Redeemed | Restored | Living by Grace.

My name is Kim Kim and I'd love to connect with you. Thanks for being a part of this journey!

[thekimkimandrews]

When Failure Becomes a Necessity.

I’ve always prided myself in being resilient. I don’t generally get stressed out very easily and at times when work gets overwhelming, I usually manage to get things together and on time and being a slight perfectionist, the end product is generally pretty good. I’ve also always prided myself in not always needing to ask for help (I like challenges and love trying to figure stuff out on my own...aside from homework that involves math or biology). Oh and I also hate failing. 

However, this week (maybe year in some ways) has been possibly the most challenging one I’ve had yet. With huge papers due, exams, work and other obstacles this week has had me puffing and panting (figuratively of course- I don’t just run for fun pfft. lol) 

With one deadline after another and with my sleep schedule being the roller coaster that it is (I need my naps to function well), I’ve been tried spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally all at once. If this is what stress feels like, I think I’ll pass. 

But there comes a point, where simply taking a nap doesn’t cut it anymore. I was tired in more ways than napping could help. I was tired spiritually more than anything else and I’ve realized that stress tends to drain my spiritual life more. And this began to affect everything else.

I’ve realized that there are those moments, where you just can’t do it anymore and you just have to give in- throw in the towel, as some call it. But for the longest time, I refused to give up. “I can do this. I’ve got this. I’ve always been able to do this. This is adulting and being stressed means I’m doing it right” I would think to myself. 

But you see, the problem didn’t lie in my determination to succeed or to overcome an obstacle. The problem was in the fact that I thought I could do it all on my own. Yes, I love Jesus and I know He loves me (something I will never be able to grasp), but in times of stress, I fail to realize that this awesome and powerful God of mine, sees the end of the roller coaster. 

Instead of going to Him, the one who laid out all my steps before me and asking Him for help, I began to find other things to keep me going, like watching TV shows or spending unnecessary amounts of time on the internet. I would call this time ‘relaxing’ when it’s really a form of escape from everything else. But why was I not escaping to Him?

I spent so much time depending on myself, that I forgot that there’s actually someone who wants me to depend on Him. I would never have realized this, if I wasn’t failing in things right now- because finally failing has caused me to realize that I am not strong enough on my own and that I probably never will be. Failure became a necessity because I was depending too much on my own success. I need God to walk me through it all and that’s where I’m learning to find my comfort. The more I turn to Him, the smaller my problems seem- it’s like magic! It's through my failures that I'm beginning to see God's strength. 

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” - Psalm 55:22

So now, back to studying for my biology exam I go. “End Procrastination”...said nobody ever. 

[thekimkimandrews]

Playing The Blame Game || I O U

Not too long ago, I found myself asking God why I couldn’t hear Him. Not even a tiny whisper. I would pray loud and clear but then I would still hear nothing. God seemed to have forgotten me. Or so it seemed. 

Anytime anything would go wrong in my life, seemed to be when I would turn to God the most. “I’d really like if you gave me this” or “Could you please answer this request?” and the worst one of all being, “I’ll do all that you want me to do, if you just answer this one thing”. Then I would get frustrated and upset when God didn’t answer me, especially if I seemed to be living my life the right way. 

“I’m doing everything right. Why can’t you just give me the one thing I want?” I would pray, a little angry at God sometimes. Or even, “I’ve been faithful, why haven’t you come to my rescue yet?”

Sound familiar?

But as I continued to wallow in my self pity, all the while blaming God for everything that I didn’t have or everything that I had lost, it hit me. HARD. 

God owes me NOTHING.

I struggled to grasp the idea at first. What did that mean? What was the point of staying faithful, if I was not going to get anything in return? My selfish mind was not ready to accept the fact that my faith wasn’t about some IOU between God and I.  Then I realized. And when I did, my heart felt a rush of adrenaline and excitement and they came in the form of water in my eyes as I gasped about what I had just recognized.  You see, God owes me nothing, because He’s already done everything. He sent His ONLY son to DIE on the cross for ME. A death that was painful and so so ugly. One that was meant for the worst kinds of criminals, and nobody had to bear it innocently, but Jesus. Then something even greater happened: Jesus ROSE again and DEFEATED sin, something that I was a SLAVE to.  Let’s allow that to sink in some.  I was set free, not of my own accord, but because God loves me enough to give me a second chance. And then something else hit me, that made the water in my eyes seem to roll faster down my cheeks: EVERYTHING that God has ever done and continues to do for me, is out of HIS GRACE and GOODNESS and has NOTHING to do with my faithfulness. Who’s faithful now? HE is. Always has been.  So you see, God owes me Nothing, because He already did Everything. It’s a hard pill to swallow, cause it puts my faithfulness into perspective, and man, is that sight embarrassing. But what a beautiful reminder. I have EVERYTHING because God took the punishment. I’m set free and for that, my heart is going to sing loud and clear this easter, because no matter what trials I face and no matter how hard I fall, GRACE has been given freely to me, and all I’ve got to do is ask and receive. 

_______________________________________________________________________

“It's Your grace From beginning to the end It's Your grace We will never comprehend Why You drew the ones who ran from You What can we do but offer You praise?” -Sovereign Grace Music, It’s Your Grace.

