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@thejadeddoula
Client: I need to cancel our appointment for today. [Baby] is doing much better.
Me: Ok, that is fine. Let me know if you need anything else.
[24 hours later]
Client: Oh hey can I send you a video of what he's doing while breastfeeding and get your advice?
Me: That kind of thing is better to address in person, but my fee for Skype appointments is [fee].
Client: Wait, you'd charge for something like that??
CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
A thread on Ina May’s Facebook page under a photo that featured a baby with a VERY shallow latch.
Yes, by all means, “baby knows best.” Just let them nom off the tips of your nips and make absolutely 0 milk transfer. That’s going to go well for you.
Tub Manager
Email: Hello! My husband and I are planning a water birth and need a tub manager. I was told in [hospital's water birth class] that I could hire a doula who rents tubs to just do the tub setup and break-down part. What do you charge for this service?
Me: Hi there, thanks for contacting me. I do provide water birth tubs to my clients for [tub rental fee]. I would be happy to chat with you about setting up and breaking down at the time of birth. My fee for such a service would be [my normal birth fee].
Email: I'm sorry but I am confused. We don't want a doula, just a tub manager. What would it cost us to just have you do the tub part?
Me: [my normal birth fee] plus [tub rental fee].
Email: You charge the same no matter how much or how little you're doing?
Me: I charge a flat fee for assisting folks during labor, yes. I do not charge extra for very long labors, nor do I give discounts for rapid births. I do not charge extra if someone's partner does nothing to support them, and I do not give discounts if the partner does most of everything. You have contacted a doula and asked for assistance with your birth. The kind of assistance I provide always varies depending on the family I'm working for.
Email [I was surprised to hear back at this point]: But I'm not asking you to be my doula, I'm just asking you to be my tub manager. [I realize that, since we're still talking, she's having a hard time finding anyone else to do this crap for her]
Me: Yes, but regardless of what I'm doing for you, the time commitment is going to remain largely the same. I'm going to have to be on call for you 24/7 starting at your 38th week, making sure my schedule is clear and that I can get out of my other job at a moment's notice to come assist you. I'm also not going to be taking other clients around your due date to ensure availability of myself and my birthing tub. I will have to join you at some point early in your labor to set it up, and will need to be free to come empty and pack up the tub within an hour after your baby is born. The time commitment alone is valuable. Just because you won't be getting prenatal visits or support during your labor doesn't mean you get a discount.
[haven't heard back]
I went to see a mother day of discharge. She was having some issues latching the baby and I really wanted her to feel confident before we sent her home. When I entered the room, the baby was popping on and off the breast and becoming frustrated.
"Can I show you a couple things to help her stay...
All of this.
And this one.
My girlfriend did a thing.
I present to you: Anti-Vax FDR.
"Are you certified to attend water births?"
ARE YOU CERTIFIED TO FILL UP YOUR DAMN BATHTUB MOTHERFUCKER
My conception.
I've attended this birth.
screencap from my hospital orientation....
Every. Single. Time.
Internet: [article on the numerous benefits of breastfeeding]
Mob: NOT EVERYONE CAN BREASTFEED STOP SHAMING PARENTS WHO FEED WITH FORMULA!!!!
(These are two very different conversations, folks.)
Source
Credit: Maki Naro
this actually happened.
Nervous Grandma-to-Be: "I just don't like that she doesn't even have a doctor."
Me: "Nurse-midwives are more than qualified to care for women in normal and even more complex labors."
Grandma-to-Be: "Well it's just that in childbirth, things can go downhill so quickly."
Me: "Occasionally, but we're in a hospital full of doctors in case that happens."
Grandma-to-Be: "But the midwife is not a doctor, how will she know things are going downhill???"
Me:
When do you start counting weeks of a pregnancy? Is it from your last period or when you believe you conceived? I've heard varying things on this, as well as varying things on when "full term" is... 36 weeks? 40 weeks? Can you please clarify this for me? Thanks for all you do! Your blog is great!
There are two different ways to measure fetal age in early pregnancy. When talking specifically about fetal development, one might talk about “days since conception,” which literally means, for example, this fetus has existed for 45 days. However, this is only used in very few, very specific situations, because it’s very uncommon to actually know what day a fetus was conceived. Even if you only had sex once on July 10th, the semen could have met the egg on July 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, or even 14th, and there’s no real way of knowing when that happened.
Because of that, we use the Estimated Gestational Age (EGA) which is measured from the first day of the last menstrual period. That means that by the time you conceive you’re technically actually 2 weeks pregnant. From the first day of the last menstrual period we measure pregnancy to be 280 days long, which works out to 40 weeks. Even so, the average first full-term pregnancy goes 7 days passed 280 days, and the average second full-term pregnancy goes 3 days passed.
When we calculate a due date we essentially count 280 days from the first day of your last menstrual period. We say that a healthy baby can be born anywhere from 38-40 weeks. Here are the new guidelines:
Up to 36wks 6 days "preterm"
37wks to 38wks and 6 days "early term"
39wks to 40wks and 6 days "full term"
41wks to 41wks 6 days "late term"
42+ "postmature"
I'm sorry, " We say that a healthy baby can be born anywhere from 38-40 weeks"? Don't you mean anywhere from 37-42?
When your client starts making grunty noises after 2 hours of transition-like contractions
After you spend all night giving counter-pressure and hip squeezing
"I read that you can change your Rh factor with diet, so you don't really need the Rhogam shot."
