Well for those who don't know me, I'm Savvy or Vanya! Pick your poison.
I'm 30 and easy going! š
I know it's been a while since I've been on here or even had an introduction page or navigation page. But here we are!
Pretty simple- I love the Silmarillion and all things Tolkien. I've expanded my horizons though into many other new fandoms.
In all honesty I am contemplating writing some new fanfiction maybe? Maybe another blog?
Anywhom- those are just some thoughts at the moment.
Fanfiction:
The Elven Haven on Tumblr
I am currently not taking requests, but there is loads of fanfiction on there to comb through and fan theories as well! I may turn back on messaging on there if you have any questions.
The Lady Vanya on AO3
Here my Vanifinwe series of her being a small little elf is on here but otherwise my blog is the most up to date with my fanfiction.
Roleplay:
Currently have none of my blogs up anymore but I do have a slew of characters I used to roleplay with for the Witcher and Tolkien.
Character.Ai:
TheLadyVanya
Currently all my Targaryen bots have been scrubbed and the likes. I don't know where I will be moving too at this moment that's free the same way cai is. But I do have other bots here as well for a variety of fandoms including The Peaky Blinders.
Disclaimer- I don't expect anyone to respond, just needing to clear off my chest, just looking to vent.
It's been a while since I actually posted, I suppose it's only fitting I come in with my usual melodrama- but perhaps not as triggering as it had been in the past. Just writing to get things off my chest.
It is crazy what almost 3 years of stable medication will do for you, and further stability in your life will do for you.
Yet in the mix of it all, I have lost so much at the same time since I was hospitalized in May of 2023. As well as learned some things about myself and how much of a not so good friend I was and potential still am not as a result.
Since being off tumblr mostly- I feel like I have lost a community, yet at the same time I feel like I can take a deep breath with no pressure.
I miss roleplaying - but I don't miss the cliques, the stringent rules of "If your vibes are off- blocked."
I miss writing so much - but I just don't have that same drive even for personal writings.
I miss my blogs - but it got exhausting with the hate mail, the critiques, and commentary on what I should do. It's not just my blogs I miss, but my friends too I made here or the people I perceived as my friends.
I am tired of being tired - I was diagnosed this past year with Narcolepsy Type 2. Which has explained over 10 years worth of unexplained exhaustion, why I can sleep for 12 to 16hours a day if I let myself.
The worst part of that is I never feel well rested. EVER.
I zone out while trying to play games, I can hardly stay awake to cook, I can hardly remember to respond, I am too tired to text back and so forth.
I am still learning how to track my symptoms and listen to my body after ignoring it for so long. Even the kids have learned what to expect with it, my husband tries to help with the fact I can unintentionally sleep so long by helping wake me after a couple hours.
My days most of the time feel like they revolve around taking care of the house, sleeping, the kids, the house, sleeping, and rinse and repeat.
I don't really have anyone to go out in public to hang out with, I feel inadequate as mother still- here they said when postpartum depression went away that would too. Yet its been 11 years this year and I still never feel like I am meeting any expectations like I should.
This isn't to say I regret my children, or my family- I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I am just here venting the realistic side of what it feels like when your personal in person support feels like a needle in a haystack.
This doesn't even begin to cover how much of a bad friend I feel like all the time. That constant state of rumination on what I could have done and said different to people I feel like I wasn't the best too or know I wasn't.
The way some friendships ended- being part of that catalyst, having not expressed myself proper, having put unnecessary blame on one in particular, feeling like I talked too much yet not enough.
I worry all the time that the one close knit friendship I have is what I'll lose because I will screw that up. Despite 8 years of friendship.
I know I am alone so often at home with little adult contact- complicated between narcolepsy, being a SAHM and so forth- I ramble and ramble and ramble when I get on the phone with someone. Only to realize midway through I am talking too much, or I said too much, or I didn't think enough of them- that I didn't ask about them.
I've done better about managing most of my feelings on my own, not relying on people to play therapist for me- a fault I put on too many people I feel like.
I try to make a conscious effort to always do better, to ask about them, to check in, to want life updates. But I feel like I struggle still heavy with it all at the end of the day. I know I am striving for unrealistic perfection.
But rumination refuses to let me see that past mistakes I've made are how I grow- I know I can write that here and acknowledge that.. but the brain on pragmatism and irrationality never really line up.
I sometimes wish I could go back to how some things were- being passionate about drawing and writing again. I do know I will still strive to be a good friend- and I just hope it's enough for the few people in my life. I'm at this point not wanting to broach too many broad friendships- RSD is a bitch. No one is responsible for that feeling but me.
Anyways, just needed some place to let off a little steam, in a healthy manner. I miss the community I had, I'm tired of feeling lonely but I am my own problem.
i canāt wait for when chatGPT and ai image generation also crashes and each prompt cost $50 an attempt. oh you canāt get your stolen big tiddy anime ghibli art for free anymore? you want to buy real big boy art from real artists now? beg for it. beg for it like a dog.
Dear Beloved members of the 'Officially better than Twitter' Club:
[And by that, yes, I do mean everyone on Tumblr]
PLEASE BRING BACK TUMBLR ASK CULTURE
BRING BACK TUMBLR REBLOG CULTURE!!!!
This is what makes Tumblr such an amazing community! Nobody is here on Tumblr to be ignored and Disregarded! (And if they are they likely have asks off or a DNI)
IF YOU SEE SOMEBODY WHO REBLOGGED AN ASK GAME, SHOOT THEM AN ASK IF YOU WANT TO
IF YOU SEE SOMEBODY WHOSE POSTS YOU LIKE, SAY HI!
MOST PEOPLE ARE HERE TO HAVE FUN AND CREATE AND SOCIALIZE!!!
THE ASKS AND REBLOGS ARE WHAT MAKE TUMBLR UNIQUE! USE THEM!!!!
Do not let them erase this. Do not let them tell you he meant "my heart goes out for you."
This man is the grandson of a Canadian Nazi sympathizer who moved to South Africa BECAUSE he thought the apartheid was just the coolest.
He has a gaggle of kids specifically because he believes his genes are superior and need to be spread to improve humanity.
He has thrown his support behind the neonazi party in Germany and the far right party in the UK, not to mention how far he's wormed up the ass of the Republican party.
He threw two sieg heil salutes back to back at the inauguration of the president of the United States and is trying to scrub the evidence off the internet.