[thekimkimandrews]

Where is my Culture? || Learning to Belong

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!” ― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

As an international student, I’ve realized that a lot of times it’s tempting to play off doing something wrong or not knowing something by blaming it on my culture. “It’s so common back home” is such an easy line to use to justify an action. Nobody is really going to know whether that’s the truth or not anyway. India is so culturally diverse that it’s hard to really explain it as being one culture and having grown up with parents who were both from India but completely different cultures, blaming my homeland for the way in which I behave would be ‘easy peasy’. 

Recently I was sitting at a meeting that talked about racial minorities and micro aggression. and I realized that I’m not only a minority here at my university, but I’m also a minority back home, in India. Mom is from the northeast and dad is from the south, so the fact that they are even married is a pretty rare thing (people from the northeast and the rest of India do not generally mix). This in itself makes me a minority. Furthermore, I look more like my mother whose ancestors were from China and so I have more oriental features, while my dad looks like the stereotypical Indian man. 

The fact that my mom and I look more stereotypically asian - yellow skin, flat noses and slanted eyes, sets us apart from many Indians back home, many of whom don’t even consider us to be one of them. I remember people in elementary and middle school who would call me, ‘Chinese’, ‘Japanese’ and ‘Korean’, and I would try to desperately explain to them that I was just like one of them- “I’m Indian too!” I would reply, but the fact that everyone else had darker skin, wider eyes and more defined noses, asking them to believe me, was asking for a lot.

As I continued to think about all of this, I realized that I will always be a minority wherever I go in this world. This realization in some ways made me feel incredibly small. Do I even fit in anywhere? Can I? Where do I belong?

It was then that it hit me- a small voice in my head that reminded me of not just where I belong but to whom I belong.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that I did belong somewhere-in the kingdom of Christ and that He came down all the way to this earth to die on a cross simply so that I could belong! 

The body of Christ was now where I belonged and what a great culture to belong to! I began to think about all the times I’ve blamed something on my culture- “We do this back in India, it’s my culture!” but does that make it right?

As believers, we’ve become part of a new culture. The culture on this earth that we ‘belong to’ is no longer a culture that we base our standards off of- we, as children of God are called to higher standards. Our earthly cultures will continue to fail because their rules were made by man, who is tainted by sin and in need of redemption.

When we’ve become part of God’s culture, we are held to higher standards and we can no longer do bad things and try to justify it with our culture. 

I now know where I belong, and you can belong there too! How amazing is that recognition?!

[thekimkimandrews]

Playing the Blame Game || When Forgiveness Comes Last.

I was recently in a situation that made me mad and upset. I was angry at the people who had hurt me. I remember someone telling me that anger is a secondary emotion and that it’s always sprouted as a result of something else: either hurt, envy or fear. As I began to think to myself, I realized that I was hurt. I had been hurt by people I cared about and that was never a fun feeling. So I became angry instead. 

“I just need to forgive and let go” I would keep saying whenever I vented to my friend about this situation. But when you vent consistently, sometimes forgiving comes harder than you think. I’m a verbal processor and so I like to get things off my chest by talking about it. But I realized that there can be harm and damage done when we talk about the negative aspects in our lives one too many times. 

However, I also realized something else- something far more important. I realized that every time I complained about my current situation, two things happened: I would make myself seem like the victim and I got a whole lot angrier, because I felt a whole lot more hurt.

Sometimes, when we’re in the midst of feeling hurt or attacked, instead of taking a step back and trying to see how we contributed to the problem, it’s much easier for us to play the blame game. We don’t like to take responsibility for our actions and instead we want to find reasons to justify ourselves. We have to be the protagonists in our stories and that means that there can be nothing wrong with us. 

I needed to take a hard look at whether I was trying to be ‘perfect’ in my eyes or in God’s eyes. Because if God had chosen to stay hurt and angry, I don’t think any of us would have stood a chance at gaining forgiveness and grace. 

You see, my walk didn’t seem to match my talk. I would say all these things about forgiving and letting go, but then I would talk about it every chance I got without it actually affecting my life. I guess a part of me was afraid to completely let go and forgive because that meant that I was giving in, and I was being weak. 

But I’ve realized how far from the truth that is. Being able to forgive someone is a real sign of strength. It means that we are willing to take the high road and choose to show love to someone who may not deserve it. Forgiveness in it’s simplest form is love. When we learn to forgive, we can learn to love wholeheartedly because we are now able to put our selfish problems aside and think about others instead.  

We need to learn to let go and let God, and sometimes that means giving up our idea of ‘strong’ or ‘perfect’. There’s an amazing feeling of freedom that comes with forgiving because we have learnt to give up control to God and it’s no longer our problem.Our way is not perfect, but His is and how reassuring is that thought?

My goal from now on, is to learn to forgive and trust that God’s got his hand in everything, even if I can’t see most of it. 

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

[thekimkimandrews]

Flying Sky High, Jetlag and What I learnt from the Stars.

My forehead stayed glued to the airplane window as my wet eyes stared into the night sky, which was lit up with so many stars! No camera could capture that picture (I tried). In that moment, as I sat in my slightly uncomfortable seat, my seatbelt off, I leaned forward to take in this majestic sight. The fact that I hadn’t been able to sleep for a while and that I was flying way, way up above the ground that my feet were so used to walking on, didn’t faze me one bit. For now, I just wanted to reach out and touch one of those beautiful constellations.

I’ve always been a fan of space and it’s mysteries, but that night on the plane was different; for the first time, I wasn’t just looking but also seeing the beauty of the sky and it’s incredible vastness. Overwhelmed and slightly emotional by all of it, I sat at my window wiping away tears from my eyes. I’m not one to generally cry very often, but there I sat, surrounded by so much beauty, that I couldn’t help but allow my eyes to moisten up. 

