🌷The Garden Inside Me💭

🌷 where feelings bloom quietly between words 💭📖

[thegardeninsideme]

are you a writer or a poet?

tell me about heartbreak💔

without ever saying heartbreak💔

[thegardeninsideme]

✨I still have faith✨

It’s been months,

and you are still the first thought

when I wake up

and when I fall asleep,

when I get sad or happy,

when I feel lonely,

or when something exciting happens,

or something hard.

Will it always be like this?

Me writing

and thinking

and imagining

and hoping—

will we ever go back

to being friends?

Because I really need us to.

I still have faith.

I will always have faith.

And I’ll be here

when you’re ready to come back,

just like I promised.

— 🌷The Garden Inside Me 💭

for anyone still holding on — still believing love might find its way back. 💭

do you think some connections are meant to return, no matter how long it takes? 🌷

[thegardeninsideme]

How I long to hear your voice🌙

Oh, how I long to hear your voice.

To hear that beautiful laugh of yours —

the one that made me forget

there was anything in the world

but the moment we were in.

The one that made me laugh so hard

we’d end up crying on the floor.

Oh, how I long to hear your voice

telling me it will all be alright,

that we’ll find our way back to each other,

that you still love me —

even if it’s hard to come back.

Oh, how I long to hear your voice,

even in a dream,

even as a thought.

Oh, how I long to hear your voice.

🌷 — The Garden Inside Me

Do you think some connections are meant to return, or only to be remembered? 🕊️

[thegardeninsideme]

💐One Day

All I want is one day

Where I’m free.

Free of myself, my expectations,

Free of responsibility.

Free of “I should feel this” and “I should do that,”

Free of “I’m late,” “I’m not doing enough,”

Free of “I have more to give—

Why am I not going full strength?

Why am I lazy?”

Free of judgment—

From myself and from others.

Free from “Should I say that?”

“Should I sit like this?”

“Should I really eat that?”

“I didn’t eat well today.”

“I ate bad food.”

“I didn’t go to the gym.”

“I’m such a failure.”

Free from

“Why am I missing this and not that?”

“Why am I feeling this and not that?”

“Should I really feel this way?”

“I should’ve gotten over this by now.”

“No one likes a crybaby.”

“No one likes a girl who doesn’t cry.”

“I just need a diagnosis to make sense of it all—”

“But what if there is no diagnosis?

What if this is just life,

And everyone feels this,

And I’m just not as strong as they are?”

One day—

Where everyone gets along.

Where I can be alone,

Without the guilt of leaving people behind.

A day where I just sit—

Without thinking, without feeling.

A day where I freeze time

In a peaceful moment.

Just one day.

Maybe it could fill me back up.

Maybe I’ll be the little happy girl I once was again.

Maybe I’ll stop feeling like I’m dramatic,

Like I make everything harder and heavier than it has to be.

Just one day—

Where I can be free.

🌷_The Garden Inside Me_💭

For everyone who’s tired of holding it all together — I hope you get your “one day” soon. 💐 How would you spend yours, if you got it?

[inkcobwebs]

𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚢? 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝?

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧˚

[thegardeninsideme]

Strong 🍃

(by me)

I always cried behind doors

when no one was watching.

I put on a smile

when I had to be strong —

because if I didn’t,

everything would fall apart.

I was strong for my siblings.

I was strong in front of my father.

Because I didn’t want him to know

that he hurt me.

I didn’t want him to feel bad —

even if he never really cared.

Even if he never saw

how hard he made me struggle,

how much I fought

to believe in him.

Until he gave me every reason

to stop.

And what hurts more?

Sometimes I still feel guilty.

Like maybe —

if I had fought longer,

fought harder —

he would’ve changed.

He would’ve cared.

I tried making myself good enough

for him to care.

I tried making my siblings good enough

so maybe then he’d care.

But he never did.

He had a way

of always making us —

making me —

feel like I had to do more.

Do better.

Always better.

🌷 — The Garden Inside Me 💭

For every daughter who had to become strong because her father wasn’t.

I see you. I am you. 🌷

[thegardeninsideme]

A Love That Still Prays

(from my words, for my heart)

I promised myself

I would never regret it—

because I know how good it felt

to love her,

and be loved by her.

Even now,

in the depths of pain,

I don’t regret.

If I could go back,

knowing I would be here,

I would still love her so hard.

Some things I’d do differently,

but I wouldn’t change most of everything.

But I lost so much of myself

when I let myself get that attached.

A piece of me died—

and she is still dying,

wailing and scratching

deep in my heart,

leaving scars

that will never be the same again.

Still,

I don’t want to stop loving.

That part of me is too big to cut off.

So I teach it control.

I train myself.

Not finding, not losing—

but becoming.

She is always with me.

In every thought,

in every prayer.

Even in silence.

Even in pretending

I’m not shattered.

No one needs to know—

Allah knows.

And I do.

And I breathe,

and force myself

to be satisfied with this.

This pain feels beautiful,

like a butterfly with a broken wing

that is resting,

waiting to heal.

Like a flower bleeding.

Like being cold

in the middle of winter—

but your insides are full,

so you’re warm anyway.

I don’t let anyone see

how much this changed me.

How her name still

shatters my heart.

Again.

And again.

Each time

making the pain new.

Maybe she felt betrayed.

Maybe she despised me.

Maybe she saved that pin

for her dad.

Maybe everything I said

actually mattered.

Maybe she had to stop loving me

because it was too hard to love me.

But I still pray for her.

I still hope

she’ll grow up

and forgive him.

I still wish

she could feel grateful

for the same man

who saved me.

And even if her strength

is no longer me—

I am here,

praying from afar,

believing my prayers

are reaching her.

Because no one meant

to hurt anyone.

And Allah—

He wanted it to be this way.

And He is the Most Wise.

And He is Just.

And He will make it

better.

Eventually.

🌷 — The Garden Inside Me 💭

for my best friend — a love that changed, but never ended. not lost. just quiet. not gone. just distant. still my best friend. always will be. 💌

[thegardeninsideme]

Letters You'll Never See🌿

A poem from the quiet part of my heart

I don't know if these letters are for you or for the part of me that still hopes. I write them in silence, save them in places you'll never see— but maybe, maybe you'll find them in a dream.

Not the kind that hurts— not revenge, not sorrow— but the kind where you're still you, and I'm still safe just being near you.

In the beginning, when my heart was torn from my chest every second of every day, when breathing felt like falling, and every fall led to a deeper pit—

I used to hope you'd see me crying in your sleep. Not to make you ache—walahii, never that— I just thought if you saw my tears, maybe you'd come back.

Because I loved you that much. I still do. I always will.

— 🌷The Garden Inside Me💭