“You still like answering questions with questions,” Tony said, waving a finger vaguely in Loki’s direction. “Though since I do it quite a bit myself, I guess it’s just a taste of my own medicine.”
He nodded vaguely in response to Loki’s questions. “You know what I’m talking about,” he said. Sighed, really. “I certainly don’t mean the time you flung me off my own tower.” He flagged down the bartender and ordered a scotch that he knew was decent. He let the comment about mead go without excess commentary, but it was interesting to him - it seemed that there was a lot about Asgard that Loki wasn’t particularly fond of.
Something in that resonated with him. Thor had told him about Odin and the bullshit that had gone down between him and his sons (ah, the good old days of stories exchanged over too much beer and Thor rambling on about adventure and conquest and grand tales) and there had been a lot in that that had struck a chord within him. Something about being the son who was never good enough for his father.
He’d met Howard Stark again. Had found that somewhere in the intervening years, the resentment and anger had managed to drain away, leaving behind too much nostalgia. Seeing his father had resurfaced that ache, made his heart twist all over again, struck him absolutely speechless. Reminded him all over again of what it was like to be small and tiny and trying.
“I see,” he said, “So it was because of that botched time travel adventure. But something’s still not quite adding up for me - when you took the cube and left, post-haste, you would have branched off a different reality, which means that that you wouldn’t be here. So what happened?”
He paused, Loki’s words echoing in his head. “And hang on, another thing… admittedly something that’s been bugging me for a while. Your hair was atrocious you say? Why’d you let it get that way?” His eyes bored into the other’s. “Okay, allow me indulge a little pet theory,” he said, shifting so that he faced him better. “I’m thinking - clever cog like you, you must have known that you couldn’t rule Earth. You could try, and I mean, I’ve tried impressing my dad too, I know how crazy that can get, but … conquest? Chitauri? Blowing up the very place that you’re trying take over? Not your style. So I’m thinking - you didn’t really want to do it. Which makes me wonder - why did you? And I’m thinking the answer has something to do with a certain Mad Titan.” He clapped his hands together. “How far off the mark am I?”
“i've been informed i lack the ability to change,” he said though his voice had no trace of bitterness, more playful at the thought. “or rage against it at the very least.” the truth was he did change because he didn't wish to be predictable, but he often chose to act as how others expected when it was negative. if someone expected him to be distrustful, it was easier to be that. yet, now he was trying to fight against that image, fight against his nature that said to follow it. tell himself he was getting positive recognition and attention which felt so much better.
“of course, you hadn't died, only were inconvenienced.” and loki was glad he didn't. maybe somewhere in the haze of mind control, he thought he could make it, the man seeming he always had something up his sleeve. he liked that, made any of his hope of mistakes against what thanos wanted run smoothly.
he'd done enough killing and destruction though all the same. if he truly was like thanos designed perhaps he could look back on the event with indifference, but no matter the strides he'd made since, no matter what he could try, what happened would always stick with him. he could tell himself that it wasn't him, just his hands, but he felt guilt. the only solace he could find was that he hid it well, hid his weakness against thanos so others couldn't find it. or at least he'd thought so.
letting a huff of a laugh leave his nose, he nodded. perhaps the reconnection with his former self reopened his issue with thanos too, but it was truly dying at his hand that reawakened the torture and the mind control memory. he guessed the beginning and hopeful end of that chapter was bookended by the titan. he felt safe, even with the looming galactus threat, knowing he would never have to worry about him again.
“i'm going to name him twelve for ease…” he began as he took a deep breath to explain how he understood it. “somewhere along the way, he found out that we would meet an end so he sought to fix it. through the use for the tesseract, guidance of studies in dark magic that i hadn't quite studied to the extent needed-” he'd tried back when he took the throne to bring frigga back, “-and through will and timing, he returned my life to me. twelve then returned himself and the tesseract to where he'd been from. easily enough with the distraction you caused.”
frowning, shaking his head, he shrugged. “now as for realities, i'm unsure if it worked well enough to fix the split since i've none of the knowledge he learned in the process. aside from his abridged explanation of course. time is delicate, but changing i suppose.”
and as he'd thought he hid his ultimate lie well, here it was questioned by stark. the mortal was truly brilliant, perceptive, and especially so since not even his brother had come to question new york. no one had. it was only stark in this moment and after all this time, probably with the potential of happening sooner should they have crossed paths again previously.
yet, there was still trouble. there was some relief amid the shock of stark's discovery that he had at least the inkling that nothing was as it seemed, but it hardly relieved even a layer of his caution on the subject. he eyed the engineer carefully, trying to determine if he could trust him to believe and not to judge.
“it certainly was not for odin.” his voice turned a little bitter, not at stark, not even really at odin, just the memory resurfacing. “he had his chance to care for anything i did.” even if loki regretted anything he'd done to impress odin in the end. then he pursed his lips together, having stated his peace about that, unsure what direction he felt comfortable in. “and even so, i hadn’t wanted...” he was still so nervous to lay himself bare, but somehow was finding it easier with stark. still, easier didn’t mean ready.
"if i answer truthfully, will you enlighten me on what's been done to you? no one's been particularly forthcoming with what i've missed." he sighed then, reaching for the drink as it was placed in front of him. “not that you've reason to trust what i say to be truth. admittedly, it's why i've been hesitant to share.” he couldn't take not being believed when stating the truth.