The fact is, I had been questioning God about life for a long time now and just really battling with my inner self about things that seemed so big to me. I had so many ‘Why’s’ to ask and so many ‘How’s’ and so many more ‘When’s’. I would get so angry with God at times for taking people away from me, allowing death and for shutting doors in my face. Then there were moments I would feel so incredibly alone even though I was surrounded by people. It almost felt as if God had decided to take a break from me. I would cry out to God asking him why He had left me and how I was going to find my way around things and when my prayers would be answered, all the time knowing that God never really had abandoned me. I was the one who was falling away. 

As I sat there in that airplane, my heart was overjoyed in realizing that the same God who had sprinkled such beautiful stars in the night sky was in charge of my life too! the same God who designed all the different shapes and sizes that stars come in, was on my side! I am His child!

My mind was flooded with songs about God’s faithfulness and how His love is so beautiful. I sat there in awe at how in spite of having created all the beauty in the world, from the stars, to the oceans; He still chose to create me. At that very instant, I felt more beautiful than I have ever felt before, in knowing that the creator of something as beautiful as the starry night sky, also created me! How much more I must mean to Him! 

I also noticed how unique each constellation was and yet how significant each of them is and it made me think about how each of us has a unique life to live. We are all called into different things and we’re all given different moments to live out. I know that I’ve struggled with being envious of the moments other people are given without realizing how many great opportunities have been placed right in front of me! Each moment leads up to a bigger picture; a brighter constellation. 

I got to see three falling (shooting) stars! And that was when I really understood why God takes people away from us; Sometimes, God allows stars to fall in order to create something beautiful. Of course losing a loved one will always hurt and there will always be a space in our hearts that seems to have gone missing. But the truth is that, that maker of the whole entire universe allowed that to happen, and if he could make such beauty out of falling balls of fire, then he can definitely make our tragedies into great blessings. 

That plane ride taught me to be patient and to simply find peace in knowing that there will be times when we fall and there will be times when things just don’t seem to be going our way in but spite of it all, if the same God who created the galaxies is on our side, we have nothing to fear. And in that moment, all my problems seemed so incredibly small and my God seemed so awesomely huge and all I could do was smile and let the tears flow out of my eyes, in knowing that while I wait to be a part of His glorious presence one day, my time here is taken care of by someone who loves me more than the stars are beautiful...that’s got to be a LOT of love. 

“I see the work of your hands, galaxies spin in a heavenly dance, oh God, all that you are, is so overwhelming...I delight myself in you, captivated by your beauty, I’m overwhelmed...” [Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave]. 

[thekimkimandrews]

I Am...

[thekimkimandrews]

Hi

Hey?

[thekimkimandrews]

Music, Sex and Disaster | You are What You Listen to.

Growing up, I never really understood why my mother was so adamant about allowing us to listen to only Christian music in the house. I got even more frustrated when she’d lecture me during my early teen years about how I need to be careful of the music I listened to on my own. “Please be careful what you allow yourself to expose your ears to. Not all music out there is good and not everything glorifies God” is what she would say--sometimes I felt like it was on repeat like Rihanna was on my mp3 (yes, mp3’s were still cool…So was Rihanna). I was a grown enough ‘woman’ to know what to do. I didn’t need my mother telling me. What did she know about music anyway? She didn’t know who Katy Perry was; neither had she heard the latest single by Akon or Usher. She had no idea what cool music was…

Having just turned twenty a month ago and having gone through some real “soul-searching” last year, I have to now say what I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever, ever, EVER admit: My mother was right about music. (ßThat sounds weird to even type out!).

It never really occurred to me how important it is to be careful about the music we listen to, until recently, when I was riding in the car with two of my friends and the only stations they would play were the ones that played secular rap songs. Now don’t get me wrong, although rap may not be my first choice, it isn’t something I absolutely mind listening to…I can handle it…to an extent. What bothered me however, was not the style of music but the lyrics. Song after song, the ‘artist’ would rap about sex and drugs and money. What shocked me even more was how downgrading of women these songs were!

I sat in horrified silence as I started paying attention to the lyrics as men sang about having sex with prostitutes and how much of a hooker their ex-girlfriend is or how badly they want to sleep with the girl they just met. If it wasn’t that, it was about how much money they make and how much better they are than everyone else. For many reasons, this really, really bothered me and I began to think of all the other songs that weren’t rap music that I knew or had listened to, that objectified and put down women or sang of materialistic things and was saddened that I was even able to come up with so many. The list was looong!

That sudden moment of realization, with a gazillion things running through my mind, made what was only around half an hour feel like infinity. I slowly understood what my mother had been trying to tell me all these years.

You see, when I listen to music and sing along, there’s a part of me that picks out a situation that relates to the song so that I can sing it better. I think that’s true for the most of us. Listening to music has been proven to affect the way we behave and it can, in some cases even help someone overcome certain anxieties. But what if we can’t relate to the songs we listen to? What happens when we are no longer able to see ourselves in the artist’s shoes?

 A class that I took last semester discussed the impact of music on our culture and one girl put it quite nicely; She said, “When we listen to music that is not about the redemption story, then it is not our story, and so we begin to relate to something that is not ours or about us, it creates a greater amount of confusion within us”. At first, I didn’t really see how that made much sense until I kept thinking about it again and again.

My dad works with an organization called JKPS that helps build homes for girls who are rescued from trafficking. Having heard so many of these girls’ stories and wondering to myself how anybody could be so cruel, it never really registered in my head that the same evil people were a part of our society. The very same society we contribute to as well. Let me break down what I’m trying to say here; everytime we listen to a song that raps about prostitution or having sex, our brains become wired to thinking about exactly that. There are songs that are extremely catchy that stay in our heads for days on stretch and for them to be on repeat in our minds causes them to become a part of something we think of constantly. This is why so many times; we dedicate songs to one another, because we are trying to relay a message. It’s just like watching a movie- by the end of a romantic movie, most of us are dreaming about a perfectly flawless relationship or are thinking about how to coax our significant others to be more like the character in the movie. Or take porn for example- one of our biggest struggles as a society today- the industry makes millions and affects just as many people. We are visual people and so songs pretty much have the same effect on us, whether it is consciously or sub-consciously. 

When we listen to music that sing about sex, drug addictions and the objectification of women, we silently allow the industry to promote this type of behavior among people. It is no secret that many artists are inspired by their own life stories, and so how do you think people are going to behave if they want to relate to an artist who sings about sleeping around with every girl he meets or drinking till his pain is gone? Would you really want yourself or your loved ones to be able to relate to something like that?

Music has a stronger impact than we think it does, and to buy and listen to the kind of music that absolutely looks down on others or only says that you are successful if you have tons of money, means that we are promoting that kind of lifestyle among others. The kind of lifestyle, which states that in order to be cool, you have to be high all the time or have to have slept with a dozen people. By listening to this kind of music, we are silently saying that we agree with that way of living, and if we really think about this, are we really promoting a healthy example of what we want the world to look like? We all affect the society we live in, and to allow ourselves as well as children to listen to this kind of music is also us contributing to society by agreeing with a specific message. Do we really want that message to be about Sex, Drugs and Disasters?

You are the music you listen to, so make yourself a good playlist. 

[thekimkimandrews]

Accepting and Expecting | Coming to a Crossroad

         Recently, I sat down with a friend for dinner and the two of us talked about how our lives have changed over this past year of being in college. We talked about the different ways in which God’s blessed us and the ways in which we see ourselves as having grown in maturity and spirituality. We also talked about things that had not been so great, like the loss of a close friend, or a break up or friendships that seemed to be disintegrating. After about an hour and a half of just talking and sharing our lives with one another, we went back to our own dorms and continued with our evening.

         I began to spend time reflecting on my conversation with this friend and realized that the one thing that didn’t leave my mind was the fact that we had both been through a fair share of conflict with friends. While mine were more in the past (high school), I saw the same things playing out in her life in the present, from what she shared with me. As interesting as it was to see a pattern that was so strangely familiar to me, it also left me feeling almost uncomfortable in a way from the fact that I was still not able to put a finger on why I had ever had problems with my friends in high school in the first place.

         As I continued to listen to my friend talk, it hit me: Expectations. It’s amazing how just one word can have so much meaning entitled to it. I began noticing more and more as I gave my friend advice from my own past experiences (thanks boarding school!), that the biggest problem that had come between my friends and I had been the fact that we had all set expectations for one another and simply thought that the other person knew what was being expected from them. Each person had a separate set of values, which caused everyone to expect different things out of their relationships with others. While some expected a growth in faith, others expected companionship and when this could not be given to each of us, we began to confuse expectance with acceptance.

         You see, many times we do not do a healthy job communicating with people and simply just expect them to know what we want from them and then when they don’t seem to notice our struggle, we become frustrated and our minds for some reason go on over drive and think of every negative situation possible. Instead of taking a look at our expectations that we have of the person and how those expectations may be the reason for conflict, we end up struggling to see the person in a positive light and see them as insensitive towards us. Soon enough we begin to struggle to accept the person for who they are because everything we see is now blurred and we tend to see them in a negative light instead.

         In 1 and 2 Corinthians as well as in the book of Ephesians Paul never fails to talk about the importance of loving people like Christ loves us and I think the best way to do this is to accept people for who they are without allowing expectations to get in the way of our vision. If God always based his love on how many times we live up to his expectations, none of us would know God’s love.

         Fortunately for me, I found a great group of friends towards the end of high school who accepted me for who I was and who were able to separate both expectations and acceptance from one another. Sure, we still had our share of conflicts but we were able to always talk through them. Having that great support system at that time helped me overcome many of my own problems one by one. It also helped me learn to communicate better; not everybody is a mind reader and therefore we need to be able to tell them what we expect from them rather than expecting them to find out for themselves. I’ve also begun to make a more conscious effort to accept everyone for who they are whether they can give me what I need or not. Not everybody is placed in our lives to give us what we need. Instead sometimes, we’re placed in people’s lives to give them what they need and sometimes we have people for a short time in our lives in order to learn something important. Whatever the reason may be for someone being in our lives, we need to make an effort to see them and accept them for who they are. We need to do a little less expecting and a little more accepting.

         “The greatest gift you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance” –Brian Tracy

[thekimkimandrews]

Labels and Categories | The Need for Disorganization

If you had to put yourself into a box that had a label that described you perfectly on it, what would the label on your box say?

 Growing up as a pastor’s daughter, there were many labels that people put me under depending on the situation I had got myself into. I thought maybe that would stop once I got to high school but this idea of labeling people and putting them into specific categories never seems to stop.

There were times I was so fed up of being marked as the “goody two shoes”, that I decided to try everything I possibly dared to and then I got called other things.

For a society of people who have come so far in technology and other things, we seem to still be so stuck on the idea that we can decide what box to put somebody else in. So we judge and judge and judge and judge. We label people, “fat”, “ugly”, “skinny”, “emo”, “stupid”, “over religious”, and the list is never ending.

What’s even worse is the fact that we then act so surprised when somebody takes their lives or even self harms. People keep talking about the need to ask for help, and as much as asking for help is very important, it is also important that we take a good hard look at ourselves and the words we say. Would what we say make people trust us enough to ask us to help them? Are you the kind of person you would be willing to trust?

Being a super talkative person, many times, I forget that conversations are actually a two-way thing and catch myself blabbering on about nonsensical things…like the fact that I am trying to learn to burp all the alphabets. I also realized that sometimes I get awkward in a situation where everyone is silent and I end up saying the weirdest things. I began to notice that a lot of times, people knew all these things about me and I barely got to know them. This realization bothered me so much that I decided I was going to do something about it. I was going to try to make a conscious effort to not talk much in silent situations and to ask a lot of questions when I did get the chance to talk.

 This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever tried to accomplish and my roommates and close friends will probably tell you that I’m not even close to being where I want to be yet. My point however, is that many times, we only ever seem to be so caught up in ourselves that we forget to notice that there are others struggling too. Instead we label them and put them in a box that doesn’t include all the things that they may be going through that make them the way they are.

 When a person is mean to us, we immediately put them in a box labeled, “rude” or “cocky” without even bothering to find out what situation they may be in. We are constantly creating boxes to fit people into without realizing that people aren’t meant to be put into boxes. We were all created unique and different from one another for a reason. We’re not meant to be alike and that’s what makes the world such a creative and fun space.

 I try to be an organized person whenever I can, but I find that my best days are usually the days when my bed is actually made and the floor in my room is visible (Yes mom, you can give yourself a pat on the back). I’ve always wondered why I can’t leave my room without making my bed, and aside from the fact that my mother’s voice saying “sweetie, is your room neat?” is on repeat inside my head, I’ve realized that making my bed makes me feel prepared. I feel like I’ve taken the time to make my room look somewhat presentable and I’m ready to have guests.

 But I’m beginning to realize that the need for organization doesn’t necessarily need to leave our bedrooms with us. I don’t mean that your notebooks should be torn to pieces and your homework all over the place. What I’m trying to say is that many times, as good as organization may be, we need to limit ourselves to not allow it to get into our heads.

 We are a people who always want to know and sometimes that causes us to organize our mindset into categories and cells that we put people we meet into. We are so quick to jump to conclusions about people that we don’t even bother to think about the impression we might be making. Or it could work the other way around and we could miss out on the opportunity to be a friend to someone.

 When was the last time you actually stopped and really listened to what someone was saying? Sometimes we need to realize that it’s okay to have our beds messy and that not everything needs to be organized in order to find things. Sometimes we find our bestest friends in the midst of the most chaotic, unorganized happenings. It’s okay to not have everyone labeled, there’s a certain kind of fun that comes with not knowing. So let’s all try to be a little more disorganized in our judgment of people and a little more aware of what happens around us.

 “There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.” 

― Dave Barry

[thekimkimandrews]

If your Eyes Travelled on People

If your eyes could travel, not to places but on people, and they could see the world for what it’s worth…to you; would they see judgment and condemnation or beauty and truth? Would they feel a sense of freedom or be confined to a cage? Would they see the world for what it really is or as just pictures on a page?

If your eyes could travel, not to places but on people, and they could see the world for what it’s worth…to you; would they feel a sense of responsibility to help this dying race, or would they spend their lives out on a couch complaining about the latest zit on their face? Would they read a book and feel it from the heart or would they just overlook emotion like it was never there from the start?

If your eyes could travel, not to places but on people, and they could see the world for what it’s worth…to you; would they be willing to learn and live and grow or would they rather just do everything really, really, really slow?  Would they see beauty in the eyes of others or would they talk smack about their brothers?

If your eyes could travel, not to places but on people, and they could see the world for what it’s worth…to you; would they want to pray for their neighbors or would they rather stay bitter against their savior?

If your eyes could speak to a world of people blind, would they paint a life worth wanting to see? 

[thekimkimandrews]

yeah

yeah yeah

[thekimkimandrews]

Dear Friend,

Sometimes, life will throw you melons…or even bricks. It will carry you up and throw you down and at other times you might even feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of insecurities and hate. There will be times when you can trust nobody and times when all you want to do is cry in bed all night or just give up on everything in general. And in those times, giving up may seem like the easiest thing to do. You will probably have your heart broken a couple of times and there may be times when you will feel completely invisible to the world around you. And in those times, you might feel like you don’t have a purpose any longer. But just hold on.

The wonderful thing about life is that it also has its lovely moments of surprising us. There will be days when you’re so happy that you feel like you could burst! There will be times when you feel so special and so loved by someone that you have to pinch yourself a gazillion times just to be sure it’s real. There will be moments when life throws you promotions and introduces you to all the right people in all the right ways. You will see things and come to know things for their beauty and you will experience all this in a very real way and it will feel wonderful!

