Brendon Burchard is one of my favourite speakers, authors and trainers. His words are poetic and incredibly uplifting to me, with his truly beautiful ability to shape ideas and move me with his words. It is he who coins this famous phrase:

‘Behind the door of opportunity is work!’

Obvious? Not so much. It is one of those classic life cliches that seem so obvious, but one that doesn’t necessarily resonate until we are faced with that truth. 

I was faced with this truth almost this time last year, when July onwards my daily work involved managing the in country operations of a grassroots charity across two countries, delivering humanitarian aid to thousands of refugees and asylum seekers weekly. 

Now, any job I have worked since graduating with my BscEcon in 2011 has been hard work! Crazy hours. Vulnerable groups. Difficult but exciting roles. 

But until I was faced with full day to day responsibility of this level of aid, support and a role...I didn’t realise the magnitude of what lay behind this door. 

It’s one thing to work endlessly, tirelessly, have huge targets to reach, limited time, constantly evolving roles and responsibilities...whichever sector. 

But- what does work look like when your targets involved keeping people physically alive after a police clearance in the thick of winter? Or stretching aid to reach the most vulnerable out of everyone who is homeless, cold, tired and desperate? When I’m balancing the safety of volunteers lives with the delivery of effective support to hundreds of people at a time. 

Knocking on a Door and having ambition and drive is the fire to keep the soul and spirit alight. Through work, passion, art, love, focus, curiosity in work and life, we live fully and purposefully. Yet, in chasing the sunlight, in knocking on that door, be ready for what is to come. Getting the person, job, gig, contract or opportunity brings both a fantastic sense of joy, pride, satisfaction. But my word does it also bring about an incredible amount of work! The ability, knowledge and skillset acquired to live out those goals and dreams are far more than you can often anticipate. Yet so is the magnificent capability and potential you already have withing you to honour this.

3. Curiosity leads to beauty 

To be in a certain place in your life and aim for something different elevates you or moves you into new places, discovering new parts of who you are, hobbies or interests, people, experiences, new loves or passions. Without such we stay still. Stuck. Sure, we also stay secure and stable as we simmer by, contented and present. 

And at times how I envy those who live this way. This simpler way. Same job, friends, home, holiday spots, foods, habits, hobbies. But, curiosity doesn’t have to mean quitting your job, relinquishing your life of responsibilities, shaving your head and moving to Bali.

Curiosity can be picking up a paintbrush for the first time and attempting a new skill. Going to a new class, visiting a new place, meeting new people. To act on curiosity brings in new life and joy. 

I, though, have been incredibly fortunate to meet, work and co-create with the curious of this world. The friends who created businesses and charities, touring the World, spreading light and impact. The Chief Execs moved by a cause and working tirelessly to address this. In my work, this is all I’ve known. Jobs, projects, charities, events, creations, all birthed from curiosity. All constant moving parts. 

Knocking on doors of opportunity invite this curiosity into your life. Professionally acting on an idea, starting a new project or taking on a new level or role, activates a new excitement and can ultimately bring so much more. 

Knocking on the Door of Development led me to African countries full of colour, innovation and a lifetime of lessons. It led me to study more, grow in humility, become obsessed with developing myself further. The sector isn’t stagnate so neither can you be. A charity needs better social media so its time to learn social media strategies, trialing out tools and learning techniques. A project is focused on technical assistance so its time to upskill on curriculum. 

Accept that to seek and to knock is an act of courage. Sending the CV, working on your idea, sharing your talent with other, interviewing for something new, focusing on achieving something more...these acts of curiosity are brave and can ultimately lead to such beauty. Add a splash of colour, develop who you are, be brave in your wonder and the benefits outweigh it all. 

Working in International Development is the most humbling, challenging, heartbreaking and heartwarming thing I could think to do. A sector with brilliant minds, courageous people, complexities and challenge like no other. 

I was proud to step into the Door and continue my work, my efforts to partner, collaborate, move, shake, create, resolve. But on reflection, I am prouder to seek to knock in the first place. 

So, be daring enough to seek out a new Door to knock, be prepared with what’s to come behind the door, full of work and challenge but most importantly, be grateful and present enough to recognise your journey throughout it all. Navigating your way professionally is rife with expectation, challenge and stigma. But being curious, brave and daring to want to do more and be more; its the reason we have exciting companies, products and services. 

In my industry, having courage and being curious of a better World, is the reason global movements are set on combating poverty, abuse, injustice, climate change, health epidemics, political instabilities, exploitation and more. As long as as we live in a World where these things are rife, you better believe people like me will forever knock on these doors for the opportunities to continue fighting, moving, building and creating. 

If you believe in your vision, keep knocking. One day the door will open- and things will never be the same again.

[thecurlysafari]

The moments that hurt, break my heart. The moments that give joy, fill my.l heart. Sometimes I don't stop to think how fortunate and blessed I am to have worked for 8 years straight to reach this sector I have been so committed and dedicated into reaching and working in. I sacrificed monetary gain, quality time with family, friends, personal relationships all to pursue working for this worlds victimised, persecuted, distraught, disempowered. I havent reached a pinnacle. I haven't gotten 'there'. But I wake up everyday with a focus of others. A focus on bettering the tiny corner of the world I am in. I learned from impoverished warriors in East Africa. Beautiful souls in Europe. And now real world superheroes the world calls refugees. I have learned from them all how to be better, do better. They are the ones who bless me at times. Although this role breaks my heart. It also fills my heart. (And who doesn't love a good snap from aid distribution) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqko-4OBlnxj_0X8FRxvHNXmIbpBdf195tTKWc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fey7882jy9j1

[thecurlysafari]

My dearest friend booked me for a session for the incredible charity she works for. I drive from France to London feeling a little rusty but the moment I was around incredible young people in a fab impact hub, I was set. As I switch from receiving and learning to giving and teaching, it's just heartwarming to see this. Not for self gratification, but the knowledge that someone just needs a moment to realise they have so much beauty and power within them. Make noise. Create art. Live purposefully. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp-Paggj9u1j4eJSp-uBWr9TE8jFWArQBKwYT80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sy5jnfueca94

[thecurlysafari]

SIM cards and smiles

I've seen a fair few things within my career. 6 or 7 trips to Africa having stayed in slums and marginalised villages, I've seen starvation, poverty, death, those dying. I've seen adults, youth, children suffering. My UK work hasn't shown me a life of luxury. Refugees, asylum seekers and those isolated groups was my first job out of university. Then it was focused on the isolation and injustice those with disabilities face. Not to mention the young people living in poverty and suffering silently.

