art blog(derogatory)
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Misplaced Lens Cap
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shark vs the universe
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@thekirkestate
kitchen after/before
It takes me time to process into words the things I’ve been feeling. As for the past year and a half…I’m not there yet. Maybe I’ll get there eventually. It’s possible I never will… I’ve been hesitant to share this kitchen project for many reasons. But mainly it feels insensitive to be sharing pictures of a kitchen while people are still dying. So many people continue to be filled with grief,…
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cherries jubilee
The only light was from that of the Christmas tree and the glass bulbed candles reflected in the window panes. Their plastic bases imitated the dripping of melted wax. Huddled so close to the windows I expected them to express their breath, but instead they revealed clumps of fat white snow flakes falling from the sky. There was light too from the fire in the painted white brick fireplace with a…
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f*@%. I have shingles. (Day: 189)
f*@%. I have shingles. (Day: 189)
It takes me several seconds to lower myself to the toilet. They tell me to drink “sufficient water” so that my kidneys don’t stop working. I’m not sure how much constitutes as “sufficient water” so I drink 12 ounces each time I take a pill and then 12 more for good measure. Flakes of dried pink calamine lotion fall like delicate snow or confectioners sugar at my feet, reminding me (as if I…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine Days: 95-101
Social Distancing/Quarantine Days: 95-101
Day 95: Monday, June 15 “Your friend the fox is sleeping on the train tracks,” Eric says. He’s striding down Uncle Luther’s tractor path after a mid-day hike into the woods. “You digging up that thistle?” he continues. I’m carrying a shovel and elbow length gloves. “Mmm hmmm,” I say. “Well you’re a real sweetheart.” The thistle is almost as tall as I am and when I get around to digging it my…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 88-94
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 88-94
Day 88: Monday, June 8 In the morning I weed potatoes. Pinching Colorado Potato Beetles and rubbing out their orange eggs. They’re early this year and the potatoes are late. The single-petal dark pink peonies will wilt with the heat. Our other peonies haven’t opened yet. I’ve never seen this in 12 years.
While painting the kitchen door Eric shows me this. It’s hard to paint while you’re weeping.
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 81-87
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 81-87
Day 81: Monday, June 1 I spend the day laying the last of my walkways. Scraping up last year’s straw from a pile in my driveway. I fix the clothesline that snapped in the wind. But whenever I come inside I check the news. I feel both shame and sadness.
Day 82: Tuesday, June 2 Two nights ago Eric woke up in the middle of the night with something painful in his eye. I spent 15-20 minutes in the…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 74-80
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 74-80
I typically don’t preempt my journal entries with narrative, preferring instead that they speak for themselves. But in light of current events I feel it’s important to note that despite how unsettled, terrifying, and unknown life has felt for the past two months, this is the week where everything changed. This is the week we went from living through a quarantine and a pandemic to something else…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 67-73
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 67-73
Day 67: Monday, May 18 It rains almost all day. We record music in the parlor. My voice hurts and I worry that I’m getting old. “This must be what happens when you turn 40,” I think. “It hurts to sing.”
Day 68: Tuesday, May 19 One of the casualties of quarantine are my garden pathways. All year long I save cardboard boxes to lay down. I collect boxes from my parents and from my brother’s bar and…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 60-66
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 60-66
Day 60: Monday, May 11 Saturday I spotted a woodchuck in the crawl space beneath our back deck. She’d poke her head out and munch the plantain and yarrow growing wild there, then stick her head back in when the winds and rain were too stiff.
This morning I hear her digging underneath the pantry. We used to have woodchucks under there every year until we sealed it up. Apparently it has become…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 53-59
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 53-59
Day 53: Monday, May 4 The cardinals are building a nest in the same crook of the burning bush that they did last season. I watch them out the sunroom window. The female tucks a dried hydrangea flower into the nest’s base. We watch her carry sticks and grass and leaves and nudge them into place with her coral beak. “Pretty sloppy,” Eric notes.
Later: from the dining room I hear cardinal alarm…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 46-52
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 46-52
Day 46: Monday, April 27 Eric takes the pizza out of the oven. “You wanna come warm your hands up?” he says. The door is still propped open. “I wanna crawl in there like Sam McGee,” I say. I reference Sam McGee at least every other week in winter. This spring I’ve been saying his name a lot too. I step next to him and stick my hands out. “It’s like a sauna,” I say. I wrap my arms around him. He…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 39-45
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 39-45
Day 39: Monday, April 20
Every spring on seedling day I set up at the picnic table on our patio with potting soil, seedling trays, masking tape, permanent marker, and jars of seeds. I’ve been delaying because of the cold, but it’s getting to be too late to delay any further. I set up today in the kitchen instead.
Later in the garden I plant 10 rows of carrots, and turn under another plot.
Eric…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Day 32-38
Day 32: Monday, April 13 I stress eat popcorn. I remind myself that my mind is not to be believed. I remind myself that this is stressful. I remind myself that my mind deals with stress in curious ways. I count down the days.
Day 33: Tuesday, April 14 It’s cold and windy and with the clouds it feels like winter still. I put on my winter hat and direct-seed beets in the garden. I should plant…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 25-31
Day 25: Monday, April 6 There are always larch needles in the kale, it’s inevitable. I rotate the kale in plots in the far garden, the one lined by maple trees and tamarack. This time of year the needles sprout like soft tufts of fluorescent green moss from stringy, knobby branches. In the fall they blaze golden before trickling to the ground. Each November I find them when I bring in bushel…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 19-24
Day 19: Tuesday, March 31 I find myself sanitizing the sanitizer.
I’ve been limiting my media intake which I have found correlates directly to the amount of panic I feel. Often times I find myself weeping while reading articles about nurses in Madrid or Northern Italy or New York. I weep for the people forced to die alone. I weep for the migrants in India who proclaim they are more afraid of…
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Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 11-18 Day 11: Monday, March 23 I spend the morning walking around the house opening all the doors and turning on all the lights.
Social Distancing/Quarantine: Days 7-10
Day 7: Thursday, March 19//Spring Equinox The ladybugs are no longer amused when I spray the window, covering it with water droplets. It used to stop their frantic scrambling. They would pause, slurping up the window puddles with their tiny mouth parts. Even they are tired of being trapped inside. I keep finding more of them, in piles, dead on the windowsills.
I meditate to this this video. I…
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