But let me tell you this, no matter how sad you are, or how happy you are, never ever give anybody a reason to disrespect you. People will always say what they want to say and there will always be those who try to destroy you even when you might feel invincible. But NEVER EVER allow anybody to make you feel small. I know that you will have times when you question yourself and our brains have a horrible way of being able to make us think the worst of ourselves. It’s amazing how much we can hurt our hearts just by the things we allow ourselves to think about.

         There are no two things more beautiful about a person than self-respect and confidence. Always leave room in that big heart of yours to allow people who love you to enter but also harden your soft heart enough to be able to push those who hurt you out of your life. It will always be hard at first and there will be times when you’re just not in the mood for conflict. In those times, just remind yourself of how you deserve love and if the people around you cannot give you that, they don’t deserve to be around somebody as beautiful as you.

         If you are not willing to respect yourself, you cannot expect anybody else to respect you either. The way you treat yourself is the way the world will treat you and if you allow yourself to see the worst that is in you, then that is exactly what the world will see you as – the worst version of yourself. I cannot agree more when they say that the eyes are a mirror to the soul, because if you cannot see yourself for the beauty that you are made up of, then nobody can because your eyes will always reflect what you think of yourself. Do not allow people to trample over you because that is exactly what many people will try to do and once you give them even a tiny amount of room to give you grief, they will grab the opportunity to hurt you. In situations like those, always stand up for yourself and for others. Never be afraid to take a stand for what you believe in, because what you believe in is what makes you who you are. To allow somebody to criticize you for behaving or thinking differently is the same as allowing them to tell you that you are not significant.

There is nothing further from the truth than believing that you’re not significant. If every grain of sand were to think that it was useless, we would probably never have such beautiful beaches. Of course at times you may feel as small as a grain of sand, but always know that you play a very important role in a much bigger picture – a much more beautiful picture that would not be the same without you in it. Never allow anybody to try to change you. As soon as you feel like somebody is trying to make you who you are not, run the other direction because people who truly love you will accept you for who you are- the rest only want to see reflections of themselves. However, always be open to constructive criticism even if it may sometimes hurt because there will always be place for you to improve. We are imperfect beings created by a perfect God and so we will always have areas in which we can be better. Always respect others in the same way that you wish to be respected.

Never make excuses for anything. Always own up to doing wrong and always grab opportunities. You never know when they may come around again. Never give yourself any excuse to not follow your dreams. Your goals and ambitions are just as important as anybody else’s and so never allow yourself to think up of reasons for why you should not give your best shot at getting something you love. There will be times when doors are slammed in your face but that’s only because much better things are in store for you. There will also be times when doors swing open just as easily as the ones the shut and in those times, never allow yourself to become too proud and instead always give God credit. Never settle for lesser than what you deserve. Give your 100% in everything you do. This might sometimes mean pushing yourself past your breaking point but the results will be so worth it!

Lastly, never ever give up on believing. Believe in God, believe in Love, believe in Beauty and believe in the Best of what you see in others. You never know how many people you can really bless by just believing in them. Never lose the opportunity to smile at someone. In fact, always find a reason to smile…even if it’s just once a day. Most of all, believe in yourself and nothing will be able to stop you. 

  Signed with Love.

[thekimkimandrews]

I Finally Found Love | To Love and Be Loved

Recently I was having a conversation with my friend about what I find important in my life and about the importance of priorities. That’s when it hit me- I had been struggling with myself for a long time! It was not the kind of struggle that one has with their physical bodies but I had been struggling with my soul. It suddenly became clear as day to me that I had been starving my soul for the longest time. Much like an eating disorder can deprive our physical bodies of the nutrition and health that it needs, I had been depriving my soul and my spirit of the experience and the guidance that it needed.

It was such a sudden realization that I had to just sit quietly for a moment and just breathe deeply in order to just accept it so I could work on changing it. My soul had been hungry for the longest time and I was only beginning to realize it now.

I pulled out my Bible and began reading 1 Corinthians. Little did I realize how much I would come to fall in love with that book. In his letter to the church, Paul emphasizes on the importance of selflessness over and over and over again. It was like receiving a slap in the face; I had been praying and hoping that I would find love but it was all for selfish reasons. I wanted to be wanted and I wanted to feel beautiful. You probably already see where this is going. I’m not talking about ‘love’ as in the kind you get only out of a boy, girl relationship. I’m talking about what I thought the word ‘love’ meant in general. I thought that if I found love, I would feel beautiful and I would feel wanted and as long as I didn’t feel that way, I wasn’t loved…enough.

I couldn’t sleep for the longest time at night and tossed and turned in my bed and wondered what it was that I was missing out on. There was a part of me that told me that I was not worthy of a kind of love that had positive effects on me and that I did not deserve to feel good about myself. But God has his ways of orchestrating things into a wonderful order. All week I received texts and emails from friends to remind me that I was loved.

You see all this time; I thought that I had my priorities all figured out. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that aside from making God my number one priority, I had to also make love my priority. In order to find real love, I needed to give love. I also needed to love myself not for the things I’m good at but for all my flaws. I needed to accept myself for who I am rather than who I could be. It’s one thing to talk about loving oneself but it’s another kind of experience to actually practice it in a healthy way.

I took a hard look at myself and realized that what I wanted to accomplish most this year was to give love wholeheartedly. I wanted to be able to truly love people in a way that is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. I wanted to love without resentment, or holding grudges. I wanted to be able to love unconditionally no matter how much it may bite back at me. I wanted to love like Jesus loves.