I spent 3 years studying a bachelor's degree with modules like famine and genocide. I've spent 2 years studying social exclusion and more evils of the world.

So it's fair to say, Development and Disadvantage groomed me professionally and toughened my skin quite a bit.

But I won't forget yesterday. In my life, like I don't forget my Kenyan families and friends and every child I've met. I really will not forget tomorrow.

Spending the morning in a warehouse belonging to a charity I may become involved with very soon. A normal ish morning. Having distributed aid in calais jungle the day before I was ready.

I assumed my position as a trial and interim operations manager and co-led the team of volunteers as we arrived in a very picturesque and beautiful Brussels.

The day before, and distribution was heavy. I had to break up mobs who were really just people desperate. I was punched. Pushed. I didn't speak Kurdish but I could read the non verbal middle finger. It was very much a baptism of fire. And I knew this was just the actions of traumatised and desperate people.

So stepping out in a park in Brussels seeing hundreds of black and brown men, I had to get ready. The van was parked, I arranged the volunteers and off we went.

But my role wasn't to crowd control today. It wasn't to break up mobs. It was to say hello, goodbye, or sorry not today to over 250 men with beautiful faces but even more beautiful smiles and spirits. Ethiopia, Eritrea, Sudan, the original homes of these men, also known as refugees.

Unlike the chaos the day before, here in Brussels the group saw the van and began to queue. Calmly. Quietly. Respectfully.

Every single one smiling at you, thanking you for the very little you bought them. Having to make the choice between a razor blade or a bottle of deodorant. Most men laughed. Trying to take both then accepting they couldn't.

One man asked me if there were SIM cards and I told him later on we would hand them out. Then another man asked and another and before I knew it, around 50 were hanging around, in desperate need of these SIM cards.

But not for the reason you may think.

A SIM card meant access to a call or the internet. Which meant speaking to their mother or daughter or wife, hoping they are alive. Hoping to get through. A SIM card for these men was a lifeline they so wanted and needed.

We only had 100. And mobs broke out to get them. I was backed up and men became almost vicious. But I'm tougher than I look and held my ground, kept myself and volunteers safe as we distributed them.

I wasn't so tough in the next part though.

One cheeky smiled, chequered short, beautifully faced man asked me to activate his SIM. I took his phone and began to do just that. But then, every single person who had received a sim, which was around 100, saw me and wanted some of that, some SIM activation and there it was. Whilst others got their haircut or charged their phone with out generator, I sat with a crowd of men patiently awaiting me to set up their phone for them. As they said, to talk to their daughter, to let their wife know they're alive.

Now do I have an IT degree? Heck no. And each man to ask for help had a different phone, make, model and condition. Lets say though, carphone warehouse would have hired me on the spot if they were there.

Some men waiting for so long as I made my way to them and their phones. Most men didn't understand that credit wasn't on the Sims. Some men even came after and were devastated they didn't get a SIM.

But the smiles on their faces. Their thanks. Their gratitude. Their humility. I'm not tough enough for that.

One man waited an hour and a half for his phone to work and internet access granted. But his smile when it did.

Now, these men, I learned are the bottom of the refugee food chain. When other refugees might have the protection of smugglers or be a political asset for western governments. East African black and brown men have no use to anyone in a decision making capacity. Refugees fight them and steal from them, police forcibly remove them and governments deport them.

But the men I met were some of the sweetest and kindest to every cross my life.

So for every smile or thank you, hurt that bit more.

How and why could those really with nothing be so kind and warm.

One man. A 6ft something dark black man. His skin shiny and as black as coal. Standing out in any line that day.

He lined up patiently to receive his pack and was so happy. Then he was one of 100 with the illustrious SIM card. And his smile, would not go anywhere. From ear to ear, gleaming, he was so grateful, but knowing no English he showcased his gratitude by smiling. As meek, kind, friendly giant. Used, abused, exploited and so grateful.

The smiles of these men will never leave my mind. Because their smile was a light that was shining to represent their hearts. And wow are their hearts kind.

I was the only one left in the park as all volunteers hopped into the cars to take them back to France. But I had three more phones or sort in rapid speed.

But I got back into a car probably more comfortable then their cardboard that night. I stayed in my French air bnb with my delightful French host eating French food. While those men will be dependent on a local charity to serve one meal per day.

But they carry on. Smiling. Waiting. Hoping. Thanking.

If I'm offered this new role that I interimed for I will see them again. If I'm not, well I won't forget them. They like so many kenyans, have shown me what real genuine gratitude looks like.

They, like superheroes in Kenya, showed me how there is never an excuse not to smile.

For a SIM card. For a gift. Or for some of those men, for nothing at all. A smile is still created.

[thecurlysafari]

The Curly Safari

Curly hair

Wild dreams

Beautiful adventures

For years and years now I've been in pursuit of a dream, a handful of goals and a whole lot of sunshine. I've lost friends, moved many places, jumped on planes, changed jobs and done all I could in pursuit of these.

My love affair with Kenya.

My constant knocks on the door of development.

More recently, my ghosting and underground vibes that my family and friends and contacts have endured. WhatsApp, Facebook, emails and this blog have been silenced or used intermittently. Heartbreak set me back. Struggle pushed me down and theft silenced me.

Heartbroken by actions of those close to me that made claim for my work. Struggle of leaving full time security to study and effectively be broke as a no product. And theft, of my very words on this blog that I would then hear in a speech or are written on a platform 100 times bigger than this.

