The Ever Present Battle With Self @theeverpresentbattlewithself - Tumblr Blog

Update

I'm 192 lbs and I have been talking about it constantly while working out and meal prepping etc for the past few weeks and tonight my mother makes the comment "You sound like you're obsessed, talking about it every day." Well gee mom I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Gtfoh man I will save my comments regarding my health journey since you're tired of hearing them. I've literally gained 20 lbs in 4 months. I am f*cking obsessed. 🙄

Back to Square -10

Today I got on the scale after a session with my personal trainer and I am 191 lbs. I can't believe it. This is the biggest I have ever been in my life. I took a break from my personal trainer a couple months back because I couldn't afford it but when I started with him in August, I weighed 178. To start again 13 lbs heavier...humiliating. I cried in my car and later decided not to feel bad for myself and just make the decision to work hard and change my poor habits.

Plus a few days ago I had a dream I was thin. And I mean smaller than I have ever been post high school graduation. In my experience, dreams are significant and mean something. Perhaps this horrifying realization that I am much bigger than I ever have been will be the catalyst for permanent change. One can only hope. In Jesus' name!

Be encouraged yall! I'll be posting more regularly now.

#weight loss #weight gain

hungryforsuccess101

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quotes law of attraction focused humble 💪 grind

wingkink

Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

wingkink

Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t

Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together

Me:

Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.

Me:

Me: what

cyanoticfallacy-deactivated2018

Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.

steeleye1

This is where I get on my soap box and say: there’s no such thing as common sense, it’s all learned behavior. Therapists are great teachers.

phloxy-foxxy-deactivated2022062

If you find a good one

I've made five daily goals

Be in bed by 1230AM

Don't eat junk food

Exercise for 30 minutes

Creative write

Drink a half gallon of water daily

Can't sleep

Have a lot on my mind...

Thinking of graduate school and my future.

Will I get into the second program I applied to?

Will I get any funding?

Does God intend for this to happen?

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD?!

#grad school #change #awake

a-virtuous-woman-blog

theeverpresentbattlewithself

Living this right now 😊

What I Ate Today

Two Outshine frozen fruit bars

A bag of organic popcorn

Some whole wheat pasta with organic sauce

Triscuits with hummus

Brown rice and black beans with salsa

A giant honeycrisp apple

I am so damn irritated right now. I want to eat meat and carbs and candy and I cannot. I am doing a modified Daniel Diet until March and I am pissed because I am only two days in and every moment am dismissing thoughts of giving up and putting it off until later.

I have to stay strong but LORD JESUS the flesh is weak and its hungry for whatever it wants!!!!!!!

I need to discover something that makes me feel as good as food does smh. That just sounds so sad doesnt it? UGH!!!

fitnessfor-me

Today I was given the gift of the Holy Spirit 😊

God continues to work on me.

I am blessed.

Yesterday I finished the whole Barre class! I am so proud of myself 😊 No trips to the bathroom or sitting out. And I am about 160lbs now which is 10lbs from my goal weight for my trip to Europe in November. I don't think I'll get there or it would be healthy to lose that much in four weeks but I will be happy if I can get down to 155lbs by November 12th. Pictures to come soon!

#weight loss #barre class #progress

77zcr-deactivated20240609

well i’ll be damned

kaiiwooo-deactivated20180323

welp

thelovelybones124-deactivated20

SHE DID THAT !

taurusgodmother

IF YOURE NOT GOING THIS HARD FOR BLACK WOMEN YOU ARE NOT AN ALLY

slayyytoven-deactivated20200920

gl3nblu3z-deactivated20210301

Jeeze man. Imagine if the whole world thought this way.

frenchinhalechanelxoxo

Okayy sis yassss 👏🏾👏🏾😩

theeverpresentbattlewithself

She invited to the cookout

Looked at my body under really good light in the mirror tonight and really didn't like what I saw. I almost allowed my thoughts to turn to negativity and disappointment and then I remembered this time last year I was heavier. I am a work in progress and "progress" is where I choose to focus. I am planning to get down to 150 lbs by November 12th by the grace of God. Currently at 165lbs. Did Barre yesterday and walked my 10,000 steps today before church. I need to amp up workouts but nutrition has been good. Also need to improve water intake.

Don't get discouraged peeps! Keep it up!

#weight loss #one day at a time #one pound at a time

First Barre Class

Alright guys. So this morning I had my first Barre class. Never done it before. Was def intimidated after watching videos and speaking to friends who had tried it.

Let. Me. Tell. You.

I walked into the bathroom about 20 minutes into the workout and sat on the floor because I felt dizzy and couldn't breathe well. It was a really unique feeling. It wasn't a cardio out of breath. It was more of a can't orient myself to breathe no matter what. I went from sitting to laying down on that bathroom floor. I'm not a germaphobe but I'm darn close and I didn't even care. I lay there praying to God for strength to get up and finish (no exaggeration). I went back but still couldn't do all the reps for each exercise. Still sore. I am going back to get my money's worth but I can't imagine doing this long term. I am expecting awesome results.

Barre is literally worse than cardio which means it must be just as effective lol

#fitness #barre class #first time #weight loss