 “We accept the love we think we deserve” was a quote that became very famous after the book and movie, ‘The Perks of being a Wallflower’ and many clung onto that quote. But I’ve come to realize how misguiding that quote can be. I think what makes love so beautiful is the fact that we don’t deserve it and yet experience it. That’s what defines pure and unconditional love; the fact that everyone has an equal shot at love whether they feel like they are deserving or not.

I am proud to state that I found Love. I found what it means to be loved and to love. I learnt that in order to find love, I need to give love. As generic as this all sounds, it is so true and I think all of us need a little time to reflect once in a while and ask ourselves if the love we are giving is the love worth receiving. What kind of love is it that you want the most? Now go pass it on to others. 

“Only God can give us a selfless love for others, as the Holy Spirit changes us from within. This is one reason we must receive Christ, for apart from His Spirit we can never be freed from the chains of selfishness, jealousy, and indifference. Will others see Christ's love in your life today?”  ― Billy Graham

[thekimkimandrews]

Shattered Screens | Turning Brokenness into a Blessing

If you’d sat me down and asked me where I get my inspiration for my writing from, my answer would never have been,  “from shattering my iPod screen”. I’d have liked to imagine that I get my inspiration from more poetic things; the kind of things that people write songs and love letters about. Things like; nature, a broken heart or even infatuation with something unattainable. But, here I am, writing about a life lesson I learnt by shattering my itouch screen.

 I guess I do owe an explanation to my parents about how this happened (yeah, I’ve not told them yet hehe…hi mom and dad). It’s not a very fancy story, although I would have preferred my itouch to shatter in an epic case like crime fighting or be able to say that it fell out of my pocket while I was flying. I simply went to check on the puppies today, and didn’t realize that my ipod was in my hand when I closed the door. I guess my grip wasn’t too tight and as soon as the door swung shut, my iPod flew towards the wall and fell to the ground. I looked at the screen (that now looks like it has spider webs made of glass), in horror. After checking to see if it still worked and then sulking about it for a while, I realized how thankful I was that I could still use it. The damage was only external and so my iPod still works fine.

 Moving on to the real stuff though. I sat down at the table and stared hard at my broken screen wishing I had magical powers to just fix it by just waving my index finger (I may have even tried). But as I stared harder, I saw my own reflection (or maybe I was taking a selfie for snapchat…who knows) but that’s when it hit me; I was broken too. We’ve all had our own share of struggles and experiences that have left us broken at some time or the other. But here’s the best part; even if we have shattered screens, we can still be beautiful and still be a blessing.

 I think one of the most beautiful things is the fact that we can still be of use despite our broken screens. We may not be perfect and we may be hurting but we can still use that and turn it into becoming a blessing to others. True beauty really does come from within and people see it and feel it the most when they are able to see you for who you are. The world we live in today seems to have this crazy idea that we need to hide our broken selves and instead put on a screen protector and go through life looking happy all the time. But we were created to feel things and we were made to help one another through difficult times and to share our struggles with one another.

 Sometimes, God uses our brokenness to bless someone else. When we open ourselves up and allow the world to see how broken we truly are, and yet how we’re still working perfectly fine, we have the ability to become inspirations to others. They can see that we can thrive despite having hit rock bottom. 

“Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place, and you decide that you're going to fight to get them right, not when everything is going your way and everyone is praising you.”  ― Thisuri Wanniarachchi

 Would you rather be a shattered iPod that still has use or wear a protective screen to hide the scars and struggle on your own? 

I’d much rather be the first. Now off to see if I can find inspiration from my laptop ;) ...Just not by breaking anything this time. I've learnt plenty enough from the first :P 

[thekimkimandrews]

Joy in the midst of Singleness | Finding Yourself

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”  ― Mandy Hale

 Part 1: The Firsts. 

I remember the first time I felt what people call ‘heartbreak’ when I was around 13 years old. I liked the guy more than I thought I could ever like anyone and then when I realized that everything to him was big joke, it broke my little heart into pieces and I never felt like I could trust anyone again.

 Part 2: The 'I Love You's and whatnot's.

I was only 15 when I got into my first serious relationship, only to find out that I really was not ready to date and had rushed into it without really giving much thought. I was surrounded by friends who were getting in and out of relationships while I was still single. I began to think something was wrong with me. Why were people never attracted to me? And that’s when he came along. He made me feel pretty and wanted, and in my young mind, that’s all that I needed, to have a successful life: A significant other. I was flattered.

 The biggest mistake I made, was that I never gave myself a chance to figure out what I really wanted and who I really was. I found my identity in a relationship that ended up being rather lonely and immature. I ended things only four months into the relationship and cried my heart out that night. I was confident that I would never find anyone who would love me again.

 A year later, we tried to give things another chance only to realize that things were going downhill miserably. The only problem was that I was not willing to let go…just yet. I decided I would wait another year and then give it a shot again. You see, this relationship had become exactly like a song Rihanna or Eminem would sing about. Not Adele or Taylor Swift, because their songs don’t generally involve things falling to pieces. No. This was more like a song by Rihanna or Eminem where things would eventually begin to burn. The young man, who I began to become involved with yet again, pushed my boundaries to lengths that I was not comfortable with, and yet, I gave in to many of his requests. Why? Simply because I did not think that I was worth loving and so I gave in because I was too afraid of being alone again.

 By the time I actually opened my eyes, things had become way too messy for the both of us and I was left feeling broken. There was this void inside of me and I felt completely alone and ashamed. I could not believe I had been so stupid. There were days when I would just break down in tears because there was just so much pain and I never thought I would ever heal from it.