This all contributed to the silence. To the ghosting.

But the reality, the main reason was time. Leaving a full time job that I loved where I worked with close friends and could see impact daily. It was scary. It was hard. But my Masters study in a course that meant the world to me made it worthwhile. But freelance jobs and other opportunities didn't always gel well with postgraduate requirements.

Each month I haven't known where I would be working, how I would make rent that month or I even had the strength to continue. Shocking things happened in my personal life. But so did magical things.

Altogether the time was life. The time had purpose. And the time was meant to be. But the time was also of magnitude so silence was all I could do.

My energy wasn't on travelling. My energy couldn't go on socialising much. My energy went on the goal and the focus. Study. Work. Earn. Grow. Build. Try. Love. Fail. Restart.

What a journey it's been. As is the same for every one of us. The tapestry life brings us full of all wonders of colour and texture.

For some reason though writing mattered to me. Without it these years, perhaps times that were hard were that bit harder. Times that needed light, stayed a bit dark.

This space here enabled opportunity to share, discover and learn. If that's for one reader, 100 readers or just little old me.

As I put pen to paper again and felt the desire to write, the curly safari jumped out onto the page.

Safari. A beautiful swahili word meaning journey or adventure. A word that conjures up exotic and colourful images of the savannah, the Serengeti, animals and land of breathtking value.

A safari is any adventure or journey.

And after my hiatus it's time for the safari to be shared once again.

Curly. Well. My hair and my life are a bit curly really. 28 should equate to marriage, mortgage and children at society's standards. To have that would be such a beautiful blessing. But I have faith and comfort in knowing what's for me will happen. So for now as that's not the case, my life to some may seem messy or curly.

And in ways it is.

Messy. Wild. Unpredictable. But honest. Attempting to become unapologetic.

So welcome to any readers, friends, rafikis. To The Curly Safari.

Join me on the ride. Discover or relay retold stories of curly hair, wild dreams and beautiful adventures.

[thecurlysafari]

"I rise up. I rise like the day. I rise up. I rise unafraid. I rise up. And I do it 1000 times again." These sandals are usually walking in the land as old as time, in the glorious East Africa. But currently they're somewhere else. For over a year this has been what part of my life looks like. I walk into an empty hall, room, lecture or theatre. Empty seats. Large echoes. I wait. I prepare. 10 young people will walk in. Or 30. Or 63. Or 100. Whether I'm happy. Whether I'm sad. Whether life is going my way that day. Whether life is using me at its expense. I stand there, smile, focus and I do what I can in 6 or 7 hours, so that each occupied seats believes even just for a moment, they matter. There are days it's like magic and I can't believe it's my job. There are days it's a nightmare while blank faces from staff and teenagers can't wait for you to stop. But I make sure I leave my issues at the door. I leave myself at the door. Realising that moment and that day is bigger than me. I don't know if I will continue this line of work coming up, but for every day I deliver, young people remind me why I do. Sond credit: @andradaymusic https://www.instagram.com/p/BmMBFwEAN6mIO4yHKJa57omMaU20UNtEOwqntU0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=47zierksdnw8

[thecurlysafari]

Blessings over Burdens

In this world it is very easy to allow the weight of burdens to keep us down and forget the blessings around us. I created a playlist to hopefully provide a spec of hope, a sprinkle of inspiration and music from a mix of artists and genres that breathe positivity. You may like one song, most or none; it’s my hope that you find one song that you can pull out on the days where you need it, or you’re inspired to create a tool that will enable you to see those Blessings over the darkest of Burdens. 

http://spoti.fi/2iQTooI

Click the link above to take you to Spotify where you can listen for free. There’s an option to read more around this topic below if you’d like...

2016, like any year was an interesting one, all four seasons came, but varied where you live. There were moments of joy and immense happiness, from engagements and weddings, babies and new life, new jobs and courses, friends and family members. We are felt the sunshine on our faces at some point.

But for many, the year had more cloud than sky. More pain than joy. More disappointments and burdens than accomplishments and blessings.

It was a tough year.

Then here comes 2017, as crowds cheer away their past sorrows and the world climbs on board the New Year New Me ship. Everyone signs up to change and subscribes to the hope and focus of new that rings through streets and forms into memes, adverts, gym deals, wellbeing diaries and so on.

Whether you are a fan or a foe to this New Year sentiment, one thing it signifies, is a momentous, collective gathering of a new consciousness of possibility. A widespread genuine belief in better, in new, in looking up and knowing the sun is there, irrespective of cloud or grey covering it.

Whether you have your list of goals and vision board or you cannot stomach the NYNM hysteria, take a minute for a second, to look around. The memes on your instagram or facebook feed, the hope spoken from your friends and family. Your friend might be excited about getting a new job, or your mum or auntie might think this is her year to lose weight. Whether everything flops in a matter of months or weeks, or people succeed, its a beautiful time to be alive around such optimism and positivity. Its somewhat refreshing after a year of trials and trumps.

To have hope again.

To believe again.

To feel the rain on your face as opposed to simply getting wet.

To FEEL the blessings over the BURDENS.

In my 2016, my year was similar to many others, the life I experienced, the moments that shaped me or I that I shaped. I learned many lessons which I am thankful for.

The importance of protecting your eco-system, the power of letting the waves carry you instead of fighting and drowning. The list goes on...

But something got me through some very dark nights and painful days. The love and support I have in my life from my friends is the greatest wealth I posses. The challenges strengthened me somewhat. And so on and so forth...

MUSIC. Melodies soothed the ugliest wounds. And lyrics spoke truths in the murkiest moments. Beats and rhythm moved me when I was still and gave me a reason to dance through my tears.

This world is tough. It will shackle you when you’re not looking. It will distract you seductively from your vision. And life will feel HARD. But every single one of us have blessings that are undeniable and truly outstanding. Like that glorious, bold sunshine that feeds and skin and often our spirits, pleases our eyes and warms our days. That sunshine is a BLESSING and is magnificent always. But those clouds smother our chance of seeing wonder. That rain keeps us at bay. That darkness gives no reason at all to look up. A British murky day or dessert storm, tropical hurricane, they are no joke. They are a force of nature that in its moment present no joy whatsover.

