Charlie Slimecicle Grindset (full transcription by hand)
Sourced from Slimecicle VODS, “Slimecicle and Ranboo go on a road trip.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlT1KwB_Aeg. YouTube. (Timestamps: 1:32:40-1:55:02.) Published March 9, 2024.
Ranboo: Charlie, how much, like, protein do you think you consume, like, on average per week?
Charlie: Well, there’s gotta be a gram in this dust left on my fingers, so i’ll answer you in just a sec… So… you want the real answer?
Ranboo: I–I kind of want the real answer—like, I legitimately wanna know, like, what percentage of you is protein.
Charlie: So… okay, so… real answer–
Ranboo: *laughs* Moonsy said “I wanna be on the Charlie diet.”
Charlie: No, you don’t *laughs painfully*
I–I–I–I would say—I would say lately, the main staples of my diet are when I open up a pound and a half of ground chicken and cook it in a pan and eat the entire thing in a day.
Ranboo: A pound and a half of ground chicken—oh, so wait, like, any seasoning on it?
Charlie: M’yeah ‘course. Of course.
Ranboo: Okay, you put seasoning on it.
Charlie: I put—yeah, there’s seasoning on it; some days, so—some days I’ll just have—I’ll do two–two pounds of ground chicken…
Ranboo: …Two pounds of ground chicken?
Charlie: Yeah, ‘cause if I ever don’t know what to—so if I’m—so here’s my—here’s my flow chart. Here’s my flow chart: small hungry; yogurt, big hungry—big hungry; pound of ground chicken.
Ranboo: *repeats this laughing*
Charlie: So—So, you can also supplement this with little things, right?
Charlie: Small, little things; I mean, obviously, when you make the chicken you can put it in—I have little low carb tortillas—I put them in the tortillas and I–I put it with cheese and spinach and–and sometimes egg and chipotle mayo and all this stuff. Um, and the yogurts I put little–little chia seeds—or–or little chia seeds in it; little blueberries—but that’s my—that’s my flow chart. But if I’m like—if I’m like—weird—if I’m like—I’m small hungry but I’ve already had my three yogurts for the day…
Then, I’ll have a little handful of nuts.
But, since a fourth a cup of nuts has like a hundred forty calories because nuts are very calorically dense because nuts are high in fat and fat has nine calories per gram whereas protein and carbs has four—if the nuts don’t do me over, well, now I’m in a pickle. ‘Cause I can’t have another yogurt and I’m not—
Ranboo: You need a pickle? Oh, you’re in a pickle.
Charlie: —And I’m not hungry enough for a pound of ground chicken…
Ranboo: You’re not hungry enough for a ground of pound chicken but you’ve already had your nuts and your [inaudable].
Charlie: Yes. So, this is where I enter what I sort of call, like—I–I would say this is, like, the Post-Yogurt/Pre-Chicken Gathering, where I—where I go around and I try and gather little things to hold me over until I’m big hungry for the next ground chicken.
Ranboo: So you–you gather little treats in order to hold you over—
Charlie: Not little treats! Like, no, like actually usually berries and nuts like a squirrel.
Ranboo: Usually berries and nuts like a squirrel. So you go Squirrel-Mode before big—
Charlie: Mhm! So I go—I go Squirrel-Mode—So if I’m—If I’m little hungry: yogurt; when I’m out of yogurt slots: Squirrel-Mode until I can get Big Chicken.
Ranboo: Until you can get Big Chicken, okay.
Charlie: *laughing* Does that clear things up?
Ranboo: That—that does clear things up—did you—did you get all that? (to Moonsy) Did you get all that? Good. Thank you.
Charlie: Now—I’m not done.
Ranboo: Oh, he’s not done!
Charlie: Every time you drive—every time you need to get gas for your car, you need to go into the gas station…
Find the healthy section of the refrigerator…
Reach in and get a packet of two wet, hard boiled eggs.