 Part 3: The Fresh Slate.

It was now time for me to go to college and I knew that there would be many couples surrounding me while I chose to stay single till I had really discovered myself. I had no idea how long it would take for me to know who I was and what I wanted. I had a chance to a fresh start. The chance to start over. I decided to set goals for myself. I noted down every quality I wanted to see in a man whom I would consider seeing a future with. This makes things a lot harder because I have to be so strict with myself. I needed to be careful about the young men I spent time with and most of all, I needed to guard my heart and remain stubborn in what I asked God to give me in a man (should there ever be one). There was no way that I was going to adjust my boundaries again.

 Part 4: The Now's and leftover's.

It has now been a year of college and I am still single. The greatest part about this though, is that I am happy. Probably the happiest I have been in a long time. I feel a little like those leftover meals that taste so much better the day after they've been cooked.

I came to a realization not too long ago, that relationships require us to share ourselves with one another and so jumping into a relationship before really knowing yourself for who you are, is a selfish thing to do because you end up becoming too dependent on another person in order to find your identity; leaving them with a huge load to carry.

 During this year, I have been able to make so many friends who share the same burdens as I and whom I have been able to have the joy of knowing- something I probably would not have done if I were in a relationship.

 I also learnt to find my identity in someone much greater than myself and in that process I also found confidence and joy. I got so much more time to spend with my maker, and that makes all of this worthwhile.

I have had the chance to discover a little more about me everyday! You'd be amazed and how you much can surprise yourself. I just learnt the other day that I'm not too bad at stitching! Who knew?!

I don’t know when or if I will ever find a guy again, but the best part is that I am confident in being single. I am able to love others unconditionally and wholeheartedly. I also have a lot more time to help other people and other girls and guys realize that our beauty and self worth are not defined by a man or a significant other, but rather, our creator! It’s time to stop moping about and instead time to focus on fulfilling the purpose God has for your life, be it alone or with someone. 

Make sure you're aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your gifts and talents and wear them with confidence in knowing who you are, before you are ready to share every single inch of it with someone else. 

[thekimkimandrews]

Attention without Intention | Beauty is more than the Skin.

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.”  ― Markus Zusak

As someone who is only just starting to experience being an adult, I look back at my years in high school and wonder why I found it so important to look good in order to receive attention. I am on the heavier side and I don’t ever intend on becoming too skinny. Yes, I go to the gym and workout, but I also realize that my body is built in a way that is not meant to be skinny. My life would have probably been so much easier in high school had I realized this back then. Instead I allowed my weight to define who I was, rather than my personality.

Day and night, I would pray that I would be able to become skinny. When I didn’t feel like my prayers were being answered, I began to avoid eating because I was too embarrassed to go to the gym. If I did go to workout, it would be early in the morning so that nobody would see me. There was a time when I went about three days having eaten just one meal. The less I ate, the more proud of myself I became. Until I realized that it made no difference in the way people treated me. People still called me ‘fat’ and no matter what I did, the insults never seemed to go away. They never stopped hurting either. This made no sense to me.

So many times, the media tells us to be who we are and then sells us a bunch of products that are apparently supposed to give us smoother skin, flatter tummies, tighter butts, bigger breasts, better hair, and the list goes on and on. The whole media is full of news about who wore the best dress at the Oscars or which celebrity has the best hairstyle. And as much as there are people who try and promote the idea of being oneself, there are even more who walk on the other side of that lane.

I decided to Google the word “beauty” and when I clicked on the ‘image’ option, the results I got broke my heart. It was filled with young, skinny girls, who were mostly barely dressed. Now I have nothing against bikinis or lingerie. However, it just saddens my soul to know that the idea that society has of beauty is a young, skinny woman, showing as much off her skin as possible. It’s almost ironic that the same society then turns around and blames victims of rape for the way they dress.

I only recently decided what I wanted this post to be about and I immediately went ahead and began talking to people and asking them what they found the most attractive in a person or what about a person attracted them the most. In only a few words, the qualities people gave me were, to name a few, “kindness”, “confidence”, “intelligence” “patience” “funny” and so on. Only a few out of the multiple people I asked this question to, mentioned that looks mattered, but only in the slightest form.

To be completely honest, if someone asked me the same question, I would have probably given them one of the above qualities without taking looks into much consideration. I realized that what made us attractive to people was the person inside of us!

I finally understood that the best kind of attention to receive is when you least expect it. The attention you receive without you intending to receive it; “Attention without Intention”. A kind woman once came up to me and told me how much she enjoyed seeing me smile all the time when I least expected it. Infact, I was having an awful day and to realize that people noticed my smile was rather heartwarming. I had received attention without intending to receive it.

That’s when it hit me: I will still remember the negative comments I received and sometimes they will still sting. But I can choose to use them to benefit me. I have made a decision that from this day forward, every time I remember one of those comments, I am going to become more determined to prove to people that beauty can come in many ways. Ways that do not involve our weight or height. With today's generation being so caught up in receiving attention for all the wrong reasons, I want young girls and boys to know that it is not our hair or the clothes we wear that attract someone to us but rather that it is our personality. It is who we are, and that who we are is something to be proud of.

Confidence can only come when one has learnt to accept the beauty within themselves. Take some time off everyday to tell yourself how beautiful you are. Besides why would you want to disagree with what God deems as perfect?