The Disordered Life

Relatable posts about recovering from Anorexia, Bulimia, BED, and OSFED. Note: This blog is not pro-ana, pro-mia, or pro-self-harm and is not for promoting or glorifying eating disorders. Also Note: All asks will be published unless you specify otherwise as this is not my main blog. If you are actively suicidal, PLEASE call the Hopeline: 1-800-SUICIDE

[thedisorderedlife]

Using reverse-psychology to try to hide your ED:

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Wanting a food that you know you can't have because you're just going to binge or purge it.

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Ah I have too many "one things" too. I kind of wish I could open up about them to my friends but they are so humiliating. People just wouldn't understand.

It’s so hard for people who don’t have any experience with EDs to understand—even when they really want to. I use sarcasm a lot when I talk about my ED in person, to try to hide my shame about things, and it makes people SO uncomfortable because they don’t realize that I’m not *really* making light of my issues, I’m just trying to express myself without bursting into tears.

That said, you can always feel free to share your stories here, without judgement. Even if I don’t understand, I am SURE there’s someone here that does.

(I may not post these messages at once if I receive a lot, just to avoid having them appear in bulk and making people’s dashboards triggering. But I will make a point of posting them all.)

(EDIT: Second side note: Please also be aware of things that may be considered tips if you choose to share your stories--eg. specific ways in which you make yourself sick or avoid food, etc. I will try to be liberal but I won't post things that I think are directly harmful to others. Be wary of others when you include numbers, too!)

[thedisorderedlife]

Oh my gosh what was your "one thig"?

UGH so many things. SO. MANY. THINGS.

Ok I will try to swallow my shame and list a few. (Trigger Warning)

I once ate an entire jar of peanut butter with a plastic fork. I got halfway through and was so horrified that I threw it in the garbage. Then I WENT BACK INTO THE GARBAGE and kept eating it, and couldn’t stop until I literally put old coffee grounds INTO the jar so that the peanut butter was inedible.

Soooo many emotional breakdowns in front of the refrigerator.

I used to secretly do jumping jacks in the bathroom, convinced that it actually burned a tangible amount of calories

There was a period of time that I shoplifted binge food—I still feel really really guilty about that.

I used to buy pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and just purge straight back into the container after finishing it :-/

[thedisorderedlife]

I LOVE THIS BLOG THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT<3

You’re welcome! Thank you for loving it!!

[thedisorderedlife]

When you're in binge-mode and everything looks delicious:

[thedisorderedlife]

Remembering that really horribly embarassing thing that was fueled solely by your ED (You know the thing. We have all had a thing.):

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When you find out the food being served is not what you had prepared yourself for:

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Trying to explain a b/p episode like it was no big deal:

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What having an ED is like:

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"That food will make you fat, you know."

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Preparing to tell your therapist about a relapse:

[thedisorderedlife]

OHMYGOD YOUR BLOG IS PERFECT ILY

I LOVE YOU!! Thank you :-)

[thedisorderedlife]

Feeling trapped in your ED:

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When someone brags about a low-calorie meal and you know they are actually completely wrong:

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Waiting until you get to eat again:

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When restricting makes you exhausted: