Itโs been an amazing few years filled with turmoil, heartbreak, love, fascination, drama, excitement, new ideas both good and bad, and so much more. Now as I look back at this blog which has served as a reminder of who I once was, I notice so many similarities to who I am today.ย
Itโs almost as if I was one way, added things by being influenced by others, and then stripped them back and now have returned to my true self.ย
You see, there was a time when I would write poetry to a girl who wasnโt mine but I wanted her to be mine. There was a time when she consumed my thoughts and the smell of her walking past my college window was enough to make my heart flutter. For years all I wanted was her. But then something changed. I got her.ย
Finally I earned her and once I had her I shifted my focus inward. See, in my head I saw that I had achieved something. Now I had her so that was the end. I didn't need to do much to maintain it. I loved her and thatโs all there was to it.ย
But still, days turned into months and months turned into a year of us being together amongst fighting and arguments due to differences in how we saw situations. Now I sit here again, looking at the same MacBook Pro that I started this blog with longing to be with that same girl.ย
Sure, this blog was originally written to pass the time between seeing my ex-girlfrined. Sure, I started it when I was a mere 19 years old. But the thing that never changed was my Star. She shines brighter than any light, dazzling in the night sky that consumed me.ย
The difference is now that star burns brighter. She learned to be strong and because of that she has pushed me away as to learn how to be on her own. That may hurt worse than anything Iโve ever had to endure - and Iโve endured a lot.ย
Itโs of no matter now to her that this old owl is ruffling his feathers again. She does not understand how I feel for her, that it isnโt just because she left. Itโs not something driven by loss or heartache. This is a feeling I have always had, just not one that I knew I should express. Immature maybe, but nevertheless how I feel.ย
One day I hope she finds her love for the eyes that keep watch in the night. That she may accept my request ofย โone last chance to never let her feel anything less than loved.โย
Star, if youโre hurting, let me be your nurse. Give us the opportunity to heal and I promise you Iโll never let this happen again.ย
titsay
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
gummygunk
