i don't get the significance of changing "and i still want you" to "but i still want you". i did read all your posts about it and everything else is now obvious to me. not the and x but change tho. could you help a clueless anon? lol thank you!
TTU last Seoul concerts 2019 was huge for me anon, you are so right.
I absolutely adore that song. It’s sad and meaningful and their performances, even more so the live performances are so emotional and raw. If I’m already at it, I would like to recommend you watch a specific performance of this song. Other than the last performances in Seoul 2019, this one is my favourite. Again, the raw emotions you get from them all, and V’s part, just wow.
They end the song JM’s back to JK.
Obviously I’m not the staging director and I don’t know for sure why this staging was chosen, I can only guess. But what I see is that JM is singing alone “and I still want you”, he’s the ‘monster’ for this part, he wants but he can’t have, and he’s resigned to the fact that he can’t have it, hence the facing away. Could be total bull, and obviously it’s up for interpretation, not to mention the fact that my forte is facts not literature and interpretations of poems and art, but there you have it - what I see in that specific staging and performance of that song. Take it or leave it, lol.
That was the staging and performance throughout the whole tour, even when the stage itself and the costumes changed. JM singing “and I still want you”, the last line, by himself, back turned to JK.
But for the last 3 Seoul concerts in October 2019 they decided to change it up, and the only part changed was that last line. The lyrics, how it was sung and how it was staged. And the changes, they involved only those two - JM and JK.
At the end, just before the last line that is changed from “and I still want you” to “but I still want you” JM still has his back to JK. And then, while singing, together, “but I still want you”, he turns and they both not only facing each other but looking at each other as they finish the song.
Changing it to "but I still want you" turning to each other, looking into each other's eyes is loud and huge and I think that if you read the song lyrics, if you see the meaning behind the song you will understand why "but I still want you" is so meaningful.
“…You know that I can’t
Show you me
Give you me
I can’t show you a ruined part of myself
Once again I put a mask on and go to see you
But I still want you…
I wanted to give it to you
After I take off this foolish mask…
But I know
I can’t do that forever
I have to hide
Because I’m a monster…
I am afraid
I am shattered
I’m so afraid
That you will leave me again in the end
Once again I put on a mask and go to see you…
The only thing I can do
In the garden
In this world
Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you
And to breathe as the me that you know
But I still want you
I still want you…
If I had the courage to stand before you
Would everything be different now…
And I still want you
But I still want you
But I still want you
And I still want you”
There is so much about this song that makes me sad, especially thinking of the impact it has on anyone that feels they need to hide their true selves from others, from society, from their fandom. It's JM, JK or any other member of the LGBTQ+ community that feels they would be perceived as a monster if they show their true self.
The song is about wanting someone but the fear of exposing yourself to them, maybe they won't accept you.
Ending the song with “and I still want you” is, in a way, accepting things as they are...things are the way they are, and yet, I still want you. Hence JM with his back turned to JK, resigned to things as they are - I want you, I have to hide my true self...
But then ending the song with “but I still want you” it has a boldness to it. Not accepting things as they are, wanting them to change, in a way fighting for them to change.
It’s an ending to the song with a sense of defiance. Like a child being told by a parent they aren’t allowed something, and try to argue “but I want to…”, not accepting the no, not accepting society telling them they are ‘wrong’.
And them turning to each other, looking at each other when BOTH of them are singing that line - looking at each other and singing “but I still want YOU”, well to me that was a big WOW moment.
We need to remember, ALL the time, these are two young men in a supposed closeted queer relationship, living and working in a mostly homophobic society. But not only their society is homophobic. A big part of their fandom is too, and they are well aware of it. They are aware of the fact that there will be army that would not accept them for their true selves, not love them if they took off that mask they are wearing and showed themselves for who they truly are. And they want to. They want to take off that mask. They want to be true to themselves, be able to act naturally, not to hide not only who they are but also who they love. But they also want, need, Army’s love, and there is a great fear of losing that love if they do take off that mask they are wearing. And that’s a daily struggle for both of them.
So, they kind of live in a push and pull reality. Pushing the boundaries time and time again, sending these hints/messages to us, sometimes small, sometimes huge (hickey-gate for instance), for us to decifer. They want us to know, they want to be true to themselves, they want to be able to shout to the world they’re in love and who with. They can’t say it out loud, so this is their way of doing it. If you understand, then you understand. If you don’t or choose to ignore, so be it. it’s also a way of testing the water, trying to see if they are supported, if the fandom would accept them for who they are. And sadly, although there is a hell of a lot of support out there, there is a very big part of the fandom that still doesn’t and won’t accept them for who they are, who they love. They know they are loved and supported by many, but they also know there are many that would not accept them, not for who they truly are and not for who they love.
And on that sad note I send, once again, my love and support to JK and JM. We need to constantly show them, let them know, that they ARE seen and loved and supported, as individuals and as a couple.
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