Much like the burdens in our lives. Heavy enough to weigh us down. Force our heads low. Deplete inspiration or motivation in seconds. Its cold. Its dark. Its disappointing and draining.

The sun doesn’t go anywhere just because our eyes cant confirm its presence. Nor does the cloud or storm affect its presence, just its advisability. Looking up at the clouds, despite its grey, you can have assurance and faith that the sun is there, just behind, soon to re-appear again.

MUSIC gave me that strength. That power. That hope. As I dragged myself out of bed, out of shelter, out of miserable comfort into the world, I looked up, whatever the weather. It soothed. It healed. It calmed. It inspired. It made the dark days slightly brighter. Just hearing Solange’s art soothe my spirit or Chance the Rapper tap into my spirituality.

Sometimes we all need an injection of encouragement and knowledge that we’re not alone. When friends are busy and faith might be wavering, when relationships break or the demands of the world and overwhelming and unbearable; this instant, microwave world can’t deliver us an UBER quick solution.

But maybe all we need is to hear one song, just one song to make us feel part of something. To realise our strength or to remind us of hope.

It’s my hope that anyone who listens to this either finds the same encouragement I did in whichever form they need; or it inspires you to remind yourself of that one thing that can lift you when this world is heavy. Hopefully you can tap into or create something that enables you to see the Blessings over the Burdens. And you keep walking, feel the sun on your face or the liquid droplets of rain. Believe again. Have hope again.

And live wholly (fully and openly).

Playlist Blessings & Burdens below via Spotify:

http://spoti.fi/2iQTooI

[thecurlysafari]

The Bucket

I recently sat in on a really interesting talk and I’d love to share these insights as they’ve occupied my mind recently, I title this, The Bucket.

The Bucket

That’s correct! Imagine your life as a bucket full of water…the clear, refreshing water…perhaps you interpret this as clarity, clear like the ocean, clarity for peace of mind, mental and emotional wellbeing. Or you may interpret this water as happiness, joy, the essence of life. Energy could be another view of the water filling the bucket- energy gives us life, enables us to move, work, love, live. Life is your bucket as is in the water in it.

The Bucket of Life.

Imagine, there are five types of water or five compartments that make up this bucket and its these five types/ compartments that create happiness, joy, clarity, energy, life. These five sections, categories are what make up our lives and quite often we find, the root of our unhappiness/ frustration/ joy/ energy/ clarity is the lacking or more appropriately the leaking of one or more of these sections.

So there you are on the beach (to my readers, perhaps you’ve come out of your cave) and you’re holding a bucket. You dance around like a child having collected the water from the sea and you’re smiling with joy. But you feel the water trickle down your leg, onto your stomach and you realise there’s a leak in your bucket! The water is getting out and this is affecting your happiness with the activity.

So, what has caused this leak? What is leaking out?

I’ll share with you the five categories/ types/ sections that were shared with me, but by no means do these determine the most important categories of your life. I’ve interpreted them slightly to fit inline with my own interpretations, what spoke to me more and what in essence I write about here.

Connection. Love. Impact. Recreation. Development.

1)      Connection- The speaker used connection with God. I want to open this up to whatever it is you believe- so your connection with God or Gods, the Universe, the Earth, your spirituality. Whichever applies, what is your connection with your spirituality? What frequency are you emitting in the Universe? How strong is your connectivity?

We care deeply about broadband connectivity strengths in our modern society, the stronger the frequency, the more satisfied we are as customers. Whatever or whoever we believe is out there, imagine they’re the customer and you are the broadband provider…for its not God or the Universe’s responsibility to provide a connection…the demand has to be there. So, ask yourself, how strong is your connection? How spiritual are you? And how committed to this spirituality are you?

This is for everyone and anyone. If your faith is labelled with a religion then no further explanation is needed. If you know you believe in energy, metaphysics, the Universe please refer to this. For those yet to discover or be able to mentally articulate what your spirituality looks like, this could be your starting point. All of our spiritualties, faiths and interpretations are valid,, all of our connections are personal. No one can judge your effort, your spirit and your soul. But as you sit alone in a room, under a tree, on a train overlooking fields or concrete jungles...it’s just you and your spirit. How strong is your connection?

2)      Love- The speaker referred to family and I loved how he did this. He spoke about your family, be it blood relations or the people in your lives you identify as family, your inner circle. The people in your life you share moments with, lend ears for, cry on shoulders, dance to moonlights. The people close enough to you to look out for you, tell you when you’re wrong, rejoice when you succeed. Some of us have giant families by birth, others have small kinships but strong friendships.

I’ve interpreted this as love. A word, a noun, an action, a why, a purpose. Who we love and how we love. Who is in your life that matters? How much do you matter to them? Is this a spiritual relationship? By that I mean one of positivity, light, empowerment, support, respect, care, attention, love. Or are your closest people your biggest victims? Are your thorns of protection spiking those around you?

Love is a universal language, a melody anyone’s heart can dance to. Mothers to fathers, brothers and sisters to cousins, friends to best friends, lovers to partners. Our family, our inner circle and ultimately our love is an external and internal relationship- one in which we output emotions and input emotional responses. One our family output love and we input acceptance. Just because you love it doesn’t mean it is spiritual or fruitful. Just because you have people around you it doesn’t mean there’s any love.

You are the one that knows your love. Your inner circle. Your family. You know what you are outputting. You know if these relationships are fruitful or toxic.

3)      Impact. The speaker referred to this as Satisfying work and I loved this phrase! Satisfying. Just saying the word makes you feel all kinds of emotions. For me it conjured up memories which ultimately create emotional responses. I think of all the times I’ve experience satisfaction. Then to narrow it down from a gorgeous slice of cake or breathtaking ocean view…I think of satisfying work and what that means. Luckily I can think of this and feel a real connection to this phrase. The satisfaction felt in my work.

