The Beast of Shackington

ummmm… did anyone else hear that big boom ?? it shook my cave

d-did you not get the psa ???

shackingtonworms

justice for womrs

#i guess i should have seen this one coming #shackington

oh god, this has to do with the jungle juice incident doesn’t it ??

ummmm... did anyone else hear that big boom ?? it shook my cave

#should i be concerned ??#shackington

ummm mr grimbly sir...how serious is your relationship with the mayor

listen, i don’t know what he’s been telling you but if he thinks i’m going to sugartit, kentucky with him he’s got a new thing comin’ - i was just looking for something causal, but that man is a basket of nuts and bolts if i’ve ever seen one

anyway, i’m single if that’s what you’re asking ;)

#word to the wise #don’t try to hook up with mayors #it’s not worth the political perks #shackington

So the Wi-Fi in Shackington has just….been out ?

Feels like a strategic move if you ask me

uhhhh that was not me nope !! i don’t steal wifi idk what you’re even talking about

YOU’VE FREED ME MY LOVE, I OW YOU MY LIFE !!

WAIT, HOW DID THE MAYOR GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT ??????? THE PADLOCK COULD ONLY BEEN OPENED FROM MY PHONE

MR MAYOR GET BACK HERE, WE CAN’T HAVE A REPEAT OF THE WIG FIASCO

yeah i uhhhhhhh definitely didn’t cut the wifi at all

that definitely wouldn’t disable any digital padlocks

aha this is so weird aha

This is worse than my original theory honestly

HELLO CITIZEN

I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM THAT TIME IN MY ASSISTANT’S BASEMENT

I’VE REALIZED SO MANY DREAMS, THE LIFE I’VE ALWAYS WANTED

THE GRIMBLY AND I ARE GOING TO SUGARTIT, KENTUCKY SO WE CAN CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE AND THEN WE WILL GOVERN SHACKINGTON TOGETHER

whoa whoa whoa hold on, we never discussed this ??? you were just supposed to get the Moms Against Grimbly Activity off my back if i freed you, i’m not going anywhere called sugartit o_O

Oh thank god so this isn’t true? You aren’t actually dating this wacko?

#what ? who said that #i didn't cut the wifi #shackington

listen man, i was just down to fool around with a politician, i know nothing about consummation, ok ??? i just know how to sneak in through people’s windows and cut the wifi

that’s off the record, btw

So the Wi-Fi in Shackington has just….been out ?

Feels like a strategic move if you ask me

uhhhh that was not me nope !! i don’t steal wifi idk what you’re even talking about

YOU’VE FREED ME MY LOVE, I OW YOU MY LIFE !!

WAIT, HOW DID THE MAYOR GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT ??????? THE PADLOCK COULD ONLY BEEN OPENED FROM MY PHONE

MR MAYOR GET BACK HERE, WE CAN’T HAVE A REPEAT OF THE WIG FIASCO

yeah i uhhhhhhh definitely didn’t cut the wifi at all

that definitely wouldn’t disable any digital padlocks

aha this is so weird aha

This is worse than my original theory honestly

HELLO CITIZEN

I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM THAT TIME IN MY ASSISTANT’S BASEMENT

I’VE REALIZED SO MANY DREAMS, THE LIFE I’VE ALWAYS WANTED

THE GRIMBLY AND I ARE GOING TO SUGARTIT, KENTUCKY SO WE CAN CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE AND THEN WE WILL GOVERN SHACKINGTON TOGETHER

#this is what i get for dealing with the mayor i guess #the wig thing should have been a red flag in hind sight #i might lay low for a bit until this blows over #shackington

whoa whoa whoa hold on, we never discussed this ??? you were just supposed to get the Moms Against Grimbly Activity off my back if i freed you, i’m not going anywhere called sugartit o_O

So the Wi-Fi in Shackington has just….been out ?

Feels like a strategic move if you ask me

uhhhh that was not me nope !! i don’t steal wifi idk what you’re even talking about

YOU’VE FREED ME MY LOVE, I OW YOU MY LIFE !!

WAIT, HOW DID THE MAYOR GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT ??????? THE PADLOCK COULD ONLY BEEN OPENED FROM MY PHONE

MR MAYOR GET BACK HERE, WE CAN’T HAVE A REPEAT OF THE WIG FIASCO

#i'm innocent ok #i've already got a reputation #shackington

yeah i uhhhhhhh definitely didn’t cut the wifi at all

that definitely wouldn’t disable any digital padlocks

aha this is so weird aha

So the Wi-Fi in Shackington has just….been out ?

Feels like a strategic move if you ask me

#don't tell Moms Against Grimbly Activity #their wifi is fine so they don't need to get involved #shackington

uhhhh that was not me nope !! i don’t steal wifi idk what you’re even talking about

quackipee

fun fact! shackington has stringy wood (: it reminds me of doll hair

that’s how we make our wigs – shackington would be nothing without our prolific wig market ^_^

My Dearest Assistant,

WJHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY WIG COLLECTION ???? YOU TRIED TO HIDE IT IN THE TAGS, BUT I SEE ALL !!!!!

xoxo,

The Mayor

#this is so fucked up #i thought we had something #shackington

uhhhhhh you have a wig collection ??? you know i’m allergic – that’s why MAGA (moms against grimbly activity) wears wigs... i think we need to talk :/

Dearest Shackingtonians,

I would like to sincerely apologize for the post you just saw. I made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement. I don’t have a thing for milking cows, I just have a thing for the Grimbly. Thank you.

xoxo,

The Mayor

The thing I find most worrying about this post is that you put “milk” in your “jungle juice”

#THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR WHEN I STARTED FLIRTING WITH THE MAYOR #OH GOD #MY MILK #shackington

WELL CAN SOMEONE COME GET A HOLD OF HIM BECAUSE HE’S OUTSIDE MY CAVE WITH A PITCHER OF JUNGLE JUICE AND HE’S ASKING FOR MY TEATS !!!!!!! HELP

about to go walk around in the dirt for a bit - give the worms a treat, ya know? i’m a good samaritan like that

#they call me the beast of shackington but that doesn’t mean i can’t be kind #the worms love me and i love them right back #shackington

Yo whose Wi-Fi is @thegrimbly using? 🤨 better not be mine unless you’re gonna pay my bills 🙄

#i need to respond to the mayor’s horny posts ok ??#don’t blame me for this #shackington

listen, the service in my cave SUCKS and i am not above crouching in your bushes for a good connection

Good evening, Shackingtonians !!

Does anyone else have... sensual dreams about the Grimbly ?? Asking for a friend.

xoxo,

The Mayor