Hi, i'm a gay disaster

She/her, depressed, very stupid, i would let Robert Sheehan ruin my life. This is just a dumb online diary to throw my thoughts into the void lol

[thedisenchanted]

TW Meds ?? Mania??

haha lol,, im off my meds and life is groooveyyy,, so nice!! life is worth living!! i havent slept in a couple days, ive cleaned and done so much work and texted old friends n stuff and its cool as g

[thedisenchanted]

Jeez today I am depressed, but that is okay. Been away for a while to spend time with family which was nice, and I've been drinking pretty much every day for the past 2 weeks which is probably not so nice,, but somehow??? I managed to lose?? 5kg????¿? Not sad abt it but also kinda confused. Back at flat now and it's nice bc I missed my friends but jeez there is drama happening but I only know bits n prices bc nobody talks 2 me lol,,,,

Feel kinda left out and a bit stupid, I know it's nothing personal and I love em, but brain is full of spaghetti.

Also need 2 do lots of things I've been putting off which is s T r e s s

Also I have a UTI so maybe that doesn't help idk lol,,,, lil life update from me to me I now thrust into the void of tumblr, adios!

[thedisenchanted]

Day 12, 13, 14

this bitch is broke as hell, which sucks but has the added benefit of not being tempted to buy takeaways n whatnot

mostly living on pickles, frozen veggies, and some 2 min noodles but i think my stomachs shrunk bc i can barely get through half a ramen pack, pretty sick tbh

made a big batch of rice today to live off for the next week or so, rice is actually scary as hell but little bits are okay, i’m making vegan aioli tomorrow to go with it which should be fun! plus its only like 35 caloriesper teaspoon rather than a fuckton more. Aioli is such a comfort food

ahhhhhh life

[sexceptionul]

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

[thedanliest]

why on earth doesn’t this have more notes

[outtelligent]

I actually had to do this once. She lived.

[faeirytale]

if you scroll past this on your dash you are absolutely heartless.

[natalie-as-herself]

Reblog this!! This can save somebody’s life!

[aika-chan01]

reblog.

help.

do not scroll down.

[nonextistentttttt-deactivated20]

I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANYONE SCROLLS PAST THIS WITHOUT REBLOGGING I WILL LITTERALLY FIND THEM AND GIVE THEM A LECTURE

[danqueray-deactivated20200703]

may I just update this?

see the little thing that says help?

[josephdreemuur-moved]

Don’t ever scroll past this post. FUCKING NEVER SCROLL PAST!!!

[xcassidy]

🌸🌸🌸

[i-just-wish-i-was-skinny-already]

its such a small thing to do to save someone’s life, please reblog to get the word around

[thedisenchanted]

Day 11

s t r e s s

its almost 5am and i’m doing an essay thats due this afternoon which is ironically about the accuracy of anorexia in ‘To The Bone’,, i fucking love Lily Collins holy shittt

((I hope my friend who knows me heeds my wishes and does Not Keep Reading My Blog because its my safe space to vent and i’d really appreciate if u did not :)))

Today I had:

1 cup spooghet (210), 4x white bread (280), 1 cup spinach (7), 3 cups cauliflower (107)

(-104 excersise)

= (500)    

i actually really fucking love caouliflower, its so easy and low in cals that my depressed ass can actually make it, it’s kinda bomb

feeling kinda gross, the friend who has seen this blog is worried about me so i’m kinda trying to oversompensate in pretending i’m fine by being preformative n eating in front of them etc, hopefully they’ll chillax soon so I can get back on my bullshit aha

why am i like this 

[thedisenchanted]

Day 9 & 10

okay so my friend found this blog 

hahahahaaaaa lol big stress, i feel really dumb

fasted yesterday but drank a fuckton of alcohol yommy

had a big ol box of sushi with my friend today and then some 2 minute noodles for dinner, yEs I aM OkAY tHanKu (so many carbs yeeeeek)(ahahahah)(aha)

im just mega dumb

they said they would respect my privacy and not look at my page which is nice, but now i feel pretty stupid for being found out and having them be concerned about me, it’s really nice but I’m fine and this is my big vent space to chuck thoughts into the void. If u know me kindly do not perceive me :))

[thedisenchanted]

Day 8

squishy, chubby, grotesque, rotund, disgusting, no self control, i’m so weak.

Was forced to eat today and had farrr too much and I wasn’t able to purge and i feel so fat and gross and anxious and I hate ittttt

Friends who mean well and i didn’t wanna make them worry but MAN i was on such a good streak but now I feel like a whale lol

1 peice of sushi (shoved forcefully into my mouth, I don’t even know how many ccalories ahahaahaah)

2 toasted sandwiches on white bread w half a can of spaghetti (490)

3 pickles for a snack but man that was good so im not too mad about it (15)

a cup of frozen veggies (60)

and two MORE peices of toast with Dijon mustard (150)

SIX FUCKING PIECES OF WHITE BREAD IM GONNA SCREAM

714 (not including the sushi)

I did go for a nice long walk and it was nice and chilly so that made me feel better but overall I am very ashamed and euhhgrhu lol

[thedisenchanted]

Day 6 & 7

did a 40 hour fast which was calm , was gonna do 48 but ,,, lol

i made some tortillas from scratch today and had one for dinner (50) plain, and gave the rest to my flatmates bc i enjoy making them more than actually eating them . Got my essay done in time! Onto the next one now wooooo