Is your busy work your life’s work? Monday around the world can just be another day for some, a dreaded morning for others and as exciting as every other moment for a few. Monday is the start of the work week for many and we all know how we feel when we wake on this day. Perhaps our weekend has ended, time with our Love and our Connection, we’ve had fun, relaxed and then Monday symbolises a cease of the weekend, an end to fun. Or does it?

I’m lucky enough to have sat on both sides of the fence. Basically aged 16-20 years old I’ve had this, then I dipped in and out again until January 2013. Those days I’ve woken, dreading going to work, elongating my steps to the door, feeling as though I had to leave my heart and creativity at the door. Watching my watch with each second feeling like hours passing creating more frustration. I felt absolutely no satisfaction in my work. Luckily I was studying full time so learning about the American Civil War or Rwandan Genocide set my mind alight and it made up for it. But after graduation you learn what full time work is really like and if you feel no satisfaction, no enjoyment, no fulfilment, days go oh so longer.

You don’t even have to hate your work or job to feel this. You could genuinely like where you work, what you do, who you work with. It could meet you financial needs, social needs even skills development needs, furthering your career. But if you feel no satisfaction from your work, no impact is created, what’s it all for?

This impact could be on the world, on your community, service users, customers or even just yourself. Is your busy work your life’s work?

4)      Recreation- I loved how the speaker described this! Recreation is to recreate…to recreate your energy, your happiness. Is this just sheer fun? YOLO? Hobbies? Interest? You inner child? Youthful spirit? Time out?

In a week, of work, that’s hopefully satisfying, time of love with family and inner circles, perhaps even time to strengthen your spirituality and connections…between eating, sleeping and commuting, time is limited. Many can struggle to ‘fit’ time in for the fun stuff, the selfish stuff. The amount of people I’ve met that sit on a underused talent or hobby or passion is just overwhelming. I know many people who loved to paint, dance, act, sing, travel, sew…whatever the hobby or interest, they enjoyed it in their youth and feel it’s an activity to left in the past…bought back out during retirement.  

As much as I can see the reasoning for why people would get to this analysis- I couldn’t disagree more! Laughter, joy, fun, what’s life without this? Why not carry on the activity you enjoyed as a child, from musical instrument playing to good old fashioned colouring and drawing! Perhaps its about taking YOU time, that’s time out, time away from distractions, tasks, other people and just enjoying the moment- reading, breathing, meditating. Time for you! Recreation to Re-Create.

Lastly number 5) Development. Once again the speaker called this something else. He called this category- exercise. But then didn’t have time to go into the explanation and message.

I feel that writing exercise can ostracise many people and I don’t believe lying in my last hours, I shall reflect in life at how often I exercised. I shall however hope to have lived a life in which I developed myself, challenged myself, grew, learned, tried to be the very best I could- emphasis on try.

If we have all the above, our strong connection with spirituality, our love, our satisfying work and time out for recreation- we’ve worked on meeting many needs that make up happiness and wellbeing. Even love or recreation can include physical wellbeing.

But there is a gap that the fifth category meets- development. A broad term with a bottom line of YOU, your development, your growth, your learning journey. Development has been a priority in my life for a few years now and at times I’ve broken this down further to meet my own needs of what this looks like. You can do the same. But here’s a few examples to help.

Physical development: Exercise. As basic as walking to cardio blasts, yoga, strength training, marathon running, rock climbing, trekking. Exercise. Do you push your body, no, do you look after your body? Do you build muscle by lifting objects or walking more than a few steps in a day? Do you build your stamina?

Mental development: Reading, learning, challenging, growing. Do you stimulate your mind? Push its boundaries? Learn new things? Information? Languages? Hobbies and interests, tying into your recreation space.

I could go on…Development as a category is basically what you do to better yourself and your life? Out of choice. Not solely for enjoyment but the doing can be just as enriching as the results.

Now.

Back to the Bucket.

The speaker had us look at the Bucket, look at the categories and to honestly reflect and ask ourselves, what’s leaking? What is there, not enough of? What’s lacking?

The exercise itself is an interesting one, as there is no one on earth that can simply look and say tick tick tick, all of them are full to the brim and I’m just a super human.

We each have a little drip here or major leakage there. For me this was very powerful.  As much as I wont share my findings as its something I would love for YOU to do, for you to explore and reach your own findings. It was really interesting. Often as the days fill and move, one can really focus their time, energy and intentions on a few things at a time. Life’s gorgeous and complex web has overlaps and tangles its true. But getting caught up in the planning of things, the doing of things, can often lead to the leakages mentioned above.

No one pays you or reminds you to ensure recreation is in your day; unless you have a coach/ therapist/ counsellor/ great friend/ innovative employer. Its not something that’s taught. Not something you train for or get paid for. For many it can fall down to the bottom of the priority list, collecting dust.

Equally, your work could be so unsatisfying, so unfulfilling, you can overcompensate your energy on weekend partying, over exert yourself in family matters.

Each category is as important as the next and the balance of each can create a full bucket.

Our unhappiness, our sufferings, our pains…in this life can be caused by oh so very much. Heartbreak, loss, grief, betrayal, misfortune and so on and so on. Having a full bucket doesn’t equal lifelong happiness and success.

Trying to balance all of the categories means you’re simply filling your time, focusing your energy and building a lifestyle that works towards happiness, joy and success. It builds a powerful framework for the times external forces hit so hard, you feel as though you can break. The bucket, the balance, it softens the blow.

My great dark moments had a happy ending as I had at least one of those categories in my bucket to aid the process of healing and building up. It could be work or faith it could be love of family or joys in recreation.

Identifying what matters to you, what is working and what is leaking allows you to navigate your way to building better energy outputs.

We each have 24 hours in a day. We each have the seconds and the heartbeats. Until one day the seconds, the heartbeat silences.

So whilst we could dance around on the beach enjoying the sun’s rays innocently, why not work on building more happiness, identifying why the wave hurt so very much when it hit you.

