The Mental Spoonie

I'm a 30 year old female just facing the daily battles of mental and chronic illness. This blog is mainly an outlet for me, but I also hope it can help others struggling to feel seen, and outsiders to understand. *18+ only; blanket trigger warning. nothing on this blog is meant to be a suggestion or advice.*

[thementalspoonie]

I started therapy recently. My evaluation stated I have moderate anxiety, Bipolar with moderate depression & mania, & mild OCD. I was like, tell me something I didn't know 😐

Then they hit me with "clients strengths: Compassionate, resilient, humorous, insightful, motivated." 🥺

[thementalspoonie]

Monday is my 30th birthday, my birthday weekend was amazing! I discovered our wreath on the front door has a House Finch's nest with 5 little blue eggies in it, and I have officially lost 25 pounds! Thursday night, I had a light flare up that is still kickin, but I'm thankful it's totally bearable. On Friday, my best friend flew in as a surprise for the weekend. I was so shocked to come home to find her jumping out from behind the couch yelling surprise, I threw my groceries and gave her the biggest hug. We talked non-stop, and I got to feel her sweet baby boy kick 🥺 (she's 6 months pregnant.) I didn't sleep because I was so uncomfortable in my lower body ☹ Saturday, my best friend dyed and curled my hair, and I got dressed up in my sequin jumpsuit, matching mask, and chunky heels. I felt amazing, and I posted lots of selfies with no shame. My boyfriend took us to my favorite lounge for a nice dinner and live music (it was his actual birthday, too.) That was so fun and the food was perfect, and then we made a stop at Voodoo donuts for munchies. Part of me wanted to stay downtown and party, but knew it was best to go home and get some sleep. I said goodbye to best friend and dropped her off at the airport earlier, and in a bit I'm going to my favorite (Italian) buffet with my Mama. My actual birthday will be spent sleeping in and cleaning the neglected house 😂 In other good news, Tuesday I have an interview for an amazing opportunity, and Wednesday I get my first round of the covid vaccine. I'm nervous that will cause a bigger flare but its better than the alternative. I also started a mostly all natural and Vegan skincare routine that is making a difference already, and my dog is doing better already on her new CBD regiment. Feeling blessed, loved, and joyful 🥰 Wishing peace and light to everyone ✌💞

[thementalspoonie]

I turn 30 in 2 days. I came home from the grocery store today to be surprised by my best friend waiting for me, I haven't seen her since 2019 as we live in different states. So she conspired with my boyfriend and Mom and flew in for my birthday weekend! The best surprise I've ever had, I forgot all about my pain and just had such a good day chatting and feeling close to her again. 🥰🥰🥰😭😭

[thementalspoonie]

Tonight at 11:

I did absolutely nothing yet here we are

Another flare up, joy

[thementalspoonie]

Had a wonderful Easter weekend with my family. Did and egg hunt and silly string fight with my nephews and little brother on Saturday, and had a yummy brunch with my family today. Feeling pretty good, very thankful. I am completely exhausted though, and my damn cat brought a mouse in the house so him and my dog are chasing it, keeping me up 😒 minimal pain lately, but a bad stomach off and on has me dehydrated and depleted. Brain has been pretty cooperative for the first time in a while too. Counting my blessings and hoping for good rest tonight 💕

[thementalspoonie]

Positively toast from not sleeping last night. Got a shitty nap in today, but it did help me manage to get the house picked up a little and a shower in. Received some very sad news from a dear friend, so I had a good cry with my dog. Didn't face much anxiety today or any mood swings, and I've lost 20 pounds 🙌 Had yummy Pho with my hunny for dinner, and got a kiwi smoothie after knowing I wouldn't drink it, took 2 sips and almost died 😅 (It was so yummy but so so sweet, and I knew it would make my joints hurt even worse if I drank it.) I am doing an in-home sleep study starting tonight to officially diagnose the sleep apnea that's been ailing me for some time. I stayed sober today, every random craving or urge that popped in to my head I just said "nope!" And that was that 👐 Finished watching season 1 of The Dark Crystal on Netflix, loved it! My hands and wrists are still killing me, could barely hold the utensils at dinner or the steering wheel driving to and from. Update on the giant heating pad, it doesn't get hot enough to help my joints, such a bummer! The search for a great joint rub continues, I bought Voltaren and it did nothing for my hands and wrists, and irritated my skin. Might try CBD FX muscle and joint cream, or Mercy MSM, or Medterra pain relief cream. Might just fuck around and DIY a goulash of magnesium butter, Arnica oil, menthol crystals, and CBD isolate 🤷‍♀️😅 But I'm running low on my CBD/THC cream that barely helps as it is, so I gotta find something, if any one has any suggestions! Searched high and low for an appointment to get the Covid vaccine to no avail, everywhere within a 30 mile radius is booked 2 months out. Not even sure if calling around to get on wait lists is even worth it at this point, knowing so many other people have probably done the same 😓

Hoping to see my Mama tomorrow and get some errands done. The sleeps are calling me..

[thementalspoonie]

Yesterday I had my first session with a therapist. I have a lot of work to to, but it felt good to open the door and take a step towards treatment and recovery. I quite enjoyed it, it felt great to talk to someone and be heard.

They are going to assess me to reevaluate/confirm the Bipolar diagnosis, and diagnose substance use disorder. We are focusing on the substance use as priority, because I know my mental and physical health aren't going to get sorted out without tackling that first.

Other than that, I was not productive yesterday. At all. A trip to 2 stores was nerve-wracking and irritating, put me in some sort of detached mood. I didn't eat all day, haven't slept, and had a midnight snack of an entire box of flamin hot mac n cheese. I spent an ungodly amount of hours in bed, obsessing over DIY gifts and the custom gift tags i made for them. I had a couple days of minimal pain from my hands only for me to fuck that up by spending all day on my phone. But I did brush my teeth and hair so like🤙

[criticofallthings]

Hello Tumblr, my old friend

I’ve come to lurk with you again

Because a chronic illness flaring

Means I do not get to sleeping

And all this time where I’m alone is perfect for

Reblogging

Premium shit post content

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[caroldanversenthusiast]

Supermodel Aweng Ade-Chuol photographed with her wife Lexy 🥺✨

[lionsonjupiter]

my brain: things too much

me: what??? what things????

my brain: things. too. much.

me: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAA

[dankmemeuniversity]

[quixoticanarchy]

[ID: tweet from ellory smith spooky & hot @/ellorysmith reading “have you ever been chilling minding your own business and realize your jaw has been tightly clenched for the last 15 years” /end ID]

[averagefairy]

i love when people ask me “what are you anxious about” like…….about??? you think this is based on reason? rationality? never heard of that

[talkethtothehandeth-deactivated]

[urie]

my depression is just like “hey instead of making you sad we’re going to make you really lazy and unable to function so that people just get annoyed with you rather than feel bad for you”

[spoonless-cyborg]

Quick Health Update!

ow. 

[65pinkroses]

Amazing spoke guard art for my wheelchair done by my lovely cousin (go check her out)!!! 65 Pink Roses for Cystic Fibrosis :)