EXPECTO PATRIARCHUS (And Other Puns About My Life)

Curly-haired scientist and doctor-to-be who's obsessed with word-play and caffeine and vaguely resembles a sea turtle. My favorite things include stem cells, Harry Potter, feminism, writing, gemology, sea creatures, fashion, music, friendship, biology, glitter, fast cars, cityscapes, and equality. Future titles hopefully include: author, poet, gemologist, aquarium owner, photographer, designer, life-saver, comedienne, jeweler, and/or superhero.

[richiewhite]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “you’re in here alot, are you an alcoholic?”

The horse ponders for a minute and responds “I don’t think I am” And poof he disappears

This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, “I think, therefore I am.”

But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse

[annlarimer]

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

[apricops]

*centrist voice* So would you stop being friends with someone just because your favorite color is blue and their favorite color is waterboarding innocent people?

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

if you’re thinking about coming out today, i support you.

if you’ve already come out, i support you.

if you’re not ready to come out, i support you.

you are valid. got it?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Shoutout to the people who grew up in a house where being gay or trans was just never talked about.

Shoutout to the people whose parents support lgbt rights but never told their kids until they were in their teens or twenties because they said it was “difficult to explain to children”.

Shoutout to the people whose religious communities came out in support just a little too late.

Shoutout to everyone afraid to come out just because they know they’ll be safe physically but they don’t know how everything will change socially.

Shoutout to everyone whose internalized homophobia that they’re trying to overcome came from subtle cues and not explicit statements.

Shoutout to the in betweeners. The pain you felt is real.

[theforce]

i was 14 and i was walking through a mall by myself at 12am after my shift at coldstone creamery lol and a bunch of men started whistling and meowing and getting really close to me and they kept asking me questions and i kept not answering until i didn’t know what else to do so i said “i’m only 14” and almost in unison they said “we don’t care” i was so fucking scared i didn’t know what to do and they kept talking about how i looked and how my body looked and what they would do i was on the verge of tears i was all alone in a huge mall i knew i couldn’t outrun them all i felt totally hopeless until a maintenance worker came up to all of us with a huge industrial broom in her hand, i thought she was going to yell at all of us for being in the mall after hours bc she probably thought we were all friends but instead she cursed all of them out in spanish, threatened to press a panic button on her belt and then proceeded to walk me to the basement garage and waited with me until my mom got there to pick me up she had a death grip on her cart the whole time and a face of steel she looked so strong and i just kept saying thank you and she kept saying not to thank her because she had to stop them.

that was the moment i realized women were the most important beings on this planet and we have to protect each other bc nobody else is going to, she didn’t even know me, we couldn’t even communicate that well because of the language barrier, she could have lost her job for waiting with me in the parking lot but she looked out for me when she didn’t have to, she had nothing to gain from it, i’m 21 now and i tell everyone this story even though it happened 7 years ago, what she did that night helped me form and shape lot of my beliefs early on. 

[actuallunalovegood]

i was at a grocery store really late one night and some old guy kind of eyed me as i walked out of the store next to this other lady. She and I made eye contact and i knew she was scared too. we loaded up our groceries into our cars as fast as possible and I had way more bags than her so she got done faster than me. I panicked because i was sure she was going to leave so i just hurried faster, shaking a little, and then i noticed she sat in her car, watching me and making sure nobody came near. She waited not until all my groceries were loaded, or until my cart was put away, or until I got into my car. No, she didn’t drive away until I drove away. 

And that was the moment that I realized how much women need other women. That we can’t win this war without each other and we have to be looking out for each other, every second. 

[ofgeography]

my last year in new york city, i got off the subway around 9 or 10p.m. i only lived about 5 blocks from the f train, but i hadn’t gotten more than two before a woman’s hand suddenly touched my arm. 