Make sure it’s the one that comes with the salt…
Charlie: Or if not, you can get the little packet of salt from the—from the little—the little table.
Ranboo: Moonsy just went, “Oh, he eats hard boiled eggs!”
Charlie: Mmm, I like that that’s the breaking point and that they’re from the gas station, but—
Ranboo: No, no—it wasn’t—it wasn’t a breaking point; I—it felt like it was in—
Ranboo: It was like an “Ohh,” that—it–it makes sense—it makes sense.
Charlie: Yeah, well, honestly—yeah. So–so basically that’s my ritual is—Oh! Unless I’m sad at the gas station—and then the ritual’s a little different.
If I’m sad at the gas station, I—
I will get a breakfast sandwich…
And may—and I will look at the eggs. And there’s a fifty percent chance I’ll get the eggs.
Ranboo: Gotchya—So, it's RNG.
Charlie: I always know when I go to the eggs whether or not I’m going to get them but I always look at them.
Charlie: So you have to always look at the eggs.
Ranboo: Yeah, does that, like, do something for the metabolism? Psyche?
So, every second Wednesday…
When I—after–after therapy…
Because every Wednesday would feel like too many muffins.
Ranboo: That—that’s fair.
Charlie: But I also…get the eggs.
What I like to do is I like to look around and see if I’m in a sweet or salty mood; so I look at the chips aisle and I look at the sweet aisle…
And then I go back and I get…and I get the eggs.
Ranboo and Moonsy: *laughing*
Moonsy: Charlie, are you okay?
Charlie: …Every second Wednesday I am!
Ranboo and Moonsy: *laughing*
Ranboo: Oh, my therapy’s also Wednesday, Charlie. That’s awesome.
Charlie: Yeah, it’s a good day for it—especially when it’s muffin day.
Ranboo: “Especially when it’s muffin day,”
Moonsy: *pitiful whimpers of sympathy*
Ranboo: That sounded so defeated!
Charlie: I only had half of my muffin this time, though.
Ranboo: Yeah, oh, I’m sorry. Wait, here, do you want—do you want—do you want to see what I’ve written down? Or what we’ve just written down?
Charlie: Yeah; it’s so dark right now.
Ranboo: We’ve got: one pound ground chicken, nuts and berries, in parentheses: squirrel, hardboiled eggs fifty percent, breakfast sandwich if I’m sad, muffin after therapy, parentheses: Wednesday plus eggs; and then at the end: protein chips.
Charlie: Wait, you don’t have yogurt on there!
Ranboo: Oh, yeah, forgot to get the yogurt on there…
Charlie: Okay, so—so, you have to get the Greek yogurt and here’s how it works: you can have Greek yogurt no more than three times a day, because one time one–one time you had too many yogurts and your tummy hurt and you kept doing it and your mom said you had to stop.
Ranboo and Moonsy: *laughing*
Charlie: Okay, let me just scrape the memory banks and make sure that’s everything. Okay, there is an exception to the rule.
(Ranboo: There’s a UFO! There’s a fucking UFO innmnmn!)
Charlie: Post workout… The aliens are intrigued! It’s my people; they eat like me!
Charlie: Okay, post workout, once a week—once a week, after workout: treat time.
So, treat time is a bagel—asiago bagel, egg, bell pepper, ham, chipotle mayo, and cheddar cheese.
Treat time can also be a breakfast sandwich, or treat time can be a muffin.
On the rare occasion, treat time can be perhaps a restaurant i haven’t tried.
And we can go there and get a treat.
Now, I think that’s mostly everything.
Except we haven’t covered late nights.
Ranboo: *laughing* Alright!
Charlie: After nine or ten P.M., we’ve gone past dinner time, and we’re now back in what I like to call, “The Breakfast Sphere.” So, in the Breakfast Sphere a lot of things go; eggs go, bacon goes—but NOT bacon—turkey bacon goes—make sure that it’s the–the kind that isn’t high in nitrates.