Theres a builder coming around tomorrow so imma yeet, heading to get groceries, planning on getting pickles, spinach n broccoli for my meals for the rest of the week. Man i fucking love pickles. Also we’re lowkey being evicted from our flat which is great and only a little anxiety inducing lol :)))

I wanna buy a scale soon because its infuriating to not know how much I weigh, I really hope its gone down since the last time I weighed myself, but lord knows i’l just be disappointed,,,, i was 65kg from what I remember, but it’s been a long while. First goal weight is to get under 60, sooooo shouldn’t be too hard right? ahhaha, adios thots

[starshein]

Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

[ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru]

SIGNAL FUCKING BOOST

[saranghwa-deactivated20190606]

WHY WOULD YOU NOT REBLOG. IDGAF ABOUT YOUR BLOG THEME

[winwincity-deactivated20200412]

For anyone that needs this!

[cabinet-dude-deactivated2019091]

Please it’s gREAT.

[ownerofidaho]

This app is really great. Seriously.

[therearetoomanythingstodo]

They also have an app called Clear Fear for all of those who have anxiety!

It has a safety net feature where you can put in your contacts and call them from inside the app

It also tells you about the different kinds of anxiety so you’re not confused on what kind of anxiety you have

And it’s free!!!

[cidercidercider]

Reblogging again

[poptartsaysthatyouareloved-deac]

^^

[sadsickandstoned]

¡ REBLOG THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE !

[justlemmegetskinni-deactivated2]

Rb again

[imabitconfused]

!! IMPORTANT !! IMPORTANT !! IMPORTANT !!

[battling-my-demons]

Important!!!!!!

[thedisenchanted]

Day 5

Didn’t sleep last night lmao, but neither did my flatmates so we went for a maccas run while dropping off our friend to his work around 6.30am. I didn’t get anything but i had one bite of my friends hashbrown and i drank 250ml of Keri Orange juice (106) because i was feeling a bit buzzy. Went for a hella long walk to the postal service down the highway for like an hour and a half (-468) which was pretty fun. Got rid of that orange juice guilt know what im sayin

Banged out some more of my essay, and had half a cucumber with some butternut hummus (15) for dinner. Feeling pretty satisfied in all honesty.I did have a sick 4 hour nap in the afternoon which was nice, then right back to study! woooooooo

(-350)

[hurtlittleboy]

if you’re sitting there asking yourself ‘should i do [bad thing]’ (smoking, binging, purging, restricting, cutting, doing any drugs, getting drunk, etc), Here I am to tell you Dont Do That Thing. Or at least try your best not to limit yourself or do it less then you usually do if you absolutely have to. It’s not good for you, and your body will thank you late. I’m proud of you if you manage to Not Do The Thing

[wannabebonesboy]

Thinspo doesn't work for me I'm too gay and just end up being attracted to them

[thedisenchanted]

Day 4

bruuhHHuhhh im so nauseous and tired lol,, when I was drunk I accidentally punched a hole in the roof, there was already water damage there bc our flat is nasty and our landlord sucks, and my flatmates have agreed to tell the landlord asap even though I don’t think its a big deal and she wont fix it, she will just take our money lmao,, i may be biased tho. Anywho, got through the meeting without crying!! Yay for that, and i’m halfway through my essay thats due Tuesday so hopefully I’ll get it done in time.

Today i’m like,, not hungry at all? like, my stomach sounded like it was speaking the whale language for a while this morning so I had some toast with mustard (180) and i’m just so fulllll,,, kinda wack compared to my binge yesterday. I wanna get up early and go for a run in the morning so I can start my day without anyone around (everyone wakes up at like 3pm here lol)(yes we are all depressed)(it do be like that),, so that should be fun! Hopefully all goes well. 

Toodles x

[thedisenchanted]

how many shrimps

i am uncomfortable pls do not know me holy shit

[thedisenchanted]

ahahaahhaaaaa I am a disgusting creature, I ate way too much today and i’m so ashamed, I feel like I am a failure. A small convo with a friend almost made me cry because i’m just so stressed and anxious, I just want to be left on my own for a long long while without worrying anyone but aaaaaaaaaa i just want to be happy aha :))

[thedisenchanted]

Day 2 &3

I got drunk yesterday and forgot to log lol

Fasted all day then drank 2 bottles of wine, vibed hard (im not counting alcohol calories bc i need the happy chemicals yehaw)

=0

day 3: hungover af (not suprising), had 1 cup of rice (190), 1 packet of chicken noodles (270) w a cup of frozen veggies (60), and half a bowl of plain pasta (190 ish) with diced tomatoes (44). Am very full, thats a lotta carbs ://

=801

the goal is eating less than 500c per day for the next week or so, then restricting it down to 200 with intermittent fasting days. I’m planning on just having plain toast and half a cucumber tomorrow (~300) and hopefully a nice long walk before i stressfully finish my essay thats due soon hahah :)))

[thedisenchanted]

day 1

im trying a 30 day diet thing and i’m making myself actually complete it this time lol :)))

I’ve had really dry skin for a while, and I was recently diagnosed with IBS, so i’m hoping I can manage my pain with better food n whatnot, and see what kind of foods make it worse for me, so yehaw

Brekkie: lotsa water

Lunch: 2 slices of bread (160), dijon Mustard (10)

Dinner: half a cucumber (8) with salt, and whats this? PEPPAH

Excercise: a long walk around the city doing errands , pretty nice day out (-200)

-22