We don’t want suffering, frustration, pain. We don’t want to run back into the cave.

So using the mind we’ve been blessed with and time we’ve been graced with…let us identify our own buckets, our own priorities actively work on balance. Work on maintain a bucket full of crystal clear water.

[thecurlysafari]

The Cave

Learning the same lessons, whilst missing out on blessings. Taking down the walls that protect ones heart, lets in the cold as well as the light. Its a risk one must take to feel both the blessings and experience the lessons. Yet for a lot of things in life, just because its simple, it does not make it easy. If you stay in the shield of a cave, the darkness becomes your comfort and no elements or enemies can reach you. Sometimes you light a small fire inside to keep you warm. But you fully know its nowhere near the frequency of the strength of the sun. Still, you stay put. Danger is rife and safety is guaranteed. Now, for life...some of us take the deep breath and step outside to risk the dangers for the beauty of the sun. We sail away from the safe harbour, leave our anchors of fear and fly towards the light. Some do this with their career, their dreams, relationships, life ambitions or bucket list. Yet those warriors, the most daring of them all can still reside in a cave. Keeping your heart locked away in the safety of the cold shade is odd when your heart can be let out for the rest of the world to embrace. World visionaries, change makers and enterpreneurs face their fear every day with faith, to perform to thousands, save lives and chase their dreams...but are completely unwilling to have faith in the vulnerability of love. I speak with assurity because one of these perpetrators is me. I've lived a fearless life, looked death in the face, climbed mountains, flown across continents. I've shaken hands with leaders, nobel prize winners and breathed air in the company of greatness. I have a warrior spirit in regards to my dreams. Dangle love and the thought of vulnerability anywhere near me and I relapse, recoil back into my shell I spent so long breaking. The simplicity of it all has never been more complex than in my mind. I've felt true love. Its breathtaking, mindblowing, sensational! God given! You feel the absolute blessings of life and never want it to end...mine was in the form of Africa and the beauty of the motherland. Such was my true love. So when it comes to pursuing my passion, I'm able and I'm willing. To be fearless and let yourself go to the unknown of lifes blessing actually means you're in control of your life! And what a zestful experience that is! So why do I see sharing a love with another losing control and facing danger and pain? We only know what we know through logic, research or experience. But if all three convince me to stay in my cave of comfort, why leave? It's actually been refreshing. Leading my own life, paving my way towards my destiny. Control from confidence is empowering and I wish it for everyone to do so. To sail, to jump, to fall to the ryhthym of life and blessings of the Universe. But my instructions come with a clause...section 2, part b, this fearlessness and openness only applies to my career, your confidence, lifestyle and spirituality. Experience is life's great teacher they say. So my lesson confirmed my residence in the cave. Whoever came to the creak to hold out their hand was never powerful enough to override lessons learnt. But aren't there new lessons to learn in the future? New teachings to experience? Shouldn't this manifesto for life cover all aspects? The heart surely can't be sectioned off with only PART A available for viewing? This is what I call the cha cha of life...taking one step forward and two steps back is true for any aspect in anyone's time on earth. You gain a job you lose a job. You meet someone new you say goodbye to someone old. I've been really enjoying my cave living...sailing away for my dreams but returning for my heart. Until someone refused to turn around. His boat was swept onto shore and he came across my cover, but even when he left, he returned. I didn't come out, even though I used to dream about sharing the sunlight with him...he on one side, me on the other in the shade. One day I swallowed my pride, let go of fear and stepped out...the sun felt glorious! just like the times of sailing. It kisses your skin and feeds your spirit. Enlivens you to an exhilarating level! But cold winds and turbulent waves as you walk hand in hand along the shore are too risky to face. I ran back to the cave, to safety, to protection. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to live in the beauty of the sun together and forever? Sweet tastes, heavenely sights and simple delights of sunlight. Who in their right mind would run from this? Like a child I often peaked my head out, ready to step again...But returning just became so easy, automatic. The comfort of the lonely cold sometimes felt better than the fear of the unknown. Winds can't blow here, waves can't enter, there are no dangers, no risks, but also no light. Maybe I should stay in the cave til I'm 100% ready to leave. He should get back on his boat and explore other lands. He'll ruin waiting outside for me. So, is it the timing or the boat owner? Or simply a fat contradiction in the way I share my heart? Maybe its all three, maybe its none. But as some spend time contemplating in life, others are out there living! I never regretted feeling the blessings of the sun when I was in love...standing on the motherlands rich and fertile soil. I made mistakes but felt truly alive. And the times he held my hand as we stood in the light together, there's no regrets there either. Just fond memories of sunlight and joy! I didn't know if I'd ever be ready to stand out in the light in all aspects of my life? I didn't know if part time living is my future or I should begin to decorate the insides of my cave? Whichever it is...career, goals, bucket list, relationships...you can't protect yourself from the bad without protecting yourself from the good! So being open to all, stepping out of ones cave and basking in the warm delights of the sun far outweighs any fear of danger or hurt. I'm delighted to say I stepped out in pursuit of my hearts want. In recognition of the Suns glory and trust in the beauty of my dreams! Be it the motherland and Kenya, be it a goal, career, ambition and now be it love, basking over hiding will always be a win for your spirit! No great adventure was ever in ones mind. Courage over fear. Love over loss. Beauty over pain. All comes from a decision, to step out. There are times when sheer Guts equals glory. Courage equals success. Other times we are fortunate to be blessed with external forces. Like someone waiting outside your cave and refusing to leave, assuring you the beauty of the warmth of the sun and contents of their heart. Sometimes we're blessed with a hand held out to us, it's then for us to accept. It's great to learn lessons! Develop wisdom, street savvy! Diligence In decision making. But we must also be sure we don't keep learning the same lessons without missing out on blessings. Because it truly is worth it!

