Anxiety Overload
I haven’t been blogging much recently. You may have noticed! In the time since my brain tumour and my dad’s death, I have been struggling with sustained anxiety. It’s a condition that I’ve always suffered from but previously I’ve been good at levelling myself out. These days, not so much. I accept that I need help and I’ve started the ball rolling by visiting my GP. I’m doing the ‘beatingtheblues’ programme online which is monitored by a clinical psychologist and reports into my doctor. What I really need is to get to talk to a professional but I know that the waiting list for this kind of help is long and I am not suicidal so I will survive until it’s my turn.
In the meantime, I thought that I’d have a crack at externalising how it feels internally when I’m on anxiety overload. You may recognise the feelings yourself or it may help you to understand what is happening on the inside for somebody you love. The pressure can feel overwhelming, along with the urge to do something, anything, to release it. Here’s a snapshot of my brain activity, it might explain a few things…
Boom!
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
This way
That way
There
Here
Up
Down
Which way?
That way
This way
That way
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
Wheeeee!
Crash
Wheeeee!
Crash
Bump
Thump
This way
That way
Up
Down
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
Tick, tick
Pick, pick
Think
Think
Think
THINK!
In
Press
In
Press
Push
Out
Push
Out
Squeeze
Squeeze
Gasp
Tick, tick
Gasp
Pick, pick
Gasp
Tick, tick
Gasp
Pick, pick
Stop
Stop
Still
Wait
SCATTER!
Putting anxiety overload into words. Externalising the internal struggle. The power of verse.