“that guy behind us is following you,” she said. “he was watching you leave the train car and followed you up.”

i hadn’t noticed him, or at least not noticed him following me. when we stopped outside a grocery store, he stopped half a block back and loitered. the woman linked her arm with mine and walked me several blocks out of her way to my front door and made sure i got inside safely.

another time, nocigar and i were walking home and at a stoplight a stranger grabbed my arm when i wouldn’t respond to him and tried to physically drag me over to him. she—who is, by the way, not a very physically imposing girl—ripped his hand off my arm and snarled, “don’t fucking touch her.”

protect your friends. protect strangers. there are good men in the world, but don’t wait for them to do something if you can do it yourself.

[edmundo-noches-buckley]

I was at a club once and my friend left with her boyfriend so I finished my drink and was heading out to the parking lot when three girls came up to me and basically surrounded me. 

“Those guys behind us were talking about following you. We can walk with you.” 

I have MMA training but have never in my life had been offered the protection and sanction of my own gender. This is so important. 

[stele3]

GIRL CODE. FUCKIN’ GIRL CODE. LEAVE NO GIRL BEHIND. EVER.

[memewhore]

[coolthingoftheday]

Bonsai apple tree growing a full-sized apple.

[kingfucko]

it must have worked so hard!

[ppaction]

Here’s what Donald Trump doesn’t want you to know: ACA open enrollment begins TODAY!

Spread the word and #GetCovered.

[ironlion919-the-lone-vvoolf]

Also, the time to enroll has been CUT IN HALF. They tried to kill off the ACA, but could only manage to damage it.

*****You have until Dec. 15! Don’t delay!*****

[ms-demeanor]

Just expect a spate of ACA enrollment posts from me at least once a month until the enrollment period ends.

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

Pretty sure that’s just congress

[thecurlyturtlechronicles]

Republicans, a poem:

I am a scumbag

I am a thief

I am a liar

Immoral-in-chief

I have no compassion

No decency

I lost both my ethics

and morality

I’m bad as can be

you shouldn’t trust me

I’m the fucking GOP

I have cancer

But I still vote yes

I deserve life

But you deserve it less

I’d vote for Moore

Even though he molests

Because the GOPenis

Never rests

I like my hats red

My constituents dead

Fuck your rights

I vote for wrongs instead

I’m bad as can be

you shouldn’t trust me

I’m the fucking GOP

[resistdrumpf]

Brilliant.

[mo-nature-nerd-blog]

LITTLE LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

[twisteddoodles]

Inauguration

[wnq-writers]

Who are you, really? You’re not a name your parents chose according to their personal attachments in life You’re not a birth date, or a temporary age, or a simple cluster of billion cells, or even a species You’re a collection of everything you love You’re the books that you stayed up all night long reading since you couldn’t just put them down You’re the songs that you sing along to the radio and surprise yourself by remembering the lyrics perfectly You’re the cities you’ve visited and roamed the streets of and fell in love with You’re the stars that you’ve stood awed by and gazed at unaware of the time passing You’re the quotes that halt you and force you to reread them once, twice, 3 times, a thousand And the paintings you’ve admired from afar You’re the sun rises that you’ve fought sleep at night to witness And the movies you never get tired of watching And the places you’re welcomed at because of how frequently you visit them And the carefree dances you swayed on crowded dance floors You’re the memories you’ve crafted with the people around you And the inside jokes you’ve shared with someone on a boring saturday afternoon And mostly, you’re so full of pieces of the people you love most, and the people who love you back You carry pieces of them in a habit of theirs that you picked on, a word you’ve learnt from them, a song that reminds you strictly of them a story you’ve told a thousand times about that one time where they downright embarrassed you You are everything and anything that you’ve ever loved, So darling you’re really not a single thing - but rather a million

in-satiable-minds  (via wordsnquotes)

[danielle-mertina]

Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves. This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently. I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place. I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place. As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.

excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect From Men so Stop Telling Me That!“ @ One Black Girl. Many Words.   (via yesdarlingido)

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

Fun game:

Replace “Father” in Christian texts with “Daddy”

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

“Our Daddy who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name”

[tangleofrainbows]

“forgive me, daddy, for i have sinned”

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Daddy, who is unseen. Then your Daddy, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6“

[gayrab]

[brooklynmutt-deactivated2021090]

(via Anthony DeRosa)

[untexting]

LMAO