[thecurlysafari]

Source of generation over imitation

Ahhhh As I breathe out a deep breath. Power stations (however ethical their sources) are brilliant in the fact that they generate energy! They don't wait on anything other than their own capability to generate energy...and what an amazing thing this is for humanity. To have light, heat, electricity, power. Pretty excellent things for societies. Brendan burchard is probably one of my favourite humans that I'm yet to be blessed to meet. He talks of energy, of motivation and of positivity within us, comparing us to the power generators that generate energy, that create and sustain motivation and positivity. I love this! Especially today. On the day I've discovered something very interesting. While I've been 'out of the scene' within London and Birmingham for the past year (the Africa trips then underground working on my vision) it seems that there's been an imposter or opportunist. They've discovered my ideas and as I flew away they initiated their sequence of my ideas actualised under their name. In short and in black and white, someone has stolen my ideas for superheroes for change, someone I met, shared coffee with, shook hands with and wished them good luck in their ventures. It seems my absence has been of great benefit to them to leverage my ideas under their brand, masked as their own. What a funny little situation and one I had a feeling would happen. My visions are more than a fashionable decision made at a time of funding and start up grants...it's an embedded soul driven ten year state. It's my very being, my beliefs in justice, my angers at poverty, my vision for the world of vulnerable children and groups in Africa, all over the world. My genuine faith in the greatness in Us All and the power we can have on spreading light in this world. So, as I sit here with fresh information many things run across my mind but my heart settles with the following.... Yes, I felt hurt and betrayed. Something I've been working on for a very long time, caught malaria for, left my family for, stayed in mud huts for, working endless hours for, saving for my masters for...literally all the blood, sweat and tears for...has essentially been taken right from underneath me as I sit behind the scenes, spending time building my vision into reality. I'd lie if I said the news didn't hurt, tears didn't spring to my eyes and I felt a mixture of pain and shame. Yet my insights go beyond ego and attachment...any light that is offered in the world is a beautiful, rich, wondrous thing! If I write an article that someone in Japan reads and then takes the courageous step to build an enterprise in their village, I will feel joy, admiration and happiness. Why does this instance differ? True it was someone right from underneath my nose, posing as another with alterior motives, true the format is laced in deceit...but essentially my ideas have been that flicker of inspiration for that person to spread light across the world. I say this Not in an arrogant way, but in a way that sees This situation for what this is...more light in the world, no mater what the source. There will be more people empowered to make change, more local communities invested in...overcoming darkness with light is most definitely a collaborative effort. Ah yes and the source. I was the source and it's for me to own this and recognise my capability to generate ideas, energy, motivation. This light being spread came from something I generated...so it's a positive for this person and their project beneficiaries and also a positive for my own recognition in my power. In your power. You and I are alike...for we all are generators of amazing things, ideas, visions, creations, inventions, songs, art...we've each been blessed with gifts and we have the power to generate products of this over and over again. Anyone can imitate. But who can generate? There is a massive difference between imitation and generation...and one must never lose sight of that. For we have all or will be there. An idea, a thought, a plan, a creation, a vision...we generated then others imitated. But when that runs out, it's you who can Create more. Anyone can quote but who can produce? Anyone can read a book but who can write it? Theft and deceit hurt but unlike a rare jewellery item Stolen in your home...your rare and gorgeous gift can generate more products over and over again. As I've spent ten years with my heart and souls vision and two years building that vision...my life contains some gorgeous beauty and I contain some ideas, creations and light in this world that dare to be seen right now. In the form of superheroes for change, in the form of my words, my art, my actions, my love...my gifts will keep giving. And so will yours! Never be disheartened by the actions of others particularly when they take from you, when they steal from you, when they do better than you, use your ideas... Firstly see the impact your ripple of talent had on the world...it inspired another to spread More light in the world. Secondly laugh at the power you posses in your fingertips! Your unlimited ability to produce more and more and more. From van gough to Beyoncé, myself to you...our gifts will keep giving. Let the imitators surf on the success on your creation and feel happy for their progress. Also hope that the hollowness that exists underneath can be filled with love and joy and authenticity. Hope they discover their gift so they too can generate their own light. When people are Without they often beg, borrow and steal...never allow the failings of someone's moral compass and respect for your art inflict on your own appreciation of your work. Delight in your gift and feel the warmth of all lights as well as your own. Continue to generate and smile as others imitate. Realise the greatness of your source of light. I'm blessed, thankful and appreciative of this lesson placed in front of me. I'm happy to have fellow comrades working towards the same goal and I urge anyone to look within before taking from outside. Enjoy the sun wherever you are!

[thecurlysafari]

It's a really interesting concept when people feel that they cannot have it all and equilibrium must be in place to restore what's right in the world. When people feel great about their work, career and passion they often feel they can't have the great relationship either. Or their family and friendships are wonderful but their health and fitness lacks. The classic pleasure pain theory that can get people in trouble! For now I want to refer to you, who you've become, what you are. Do you believe you can have it all without compromising anything? Do you believe in yourself and the beauty of your dreams? This song popped up yesterday and it spoke to what's been on my mind for a while. Why must we sacrifice our self worth and belief for another? Why do some feel that they cannot stand up for their heart when sharing it? I have observed this in friends as well as my younger self, when one puts aside their true feelings, real expressions in fear of rocking the boat and losing the other person. He doesn't do anything bad. She's good to me but. It's as though there has to be major drama for some to feel it's warranted to express themselves. It's ok to love someone and love yourself. It's ok to have a voice, express your emotions and take care of your heart even if you've decided to share your love with someone else. It's ok to sometimes say to yourself that you deserve better. In love, in your work, in life. You can still enjoy the fruits of your labour or embrace the blessings of the universe whilst still feeling good, feeling worthy, feeling respected. Anything that's worth it will embrace your new level of self worth, protect your heart as much as you, create space to match your requirements. Why must you sacrifice one part of yourself for another? Any love, passion, person worth your time will appreciate your own worth. Why must you invest your time in other improvements and activities yet give no time for yourself. It's a blessed position to be in right now, I'm the girl in the song who has spent time investing in who I am, expressing my soul and knowing I deserve better. But better I got, love, friends, my work, career. When I've felt something is hindering my growth or weathering my worth I've refused to continue until I've looked after my heart. Made sure I'm only investing in things that build me up not tear me down. I refuse to ever let anyone affect the hard work I've put in to feel the way I do about myself. And that's ok. There's a difference between sacrificing pleasures for what's right; I aim to do that daily with my work, my ethics and values. I sacrificed being near my family, friends, health and finances to be in Africa, fulfilling my own spirit given duties. But that sacrifice doesn't include my own self worth, self belief, how I feel about myself, how I'm treated, what I invest my time and energy into. The reason I feel so blessed is because with youth came lessons. Toxic relationships that expressed intimidation through negativity. Workplaces that piled on the workload and disrespect but were scarce in value and pay. Friendships that took and never gave back. I feel no shame in saying, feeling and knowing I deserve better. Even if that meant not continuing a love with another, ending a role I enjoyed, ceasing a friendship, an activity, an investment. I'm not afraid to match what I do with the level to which my value stands. It's not about believing you're above anything or anyone. Man was created equal and there are different strokes that different folks take. I would never end a relationship because I believe I'm better...I would end it if I felt I deserved better. I deserve love, respect, honesty, appreciation, care, fun, empowerment, inspiration, kindness. We all do. We can have it all. Never sacrifice who you are for what you want...the soul will suffer if you don't live in pursuit of it. I've danced both dances and the rhythm that fits in the ones that's An expression of my soul and heart. In doing so I've been rewarded with my friends and family, my passion and work and in a relationship for which i share my heart and Feed my spirit. You deserve better

