Today ten years ago we saw each other for the last time.
I wonder if you noticed too, even though deep down I know you didn't.
You probably don't even remember it was that day that we hugged for the last time.
It was a cold hug, because I was being distant, and you smiled and said something like "What a stiff hug" but I didn't laugh. You probably didn't realize I wanted to tell you so many things but there was only silence.
I said "You know we won't see each other again, right?" and you just nodded and shrugged, but maybe that was just a way to release the tension.
I never would have thought that we would truly never see each other again.
Even now, I still hope to run into you by chance somewhere.
Sometimes I post stuff that hides secret messages for you, hoping that if you ever stalk my profile you might understand something, you might remember some things that relate to us in the past.
But you'll probably never see it, and you won't understand, and you won't know that I still think about you and miss you.
I also dreamed of you last night. I dreamed that I was lost in the city and couldn't find my way home. Suddently, as I'm about to cross the street, you're walking on the crosswalk the opposite way. We look at each other for a bit and then start talking awkwardly.
I wonder if you are still the person I once knew, and I realize that I am nobody to you now. You’ve grown up, and I’m afraid it will only hurt more as time goes by; knowing that you are changing and that we are drifting further and further away from who we used to be; that I am becoming increasingly invisible to you; that I am nothing anymore, or perhaps just a distant, fading memory that you might not even care to recall.
You will keep changing, more and more, and the face I knew, the one that still lingers in my mind, will change too. Who knows if I’ll ever see it in person again, or hear your voice speaking to me.
It's been ten years. Ten freaking years. It's a lot.
I wonder if you've ever thought about it. You probably haven't.
But if you ever wonder, I did.
Christopher Bear, Daniel Rossen · Past Lives (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) · Song · 2023
