My left side brain

[kitty]

*dry food crunches* Ridiculously small kitten: “Myam myam myam. Njam njam njam njam njam njam njam! Myam myam myam nyam nyam myam. Mmmam. Mrrrrram. Meep!”

[nerroart]

Oh here it is again. The best video ever

[robert-the-redhead-lover-deacti]

@ruthless-rage

[wholove]

I can’t believe Hozier left his nest to come spread the good word of the avocado fueled millennial uprising with us.

[lightsalott]

“COME THRUUUUU DADDY YASSSS”

[mattandjones]

this is the funniest shit i’ve ever i’m losing my mind

[neverland-avenue]

hOLY FUCKING SHIT I CANT

[atomau]

So THAT’S what a sloth sounds like

[bongsavior]

oh no thE ONE IN THE BASKET

[taelentedshinee]

it’s a literal representation of sound of how lazy they are and it’s great

[thatisrad]

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

[girlsfrommars]

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

[spaghetti-taako]

Y’all John Mulaney didn’t die in Infinity War J.J. Bittenbinder taught him better than that

[nikadd]

john mulaney when thanos arrives: you want this stone? go get it!

[deejay]

Good morning tumblr, Who are we cancelling today??

[trikkynikki]

You

[deejay]

[patrickthanos]

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Characters in first-person games never blink.

[crowexe]

they blink when you blink stupid

[raviposting]

Avengers: Huh, it’s been a while since Thor’s been back, hope he isn’t too confused about all of our new members and what’s been going on.

Thor: *flying into battle with an axe* Hey everyone nice to meet ya by the way I’ve brought back Banner also meet my friends Rabbit and Tree I’ll introduce you to my space team and my friend throckmorton and my personal drunk hero later at the family dinner xoxoxo oh yeah also made up with loki watched him die but he could also be that random green snake right there, lost an eye gained an eye lost my hammer gained an axe also the rest of Asgard and I need to crash with one of you because *jean ralphio voice* tECHNICALLY I’M HOMELESSSSSSS

[fangirlshideout]

[shanemichael]

It’s fucking red.

[stupidfuckingdumbfuckingbearname]

I’ve literally waited for this video for years. i’ve been reading the gif in the wrong tone the entire time

[boarcriminal-deactivated2018052]

me analyzing 13 nearly identical selfies to figure out which one to post

[thebootydiaries]

what i actually said: i forgot

what my parents heard: i hate you and i am determined to fail at life, go to prison, and bring dishonor to this family. i care about nothing except my computer and tv shows and you can just go burn in hell for all i care. also i’m pregnant.

[robbstark-archive-deactivated20]

I had to answer a security question over the phone today and it was honestly surreal the guy asked me “okay, what’s your dream car” and for a solid ten seconds I’m thinking ‘what the fuck I can’t even drive?’ and then it hits me. I made this account in 2014. I know what I have to say. I swallow my pride and whisper into the phone:

“1967 Chevy Impala.”

There’s silence. Then, he gives me my password. Fuck you, 2014 me. Fuck. You.

[caucasianmkultramassshooter]

That was so embarrassing I’m never speaking again

[finallyiveflown-deactivated2016]

I dont even know what you’re talking about but im reblogging

[caucasianmkultramassshooter]

A waitress said “enjoy your meal” and I replied “love you too”

[storyop1]

[lgbtsoundsystem]

are you fucking kidding me

[the-skeleton-queen]

its him

its mash potato

[destinydiamante-deactivated2022]

Oh my gODODODODOOD

[babyanimalgifs]

He’s a “If I fits, I sits” hall of famer

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“I WILL FITS”

[shesagoodkitty-deactivated20181]

[productofcanada]

if you don’t need Missy Peregrym doing pushups on your dash, I have no idea why you follow me

[name-a-woman]

I dunno who the fuck Missy Peregrym is, but she can do push ups on my dash all damn day