[thecurlysafari]

Light & Warmth

Have you ever stepped inside a cabin or room that has received no heating in such a while, turning it on takes such a long time to feel even the flicker of warmth. You know the room will be warm, eventually, but the cold is still startling to the body. 

Well, like the heating that’s been turned off, I too turned a part of myself off for a while and the results...well, it wasn’t pleasant that’s for sure. 

That’s what happens when you move away from who you really are. Like the boy in the Alchemist, he stayed selling items for the shopkeeper, stayed spinning gold for someone else..until one moment of clarity of who he was and who he was not becoming. 

I find no joy in comfort...like Siddarta who could no longer embrace his riches after witnessing rife poverty, I can no longer sit and ignore who I really am. I walked, anxiously, into the room and turned on the light and the warmth is slowly disseminating across the room.

Translation? I’m so pleased to share my light and warmth once again and there’s a lot to share. Some items were written underneath the belt, in Southern Africa during turmoil and challenge. Some were written in the crisp cold of the UK but in the love of my ecosystem. And of course, the light is on, more will keep coming. 

I am also pleased to share the raw truths in it all...because I have strayed...I have paused...I turned off my light and I began to deny who I really was. But this was difficult for many to see, for on the surface things seemed great. I had a new role for an organisation I loved, meeting local change-makers, empowering young people, just enjoyable ways to spin gold for others. Then my friendships, stronger than ever, with a mixture of old and new all sharing my heart- of course, my heart, now open to all and not just a portioned part. Future plans looking great with a masters, expedition, projects and more. 

And in every way I am grateful for the blessings showered upon me. But as I mentioned, I don’t do comfort very well...after lounging around for a few hours in bed, I get antsy and restless and need to be productive! That’s how I am in life...I have to BE...I have to be me however that looks. For two years, from the creation of this blog, I have always been ON! Literally like fire waking at 5 sleeping at 3, just pumped up for life non stop. It was amazing to share this with people, to inspire, motivate, to show that greatness is in all of us. 

But I know that stories are never real unless painted in a few different shades. I know glamour and entitlement doesn’t impress me over struggle overcome and hustle. What would this all be for if I’m only sharing my words, my stories when its bright? When all is shiny and I feel on top of the world If I constantly write how great everything is, who feels connected? Feels related to? I certainly would’nt.

I wrote that I would share the highlights of my journey towards my dreams, the good, bad and ugly...all shades of the gorgeous rainbow. 

So, never feel like you have to be turned up all the time! Turn down for what? Yourself. Your own acceptance in the range of emotions, paces and stages of your life! It’s ok to not feel like Beyonce or Les Brown every day. It doesn’t take away form your strength, from your potential and from your greatness. A ferrari that cruises at 20 mph can still kill it at 120. Tears can still fall down onto the curve of a smile. Rainclouds still cover sunshine. 

It’s ok! 

The fact is you turned on the light once again in the knowledge the room would warm up. You’re still breathing, thinking, dreaming, planning, walking, sometimes just surviving.

I spent four months recovering from malaria, infections, african male egos, mistakes, challenges and the cold...like, real cold! I sat on the side while my injuries healed, for longer than perhaps recommended. And its ok. I still work 40 hours a week for a charity that helps youth and communities, I give love to all those around me, I show love and support to my family and I’m trying to be the best version of myself. So I wasn’t backflipping off mountains and feeling like the female Eric Thomas at 4am everyday. I slept in til 6, 7, 8. I drank wine. I watched movies. I spent time with my new love. I simply lived and its only now I’ve realised its ok.

I will achieve what I’m supposed to. I will paint this world with love. I will expose the pockets of sunshine and carry out the expressions of my soul. I’l also make mistakes and sometimes fall down. I’ll mess up and mix the wrong blend of colours. And so will you. 

Your dreams, hopes and visions will seem really far away sometimes and all you’ll feel is the cold. You’ll cowar behind comfort, hide in insecurity and run away from truth. You’ll turn off the part of yourself that seems unruly, crazy, the dreamer, the naive one. But your soul will cry out and remind you of who you are. You’ll enjoy spinning gold until one day you wake up with clarity. You’ll carry on, move on and continue...

Because greatness exists in you. Greatness exists in me. Greatness is innate and can and will be fed, nurtured, grown. It’s ok that its hard. It’s ok to take time to recover. 

The room always fills with warmth and continues to regenerate, however long its been off, it just needs to be turned on.

Shine your light and the world will unconsciously feel enlightened in your presence, gravitating towards you for warmth.