Charlie: No nitrates. We can also have, uh, like little breakfast bites or fun little things or fruits at this hour.
But this is when we–we go—we circle back around because now we’re past dinner—this is the—this is the, “you’re hungry but you’re supposed to go to bed hours when you have breakfast instead.
Because I like breakfast foods; so, I have them.
Now, I make my eggs in one of two ways: I either scramble them with spinach and cheese…
And perhaps put them in a little wrap alongside a meat, or, alternatively—I haven’t made omelets in a while so usually what I do is I put a little sprayed olive oil in a pan and I fry it. I use thyme and garlic pepper. I don’t use salt, because a lot of the things I eat over the day feel like they end up high in sodium, and thyme is a great spice for eggs. I like to pair this with the aforementioned turkey bacon; and, sometimes, finishing off with something sweet, like a yogurt, is much preferred.
Now, if we’re this late and we’re practically leaking into the next day, I can sometimes justify a fourth yogurt. However, it might take me another hour to get to beddy-bye, because my tummy will hurt.
*Deep breath* And then I get into my skincare routine.
I just saw someone call me, fucking, American Psycho in chat so I was like, alright—I have to.
Every morning and night, I apply—I apply a gentle, foaming, for normal or oily skin, cleanser. Okay, now it’s important to get a cleanser that works for your skin because if you get one that’s for oily skin, and your skin’s not oily, it’s going to strip too many of your essential oils; but, if you get one for skin that’s dry and your skin is oily, well—I don’t need to add two and two for you.
Sometimes I’ll cleanse with that; once or twice a week I’ll exfoliate with an exfoliating cleanser.
Then, I will apply a retinol serum once every two to three days. After this, I will apply a twenty-four hour peptide moisturizer, not using too much because it can cause breakouts.
After this, I will use (...I forget what it’s called. It’s like a slippery substance) on my lips. I will use a slippery substance on my lips or anywhere that might be cracked or dry.
Ranboo: Is it—is it like vaseline?
Charlie: Yes, but I don’t think it is vaseline. Yes, it’s a slippery substance.
In the morning, this routine differs.
Instead of the retinol step, you’re going to use a Vitamin C serum, paying extra attention to the space under your eyes, and any discolored patches.
Once, I applied a green tea face mask…to release the toxins that had been building below my skin barrier. I found it refreshing, but it’s important not to overuse or rely on tools such as these that aren’t sustainable.
Ranboo: Write—write that down: that it’s not sustainable.
Charlie: Would you like to know my daily supplement routine?
Ranboo: Would–Would you like to know his daily supplement routine; I feel like that’d actually be really helpful.
Moonsy: I’m already like—
Ranboo: You’ve already got three paragraphs written down—
Charlie: STEP ONE: Alegra.
Ranboo: *squeak* For allergies?
For the anti-inflammatory benefits.
Ranboo and Moonsy: Oooohhhhh!
Charlie: And for my violent pet allergies.
Charlie: After the Alegra—actually I lied—I always start with two multivitamin gummies, so that I get the nice morning taste of fruity, fruity freshness in my mouth.
Then, I move to the Alegra. Then, I move to a secondary gummy: vitamin C. I have the immune system of a Victorian child and I supplement it with little, gummy, tiny, sugary, orange slices.
Extra power: two for five hundred milligrams; four if I’m on a trip, for one thousand milligrams; it’s difficult to overdose on vitamin C, so enjoy those little citrus treats. Then, I take one fish oil pill to improve cognitive function… and slipperiness. Then, I take my final gummy in my gummy stack, my favorite one flavor-wise: a peach, vitamin D gummy.
Next, if you’re experiencing any issues with your hair or shampoo and having a difficult time—if I don’t have access to biotin shampoo, I also have a secret supply of biotin gummies for nails and hair.
Now, most people will say to you, “multivitamins and vitamins in general are a scam unless you’re deficient in said vitamin.” And I would say to that, scientifically, you’re right, however, they taste gummy good.
Would you like to know more?
Ranboo: What more is there?
Charlie: Would you like to know the workout routine?
Moonsy: Let me go turn off my shower…
Charlie: Are you ready? Are you prepared?
Ranboo: We’re prepared; I’m ready.
Charlie: Okay, I’m pulling it up.
This is making me feel both like I have my life really together and also like I might be psychotic.
Moonsy: I don’t know; I’m kind of inspired.
Charlie: The important thing about a workout routine is consistency to your plan. My advice is to pick a twelve week routine in the direction that you want; of a beginner level if you’re a beginner, intermediate if you’re an intermediate, and advanced if you’ve done other routines in the past—and stick with it for the duration before you make any hasty judgements on its impact.
Now, I have just got done doing a Big Booty Buster workout.
Now, this comes in three sets: A, B, and C. These sets switch every four weeks. This is to make sure you don’t get too used to any one specific movement or routine. If you are forcing your body to relearn, it’s better for you in the long run.
FREE BARBELL IF AVAILABLE,
SMITH MACHINE IF NO OTHER OPTION.
THREE BARBELL FULL SQUAT,
TWELVE IF—wait I’m talking about rep—wait hang on—
MOVE UP WEIGHT AND DO EIGHT.
Moonsy: I got all that, Charlie, thank you so much.
Charlie: yeah, absolutely. So, that’s workout A of weeks one through—one through four. Now, this is a…
Ranboo: *continues repeating after him*
Charlie: No, you don’t have to keep—so–so–so, now I have workouts B for one through four, C through one through four, A through five through eight, B through five through eight, C through five through eight, and then A through nine through twelve, B through nine through twelve, and C through nine through twelve.
Ranboo (to Moonsy): I don’t think you’re going to make it to that dinner *laughing*.
Charlie: And, after that you should be able to become, as it says here in my twelve week program, “A Gluteal God.”
Would you like to know more?
Charlie: Would you like to know more?
Moonsy and Ranboo: How much more is there?
Charlie: Open app store. Install “My Fitness Pal.”
Ranboo: Oh, we actually just installed that the other day!
Charlie: You’re on the right track.
Charlie: Find “Macros.” Pro–need protein if building muscle: one point five to two times body weight in protein grams EVERY DAY.
RANBOO, WHAT WEIGHT IN AMERICAN POUND?
Ranboo: What–what do I weigh? I wah–I think like—
Charlie: TWO-O-SEVEN. EAT FOUR HUNDRED PROTEIN. GET BIG. LIFT BIG. EAT FOUR HUNDRED PROTEIN. FOUR HUNDRED! FOUR HUNDRED.
Charlie: FIFTY EGGS. FIFTY EGGS A DAY. You will–you will be happy!
Ranboo: I’ll be happy if I eat fifty eggs a day—
Charlie: *nodding* Right amount of protein in FIFTY EGGS.
Charlie: MOONSY, HOW MUCH, ROUGHLY, WEIGH: AMERICAN POUNDS?
Moonsy: *laughing* Mm, not sharing.
Charlie: FAIR—EAT FIFTY EGGS.
Moonsy: Fifty eggs it is!
Charlie: EAT FIFTY EGGS TO BE SAFE. FOUR HUNDRED GRAMS. It will be enough.
Ranboo and Moonsy: *fearfully* It will be enough…
Charlie: IF STILL HUNGRY, TRY YOGURT.
Moonsy: Thank you, Charlie!
Charlie: Bye—I’m so sorry.
Ranboo: No, honestly, they’re really good. (Yeah, let’s follow the Charlie—)
Charlie: What, eggs? I agree; you should eat fifty of them.
Ranboo: We gotta throw everything out that’s in that bag and we got to replace it with “fifty eggs.”
Charlie: I think I might be clinically insane.
Ranboo: I think so too, but my God if it doesn’t make for healthy living.
Charlie: *laughing* You know–you know what’s crazy? I didn’t realize how NUTS that was until I said it all out loud.
